Managing life’s opportunities as a working mother | Stephanie Herseth Sa...

There's a real challenge about taking the opportunities that you can as a single working parent, just the same as for any working parent.

How to Handle Extreme Stress

Learn the best ways to cope with trauma.
There's a silver lining to our day-to-day stress. It's so familiar to us—the irritation of traffic and adrenaline of deadlines—that we, hopefully, have learned how to cope. Ideally, we've got a healthy outlet, a favorite walk or a trusted friend to relieve the accumulation of life's little pressures.

But what about the really hard stuff—the realization of fears we rarely dare to voice, if at all? When the scan comes back with bad news, or a loved one suffers a devastating accident; then what? How does one cope with the kind of trauma that levels life in an instant?

According to experts in extreme stress, some strategies work much better than others. A key objective for anyone in stress is managing his or her "fight-or-flight" response—the evolutionary instinct that readies our bodies for danger with the energy and focus to battle a predator or run away. Unlike animals, whose response to danger subsides once the threat does, humans have the capacity to recall the trauma and fear for the future, says Steven Southwick, co-author of "Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life's Greatest Challenges" and professor of psychiatry, post-traumatic stress disorder and resilience at the Yale Medical School and the Yale Child Study Center. "We can keep ourselves stressed 24/7, and unfortunately stress can cause all sorts of problems," including, for example, injuring the very part of the brain that turns off the stress response, Southwick says.

According to David Spiegel, associate chair of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford University School of Medicine and director of its Center on Stress and Health, people in extreme stress should keep these key points in mind:

1. Make a prioritized checklist of what needs to be addressed and tackle each item sequentially;

2. Don't be afraid to ask people for help;

3. Know your limits, and guard them;

4. Rest—take breaks, get lots of sleep, and "practice self-soothing";

5. Maintain a healthy diet and exercise routine.

In addition, the following strategies can provide comfort and relief:

1. Express your feelings. "Don't fight your emotions. Think of them as your friend, not your enemy," says Spiegel. There's a misconception among some that containing one's emotions contains the problem or that they "need to be strong" for their families by putting up a stoic front, Spiegel says. That not only doesn't work—it backfires. People end up "wasting energy fighting themselves," he says. Plus, releasing emotions brings people together, which is precisely what's needed in times of trauma.

2. Find social support. "People who are socially isolated have a two-fold elevation in all-cause mortality," Spiegel says, calling social isolation as much of a risk to one's health as smoking or high cholesterol. "And yet, when people get sick or in trouble, they often lose social support rather than gain it," he says. Spiegel, who runs support groups for women diagnosed with breast cancer, says such groups provide an opportunity to share experiences and advice. Everywhere else in life, that woman may feel like an outsider, the one with a "death sentence." But in the support group, "you belong."

Due to his research, Southwick has become so convinced of the power of social support that he now works with his patients to draw a diagram of their social networks, examining each individual involved to ensure that they are trusted and reliable. "Strength comes from social networks," he says. "We're all social beings.

3. Find a way to relax. Whether it's prayer, meditation or deep relaxation techniques, these acts offer a powerful antidote to stress. "You really can't be tense and relaxed at the same time. They're opposites," says Carol Goldberg, psychologist and host and producer of the New York-area TV show "Dr. Carol Goldberg and Company." She suggests, for example, visualizing a calming scene, repeating a soothing mantra or deep breathing from the diaphragm to boost oxygen supply and help rid yourself of carbon dioxide. "It's something that you always have within you. You don't have to get any equipment ... You can just close your eyes, and take some deep breaths."

4. Face your fears. "Most of us have a very difficult time doing that because it's unpleasant," Southwick says. However, "if you want to be resilient, sooner or later, you're going to have to face those things, or some of those things." In fact, "avoidance is at the heart of all anxiety disorders," he says. When veterans address post-traumatic stress disorder with a therapist, they expose themselves to theirs to try to make peace with them.

The trick is to reframe fear and face it before it devolves into a state of panic, which shuts down the part of the brain responsible for rational thinking. To conquer fear, you have to learn about it and understand it. And then, "when you do approach the fear, try to do it with someone who you really trust."

