Managing life’s opportunities as a working mother | Stephanie Herseth Sa...

There's a real challenge about taking the opportunities that you can as a single working parent, just the same as for any working parent.

How Expressing Gratitude Might Change Your Brain

A lot of so-called “positive psychology” can seem a bit flaky, especially if you’re the sort of person disinclined to respond well to an admonition to “look on the bright side.” But positive psychologists have published some interesting findings, and one of the more robust ones is that feeling grateful is very good for you. Time and again, studies have shown that performing simple gratitude exercises, like keeping a gratitude diary or writing letters of thanks, can bring a range of benefits, such as feelings of increased well-being and reduced depression, that often linger well after the exercises are finished.

Now a brain-scanning study in NeuroImage brings us a little closer to understanding why these exercises have these effects. The results suggest that even months after a simple, short gratitude writing task, people’s brains are still wired to feel extra thankful. The implication is that gratitude tasks work, at least in part, because they have a self-perpetuating nature: The more you practice gratitude, the more attuned you are to it and the more you can enjoy its psychological benefits.

The Indiana University researchers, led by Prathik Kini, recruited 43 people who were undertaking counseling sessions as a treatment for their anxiety or depression. Twenty-two of them were assigned to a gratitude intervention; for the first three sessions of their weekly counseling, this group spent 20 minutes writing a letter in which they expressed their gratitude to the recipient, an hour in total (whether they chose to send these letters was up to them). The other participants acted as a control group, so they simply attended their counseling as usual without performing the gratitude task.

Three months after their counseling was over, all of the participants completed a “Pay It Forward” gratitude task in a brain scanner. Each was “given” various amounts of money by imaginary benefactors whose names and photos appeared onscreen to add to the realism of the task. The researchers told the participants that each benefactor said that if the participant wanted to express their gratitude for the monetary gift, they’d appreciate it if the participant gave some or all of the donation to a named third party (again, identified by photo and name), or a named charity. The participants knew this was all an exercise, but were all told that one of the transactions, chosen later at random, would actually occur — that is, they’d actually receive the cash amount offered to them by one of the benefactors minus the amount they chose to pass on (and the money they opted to pass on really would go to charity).

The researchers found that, on average, the more money a participant gave away, and the stronger the feelings of gratitude they reported feeling, the more activity they exhibited in a range of brain areas in the frontal, parietal, and occipital regions. Interestingly, these neural-activity patterns appeared somewhat distinct from those that usually appear when brain-scan subjects complete tasks associated with emotions like empathy or thinking about other people’s points of view, which is consistent with the idea that gratitude is a unique emotion.

Most exciting, though, is the finding that the participants who’d completed the gratitude task months earlier not only reported feeling more gratefulness two weeks after the task than members of the control group, but also, months later, showed more gratitude-related brain activity in the scanner. The researchers described these “profound” and “long-lasting” neural effects as “particularly noteworthy,” and they highlighted that one of the main regions that showed this increased sensitivity — the “pregenual anterior cingulate,” which is known to be involved in predicting the effects of one’s own actions on other people — overlaps with a key brain region identified in the only previous study on the neurological footprint of gratitude.

This result suggests that the more practice you give your brain at feeling and expressing gratitude, the more it adapts to this mind-set — you could even think of your brain as having a sort of gratitude “muscle” that can be exercised and strengthened (not so different from various other qualities that can be cultivated through practice, of course). If this is right, the more of an effort you make to feel gratitude one day, the more the feeling will come to you spontaneously in the future. It also potentially helps explain another established finding, that gratitude can spiral: The more thankful we feel, the more likely we are to act pro-socially toward others, causing themto feel grateful and setting up a beautiful virtuous cascade.

However, let’s not allow the warm glow of all this gratitude to melt our critical faculties. It’s important to realize this result is incredibly preliminary. For one thing, as the researchers openly acknowledge, they didn’t conduct a baseline brain scan of the participants before they started the Pay It Forward game, so it’s possible, though unlikely given that participants were randomly assigned to the gratitude and control groups, that the participants who performed the gratitude task simply had more neural sensitivity to gratitude already, not because they performed the gratitude task. Another thing: Members of the control group didn’t perform a comparison writing task, so we can’t know for sure that it was the act of writing a letter of thanks, as opposed to any kind of writing exercise, that led to increased neural sensitivity to gratitude.

Still, neurological investigations into gratitude are in their early days, and this research certainly gives us some intriguing clues as to how and why gratitude exercises are beneficial. For that we can be, well, grateful.

Source: http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2016/01/how-expressing-gratitude-change-your-brain.html

Find The Positive Side of Divorce

Finding the positive side of divorce is not always easy, especially when you feel like you've been run over by a Mack truck. But the truth is divorce gives us the opportunity to start over again more intelligently. Plus, when you look for the positive in a situation, it's a lot easier to accept what life hands you.

