How Solo Single Moms Can Raise Confident, Healthy Sons

The notion that any dad is better than no dad is nonsense.

Parenting solo is a tough challenge, no doubt.

However, psychologists agree that boys do not require constant male guidance to grow up confident and healthy. In fact, a dad living at home who is a poor role model typically does more harm than good. If a biological dad is unfailingly neglectful, physically or emotionally abusive or just plain unloving, his son is most likely better off without his dad’s influence.

So what can a single mother raising a boy alone do to ensure her son gets what he needs? For starters, trust that your beliefs and actions will guide you toward success.

Here are some other tips to keep in mind:

Adjust your attitude, if necessary. Strive to resolve your issues about men and relationships, especially if you became a single mom under excruciating circumstances – like if your son’s father left without warning or explanation. When you look at your son and see his biological dad’s face, it’s OK to get a little emotional. After all, if your ex gave you anything of value, you’re looking at him. Tell your son early and often how much you love him no matter how you feel about his biological dad.

Banish any “man of the house” notions about your son. Your goal is to guide your son toward manhood. Right now, however, your son cannot assume responsibility for things adult men are supposed to do. Your son is not your confidant, knight in shining armor or rescuer. Correct privately and quickly any adult who asks your son if he’s taking good care of Mommy or wrongly confers “man of the house” responsibilities on him.

Your son’s only job right now is to be a kid.

Set limits early. Sons of single moms are not at greater risk for getting into serious trouble as adults. Don’t believe the dire predictions you may hear. Believe in yourself as a strong and confident parent.

Focus on your son and his needs. As parents, our only realistic option is to control our own behavior.

Boys do act differently than girls. Dealing effectively with bursts of typical boy behavior, such as pushing and shoving on the playground, are simply a part of your everyday parenting responsibilities.

Teach your son your values. But let him express these values uniquely. Point out positive qualities in men you see on a day-to-day basis. Emphasize the importance of treating others with kindness, as well as being helpful and considerate. Discuss examples of bullying in age-appropriate ways. Point out why such behaviors are contrary to your family values and simply wrong.

Make it clear what’s appropriate behavior in your home. Of course, hitting, punching and kicking are against family rules. Discuss alternatives to unwanted behavior so that your son can make more appropriate choices next time. These will not be one-time conversations.

Spanking may work for the moment, but it sends the powerful message that acting out your feelings is acceptable, if you’re the one in charge.

Stress using words rather than actions to convey feelings. Model this behavior by using words to describe your own feelings, rather than slamming the car door or stomping angrily around the house. Make sure your son understands that it’s not OK to shut people out. Let your son cry openly with no discouragement or judgment.

Keep talking. As your son grows older, challenges increase because adolescent boys fear revealing their confusion and vulnerability. Our culture still admires “real men” who fear weakness and strive to solve problems on their own. This is why solo single moms – who don’t have another parent to partner with in raising kids – are often advised to leave their sons alone or let them shoot some hoops. We’re assured that he’ll be fine and urged not to hover.

Resist the impulse to shrug your shoulders and walk away. This is exactly the time to let your son know that you’re always available for conversation. Talking openly – sharing kid-friendly details - about what goes on in your own life makes your son more inclined to say what’s on his mind rather than silently sulk.

Source: http://health.usnews.com/wellness/for-parents/articles/2017-03-21/how-solo-single-moms-can-raise-confident-healthy-sons

Embrace Your Transformation to Thrive After Divorce

Anyone who has gone through a divorce knows there’s a period of time when survival is the goal. The numbness has worn off and the pain from a non-physical event feels all too real. But it begs the questions: Is it possible to thrive after divorce, instead of merely surviving? 

That was the question I asked myself as I navigated through the stages of grief {denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance}. Never one to settle, I wanted to stop feeling okay and start feeling great. I wanted to learn the lessons I was supposed to learn, lest I be destined to repeat them, and expand into a bigger and better life for myself and my daughter.

I realized in order to thrive, I needed to embrace my new life rather than resist it. My divorce became an “opportunity for growth” instead of a disaster, and I embarked on a transformation that was painful but completely worth it! The period of time during and after my divorce led me to what is now a large portion of my life’s work: helping people transform after divorce. The Single Mom Transformation Program was created from my work as an executive coach, and The Successful Single Mom book series was born so others could experience their powerful, positive transformation. 

If you’re ready to embark on your post-divorce transformation, you’re in for some hard work but the reward is a major treat called “your new life.” This will be the beginning of some of the very best years of your life, if you want them to be!