5. Find a role model. "We tend to learn through imitation," Southwick says. Look to others who successfully negotiate challenges, ask them about their coping skills, and try them out yourself. For example, if that person calls a friend during times of stress, you might consider that tactic.

For his part, Southwick has found role models in the research for his book. A young woman with spina bifida who won a gold medal for swimming in the Paralympics is one of them. She not only excelled in college, graduating with honors, but she swam an average of 26 miles a week. These days, when Southwick goes swimming, he often thinks of her as he's wrapping up his mile of laps, and says to himself: "What, are you kidding? Twenty-six miles a week ... I keep going."

Source: http://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2013/03/21/how-to-handle-extreme-stress

Divorce And Kids: 5 Ways Divorce Benefits Kids

Contrary to popular belief, divorce isn’t always negative for kids — sometimes it’s excellent for kids. Here are five ways that your children can benefit from your divorce:

1. When Mommy and Daddy are happier as individuals, their kids will be too. When there’s ugliness between the couple, no one’s happy. Once the halves of the couple move on and find their grounding, each one as an individual has the opportunity to be happier than ever. When children have a happy mom and dad, they’ll do much better.

2. When the tension dissolves out of the house, kids will be more relaxed. Children are like barometers. You can measure the level of tension in the air by their behavior. Once the split happens and the nasty intensity in the environment fades, watch how the children’s behavior follows.

3. When you model that you deserve to be in a satisfying and supportive relationship, you model something wonderful to your kids. If you stay in a bad relationship “for the kids,” don’t fool yourself that the kids will really benefit. Although there will be certainly be an adjustment when you divorce, the end result is positive. You’re showing your children not to settle for an unhealthy marriage.

4. With shared custody, kids have the opportunity to experience each parent as a full and competent parent. Usually when both parents are together, one of them takes on most of the nurturing and/or logistical planning. After a divorce, the children can have each parent completely focusing on them with the time they have together. They can also see each parent fully taking care of home business.

5. There’s the potential for your kids to either witness you being happy on your own or finding a better partner, both of which are a good thing. Whether or not you decide to pair up with another mate, your kids can benefit by watching your joyful independence or new positive relationship. Either way, your children will benefit. 

So, if you were thinking this article would be about the horrors your children will experience if you divorce, at this point you’re either hugely disappointed or greatly relieved. What’s most important to remember is your newfound single life after divorce is what you make it — and your children’s attitude and well-being will follow suit.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/18/divorce-and-kids-5-ways-d_n_1519485.html

Overcoming Pain, Fear, and Suffering

Get the tips on releasing fear of change, so you can get past the pain and begin to heal within yourself after the divorce. It is not easy beginning your new life when you have negative emotions still attached to you.

Fear of change breeds resistance to it, which prevents movement and hinders healing and growth. Letting go is painful, but until you do, your emotional wounds cannot heal. Here’s some help.

Divorce is difficult: it is hard on our bodies, our minds, our hearts, and our souls. We lose sleep, weight, strength, concentration, judgment, faith, and peace. It can numb our consciousness and blacken our mood. And it can reveal a darker side of us, our mates, our friends, and our lives than we might have ever imagined.

At its best, divorce is one of those things that we consider bad even when it leads to a better life. This attitude results partly from our fear of endings and loss, and partly because, for a long while, our suffering seems to outweigh any benefits we might gain.

I know that people who divorce are not failures, and that divorce is not the senseless loss it is made out to be, but I also know that just saying so will not eliminate the gnawing suspicion, especially among those who are struggling with a divorce right now. But if we can keep from being defeated by our bad feelings, we have a chance to find a healing perspective, a belief that, like other natural changes, divorce is a prelude to growth and an important opportunity for gain.

More than most experiences, divorce can open a world of discovery about our selves and our place in life that being forever married can conceal. This statement is not a therapist’s balm to reassure those who have failed: it is a fact. Separation and divorce provide a wealth of learning that is impossible when we are continuously in long-term relationships — even good ones.

The healing perspective is based on an observation that might seem simplistic and overly optimistic, yet upon deep consideration is a source of understanding and hope. This observation is that everything in life — including separation and divorce — is meant to advance our growth, and that not only do we have the potential to advance, it is our obligation to take every opportunity to do so.