You Can't Always get What You Want but You Get What You Need

The Rolling Stones were actually very smart. They were dead-on when they sang that you can't always get what you want but you get what you need… that is if you are paying attention to what is being offered. When we wish, pray or hope for something, what we actually might be gifted with is the situation in which to manifest that gift.

All too often, we don't recognize the opportunities in life. We see obstacles instead of openings. Divorce is a perfect example of hidden opportunities. At first we cannot see the forest through the trees. We are in pain and our perspective or outlook is very limited. We don't realize that our divorce has many gifts or opportunities for growth. They are hidden from view but the challenges that lay before us are actually chances to become the person we were always meant to be.

Take Alice. Her marriage was not a happy one but she ignored all the signs along the way. She did not want to have to confront what was happening: she was in denial. She had always allowed her husband a great amount of freedom because she found it difficult to stand up for herself. She lacked self-esteem and she brought this to her marriage.

When her marriage fell apart, she was devastated and claimed she could not understand what had happened. After working together, she was able to face the fact that she had been an enabler of her husband's behavior. By not standing up for herself, she gave him a green light to do whatever he wanted. In addition, by refusing to confront the reality of her marriage, she failed to do take the necessary actions that might have changed the situation for the better. Seeing the truth she now chose to take responsibility for herself and her life.

Alice decided to use her divorce as a catalyst for the changes that would give her the life she wanted and deserved. She chose to see that her divorce was the perfect opportunity to develop self-esteem, confidence and strength. She began to see that perhaps, just perhaps, her divorce was exactly what she needed in order to become what she truly wanted. She had suffered as a result of her low self-esteem and now she found herself in the perfect place to cultivate that trait.

What are you seeking? What do you need? Look around. Is your situation right now a springboard towards what you really want? Remember that you might not get exactly what you asked or prayed for but if you look hard enough, you will see that you may have been gifted with the opportunity to create the things that you so desire.

Source: http://www.womansdivorce.com/positive-side-of-divorce.html

How Expressing Gratitude Might Change Your Brain

A lot of so-called “positive psychology” can seem a bit flaky, especially if you’re the sort of person disinclined to respond well to an admonition to “look on the bright side.” But positive psychologists have published some interesting findings, and one of the more robust ones is that feeling grateful is very good for you. Time and again, studies have shown that performing simple gratitude exercises, like keeping a gratitude diary or writing letters of thanks, can bring a range of benefits, such as feelings of increased well-being and reduced depression, that often linger well after the exercises are finished.

Now a brain-scanning study in NeuroImage brings us a little closer to understanding why these exercises have these effects. The results suggest that even months after a simple, short gratitude writing task, people’s brains are still wired to feel extra thankful. The implication is that gratitude tasks work, at least in part, because they have a self-perpetuating nature: The more you practice gratitude, the more attuned you are to it and the more you can enjoy its psychological benefits.

The Indiana University researchers, led by Prathik Kini, recruited 43 people who were undertaking counseling sessions as a treatment for their anxiety or depression. Twenty-two of them were assigned to a gratitude intervention; for the first three sessions of their weekly counseling, this group spent 20 minutes writing a letter in which they expressed their gratitude to the recipient, an hour in total (whether they chose to send these letters was up to them). The other participants acted as a control group, so they simply attended their counseling as usual without performing the gratitude task.

Three months after their counseling was over, all of the participants completed a “Pay It Forward” gratitude task in a brain scanner. Each was “given” various amounts of money by imaginary benefactors whose names and photos appeared onscreen to add to the realism of the task. The researchers told the participants that each benefactor said that if the participant wanted to express their gratitude for the monetary gift, they’d appreciate it if the participant gave some or all of the donation to a named third party (again, identified by photo and name), or a named charity. The participants knew this was all an exercise, but were all told that one of the transactions, chosen later at random, would actually occur — that is, they’d actually receive the cash amount offered to them by one of the benefactors minus the amount they chose to pass on (and the money they opted to pass on really would go to charity).

The researchers found that, on average, the more money a participant gave away, and the stronger the feelings of gratitude they reported feeling, the more activity they exhibited in a range of brain areas in the frontal, parietal, and occipital regions. Interestingly, these neural-activity patterns appeared somewhat distinct from those that usually appear when brain-scan subjects complete tasks associated with emotions like empathy or thinking about other people’s points of view, which is consistent with the idea that gratitude is a unique emotion.

