Embrace Your Transformation to Thrive After Divorce

Anyone who has gone through a divorce knows there’s a period of time when survival is the goal. The numbness has worn off and the pain from a non-physical event feels all too real. But it begs the questions: Is it possible to thrive after divorce, instead of merely surviving? 

That was the question I asked myself as I navigated through the stages of grief {denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance}. Never one to settle, I wanted to stop feeling okay and start feeling great. I wanted to learn the lessons I was supposed to learn, lest I be destined to repeat them, and expand into a bigger and better life for myself and my daughter.

I realized in order to thrive, I needed to embrace my new life rather than resist it. My divorce became an “opportunity for growth” instead of a disaster, and I embarked on a transformation that was painful but completely worth it! The period of time during and after my divorce led me to what is now a large portion of my life’s work: helping people transform after divorce. The Single Mom Transformation Program was created from my work as an executive coach, and The Successful Single Mom book series was born so others could experience their powerful, positive transformation. 

If you’re ready to embark on your post-divorce transformation, you’re in for some hard work but the reward is a major treat called “your new life.” This will be the beginning of some of the very best years of your life, if you want them to be!

Here are some action steps to get you started:

1) Forgive, forget and start moving on. It’s hard to let go. It may seem easier to stay mad, try to get revenge, lick your wounds and feel sorry for yourself. But hey - listen to me now: You deserve better than to wear your divorce on your sleeve and your face. If you think people can’t see and feel your divorce on you, you’re wrong. We can, must like animals and children smell fear.

2) Decide. Every transformation begins with a decision, in this case, the decision you make changes the course of your life: “I’m deciding to make the best of my divorce, instead of letting my divorce get the better of me.

3) Respond. You’re not a victim, and today is the today to “respond” instead of “react” to whatever is happening in your life. You are in the driver’s seat from this day forward, and you get to make 100 percent of the decisions affecting your happiness and your future.

4) Envision. The old vision you had of your life is something to let go of, and in it’s place put a vibrant, healthy, delightful and joy-filled vision that gets you excited just thinking about it. Excited people thrive, it’s a fact, and it’s time for you to be one of them.

5) Make a list, and check it twice. If you’re like I was after my divorce, there are a whole list of things you’ve wanted to do, places you’ve wanted to go, experiences you’ve been dying to try but putting off ... many of them for years and years. Create an actual list and get busy living your life, and crossing things off of your list with vim and vigor. In other words, start living your life! 

Thriving after divorce isn’t impossible, au contraire, it’s actually very possible. You can do it by beginning today, and every day after today recommitting to the new life you’re creating.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/honoree-corder/how-to-thrive-after-divor_b_3749336.html

Developing Co-Parenting Plans

The organisation of cooperative parenting schedules.

A co-parenting plan is a written document that outlines how parents will raise their children after separation or divorce. Developed with the best interests of children in mind, a co-parenting plan details how much time children will spend time with each parent, scheduling details, how major and minor decisions about children will be made, exchanges of information and ongoing communicate about the children, children’s extra-curricular activities, and how parental disputes will be resolved. A written plan will help all family members to know what is expected of them and will be a valuable reference as time passes and family circumstances change.

There are numerous formats and templates for developing a co-parenting plan, but the key to successful co-parenting is to focus on the needs of the children, particularly their need to maintain routine relationships with each parent and to be shielded from ongoing parental conflict. There is no one “best” co-parenting plan that families should adopt and follow, as much depends on the unique circumstances and specific needs of family members. Some of the key issues that have to be addressed when putting together a parenting plan include the ages of the children and their developmental needs, the children’s school schedules and extracurricular activities, the parents’ work schedules, scheduling for holidays and summer vacations, the distance of the parents’ homes from each other, and any special needs of the children (such as disabilities or health concerns). Most often, it is best for a parenting plan to be as specific as possible. For example, with both routine weekly/monthly schedules, as well as specific holiday schedules, the exact times for pickup and return of the children, as well as where the exchange will take place (at a parent’s home or in a neutral location, for instance), need to be spelled out in detail. Of course, if parents are able to accommodate each other comfortably, they may not need to follow the parenting plan to the letter, but in the majority of cases, where there is some degree of friction, specificity is important.

In my own practice, I focus parent on five main dimensions of co-parenting, three time dimensions and two aspects of decision-making.  These will constitute the heart of the final parenting plan. Time dimensions include (1) overnight stays (how many will there be with each parent?); (2) routine time (the actual time the child and parent spend together in the daily routines of caretaking and parenting); and (3) activity time (time spent together in recreational and special activities). Difficulties are likely to arise if one parent has little activity time but the main responsibility for routine time, or vice-versa, or if all overnights are with only one parent.  It is also important to separate out the school year, holidays, and special days and observances for each of these time dimensions. Parental decision-making includes (1) daily decisions made in the course of daily child-rearing; and (2) major decisions (including schooling, religious affiliation and training, and major medical decisions). Again, a plan in which one parent has power to make major decisions without any responsibility for day-to-day decisions can be highly problematic.