I would not be surprised that anyone’s first response to this would be skepticism. It is too easy to cite the apparent destructiveness of divorce to counter this idea and to write it off as another New Ageism that hardly reflects the reality of ending a marriage.
But the divorce experiences of many people I have known, including my own, actually prove the point. What is required is the willingness to allow for the possibility that there may be something positive behind the constant high rate of marital endings, regardless of our personal fear and the doomsday attitude of our society.

Overcoming Fear

The common theme in all of our journeys is the development of faith. We are provided with built-in motivation for accomplishing this goal, which is our constant struggle with and our desire to master fear.

As a psychologist, I deal with people’s fear every day; it is one of the chief reasons they seek my help. Until my separation, though, it was not my style to address fear with faith. But with the end of my marriage, when having to face the demise of my image of the happy life and the violation of my values and standards, and having to be on my own, the fear-faith connection became something I could not ignore.

Fear is opposed to faith. It is associated with feeling isolated, abandoned, vulnerable, and helpless, where faith helps us feel enfolded, protected, and supported. The more we are guided by fear, the weaker our faith; the stronger our faith, the less we fear.

The faith I discovered when I was at my lowest emotional point has transformed the way I look at life. It has also changed how I serve people who come to me for therapy. When I found a sense of connection with something much larger than me and was able to see how what occurred in my life was meant to happen, I learned not to fear for myself, and I no longer fear for my clients, either.

Therapy has become a matter of helping clients embrace or strengthen their own sense of the spiritual nature of the journey, if and when they are ready. This assures finding meaning in the divorce experience and it also encourages them to challenge their fear regarding other personal limitations, and thereby to risk growth in unpredictable ways.

Psychologists have long wondered what allows some people to take growthful risks that others avoid. We have generally agreed that there is some sort of readiness factor involved, but no one knows for sure where it comes from. I think one of the best explanations is faith.

The more we are inclined to believe that our lives are about something, that things happen for a reason, and that we are meant to benefit from the experience of our journey, the more courageous we are when confronted with difficult situations, like separation and divorce.
Perhaps the best example of this comes from the life of the most courageous person I have known. “Rachel” was a client whose divorce meant a colossal change in her lifestyle. Of all the divorcing people I have met, she had the most to fear — but she also had the strongest faith.

Middle-aged by the time of her separation, Rachel had been a lifelong member of the socially insular Amish community; family and religion had circumscribed her life, and her chronic marital unhappiness was something she would ordinarily just have had to bear.
Once she decided that marital therapy would not significantly change her relationship with her mate, we began to meet individually and had many remarkable conversations about the path she believed she had to follow if she were to grow and not stagnate.

Without any encouragement from me, Rachel began to behave more in line with her independent nature and to follow her calling. For example, she began to appear in public without her traditional bonnet; she added a telephone to the home, which was unheard of; she looked for work outside of the home; and she spoke openly about her feelings.
At stake were the respect and support of her family and friends and the approval of her God as understood by her religion. Along with losing these, she faced having to make a life in a foreign culture, for which her eighth-grade Amish education, pre-modern life on the farm, and domestic work history were no preparation.

Eventually, Rachel decided to leave, which meant losing her family, the family farm, her friends and neighbors, her church, and her roots; in that culture, when you decide to leave, you are truly out. She was subsequently shunned, which meant there was no contact with or recognition by anyone from the Amish community, including a daughter and son she had to leave behind.

Rachel’s separation and divorce presented her with challenges beyond what most of us can imagine. She moved from a lifestyle literally unchanged from the previous century to finding a job, owning a house, and finally learning to drive.

Although apprehensive, at no time did she seriously doubt that her journey was right. Her reward has been immense. Having begun her path of separation and divorce with only faith to go on and visions of hardship awaiting her, she says that she has found more happiness, joy, and peace than she ever thought possible. What is best, she notes, is that her growth has affirmed her faith.

Most of our stories are not quite so dramatic, but in their own way, they are no less heroic. There are many instances of people taking on their divorce challenges with a trusting heart and little else to go on, and who benefit substantially as a result.

One story is that of a woman who, after more than 20 years of marriage, decided that she had to leave. “Sarah” didn’t know where she was going — or exactly why. She wasn’t happy at home, but things weren’t terrible, either. She remembers that while she was preparing to load a truck with her part of the household furnishings, the older of her two children, a college freshman, tearfully inquired if she thought that what she was doing was really necessary. My client could only answer that she believed it was.