Most exciting, though, is the finding that the participants who’d completed the gratitude task months earlier not only reported feeling more gratefulness two weeks after the task than members of the control group, but also, months later, showed more gratitude-related brain activity in the scanner. The researchers described these “profound” and “long-lasting” neural effects as “particularly noteworthy,” and they highlighted that one of the main regions that showed this increased sensitivity — the “pregenual anterior cingulate,” which is known to be involved in predicting the effects of one’s own actions on other people — overlaps with a key brain region identified in the only previous study on the neurological footprint of gratitude.

This result suggests that the more practice you give your brain at feeling and expressing gratitude, the more it adapts to this mind-set — you could even think of your brain as having a sort of gratitude “muscle” that can be exercised and strengthened (not so different from various other qualities that can be cultivated through practice, of course). If this is right, the more of an effort you make to feel gratitude one day, the more the feeling will come to you spontaneously in the future. It also potentially helps explain another established finding, that gratitude can spiral: The more thankful we feel, the more likely we are to act pro-socially toward others, causing themto feel grateful and setting up a beautiful virtuous cascade.

However, let’s not allow the warm glow of all this gratitude to melt our critical faculties. It’s important to realize this result is incredibly preliminary. For one thing, as the researchers openly acknowledge, they didn’t conduct a baseline brain scan of the participants before they started the Pay It Forward game, so it’s possible, though unlikely given that participants were randomly assigned to the gratitude and control groups, that the participants who performed the gratitude task simply had more neural sensitivity to gratitude already, not because they performed the gratitude task. Another thing: Members of the control group didn’t perform a comparison writing task, so we can’t know for sure that it was the act of writing a letter of thanks, as opposed to any kind of writing exercise, that led to increased neural sensitivity to gratitude.

Still, neurological investigations into gratitude are in their early days, and this research certainly gives us some intriguing clues as to how and why gratitude exercises are beneficial. For that we can be, well, grateful.

Source: http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2016/01/how-expressing-gratitude-change-your-brain.html

Depression as a Starting Point for Change

It takes guts to admit to yourself that things aren’t going really well. It takes courage to talk to your nearest and dearest friends about the difficulties that you’re going through. There is certain stigma in society, built upon the foundation of an egotistical thinking, which implies that having problems — being depressed — is a sign of weakness.

Research shows that in America, the main cause of stress in a household is associated with stress at the workplace. Dealing with lousy managers, lazy coworkers, and being exposed to a pressurizing environment will undoubtedly start to take a toll on you.

The world, in this regard, can certainly share a similar sentiment: we’re living in the dark ages of economic and emotional stability, even equality for that matter.

Becoming an adult.

Although depression, anxiety, and social stigma exist during the period of adolescence, the aftermath starts to become visible only after a certain age, perhaps at a time in your life when you’re being exposed to a larger number of adults who are not only dealing with their own stresses, but manage to provoke difficult emotions within yourself; all of which are associated with the things that have happened to you in the past.

It takes a certain determination to switch depression off, to use it as a tool for growth, rather than a tool for self-sabotage.

The answer lies in the question.

It’s easy to numb your pain. It’s easy to go out for drinks, to cry about your problems and then forget about them momentarily. It’s easy to reinforce anger and sadness by rehashing the same experience in your mind a thousand times. It never did any good to me, so I can’t image it doing any good for anyone else. Numbing pain is not the answer for finding a solution as to why you’re depressed in the first place. If I learned anything from spending several years in lonely solitude, it’s this: the answers to your depressive behaviors and patterns lie within you, not somewhere in the external world.

When you prepare dinner for yourself, and your family, why did you do it? Was it because you love them, or because it’s something that needs to be done every single day as part of life? What if the core reason for doing it was the fact that humans need to feed their hunger, a quintessential part of the human life is to nourish the body with food. So, if you can find the core reason for needing food, can you not do the same for finding the ultimate reason for your depression?

Why am I depressed?

Just by asking a simple question, without judging yourself, it’s possible to hear the underlying reason for why you’re feeling a certain way. Whenever I’m going through a difficult time, that is my ultimate question to ask myself, because unless I do — I find myself drifting away deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole of an endless loop that starts to creep up on my awareness as some sort of a hatred machine for everything around me.

What to do with the answer.

You might be wondering, what’s next? What comes next after getting the answer? It’s simple, what comes next is internal change in how you approach your depressive behaviors, fears and anxieties about anything in the external world. It’s unprecedented how many of us have become professional suppressors of our own emotions, yet all it takes is to bring awareness into that which is driving us crazy, and within that split moment things start to change immediately.

The ego begins to lose its grip over what has happened in the past, because you’re starting to actively seek a solution, you’re seeking the underlying root cause for the emotions that you’re feeling.