How best to begin the process of formulating a co-parenting plan? One possibility is for each of the parents to draft a proposal with respect to the five dimensions of post-divorce parenting, and then come together to compare the lists and begin to negotiate. Another option is to have each parent work through a time survey—for example, outlining what a typical week would look like when the child is living with them, and then come together in mediation to compare their lists.  This kind of exercise helps parents consider what will be involved in parenting as separate entities, think about their strengths and deficiencies as caretakers, and identify the skills they will need to be able to carry through their co-parenting plan.

While parenting plans take many forms, it is important to include the following five clauses in the written agreement:

(1) A general statement to begin the agreement: The parents will cooperatively share the parenting of the children, with co-parenting defined as having two core elements:  shared responsibility for important decision-making as well as the daily routine parenting of the children, and parental cooperation with respect to same.  This includes respect for one another's parenting style and authority; that is, parents agree to say or do nothing that will harm the relationship of the other parent with their children.  A helpful clause to include in this section is, "The parents agree to foster love and affection between their children and the other parent."

(2) Sharing of parental responsibilities: The parents agree to confer on all important matters affecting the welfare of the children, including education, health, and religious upbringing.  They agree that each will have access to medical and school records. There should also be a clause saying that day-to-day decisions are the responsibility of the parent with whom the child is living.

(3) The specifics of the actual time-sharing and residential arrangement: This includes overnight stays, routine time, and activity time.

(4) Details regarding holidays and special days and observances: This includes overnight stays, routine time, and activity time.

(5) The agreement time period, and amendments to the agreement: End with a clause indicating the length of the agreement, and that the plan will be reexamined at a later fixed time, or from time to time.  If no revisions are deemed necessary after the agreed time period, the agreement is automatically renewable.  A clause specifying the manner in which parents will settle disputed issues in the future, with an emphasis on cooperation and a return to mediation if necessary, is also essential.

Explicit guidelines for co- parenting can be developed at the time the co-parenting plan is drafted.  These may include: respect the other's parenting rules; avoid criticizing the other parent, directly or indirectly;  avoid placing a child in the middle of an argument or using a child as a messenger;  stick to the time-sharing schedule and keep promises, but also be flexible in a way that meets the children's and the other parent's needs (try to accommodate the other parent's request for changes, but the other parent should remember that even small changes to the schedule that occur with little forewarning can cause major problems);  make transitions as comfortable as possible for the child (be positive about the child's stay with the other parent;  be courteous with the other parent;  once the child settles back in, let her talk freely about the other parent or the other home);  and respect each other's privacy (keep contacts and communications restricted to set times, and to child-related matters).

While the co-parenting plan should usually be highly structured at the beginning, over time, flexibility, creativity, and compromise should be encouraged.  Changes to the plan over time are inevitable; parenting arrangements will require reevaluation and change over time, based on children's changing developmental needs and the parents' own changing circumstances.

Contingency planning sets the stage for needed future changes.  Potential obstacles and areas of conflict regarding parenting can be anticipated; issues such as changing job demands, relocation, and how to deal with children's changing developmental needs need to be discussed.  Remarriage or cohabitation and stepfamily formation may affect co-parenting in a significant way, as the problem of mistrust often reemerges when new members join the family

Once a co-parenting plan has been negotiated and drafted, it should be implemented for a specified trial period, anywhere between 6-12 months.  At the end of the trial period, the plan is reviewed and made permanent, modified, or abandoned.  It is important to know that the plan you initially negotiate is not irrevocable.

Establishing a routine and an environment conducive to children's adaptation to the new co-parenting arrangement are critical tasks for both parents.  Children are generally anxious to know the specifics of their new routine, and the predictability of a clear schedule facilitates adaptation.  They also prefer to develop a sense of "belonging" in both of  their parents’ homes, and will adapt more easily if they have a place of their own in each house, which they have helped in creating.  Other important considerations include deciding on children's items that need to be duplicated (toothbrushes, nightclothes, school supplies, diapers and baby supplies for infants), those that are divided between the two homes (shoes and clothing apportioned in measure with how much time is spent in each residence, toys, books), and those that will go back and forth between the two homes (cherished toys,  bicycles, musical instruments).

Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201510/developing-co-parenting-plans

Find The Positive Side of Divorce

Finding the positive side of divorce is not always easy, especially when you feel like you've been run over by a Mack truck. But the truth is divorce gives us the opportunity to start over again more intelligently. Plus, when you look for the positive in a situation, it's a lot easier to accept what life hands you.

You Can't Always get What You Want but You Get What You Need

The Rolling Stones were actually very smart. They were dead-on when they sang that you can't always get what you want but you get what you need… that is if you are paying attention to what is being offered. When we wish, pray or hope for something, what we actually might be gifted with is the situation in which to manifest that gift.

All too often, we don't recognize the opportunities in life. We see obstacles instead of openings. Divorce is a perfect example of hidden opportunities. At first we cannot see the forest through the trees. We are in pain and our perspective or outlook is very limited. We don't realize that our divorce has many gifts or opportunities for growth. They are hidden from view but the challenges that lay before us are actually chances to become the person we were always meant to be.

Take Alice. Her marriage was not a happy one but she ignored all the signs along the way. She did not want to have to confront what was happening: she was in denial. She had always allowed her husband a great amount of freedom because she found it difficult to stand up for herself. She lacked self-esteem and she brought this to her marriage.

When her marriage fell apart, she was devastated and claimed she could not understand what had happened. After working together, she was able to face the fact that she had been an enabler of her husband's behavior. By not standing up for herself, she gave him a green light to do whatever he wanted. In addition, by refusing to confront the reality of her marriage, she failed to do take the necessary actions that might have changed the situation for the better. Seeing the truth she now chose to take responsibility for herself and her life.

Alice decided to use her divorce as a catalyst for the changes that would give her the life she wanted and deserved. She chose to see that her divorce was the perfect opportunity to develop self-esteem, confidence and strength. She began to see that perhaps, just perhaps, her divorce was exactly what she needed in order to become what she truly wanted. She had suffered as a result of her low self-esteem and now she found herself in the perfect place to cultivate that trait.

What are you seeking? What do you need? Look around. Is your situation right now a springboard towards what you really want? Remember that you might not get exactly what you asked or prayed for but if you look hard enough, you will see that you may have been gifted with the opportunity to create the things that you so desire.

Source: http://www.womansdivorce.com/positive-side-of-divorce.html

10 Ways to Reboot Your Life and Get a Fresh Start

Everyone has wished at some point or another that life came with a reboot button.

We’re all familiar with the term “reboot” when it comes to computers. Rebooting is a troubleshooting method: when your computer is giving you trouble—for example, a program locks up or is simply not responding–you shut it down and restart it. In addition, a common way to reboot your computer is to press down on the Ctrl+Alt+Del keys simultaneously.

Sometimes an area of your life—or perhaps more than one—has gone completely off track and makes you feel bogged down and like you just can’t move forward. If this is the case, instead of making small changes here and there, you may want to wipe the slate clean and simply restart in that area of your life. Here are some ways in which your life may need a reboot:

You’ve been eating unhealthy foods for a few months and you’ve gained weight and are feeling sluggish.
You’ve been staying late at work for what seems like forever and are feeling burned out.
Your schedule is so packed with things you need to get done, that you feel nauseas when you look at it.
Your relationship with your significant other hasn’t been going well for a while.

If you feel like you need a fresh start in any area of your life, read on. Below you’ll find 10 ways to reboot your life and get a fresh start.

1. Reboot Your Diet

If you’ve been eating unhealthy foods for a long period of time, you probably need to reboot your diet. You can do this by following a detox plan.
“Detox” is short for detoxification. It consists of a focused, short term diet that will allow your body to eliminate toxins and jump-start a weight loss program or help you to completely alter your eating habits. One of the main goals of a detox diet is to eliminate toxins from your body – which is why it’s also called a cleanse.
Wheat—such as pasta and bread—is usually eliminated completely during a detox–, as well as sweeteners — such as refined sugar and high fructose corn syrup. In addition, most detox diets encourage you to eat lots of fruits and vegetables, sometimes as smoothies and shakes.
Going on a detox diet can help you to reboot your diet and set the stage for improving your eating habits and your health.

2. Reboot Your Wardrobe

How many times have you opened your closet and thought the following to yourself:
I have nothing to wear.
Nothing in here fits.
Everything in here is either stained, wrinkled, or is missing a button.
This probably sounds familiar to a lot of people, and not just women. If this sounds like you, then you need to reboot your wardrobe.
A great strategy for rebooting your wardrobe is to create a Project 333 for yourself. Courtney Carver invented Project 333 to challenge people to wear only 33 articles of clothing for 3 months — including clothes, shoes, jewelry and accessories. Here’s what to do:

• Go through your wardrobe and choose the 33 items you’ll be wearing for the next three months. Everything that you choose has to fit and be in good condition.
• Put everything else in boxes. Seal the boxes with tape and put them out of sight.
• For the next three months all you’ll be wearing are your 33 items.