Sarah hadn’t finished her own college education, had a job that paid little, and was leaving a materially comfortable life. She had been plagued for years with depression and agoraphobia, which she had just recently overcome, so susceptibility to be overwhelmed by pessimism and fear was still a possibility.

Still she moved on, never complaining, and continuing to profess her belief in the mysterious guidance that directed her. Sarah found a small house where she lived with her difficult adolescent son, completed college over the next two years, and improved her work circumstances and income to a more livable level. In the process, her fear diminished and her faith grew. When I later told her that I thought she had made a heroic journey, Sarah felt surprised. She said that she had not thought of it that way, but as something she knew she had to do if she were to grow.

There are other stories of people choosing the same paths of faith when it was their mates who left unexpectedly. None of the stories, however, is substantially different in terms of hardships faced. What they all have in common is that the people involved expressed the belief that the changes were guided and contributed to their growth.

Truly spiritual people always do better with change. Those newer to spiritual guidance may be fearful about separation, but they are still inclined to go with the flow. The more spiritually advanced are even eager to see what awaits them with change. And because from experience they have no question that they are being guided, those who are most intimately familiar with the spiritual nature of the journey tend to move with the most grace. To think, feel, and behave as if everything is meant to assist us in our spiritual development, and to be able to let go of our need for control, is the road to inner peace.

Easing Suffering

This infusion of a belief in meaning and purpose makes all of life more acceptable. We all have experienced apparently meaningless suffering, the kind that can cause feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, enough of which can lead to desperate acts. The suffering of separation and divorce is of this kind. Spiritual awareness will not take all suffering away, but believing that what we go through has meaning that we will understand at some time can reduce it.

With separation, for example, when from fear of failure and loss we try to hold onto what is no longer appropriate for us, faith in the journey and the inevitability of growth can overcome our grip on the status quo.

Fear of change breeds resistance to it, which prevents movement and in turn hinders healing and growth, forming a vicious cycle. Letting go is painful, but until we let go, our emotional wounds cannot heal.

Much of our suffering comes from our desire for security, order, and predictability in life, which a marriage provides. Faith provides a context for our suffering and a reason for letting go when a marriage ends and our desires are frustrated.

I worked with a client whose husband had been involved with a lover for two years, and who had been living on his own for several months. “Lisa” knew of the affair, and she knew the marriage was probably over. She liked the comfort of their lifestyle and feared being alone, and so was afraid of facing change. Because of this, she had not told even her closest kin, sensing that talking about it would add the weight of reality to the process and tip the scale in favor of separation for real.

Her husband had often traveled on his job, so Lisa allowed that to explain his absence. She was trying to forestall the inevitable even after it was actually well underway. She was afraid of letting go: of him, their lifestyle, her status, the house, and the sense of order, predictability and security they combined to provide.

When we first met, Lisa wanted nothing more than to be angry and to get back at him in some spiteful way. She really had the normal sense of entitlement we all tend to develop with a lengthy marriage. She was willing, however, to hear another approach to the matter.
With support and the understanding that she was avoiding the inevitable, she informed her family and then some others that her husband had left her. Once she had, the healing process began, and she did some excellent work. Ironically, because her husband had already removed himself from her life in a substantial way, Lisa had already begun managing daily life alone. She had not really held off change; she had tried to circumvent the fear of change through the illusion of order and control.

When she released the energy she had invested in maintaining the status quo and faced life courageously as it presented itself to her, she was able to begin to discover security that was not dependent on the marriage. Lisa began to realize that she did not need him to feel secure after all. This discovery would have remained outside her grasp if she continued to struggle against the flow of her life. She had genuine sadness, but she steadily gained confidence in herself and trust in the path that her life was following. Had she remained stuck, this treasure could not have been hers.

Another client, whose divorce hearing was near, felt the tingling feeling of fear that often comes at the end. Her husband promised anything if “Karen” would reconsider. Her lawyer hinted that a temporary stay would help her financial position in the divorce. A new relationship she had enjoyed had abruptly ended. She felt tempted, but did not think it was right to agree to a postponement unless she really wanted to reconcile. In spite of this, the fear lingered.