During my teenage years, I developed the habit of being a bully. I bullied people because it was “fun”, my close friends liked to do it as well, and I didn’t really know any better. Then a few years later, I found myself on the other side of the coin, and became a target for others to bully me. At that time, things like karma or cause and effect never crossed my mind, but now in my mid-20’s it is starting to make a lot more sense.

I had built this pitch-perfect picture in my mind of how another person should appear, and if he wasn’t living up to those insane standards I was in the position to condemn him for not having the same luxuries as I did, of which I had very little regardless.

Pain stores itself in your body, your subconscious.

Our past experiences shape our present moment, the more we hold on to those experiences the less we get to experience of that which is already here in this moment. The more difficult our past experiences, and the less we invest to resolve emotions associated with them, the less joyful becomes the present moment. It’s a time tested theory, yet we’re still learning to navigate this concept for the purpose of becoming a better version of ourselves. In society today, it’s hard to really take time for yourself to rejuvenate and heal, without having someone yell at the back of your mind that what you’re doing is stupid, and pointless.

The irony lies in the fact that whoever does condemn you, for your humble choice to change, is likely to be dealing with emotional pain himself. My life changed completely at the age of 20, my old life had ran its course and I began to dedicate myself to mindfulness and meditation as a daily thing. It took my parents 3 years to accept that things have changed in my life, it has taken some of my friends to this day to learn how to let go of a version of me that is no longer there.

Yet, such is the journey of life. We, you, have the choice as to whether we want to hold onto things, or learn from them — to accept the inevitable and push forward in a new direction.

Change will always start within.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alex-ivanovs/depression-as-a-starting_b_12742436.html?utm_hp_ref=emotional-wellness

These Things You Can Change

Your life may be painful today. I know that’’s a tough start, but you must keep reading.
The people around you are going to disappoint you. The world is going to move faster and it may leave you behind. Your boss is going to undervalue you. Your co-workers will not pull their weight. Your love will not love you enough. Your kids will act like children. Your friends will not call.

And yet this can be the most hopeful, transformative day of your life.

I have always been in the people change business. I’’ve worked in hospitals and churches, soup kitchens and schools, boardrooms and ballrooms, on the playing field and the public square. Every day I explore the most creative ways to move myself and every human being I meet from the places we don’’t want to be to the heights we dream of climbing.

We don’t have to be afraid.

We have more than we’’ve ever had and can do more than we ever thought. We can meet strangers across continents on devices in our pockets from the comfort of wherever we are. We can crowdsource with those same strangers to start a company or make a movie. We can collaborate and innovate. We can explore and inspire. We literally have the world in our hand.

Forgive the long introduction and the spring enthusiasm, but people keep saying everything is wrong and taking it out on each other.

You cannot change them. You have to realize today that you are the most important thing you can improve.

You can change the way you think.

You can change the way you feel.

You can change what you do today.

What stops most of us is that we are afraid, and some days we should be. Those same devices in our pockets show us things none of us ever need to see. They put us in contact with all our friends’ and families’’ bad news and anything wrong in our community.

Some days we should be afraid.

But we don’’t have to stay there.

The moment a thought scares you, the moment you feel anxious or insecure, the moment you think what you want is going to crush you, ask yourself this:

Is there a bear?

If there is a bear around you, you should feel afraid. If a grizzly has wandered into your personal space, the alarm in your brain should be firing. On a scale of one to 10, 10 being total catastrophe and one being waking up from the perfect nap, if there is a bear in front of you right now and it is not behind three inches of glass, please feel free to freak out. Go full 10! It is appropriate to lose your mind.

But if your boss is yelling at you, ask, ““Is there a bear?””

If the one you love harps on the same thing he or she did last week and all last year, ask, “”Is there a bear?””

If your friend didn’’t call and you wonder if she loves you any more, ask, ““Is there a bear?””

If you’’re running out of money, you should feel alarmed, but still ask, “”Is there a bear?””

If you’’re at war, fighting for freedom, your life in danger: There is a bear.

If you are homeless tonight: There is a bear.

If your child is sick and you don’’t know what to do: There is a bear.

Fight. Claw. Survive. Do not let the bear win.

But if you are on base with your fellow heroes or back home with those who love you, if you have a place to stay tonight, if your children are being cared for, and you still feel panic, fear, or helplessness, ask yourself.

Ask yourself.

You do not need be afraid.

Our world is different today. It is so much better than when we didn’’t have antibiotics and lasers, smartphones and cheap travel, space exploration and vitamins, democracy and the Internet.

Our world is so much better, and you can be too.

If there is no bear, this day, check your fear; celebrate this moment and the next and the next. Explore. Experiment. End the voices in your head that tell you what’s not possible. Find the people who will cheer you on. Find a stranger and give them a taste of your enthusiasm. Find a reason to fail and learn and try again. Wake up each morning and savor your dreams for breakfast. You do not need to be afraid.