Following a Project 333 will do all of the following for you:

• Help you identify your personal style — the clothes that you love to wear and that flatter your body type.
• Help you identify holes in your current wardrobe.
• Stop you from impulse buying.
• Motivate you to keep everything in your closet clean and in good shape (after all, you only have a few things to wear).

3. Reboot A Room

If you feel like you’re going to drown in stuff every time that you enter your house, get a fresh start by rebooting a room. Choose a room of your house in which you spend a lot of time and do the following:

• Take everything out. You want to end up with an empty room, which will allow you to see how open and free the space feels.
• Step back and visualize the ideal look of that room.
• Only put back the things that you need, love, and use (and which really belong in that room).
• Go slowly, starting with the most essential items.
• Once you see how neat and organized everything looks in your newly rebooted room, and how much space you’ve created in that room, you’ll probably be inspired to reboot every room in your house.

4. Reboot on a Retreat

We all need to get away from it all from time to time, especially when we start to experience burn out. Chronic stress can make you feel exhausted–emotionally, mentally, and physically. 

In addition, stress can zap your motivation, interfere with your ability to concentrate, and even cause health problems.
Going on a vacation—or more specifically, a retreat—can help you to leave the mayhem of the day-to-day behind so that you can reconnect with yourself and what really matters to you. A few days at a retreat can help you to clear your mind and gain new perspective.
There are even retreats which focus on specific life areas. For example, you can find retreats for any of the following:

• A fitness retreat.
• A marriage retreat.
• A life-reassessment retreat.
• A career retreat.
• In addition, one option is to go on a one-year sabbatical.

5. Reboot Your Internal Clock

If your sleep cycle is out of whack–you stay up until 3:00 a.m. watching Netflix and checking Facebook–and you get up sometime after 10:00 a.m., you need to restart, or reboot, your internal clock. Your body’s clock is “set” by cues like light, when you eat, or when you exercise. Here are two ways to take advantage of these cues to reboot your internal clock:
Stop eating during the 12-16 hour period before you want to be awake. So, if you want to start waking up at 7:00 a.m., stop eating at about 5:00 p.m. the day before. Don’t break your fast until you wake up at 7:00 a.m. the next morning. There’s scientific research to back this up.
If you want to start getting up at 7:00 a.m., get thirty minutes of bright light ten minutes after waking up. In addition, keep lights low at the end of the day, and stay away from bright computer screens or television exposure shortly before bed.

6. Reboot You Calendar

If you find that your calendar and daily schedule are jam-packed with activities and commitments, most of which fill you with dread, then it’s time to reboot your calendar. Sit down with a blank sheet of paper and start re-creating your calendar from scratch.
Before you add anything back on your schedule, take the time to reexamine whether that task or activity really needs to be there. Question everything:

• Your commitments;
• Your commute;
• The tasks that you carry out on a regular basis and whether they really need to be done;
• The amount of time that you spend on each task;
• How often you perform certain tasks; and so on.

Only put back into your schedule the things that you absolutely need to do, and the things that you love to do.

7. Reboot Your Finances

If financial stress is keeping you down, you need to reboot your finances. Do the following:

• Get all of the food that you’re going to need for the month.
• Get necessities such as toothpaste and toilet paper.
• Write down the absolute essentials that you have to spend money on throughout the month, such as bus fare and the cost of utilities.

Then, for 30 days, spend absolutely no money except for the things on your “absolute essentials” list. Use the 30 days to reevaluate what you’re currently spending your money on, create a budget, and create a plan on how to better deal with your finances.

8. Reboot Your Goals

There’s a little less than 100 days left of the year. How are you doing on the resolutions that you set at the start of the year? If the answer is “not well”, then you need to reboot your goals. Do the following:

• Take a look at the goals that you set at the beginning of the year.
• Choose just one and discard the rest.
• Start fresh on that goal, as if it were January 1st.

It doesn’t matter if you tried to go on a diet in January and were back to eating junk food by the second week of February, or if you started working on your ebook in March but quit after a few days. You’re giving yourself a fresh start on your goal.
Ask yourself why you failed to follow through on your goal, make the necessary adjustments to your plan for achieving your goal, and get to it.

9. One-Hour-A-Day Reboot

You can get a fresh start each day–that is, reboot every morning–in just one-hour-a-day. 

Regardless of what may have happened the day before, you can start each morning with a clean slate by devoting the first hour of the day to doing the following:

• Spend fifteen minutes eating a healthy breakfast.
• Spend fifteen minutes journaling or writing Morning Pages.
• Spend fifteen minutes meditating or following a yoga routine.
• Spend fifteen minutes exercising–you can rebound on a trampoline or walk a few times around the block.