Karen had a dream in which she was being pursued by a dark gray energy, like a wind that she could see. The image had multiple meanings, but we surmised an immediately relevant one had to do with the fear of change she had expressed. Just as the energy was about to collide with her, she intuited what to do: she ducked, and it flew right over and past her. In other words, her guidance was to resist the impulse to run or to turn and fight. She was not to try to have control over the force, but to get out of the way.

Karen now looks for the meaning in everything, and she feels more secure than ever. This has allowed her to do significant healing of wounds suffered at the hands of a father who had sexually abused her many times over many years, and the betrayal of a mother who did not try to stop him. Had she not followed her inner guidance to exit the financial security of her marriage, it is doubtful this healing would have taken place.

A third client seemed to have the longest road to healing of all. Having married a man she knew to be an alcoholic and drug abuser, “Sandy” should not have been surprised when his addictions worsened and became so intolerable that she had to ask him to leave.
During the entire first year of this separation, he remained completely out of contact with her, and Sandy finally filed for divorce to gain closure. She did well with her feelings during this time by using the same process of denial that she employed to convince herself that his substance abuse would not hinder their relationship in the first place.

When I first saw Sandy, just after her divorce was final, she was in an extreme state. All of the feelings of loss and abandonment she had denied were pouring forth. She was hurt, bitter, and angry to the point of having thoughts of shooting him for the pain he had caused and burning down the dream house they had built and now had to sell.

I talked with Sandy about a larger framework for viewing her situation: a spiritual framework from which she could begin to gain a sense that what she was going through might have some meaning. For her, this was like hearing a foreign language.

The reason Sandy wanted to kill her ex-husband is that she felt that her life had ended with his departure. As limited as life with him had been, it had supplied the only sense of connection she had. Her belief was that there was nothing for her in life beyond that paltry love experience and its material trappings.

Sandy’s healing work began with a discussion of the limits of her perspective on life, a non-judgmental observation of the darkness of her own feelings and motives, and an invitation to open herself to some new light as a palliative for her pain.

She began to understand that her rage and feelings of entitlement to satisfaction arose from her lack of a spiritual foundation regarding what her life was really about, and that his leaving had only brought this to the surface, not caused it.

Without a spiritual foundation, there could be no hope of finding meaning in her experiences, so Sandy teetered on the verge of annihilation. Could her life have been only about trying to fashion an intimacy with a drug-addicted mate? She was stuck with believing so.

Rather than continuing to rail against this man’s limitations and wallow in her sense of loss, Sandy began to seek a healing perspective, and soon her life began to change. She could appreciate her marital ending as a necessary conveyance to growth — not as the death sentence she had unconsciously concluded it was.

Reflections

Sit quietly, breathe slowly, and relax your mind. Silently read the following phrases:
My path has changed. I am entering a new phase of my journey. I am being led as part of a plan for me.

• The purpose of this change is growth. The growth I will experience from this change will be made clear to me in time.
• I will make the most of this growth experience. I will be a better person as a result.
• I have nothing to be ashamed of. Other good people have been through this experience, too. I am as worthy as anyone is.
• Everyone suffers in life. The suffering I am experiencing now will eventually pass, as other suffering in my life has passed.
• Each path in life is special. My path is special, too. I have complete faith in it.

Now repeat the phrases, paying close attention to the calmness that comes to you as you consider each one intently.

If you are in a place to do so, read each phrase aloud, and repeat it several times.
Think of people you know and like who have also been through this experience. Write their names and something about them that you admire.

Recall other difficult passages in your life and how you have changed and grown from them. Write briefly about these, too.

Source: https://www.divorcemag.com/articles/overcoming-pain-fear-and-suffering/

7 Tips for Replacing Bad Habits with Positive Habits

How to create a happy life by implementing "The Slight Edge" philosophy

Whether it’s smoking cigarettes, being late, drinking soft drinks, blaming others or biting our nails, we all have personal and professional bad habits that we would like to break. As much as we despise our bad habits, it can be challenging to make these habits things of the past. So, what is the solution? I have found the best way to erase a bad habit is to replace it with a positive habit.