This can be the most hopeful, transformative day of your life.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jon-wortmann/overcoming-fear_b_2981521.html

Striving for 'Good Enough' to keep ourselves motivated

When we set ourselves a goal, or look at our current situation compared to where we want to get to, we are often comparing ourselves with the best possible outcome, the ultimate or the pinnacle of what is possible. Lofty goals can be inspiring and motivating, whether to keep us focussed as we work through adversity, or as we undertake some process of improvement. However, it can also be really off-putting, demoralising or depressing and can discourage us from taking action; we may feel like we have too far to go and it's not worth the effort. Inspired by one of my recent blog posts (http://bit.ly/2GaCPQo) this video explores how we should reframe our goals to look at the 'Minimum Viable Product' in any given circumstance. What does 'Good Enough' look like for us? What would be an acceptable place to be that might set the foundations for what we want and offer a stepping stone to getting to where we want to get to? Setting our sights on the Minimum Viable Product offers us a means of getting and staying motivated as we achieve something worthwhile that will take us in the right overall direction, encouraging us to take action, not just give up because it all seems too difficult to begin with. If you have any comments or feedback on this video you can reach out by email on toby@kintsugilife.co If you'd like to receive the occasional message from me containing thoughts, information or inspiration related to living a better life after divorce, you can join my mailing list at the following link: bit.ly/Choosing-to-Thrive

What we do today and how it can affect what we get tomorrow

"What we do now, echoes for eternity"

-Maximus, Gladiator


This video considers the quote above from the movie Gladiator and proposes that we would all do well from time to time to consider the lasting impacts of our actions in the outcomes that we can expect to see in our own lives.


Fixating on negativity, getting bogged down in difficulty or settling for too little and taking lowly actions aligned with lowly aspirations for life will likely ensure that we get more of the same and see the consequences of these actions in our lives. Conversely, if we can raise expectations and live in alignment with higher goals then we can reasonably expect bigger and better things back from life.

The Gift of Adversity

How often have you heard people say, after sustaining a major trauma, “It was terrible at the time, but it turned out for the best?” Can this really be true, or are they kidding themselves? Was it really a change for the better or just a rationalization to make them feel better?

What got me thinking along these lines was a decision to write a collection of stories about lessons I had learned from events in my life and in the lives of others I have known. On reflection, I realized that my most valuable lessons arose from difficulties and setbacks I had to confront, and imperfections I had to accept. Paradoxically, these adversities yielded unexpected gifts.

Before going any farther, I should emphasize the obvious: Adversity is in many ways undesirable — like when dog bites man. At its worst, adversity can be paralyzing, disabling or even fatal. On the other hand, it is interesting to consider what Shakespeare called the sweet uses of adversity, comparing them to the precious jewel in the head of an ugly and venomous toad. Nietzsche agreed, famously declaring that, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Such observations led me to my latest book, The Gift of Adversity.

But anecdotes aside, was Nietzsche right? What does science have to say about the matter? In 2004, Richard G. Tedeschi and Lawrence G. Calhoun of the University of North Carolina Charlotte defined a concept they called posttraumatic growth (PTG). They write that, “the frightening and confusing aftermath of trauma, where fundamental assumptions are severely challenged, can be fertile ground for unexpected outcomes that can be observed in survivors.”

I can personally attest to the accuracy of their statement. Here is a description of how I felt, after I was stabbed, nearly to death.

As I recovered physically, a new urgency stirred inside me, or rather, it felt as though something entered me from the outside — a force, a power, a drive — that directed me to create, produce and reproduce. I was like someone swept along in the thrall of a post hypnotic suggestion. My senses were heightened for everything, including a powerful sense of time passing. I had enormous appreciation for being alive. I felt I had to do things with my life — and quickly. I could relate to people who feel as though they have been born again.

Apparently this type of change is common, and Tedeschi and Calhoun emphasize that PTG is “a consequence of attempts to re-establish some useful basic cognitive guides for living.” The field of PTG is part of the exciting new discipline of positive psychology in which researchers and clinicians strive to understand how to boost psychological health and happiness, not simply to reverse sorrow and distress.

Psychologist Mark Seery and colleagues analyzed data from a national survey and concluded that, “a history of some lifetime adversity predicted better mental health and psychological well-being than did a history of no adversity or high adversity.” Seery’s group followed up with a prospective study in which they assessed past history of adversity in 147 participants and then gave them two challenge tests: one negative — having them plunge hands into ice cold water — and one positive — giving them an intelligence test. As with their earlier survey findings, the researchers observed that those people with intermediate histories of adversity showed more resilience on both tests than those at either extreme of the spectrum (no adversity or a high degree of adversity).