Here are some action steps to get you started:

1) Forgive, forget and start moving on. It’s hard to let go. It may seem easier to stay mad, try to get revenge, lick your wounds and feel sorry for yourself. But hey - listen to me now: You deserve better than to wear your divorce on your sleeve and your face. If you think people can’t see and feel your divorce on you, you’re wrong. We can, must like animals and children smell fear.

2) Decide. Every transformation begins with a decision, in this case, the decision you make changes the course of your life: “I’m deciding to make the best of my divorce, instead of letting my divorce get the better of me.

3) Respond. You’re not a victim, and today is the today to “respond” instead of “react” to whatever is happening in your life. You are in the driver’s seat from this day forward, and you get to make 100 percent of the decisions affecting your happiness and your future.

4) Envision. The old vision you had of your life is something to let go of, and in it’s place put a vibrant, healthy, delightful and joy-filled vision that gets you excited just thinking about it. Excited people thrive, it’s a fact, and it’s time for you to be one of them.

5) Make a list, and check it twice. If you’re like I was after my divorce, there are a whole list of things you’ve wanted to do, places you’ve wanted to go, experiences you’ve been dying to try but putting off ... many of them for years and years. Create an actual list and get busy living your life, and crossing things off of your list with vim and vigor. In other words, start living your life! 

Thriving after divorce isn’t impossible, au contraire, it’s actually very possible. You can do it by beginning today, and every day after today recommitting to the new life you’re creating.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/honoree-corder/how-to-thrive-after-divor_b_3749336.html

How to survive your first month as a single parent

When my husband and I decided to separate recently, a world of single parenting came along with it. Sounds obvious, right? But I was so focused on the end of my marriage I hadn’t really stopped to consider the whole new world that awaited me.

It wasn’t entirely foreign. I was brought up by a single mum, and I was a single mum once before for a year or so, but that was only to one child. Now there are three.
I’m outnumbered.

It’s been tough on the younger children, as they adjust to having two homes and wonder in their four- and six-year-old minds why we don’t all live together any more. We have the same conversations over and over, and I patiently explain that we think this is the best way for us all to move forward and be happy.

But it’s been eight weeks or so, and we’re beginning to find our groove in our new version of normal. Things are calming down.

The first month was a steep learning curve though. There were good days and bad days, of course, and not just for the children. Even when you know separation is what you want, it doesn’t make it easy. But I learned from the wisdom of women who have walked this road before me, and not only have I survived, I’m pleased to report I have found a way to thrive and be truly happy.

So I thought I’d share a few things I learned in that first month, in the hope they might help you, if you’re going through the same thing.

• This is a time to focus on yourself. It’s not selfish. It’s necessary. Yes, you need to help your kids find their way in this new world too, but you can’t do that if you’re crying all the time, or feeling overwhelmed. Do what you need to do to be okay. Whether that’s seeing a counsellor, going for a run, getting a massage, eating a dozen doughnuts, or whatever makes you feel good.

• Stop fighting with your ex. That bit is done. It doesn’t matter who was right and who was wrong. What matters now is keeping things calm and pleasant for the kids. Even if they’re still up for it, the best thing to do is smile and walk away to your peaceful home.

• Accept help. Let friends come over and help you move furniture. Let your parents slip you some extra cash to help tide you over until things settle down. Let your bestie have your kids for a sleepover so you can have a night on the couch. Say yes. People want to help, and you need it right now.

• Say yes to social invitations. You might not feel like going out, but your mates want to cheer you up and I promise you, it will do you the world of good. Just say yes, and then go. If you don’t feel like being there after half an hour, give yourself permission to go home. But don’t say no because you can’t imagine getting out of your sweats.

• Make a list of stuff you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t had the time. I’ve got one list for when I’m on my own and one list for when I’m with the kids. That way when I get up in the morning, I don’t get that indecision paralysis and end up sitting on the couch being glum or frittering the days away. We’re out doing cool stuff we want to do.

• Make your house your own. Redecorate. Buy new bed linen – and make it super girly or something that pleases you in a way you couldn’t have done when you were sharing that bed. Put pictures on the walls, and set aside that corner for your morning yoga sessions or whatever it is you’re into.

• Expect things to suck sometimes. There will be sadness. There will be feelings of loss and bewilderment. Even if you’re the one who wanted the separation. But it’s okay to experience those – be patient, ride the wave and wait for it to pass. Because it will.

• Try to avoid the obvious pitfalls of drowning your sorrows (a little bit is cool; a lot doesn’t help anyone), wallowing on the couch watching bad TV, and hiding away at home. And if you’re sharing custody of the kids, don’t leave all the housework for when they’re away. It’s good for kids to see (and help with) housework being done.