First, think of our habits as a cycle. A habit is something you do without thinking. And, there are two kinds of habits: Those that serve you and those that do not serve you. Brushing your teeth is a habit that serves you; biting your nails is one that doesn’t. Thinking things through for yourself serves you; blindly accepting everything you read online or hear through the gossip grapevine doesn’t serve you. Be aware of your philosophy, which creates your attitude, which creates your actions, which creates your results, which create your life. A positive philosophy turns into a positive attitude, which turns into positive actions, which turns into positive results, which turns into a positive lifestyle. The small decisions are easy, and when you add them up, they can have an enormous effect on your life. This cycle is hard to maintain, but I go into more depth in my book, The Slight Edge. 

The cycle to create positive habits can be accomplished through these seven powerful actions:

1. Show up. 

If you’ll just commit to showing up, that’s half the battle right there. By simply showing up you can rise above half of the population in any circumstance.

2. Show up consistently. 

Keep showing up when others fade out. According to Woody Allen, 80 percent of success is showing up. That’s a philosophy I subscribe to wholeheartedly -- but I would add two words: 80 percent of success is showing up every day. As essential as it is to show up, it is consistency that greatly multiplies its power. Showing up consistently is where the magic happens.

3. Cultivate a positive outlook. 

See the glass as overflowing. There are days when I wake up and I’m in a funk. I might not even know why, but life feels heavy and depressing, and I just don’t want to get out of the funk. When this happens, the first thing I do is take inventory of my blessings. According to positive psychologists, a habit of gratitude is one of the most common traits in consistently happier people. 

4. Be committed for the long haul. 

You’ve probably seen those weight loss and workout programs that promise to change your life and create “a better you” in 90 days. I’m not saying that you don’t get results, but here is the problem with a 90-day program: It doesn’t give you enough time to build up a new belief level in yourself that you can continue once the 90 days are over. Instead, think of farmers. They know they have to wait a full season to reap their harvests. In our post-industrial world, where so much of everyday life is accessible through the click of a mouse, it’s easier than ever to forget that.

5. Cultivate a burning desire backed by faith, not hoping or wishing, but knowing. 

A burning desire backed by faith simply means deeply, passionately wanting to get somewhere and knowing -- not hoping, not wishing, but knowing -- you’re going to get there. In other words, there has to be congruence between your desire and your faith.

6. Be willing to pay the price. 

Whatever the dream or goal, there is a price you’ll need to pay. Sometimes that means giving something up. It may be something as simple as giving up a type of junk food you’re attached to, for the sake of your health, or something as subtle as giving up your right to be right, or your habit of exerting control over conversations for the sake of a relationship.

7. Do the things you’ve committed to doing, even when no one else is watching.

I have found the best way to erase a bad habit is to replace it with a positive mental or physical habit. So, the next time you find yourself wanting to partake in that same bad habit remember you can change your negative habit into a positive one and the result will be a happier life for you and those around you.

Source: https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/283178

The Hero In You - Motivational Video

There's some interesting motivating speeches cut over the visuals in this video, if you can just look past the extensive Hollywood snippets. I hope you enjoy it!

6 Habits That Turn Dreams Into Reality

The secret of turning wishful thinking into a life of action and achievement.

When I was growing up, I wanted to be an entrepreneur. I discussed this aspiration with career advisors, family and friends. I outlined my plans in university student kitchens at three in the morning. It was the main conversation in the staff cafeteria of the large corporation I joined to tide me over until I launched my enterprise. I met up with an old friend whom I had not seen for fifteen years, and we chatted about old times. After the talk of foreign assignments, pension plans and leadership roles had died off, I mentioned that I was looking to start my own company. My friend took my hands in hers, looked me in the eye and said, “Ric, you´ve been talking about that dream for twenty years. Don´t you think it´s time to do something about it?” 

Walt Disney once said, “The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.” I finally turned my dream into a reality, not by wishing upon a star, but by converting it into a concrete vision. Today, I own my own leadership development company.

Dreams and visions are quite different.

 
 Dreams are…                                               Visions are…

Inward looking Ephemeral Aspirational

Outward looking Enduring Intentional

A dream is something, a vision does something; a dream is a place to be, a vision is a place to go. A vision, in other words, is more structured, intentional, enduring and rooted in daily living than mere wishful thinking.