Such findings may lead us to conclude that Nietzsche was only partially correct, though it hardly improves the epigram to say, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger — unless it almost kills you.”

Studies like those of Seery and colleagues are undoubtedly important, but because they are confined to the laboratory and span just a short period, they probably underestimate the transformative powers of adversity — how hardship toughens us, deepens our understanding of life and of ourselves and, in the end, leaves us with hard-earned wisdom — the bittersweet fruit of adversity. It is that type of transformation that I have sought to capture and communicate in my new book The Gift of Adversity.

Norman E. Rosenthal, M.D. is clinical professor of psychiatry at Georgetown University Medical School. Besides The Gift of Adversity, he has written the New York Times best-seller Transcendence, and Winter Blues. He maintains a website at www.normanrosenthal.com.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/norman-e-rosenthal-md/overcoming-adversity_b_3779880.html

7 Scientifically Proven Benefits Of Gratitude That Will Motivate You To Give Thanks Year-Round

It’s that time of year where many people begin thinking about everything they have to be thankful for. Although it’s nice to count your blessings on Thanksgiving, being thankful throughout the year could have tremendous benefits on your quality of life.

In fact, gratitude may be one of the most overlooked tools that we all have access to every day. Cultivating gratitude doesn’t cost any money and it certainly doesn’t take much time, but the benefits are enormous. Research reveals gratitude can have these seven benefits:

1. Gratitude opens the door to more relationships. Not only does saying “thank you” constitute good manners, but showing appreciation can help you win new friends, according to a 2104 study published in Emotion. The study found that thanking a new acquaintance makes them more likely to seek an ongoing relationship. So whether you thank a stranger for holding the door or you send a quick thank-you note to that co-worker who helped you with a project, acknowledging other people’s contributions can lead to new opportunities.

2. Gratitude improves physical health. Grateful people experience fewer aches and pains and they report feeling healthier than other people, according to a 2012 study published in Personality and Individual Differences. Not surprisingly, grateful people are also more likely to take care of their health.  They exercise more often and are more likely to attend regular check-ups with their doctors, which is likely to contribute to further longevity.

3. Gratitude improves psychological health. Gratitude reduces a multitude of toxic emotions, ranging from envy and resentment to frustration and regret. Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D., a leading gratitude researcher, has conducted multiple studies on the link between gratitude and well-being. His research confirms that gratitude effectively increases happiness and reduces depression.

4. Gratitude enhances empathy and reduces aggression. Grateful people are more likely to behave in a prosocial manner, even when others behave less kind, according to a 2012 study by the University of Kentucky. Study participants who ranked higher on gratitude scales were less likely to retaliate against others, even when given negative feedback. They experienced more sensitivity and empathy toward other people and a decreased desire to seek revenge.

5. Grateful people sleep better. Writing in a gratitude journal improves sleep, according to a 2011 study published in Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being. Spend just 15 minutes jotting down a few grateful sentiments before bed, and you may sleep better and longer.

6. Gratitude improves self-esteem. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology found that gratitude increased athlete’s self-esteem, which is an essential component to optimal performance. Other studies have shown that gratitude reduces social comparisons. Rather than becoming resentful toward people who have more money or better jobs – which is a major factor in reduced self-esteem- grateful people are able to appreciate other people’s accomplishments.

7. Gratitude increases mental strength. For years, research has shown gratitude not only reduces stress, but it may also play a major role in overcoming trauma.  A 2006 study published in Behavior Research and Therapy found that Vietnam War Veterans with higher levels of gratitude experienced lower rates of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.  A 2003 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that gratitude was a major contributor to resilience following the terrorist attacks on September 11.  Recognizing all you have to be thankful for – even during the worst times of your life – fosters resilience.

We all have the ability and opportunity to cultivate gratitude. Simply take a few moments to focus on all that you have – rather than complain about all the things you think you deserve.  Developing an “attitude of gratitude” is one of the simplest ways to improve your satisfaction with life.

Source: http://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2014/11/23/7-scientifically-proven-benefits-of-gratitude-that-will-motivate-you-to-give-thanks-year-round/#2b1d22506800

The Hero In You - Motivational Video

There's some interesting motivating speeches cut over the visuals in this video, if you can just look past the extensive Hollywood snippets. I hope you enjoy it!

In Praise of Gratitude

Expressing thanks may be one of the simplest ways to feel better.

The Thanksgiving holiday began, as the name implies, when the colonists gave thanks for their survival and for a good harvest. So perhaps November is a good time to review the mental health benefits of gratitude — and to consider some advice about how to cultivate this state of mind.