Give yourself the gift of a daily reboot.

10. Extreme Reboot

Sometimes life goes so severely off course that we need an extreme reboot. The extreme version of a life reboot is to quit your job, file for divorce, sell everything that you own, and move to a new city (or even another country).

Only you can decide if such drastic measures are necessary. However, more often than not by pressing the Ctrl+Alt+Del keys in one or two areas of your life, all other areas will start to fall into place.

Conclusion

If you feel that you’re stuck in a pattern, you’ve been following the wrong path for too long, or your life needs a jolt, you need to reboot. You can get started with the ten reboot strategies explained above. Live your best life by rebooting any area of your life in which you need a fresh start.

Source: https://daringtolivefully.com/reboot-your-life

6 Actions You Can Take Every Day to Build Your Self-Confidence

Even the greatest leaders lack self-confidence at certain times. Self-confidence is not a static quality; rather, it’s a mindset that takes effort to maintain when the going gets rough. It must be learned, practiced and mastered just like any other skill. But once you master it, you will be changed for the better.

Here are six effective ways to promote your own self-confidence.

1. Act the part.

Your body language can instantly demonstrate self-assuredness, or it can scream insecurity. Present yourself in a way that says you are ready to master or take command of any situation. If you look confident and act the part you aspire to reach, you’ll not only feel in control, people will have much more confidence in you as well.

Hold your head high, sit up straight, gently bring your shoulders back to align your spine and look directly at the other person when interacting. Avoid a limp handshake and maintain good eye contact while someone is speaking to you.

2. Dress the part.

When you look better, you feel better. If you choose clothing and accessories that fit you well, suit your industry and lifestyle, and make you feel good, this will automatically increase your self-esteem. Look like the part you want to play, or in other words, suit up for success. Don’t be afraid to let your personality shine in your accessories. Bold jewelry or a colorful tie can be a focal point and a good conversation starter.

3. Speak assertively.

The next time you listen to your favorite speaker, be mindful of the way he or she delivers a speech. A great speaker speaks confidently, in a steady, rhythmic tone. Instead of the “ums” and “ahs” that interrupt flow, they use pauses to emphasize ideas.
Adopt an assertive, but not aggressive, way of speaking that indicates your self-confidence. You will feel your self-esteem begin to rise. To be taken seriously, avoid high-pitched, nervous chatter or twittering giggles in your speech. People will listen to you more attentively when they see the leader radiate from within you.

4. Think and act positively.

Positive energy leads to positive outcomes, so set your mind to the can-do side of any situation, avoiding the negative self-talk that can make you feel less confident. Smile, laugh and surround yourself with happy, positive people. You’ll feel better and the people with whom you work will enjoy your company.

Keep a gratitude journal to remind yourself of the high points of your day and your accomplishments. You will develop more peace and confidence when you are in a grateful state of mind.

5. Take action.

There’s more to being confident than just how you look. You must act the part. Walk up to a stranger at a networking event, or accept a project you’d normally reject. Practice being self-confident and soon it will become second nature.

Inaction breeds doubt and fear, while action breeds confidence and courage. As an exercise, jot down your strengths and weaknesses. Most people will tell you to work on your weaknesses, but use what you've got and capitalize on your strengths instead. Once you put more energy into your positive traits, your confidence will start to shine through.

6. Be prepared.

Remember the five P’s: Prior planning prevents poor performance. The more prepared you are, the more confident you’ll feel about your expertise and competency. Preparation will help you avoid getting tripped up by life’s unexpected glitches.

Learn everything you can about your industry, your subject matter, your goals and what drives you towards success. Before you start a task, first imagine how you want to feel once you’ve completed it. Don’t try to accomplish too much at once. Break complex tasks up into small, bite-size, manageable pieces.

As U.S. Army General Creighton Williams Abrams Jr. once said, “When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.” If you have patience and perseverance, you are only steps away from a more confident you.

Source: https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/247353

7 Scientifically Proven Benefits Of Gratitude That Will Motivate You To Give Thanks Year-Round

It’s that time of year where many people begin thinking about everything they have to be thankful for. Although it’s nice to count your blessings on Thanksgiving, being thankful throughout the year could have tremendous benefits on your quality of life.

In fact, gratitude may be one of the most overlooked tools that we all have access to every day. Cultivating gratitude doesn’t cost any money and it certainly doesn’t take much time, but the benefits are enormous. Research reveals gratitude can have these seven benefits:

1. Gratitude opens the door to more relationships. Not only does saying “thank you” constitute good manners, but showing appreciation can help you win new friends, according to a 2104 study published in Emotion. The study found that thanking a new acquaintance makes them more likely to seek an ongoing relationship. So whether you thank a stranger for holding the door or you send a quick thank-you note to that co-worker who helped you with a project, acknowledging other people’s contributions can lead to new opportunities.