PHEW! Okay, that’s what I’ve learned so far. How do you think I’m doing? What else would you add?

Source: https://champagnecartel.com/survive-first-month-single-parent/

"Making it work as a single mom of 3 boys"

'I LOVE being a mom, I love watching them grow... they astonish me daily'

Recently, we published a story You can be a happy divorced family. This Parent24 reader responded, telling us about her experience and the journey she's taken on with her three sons.

"I am a single mom with three boys. I was separated while pregnant with my third, and even when we were together, my ex would be gone for 16 hours a day, 6 days a week.

"Anyway, I think back to those times now, and it only made me stronger and more ready to deal with divorce and raising kids alone.

"My first was a hard won baby, almost 4 years in the making, my miracle boy. When he was 9 months old, I discovered that I was pregnant with baby no. 2, my first two are only 18 months apart.

This was not going to be easy...

"We were very happy, my first was such a dream and having another did not scare me at all. I knew that it was by no means going to be easy with an 18 month old and a new born, but I felt ready.

"Well, my second was/is a very difficult child, from the womb I could feel him constantly moving and jumping. Sometimes, it feels like we have a daily battle of wills, him and I, and I don’t always win!

"Hence, when I discovered that I was pregnant with baby number three, I cried and cried and cried. How was I going to cope? Single with a 3.5-year-old, a 2-year-old, and a newborn? But my baby was just the pudding, he fit right into our already established routine.

Let them get involved

"The absolute key: do not alienate the other children when a new one comes along, keep the children involved. We would all sit on the three-seater couch while I breastfed, bonding together. They all bathed together, dressed together, went to bed together, changed nappies together, got muddy together... you get the picture.

"Frankly, it was so much easier for me to work it this way, they just loved being totally involved in everything.

"I also gave up fighting to keep them in their own beds. The baby was in the cot pushed up next to my bed, and often, my other two would crawl into the bed with me sometime during the night. Getting them back into their beds was not worth the fight or the loss of sleep. And they won’t do it forever, they will grow out of it.

"My second still gets into my bed during the night on occasion, but there will come a time when I will have all the time I please to sleep, and will miss the nightly cuddles.

'I work hard to keep our heads above water'

"I am a full time mom, I work full time, I have to be super organized to get through my days. Yes my social life is non-existent, I rarely go out, but I prefer to go home to my boys and spend as much time as possible with them.

"I do not have the luxury of being home by 5pm everyday. I work hard to keep our heads above water, and to give them all the opportunities that they would have with a father in the house and the added income.

"I try and keep a good balance between it all, another key to keeping a happy home, and of course, a happy mom. Time is precious, and it goes by so fast.

'I know I am strong enough'

"For me, it was dealing with the here and now, always being prepared, and continuing with routine. Don’t think too much.

"On the rare occasion that I do have time alone, if I allow myself to think too much about the massive task still ahead of me, I start to feel totally overwhelmed. But I know I am strong enough, I will keep my head up and keep forging on.

"I LOVE being a mom, I love watching them grow, and I love the things that come out of their mouths; they astonish me daily.

"I can’t wait to get home to them."

Source: http://www.parent24.com/Family/Parenting/making-it-work-as-a-single-mom-of-3-boys-20170413

Developing Co-Parenting Plans

The organisation of cooperative parenting schedules.

A co-parenting plan is a written document that outlines how parents will raise their children after separation or divorce. Developed with the best interests of children in mind, a co-parenting plan details how much time children will spend time with each parent, scheduling details, how major and minor decisions about children will be made, exchanges of information and ongoing communicate about the children, children’s extra-curricular activities, and how parental disputes will be resolved. A written plan will help all family members to know what is expected of them and will be a valuable reference as time passes and family circumstances change.

There are numerous formats and templates for developing a co-parenting plan, but the key to successful co-parenting is to focus on the needs of the children, particularly their need to maintain routine relationships with each parent and to be shielded from ongoing parental conflict. There is no one “best” co-parenting plan that families should adopt and follow, as much depends on the unique circumstances and specific needs of family members. Some of the key issues that have to be addressed when putting together a parenting plan include the ages of the children and their developmental needs, the children’s school schedules and extracurricular activities, the parents’ work schedules, scheduling for holidays and summer vacations, the distance of the parents’ homes from each other, and any special needs of the children (such as disabilities or health concerns). Most often, it is best for a parenting plan to be as specific as possible. For example, with both routine weekly/monthly schedules, as well as specific holiday schedules, the exact times for pickup and return of the children, as well as where the exchange will take place (at a parent’s home or in a neutral location, for instance), need to be spelled out in detail. Of course, if parents are able to accommodate each other comfortably, they may not need to follow the parenting plan to the letter, but in the majority of cases, where there is some degree of friction, specificity is important.