The word gratitude is derived from the Latin word gratia, which means grace, graciousness, or gratefulness (depending on the context). In some ways gratitude encompasses all of these meanings. Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible. With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives. In the process, people usually recognize that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside themselves. As a result, gratitude also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals — whether to other people, nature, or a higher power.

In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.

People feel and express gratitude in multiple ways. They can apply it to the past (retrieving positive memories and being thankful for elements of childhood or past blessings), the present (not taking good fortune for granted as it comes), and the future (maintaining a hopeful and optimistic attitude). Regardless of the inherent or current level of someone's gratitude, it's a quality that individuals can successfully cultivate further.

Research on gratitude

Two psychologists, Dr. Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, Davis, and Dr. Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami, have done much of the research on gratitude. In one study, they asked all participants to write a few sentences each week, focusing on particular topics.

One group wrote about things they were grateful for that had occurred during the week. A second group wrote about daily irritations or things that had displeased them, and the third wrote about events that had affected them (with no emphasis on them being positive or negative). After 10 weeks, those who wrote about gratitude were more optimistic and felt better about their lives. Surprisingly, they also exercised more and had fewer visits to physicians than those who focused on sources of aggravation.

Another leading researcher in this field, Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, tested the impact of various positive psychology interventions on 411 people, each compared with a control assignment of writing about early memories. When their week's assignment was to write and personally deliver a letter of gratitude to someone who had never been properly thanked for his or her kindness, participants immediately exhibited a huge increase in happiness scores. This impact was greater than that from any other intervention, with benefits lasting for a month.

Of course, studies such as this one cannot prove cause and effect. But most of the studies published on this topic support an association between gratitude and an individual's well-being.

Other studies have looked at how gratitude can improve relationships. For example, a study of couples found that individuals who took time to express gratitude for their partner not only felt more positive toward the other person but also felt more comfortable expressing concerns about their relationship.

Managers who remember to say "thank you" to people who work for them may find that those employees feel motivated to work harder. Researchers at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania randomly divided university fund-raisers into two groups. One group made phone calls to solicit alumni donations in the same way they always had. The second group — assigned to work on a different day — received a pep talk from the director of annual giving, who told the fund-raisers she was grateful for their efforts. During the following week, the university employees who heard her message of gratitude made 50% more fund-raising calls than those who did not.

There are some notable exceptions to the generally positive results in research on gratitude. One study found that middle-aged divorced women who kept gratitude journals were no more satisfied with their lives than those who did not. Another study found that children and adolescents who wrote and delivered a thank-you letter to someone who made a difference in their lives may have made the other person happier — but did not improve their own well-being. This finding suggests that gratitude is an attainment associated with emotional maturity.

Ways to cultivate gratitude

Gratitude is a way for people to appreciate what they have instead of always reaching for something new in the hopes it will make them happier, or thinking they can't feel satisfied until every physical and material need is met. Gratitude helps people refocus on what they have instead of what they lack. And, although it may feel contrived at first, this mental state grows stronger with use and practice.

Here are some ways to cultivate gratitude on a regular basis.

Write a thank-you note. You can make yourself happier and nurture your relationship with another person by writing a thank-you letter expressing your enjoyment and appreciation of that person's impact on your life. Send it, or better yet, deliver and read it in person if possible. Make a habit of sending at least one gratitude letter a month. Once in a while, write one to yourself.

Thank someone mentally. No time to write? It may help just to think about someone who has done something nice for you, and mentally thank the individual.

Keep a gratitude journal. Make it a habit to write down or share with a loved one thoughts about the gifts you've received each day.

Count your blessings. Pick a time every week to sit down and write about your blessings — reflecting on what went right or what you are grateful for. Sometimes it helps to pick a number — such as three to five things — that you will identify each week. As you write, be specific and think about the sensations you felt when something good happened to you.

Pray. People who are religious can use prayer to cultivate gratitude.

Meditate. Mindfulness meditation involves focusing on the present moment without judgment. Although people often focus on a word or phrase (such as "peace"), it is also possible to focus on what you're grateful for (the warmth of the sun, a pleasant sound, etc.).

Source: http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/in-praise-of-gratitude

Emmons RA, et al. "Counting Blessings Versus Burdens: An Experimental Investigation of Gratitude and Subjective Well-Being in Daily Life," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Feb. 2003): Vol. 84, No. 2, pp. 377–89.

Grant AM, et al. "A Little Thanks Goes a Long Way: Explaining Why Gratitude Expressions Motivate Prosocial Behavior," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (June 2010): Vol. 98, No. 6, pp. 946–55.