2. Gratitude improves physical health. Grateful people experience fewer aches and pains and they report feeling healthier than other people, according to a 2012 study published in Personality and Individual Differences. Not surprisingly, grateful people are also more likely to take care of their health.  They exercise more often and are more likely to attend regular check-ups with their doctors, which is likely to contribute to further longevity.

3. Gratitude improves psychological health. Gratitude reduces a multitude of toxic emotions, ranging from envy and resentment to frustration and regret. Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D., a leading gratitude researcher, has conducted multiple studies on the link between gratitude and well-being. His research confirms that gratitude effectively increases happiness and reduces depression.

4. Gratitude enhances empathy and reduces aggression. Grateful people are more likely to behave in a prosocial manner, even when others behave less kind, according to a 2012 study by the University of Kentucky. Study participants who ranked higher on gratitude scales were less likely to retaliate against others, even when given negative feedback. They experienced more sensitivity and empathy toward other people and a decreased desire to seek revenge.

5. Grateful people sleep better. Writing in a gratitude journal improves sleep, according to a 2011 study published in Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being. Spend just 15 minutes jotting down a few grateful sentiments before bed, and you may sleep better and longer.

6. Gratitude improves self-esteem. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology found that gratitude increased athlete’s self-esteem, which is an essential component to optimal performance. Other studies have shown that gratitude reduces social comparisons. Rather than becoming resentful toward people who have more money or better jobs – which is a major factor in reduced self-esteem- grateful people are able to appreciate other people’s accomplishments.

7. Gratitude increases mental strength. For years, research has shown gratitude not only reduces stress, but it may also play a major role in overcoming trauma.  A 2006 study published in Behavior Research and Therapy found that Vietnam War Veterans with higher levels of gratitude experienced lower rates of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.  A 2003 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that gratitude was a major contributor to resilience following the terrorist attacks on September 11.  Recognizing all you have to be thankful for – even during the worst times of your life – fosters resilience.

We all have the ability and opportunity to cultivate gratitude. Simply take a few moments to focus on all that you have – rather than complain about all the things you think you deserve.  Developing an “attitude of gratitude” is one of the simplest ways to improve your satisfaction with life.

Source: http://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2014/11/23/7-scientifically-proven-benefits-of-gratitude-that-will-motivate-you-to-give-thanks-year-round/#2b1d22506800

Arnold's 6 Rules Of Success (Full Speech)

Wise words from a really wise guy! I'm a big fan of Arnold Schwarzenegger and inspired by all he has done in life. 


What do you think?

The Hero In You - Motivational Video

There's some interesting motivating speeches cut over the visuals in this video, if you can just look past the extensive Hollywood snippets. I hope you enjoy it!

Education, Decision, Action - Notes from a Personal Development Summit

Ready, aim, fire.

On your marks, get-set, go.

Mirror, signal, manoeuvre.

There’s something about a three-step process that makes the final step feel like a foregone conclusion. I suspect it’s because steps 1 and 2 bring order and logic, preparing the participants for what is coming in step 3.

I’m pretty good at going with the flow in life. I’m frequently described as ‘laid-back’ and consider change as one of the main constants in my existence but I like a bit of order and appreciate a formula for success as much as anyone. I’ve a tendency to make life-changing decisions without having always educated myself as to the possible consequences of my actions and as such a 3 step mantra would undoubtedly be useful in keeping me on track.

History also shows that I’m prone to doing things in a different order to most other people, or at least at atypical points in life. My first child was born when I was still 23 (when I was far from emotionally or financially prepared) but I made a go of it. I didn’t discover my love of music festivals until the age of 30 when most of my contemporaries were putting their tents back in the loft for the last time. It took me until the age of 36 to meet the love of my life who is now my second (and final) wife. I shunned sports and fitness for much of my adulthood until my late thirties when I decided to get a trainer and challenge myself physically and I’ve since balanced this interest alongside healing the frequent injuries and seeking the necessary medical help to nurse my ageing and increasingly fragile frame through the demands I place upon it.

In keeping with this approach to life, I’ve only recently opened my mind to the field of Personal Development.

How ironic then that having finally discovered the life-changing opportunities for self-improvement open to me, that the main theme of this weekend’s summit, was:

Education — Decision — Action.