Related: Richard Branson: The Key to Success Is Intention

In his seminal text, The Path of Least Resistance, Robert Fritz describes a vision as a hybrid between future state (the result you want to create) and current reality (the starting point). Fritz argues there is an inherent tension between these two states that can help you “organize your actions, focus your values, and clearly see what is relevant in current reality.”

Moving from one to the other. 

And herein lies the secret of turning ephemeral dreams into tangible outcomes, of launching that company that's been on the bucket list for decades, or publishing that novel that´s been languishing in the bottom drawer since the dawn of time -- it´s being able to structure the dream into something that inspires action and momentum.

Here are six habits that can help turn dreams into tangible outcomes:

1. Materialize your dream using visualization. 

Visualization, or what Shakti Gowain calls ‘Creative visualization’ in her book of the same title, is a technique in creating what you want from life using the power of imagination. Using some common visualization techniques can help participants convert their dreams into future possibilities. Sportsmen and women, for example, use visualization to inspire them toward excellence and success in competitive events. Visualization techniques are also widely used in business contexts for people to create goals and aspirations for themselves.

Related: 4 Visualization Techniques That Can Propel Your Success

2. Prioritize your dreams.

One of the habits in Covey´s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, is to begin with the end in mind. Having a clear idea of what you want to achieve and being able to prioritize sundry aspirations into a single sustainable “highest goal,” as Michael Ray terms it, is a way of beginning to work strategically with your dreams. Goals should have a degree of tension --not too removed from current reality (which will make them impossible to achieve), neither should they be easily attainable. Consider an elastic band. A slack elastic band has no tension. An overstretched elastic band can snap. Fixing a goal which is challenging, but not impossible, motivates us to work toward our vision. Fritz says in Creating, “In fire building, a log on top of the pile will drive the flames upward. In the creative process, a place that is bigger and higher than where you have gone so far can increase momentum, energy and creative power.” 

3. Set key milestones. 

Warren Bennis once said, “Mountain climbers don’t start climbing from the bottom of the mountain. They look at where they want to go and work backward to where they’re starting from.” It is the same for goal setting -- when you begin with the end in mind and set an action plan, you can begin to work backwards and set interim goals which advance you toward your vision. Achieving things in small incremental steps has great power. Professor Stephen Morris posited a theory that if dominoes were lined up starting with five millimeters and increasing in size by one and half times, it will take just 29 dominoes to knock over the Empire State Building. Best-selling author, Ramit Sethi,applies this principle to goal setting in his domino strategy which advocates starting small and creating momentum through incremental steps.

Related: How Marking Milestones Boosts Employee Productivity

4. Monitor progress. 

One of the benefits of a structured approach to goal and vision setting is that individuals can clearly see how each action and effort propels them toward their highest goal. This helps build momentum and motivation. Dreams, on the other hand, are wispy by nature and it can be baffling to know how to get a handle on them.

5. Enlist support.

Dreams that are not anchored in reality and lack structure or outcome can be crushed by “dream stealers.” In his poem, "The Cloths of Heaven," WB Yeats writes: "I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."

A realistic, goal-orientated vision withstands all these negative forces and increases the likelihood of people sharing their vision. In his book Synchronicity, Joe Jaworski explores the positive outcomes of openly sharing structured goals and visions -- people begin to understand your aspirations and priorities and how they can contribute to your success.

6. Know when to give up.

I know we are taught through motivational stories that we can achieve whatever we put our minds to and make our dreams come true; but as Robert Fritz says, goal attainment is linked to current reality. Give up on those unrealistic dreams that suck up your energy and creativity and set achievable aspirations -- otherwise that elastic band will keep snapping in your face.

We should never stop dreaming; after all, our dreams are what makes us human. They shape and guide us. But there is a world of difference between being a dreamer and transitioning your dreams into something tangible. This ability to build personal momentum and achieve realistic objectives is the cornerstone of self-mastery, and every effective entrepreneur that I have ever met gets this right.

Source: https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/284511

Tim Ferriss's Top 10 Rules For Success (@tferriss)

Some more top tips from Tim Ferriss... this time some rules for achieving success. Which rules appeal most to you? 


Take those and act now!