Lambert NM, et al. "Expressing Gratitude to a Partner Leads to More Relationship Maintenance Behavior," Emotion (Feb. 2011): Vol. 11, No. 1, pp. 52–60.

Sansone RA, et al. "Gratitude and Well Being: The Benefits of Appreciation," Psychiatry (Nov. 2010): Vol. 7, No. 11, pp. 18–22.

Seligman MEP, et al. "Empirical Validation of Interventions," American Psychologist (July–Aug. 2005): Vol. 60, No. 1, pp. 410–21.

5 Brain Hacks to Boost Your Motivation

To procrastinate is human. To beat procrastination is to be an entrepreneur.

You sit down at your computer with every intention of working on your next project or task, then procrastination sets in. Two hours later, you realize you still haven’t begun the task in earnest. Why is it so easy to shrug something off, even when you know the job must get done?

Research shows that our brains are wired to have two types of motivation. We are either driven by internal (or intrinsic) motivation to achieve a goal, which is when we do something because it is personally rewarding. Or we are driven by external (or extrinsic) motivation, which is when we do something to earn a reward or avoid punishment.

Each type of motivation can be effective. Internal motivation is thought to work best in the long run, but external motivation can be a useful tool in some cases, such as prompting you to complete a task or assignment that doesn’t internally interest you.

The secret is knowing how to tap into both types of motivations to overcome procrastination and be more proactive. To help you do that, here are 5 brain hacks to boost motivation and stay productive, even when distractions abound.

1. Tap into your bigger purpose.

When you find your motivation is lacking, try focusing on the purpose behind what you are doing or on how it plays into the larger goal of what you want to accomplish.

Focusing on the bigger goal gives you the feeling of working on something greater and being part of something bigger than yourself. It gives deeper meaning to the objective you seek or the project you are putting long hours into.

For instance, try thinking about how what you're doing is adding value to your customers and their lives, or about how your business is impacting the world (even in small ways). When you consider the larger effects of what you or your team is doing, you'll feel more connected to the whole and will be more motivated to do your part.

Related: 6 Habits That Turn Dreams Into Reality

2. Don’t over think it.

Overthinkers complicate an easy task by anticipating unlikely problems. When you over think a project you are working on, it creates more stress and pressure. Ultimately, it obstructs your motivation.

Research has shown that chronic stress and anxiety can actually shrink your brain. A relaxed mind is better able to focus and solve problems.

To counter a tendency to over think a problem, make sure to keep your goals simple and small. This will break your objectives into more manageable chunks. Focus on accomplishing each step. This in turn creates motivation, because you see yourself moving forward and accomplishing your goals.

Related: How I Decreased My Weekly Office Hours From 40-plus to Less Than 8

3. Overcome mental blocks.

Nothing is quite as de-motivating as a mental block that feels like glue poured into your brain. Your creative process feels locked up and nothing seems to work right.

Becoming stuck is often a symptom you're caught in a negative thought loop. You tell yourself: “What’s the answer to this problem? What should I do? I should know this!” Round and round you go, and the more pressure you put on yourself, the more stuck you become.

To unstick yourself, start by reasking the question or reframing it from a different perspective. Take a deep breath, relax and allow your subconscious to find the answer. This is your “ah-ha” moment.

Related Book: Think Big, Act Bigger: The Rewards of Being Relentless by Jeffrey Hayzlett

4. Counter negative perceptions.

Observe how you feel as you begin a task. Are you dreading the assignment? Are you anticipating it will be tedious or difficult to accomplish? That mindset will stymie your motivation and sap your inspiration before you even start.

You can change negative perceptions, just as you can train your mind to detoxify bad memories. To weaken a pessimistic perception of something, think about the task and bring the memory of doing it into your mind.

Imagine the memory getting smaller and dimmer, like you’re watching a tiny black-and-white TV. Now add new details to the memory that change it. Make it fun. Make it silly. Make it seem less threatening. Imagine being engaged with and enjoying the work. 

Do this five to 10 times and you’ll discover your perception has changed. The unpleasant memory no longer has the same sting.

Related: 10 Bad Habits You Must Eliminate From Your Daily Routine

5. Strengthen your good memories.

Another way to tap into your natural motivation is to strengthen those memories where you are succeeding and accomplishing your goals. By doing this, you can enhance and encourage your motivation and inspiration.

To do this, recall as vividly as you can a fulfilling memory of succeeding or accomplishing your goals. Imagine this memory as if it were being projected on a huge IMAX screen.

Make the memory bright and loud. Now increase the positive feelings that you experienced, just like turning up a dial.

Do this 5 or 10 times, and you'll discover that what was once just a positive memory is now a driving motivation. The more you experience the memory, the more you'll want to relive it and make it real again.

Source: https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/286021