I won’t provide the exact details of the course since that’s not the purpose of this blog, nor do I have any direct affiliation to the organisation that hosted it (other than as a satisfied customer). The pertinent facts are these; my wife and I committed to spend one precious weekend of child-free time to explore opportunities, seek motivation and to meet like-minded individuals who shared an interest in identifying opportunities for freedom from constraints of time and finance.

That it took until just after my 41st birthday to open my mind to this is probably down to a variety of things, most significant of which would be closed-mindedness coupled with a healthy serving of cynicism and arrogance on my part. I have lead something of a charmed life and in spite of various setbacks have always seemed to bounce back, to come up smelling of roses. In the last few months I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection and whilst the successes I’ve enjoyed both personally and professionally have been gratifying, I’d started to feel like I was missing the point somehow.

Call it what you like, whether the early signs of a mid-life crisis or perhaps just a heightened curiosity as to how I might feel more fulfilled but since the end of summer 2016 I’ve been immersing myself in personal development books, audio and web-based seminars, all with the intention of increasing my free-time, income and peace of mind.

I’ve even started meditating.

The next logical step seemed then to devote some time to attending a group conference with a view to seeing what this could add into the mix. And so it was that my long-suffering wife and I undertook the 3 hour drive late last Friday evening to attend this event.

2 days to change your life

With two exhausting days behind me I cannot yet proclaim myself an ‘old-hand’ but I’m a good deal abler to make a few reasoned observations, all of which reflect my own views and perspective.

It’s fair to say that my world has been thoroughly turned upside down (for the better I should add).

The purpose of the event (which is probably much the same for many of these types of session) was to bring together a group of like-minded individuals in a conference venue to meet, exchange ideas, to have their eyes-opened to new possibilities and to introduce them to alternative ways of viewing the world and of achieving what they want to achieve. In this instance the emphasis was upon both personal development and entrepreneurialism.

All speakers offered philosophies, tactics, business specialisms and systems for achieving what you want to get out of life; in most cases to free up time and to make money from sources other than a typical 9 to 5 exchange of time for a salary. All of this was anchored to the three simple steps:

- Education

- Decision

- Action

What I liked most.

The weekend genuinely opened my mind to real, practical, implementable ideas and strategies that when in place will enrich my life and that of my family.

It wasn’t about ‘get-rich-quick’ schemes or easy paths to fulfilment and inner peace, but rather about a holistic way of approaching life that addresses the pain-points that many share, and simultaneously of helping to achieve the goals and aims that so many of us have, if only in presumably never-to-be-fulfilled dreams.

I’ve seen evidence of new ways to do things from people who seemingly came from similar circumstances as me and who shared the same goals and challenges as I have. I firmly believe through their examples and methods that if I commit to my decisions and most importantly take actions to implement these (something it was suggested that most others don’t do) then I will free up time and lead a more prosperous and enriched life and be a better father, husband, friend and professional; professional-what is still up for debate.

The speakers were also without exception, entertaining, engaging and interesting (as you’d expect given that they were no doubt all well-rehearsed and trained), and each had a personal story to tell rather than just a product or service to sell.

This ensured the weekend wasn’t just a series of dry presentations of theory and principle or ‘death by PowerPoint’ but instead interactive discussions interlaced with philosophy and practicality. The energy of the room was kept high and audience and speaker interaction was an expectation.

What I liked less.

So, it wasn’t all about the product to sell. However, the crescendo of many sessions was the opportunity to pay for and enrol on further training hosted by the speaker and offered at a never to be repeated discount, available only for the next 20 minutes by paying at the back of the room. This isn’t surprising given the theme of the weekend and I firmly subscribe to the viewpoint that education is essential to enable one to make changes, to do new things and to do them differently. I wish at this point I could afford to invest in all the training (and more importantly to take the action required to complete it); one day, I will.

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Albert Einstein

The quote above was offered in at least one session; education (and then taking the decision to act on that learning) is key to making change.

During the two days (and they were long days too, starting around 8am and finishing after 6pm) attendees were introduced to products and services (mainly training courses and self-study packs) that would allow them to conquer business and/or personal pain-points, devised by the presenters based on their experience. I went there expecting this and would have been disappointed if it hadn’t materialised since I genuinely went seeking opportunities for relevant learning.

What I found difficult to rationalise was that the speakers, almost without exception left the audience feeling that if they weren’t rushing to sign-up in the moment, they somehow didn’t ‘get it’ and weren’t destined to achieve the goals they were there to learn to achieve. I don’t believe this was entirely how it was meant to come over for if so it would be neither fair nor representative; like us I believe many in the audience were unable to run to the 4-figure costs associated with most of these products, as much as they may have wanted to.

We had chosen which areas interested us most and both enrolled in these at the appropriate points during the weekend. To surmise that we weren’t interested in achieving greatness because we weren’t rushing to sign up to other sessions was unfair and we each have a genuine desire to throw ourselves whole-heartedly into the courses we’ve chosen, to act on the decisions and to embrace the education. Could this effort risk being diluted by signing up for everything and giving no single thing our full-attention?

To counter this misperception, on more than one occasion I felt compelled to approach the presenter after the session to thank them for their talk (which was heartfelt) but also to offer a stuttering apology for not having signed up, emphasising that I would do in future. I hope that the gratitude was perceived as true, and the desire to learn from them also, for in both cases my words were genuine.

Action

Part of my renewed focus on Personal Development after the summer was embodied by a significant action step of routinely awakening to start my day at 5am. I have done this since then (allowing myself a little slack at weekends) in a bid to feel like I can take action and to get more value out of the day by tackling some value-generating tasks before I head to work; this small step has been rewarding in itself.

More recently I’ve started incorporating daily guided meditation in my life during this extra time, reading and listening to audio books whenever I can, and generally utilising my time as best I can. My current challenge is in how to do all the things that I want to do and achieve my goals within the limited number of productive hours I can extract from the day.

This is one of the most self-evident challenges I foresee in personal development journey, and at present I find the burden of choice over where next to direct my efforts in order to achieve the goals that I have set for myself to be significant if not insurmountable.

The extraordinary array of genuine opportunities that I’ve been given over the weekend to learn and implement new things is truly exciting and exhilarating. To receive this opportunity on top of all the other things I already wanted to do in my life has contributed to the slight feelings of overwhelm that I’m currently experiencing too.

Nonetheless I’ll do what I vowed to myself to do, and ensure that off the back of the weekend’s education follows the decision to make changes and the consistent actions to make this happen.

Toby Hazlewood

Toby Writes on topics including Personal Development, Diet, Exercise and Weight Loss and Parenting. You can find details on more of his products and services at shared-stuff.com, ez-lean.blogspot.com, gratitude-and-growth.blogspot.com 

The Particular Struggles of Divorcing Without Kids

"Just be glad you didn't have kids," was the frequent response I received to the news of my divorce.

And I was glad. I didn't have to face telling children about the upsetting and significant changes to their lives. I never had to navigate the uncertain waters of establishing a co-parenting relationship or deal with the negotiations over child support. And I didn't have to watch my hypothetical children suffer, something I can't even imagine. 
I have the utmost respect for those who manage divorce with dignity and courage for their children. For those that set aside the animosity for the ex and focus instead on being the best for the children. For those that bravely tackle unbelievably high obstacles so that their children can thrive. That's a hard divorce.
And so is divorce without kids. These are the particular struggles that those without children face:

Your Pain is Downplayed

Even though I agreed with those that commented about my not having children, I still felt in the moment like it was dismissive of my pain. The lack of children makes divorce easier. Not easy. Because of the complications and additional stressors that children bring to divorce, those without kids often feel unwelcome in support groups and unable to share their pain without a fear of it being shrugged off. 

Your Motivation Isn't Ready-Made

When you have children, being a parent is often a central purpose of your life and their well-being is a significant motivator after divorce to get your life together. When you're married and child free, you identify primarily as a husband or wife. And then that's wiped out with a signature on a page. It can be a struggle for many without children to find their purpose and their motivation after a divorce. 

It Can Be Isolating

Whenever I visit my neighborhood pool, I'm reminded how much children bring their parents together with other parents. Most of the adults all know each other through swim team, shared classes and play dates. After a certain age, the child free aren't included in many of these recurring social situations. And when divorce happens, this isolation can be extreme, especially when the split extends into the couple's friend group.

Loss of Family Memories

When my parents divorced, my mother and I worked to both retain family memories and to cultivate new ones. When I lost my husband, I lost sixteen years of memories that only he and I shared. And there was no one else to create them with. Children provide sort of a continuation of the marriage. Without children, it can sometimes feel as though there is no proof that the relationship ever occurred. 

Fear of Time Running Out

Some people are child free at the time of the divorce because they decided not to have children. And others found that their marriage ended before the desired children were born. For those men and women, a childless divorce is especially painful because it brings with it the fear that time will run out for them to create the family they want. 

Even with its particular struggles, divorcing without children gives you a unique freedom rarely found in adulthood. You can relocate. Reinvent. Go on dates every night. Fall in love with somebody else and maybe even somebody else's children. Or stay single forever and commit your life to some other cause. You have no limits. No restrictions. 

Acknowledge your struggles while at the same time expressing gratitude that they were your struggles alone and that no children were harmed in the making of this divorce.

Source: https://news.divorceforce.com/the-particular-struggles-of-divorcing-without-kids-by-lisa-arends-1904763434.html