In my own practice, I focus parent on five main dimensions of co-parenting, three time dimensions and two aspects of decision-making.  These will constitute the heart of the final parenting plan. Time dimensions include (1) overnight stays (how many will there be with each parent?); (2) routine time (the actual time the child and parent spend together in the daily routines of caretaking and parenting); and (3) activity time (time spent together in recreational and special activities). Difficulties are likely to arise if one parent has little activity time but the main responsibility for routine time, or vice-versa, or if all overnights are with only one parent.  It is also important to separate out the school year, holidays, and special days and observances for each of these time dimensions. Parental decision-making includes (1) daily decisions made in the course of daily child-rearing; and (2) major decisions (including schooling, religious affiliation and training, and major medical decisions). Again, a plan in which one parent has power to make major decisions without any responsibility for day-to-day decisions can be highly problematic.

How best to begin the process of formulating a co-parenting plan? One possibility is for each of the parents to draft a proposal with respect to the five dimensions of post-divorce parenting, and then come together to compare the lists and begin to negotiate. Another option is to have each parent work through a time survey—for example, outlining what a typical week would look like when the child is living with them, and then come together in mediation to compare their lists.  This kind of exercise helps parents consider what will be involved in parenting as separate entities, think about their strengths and deficiencies as caretakers, and identify the skills they will need to be able to carry through their co-parenting plan.

While parenting plans take many forms, it is important to include the following five clauses in the written agreement:

(1) A general statement to begin the agreement: The parents will cooperatively share the parenting of the children, with co-parenting defined as having two core elements:  shared responsibility for important decision-making as well as the daily routine parenting of the children, and parental cooperation with respect to same.  This includes respect for one another's parenting style and authority; that is, parents agree to say or do nothing that will harm the relationship of the other parent with their children.  A helpful clause to include in this section is, "The parents agree to foster love and affection between their children and the other parent."

(2) Sharing of parental responsibilities: The parents agree to confer on all important matters affecting the welfare of the children, including education, health, and religious upbringing.  They agree that each will have access to medical and school records. There should also be a clause saying that day-to-day decisions are the responsibility of the parent with whom the child is living.

(3) The specifics of the actual time-sharing and residential arrangement: This includes overnight stays, routine time, and activity time.

(4) Details regarding holidays and special days and observances: This includes overnight stays, routine time, and activity time.

(5) The agreement time period, and amendments to the agreement: End with a clause indicating the length of the agreement, and that the plan will be reexamined at a later fixed time, or from time to time.  If no revisions are deemed necessary after the agreed time period, the agreement is automatically renewable.  A clause specifying the manner in which parents will settle disputed issues in the future, with an emphasis on cooperation and a return to mediation if necessary, is also essential.

Explicit guidelines for co- parenting can be developed at the time the co-parenting plan is drafted.  These may include: respect the other's parenting rules; avoid criticizing the other parent, directly or indirectly;  avoid placing a child in the middle of an argument or using a child as a messenger;  stick to the time-sharing schedule and keep promises, but also be flexible in a way that meets the children's and the other parent's needs (try to accommodate the other parent's request for changes, but the other parent should remember that even small changes to the schedule that occur with little forewarning can cause major problems);  make transitions as comfortable as possible for the child (be positive about the child's stay with the other parent;  be courteous with the other parent;  once the child settles back in, let her talk freely about the other parent or the other home);  and respect each other's privacy (keep contacts and communications restricted to set times, and to child-related matters).

While the co-parenting plan should usually be highly structured at the beginning, over time, flexibility, creativity, and compromise should be encouraged.  Changes to the plan over time are inevitable; parenting arrangements will require reevaluation and change over time, based on children's changing developmental needs and the parents' own changing circumstances.

Contingency planning sets the stage for needed future changes.  Potential obstacles and areas of conflict regarding parenting can be anticipated; issues such as changing job demands, relocation, and how to deal with children's changing developmental needs need to be discussed.  Remarriage or cohabitation and stepfamily formation may affect co-parenting in a significant way, as the problem of mistrust often reemerges when new members join the family

Once a co-parenting plan has been negotiated and drafted, it should be implemented for a specified trial period, anywhere between 6-12 months.  At the end of the trial period, the plan is reviewed and made permanent, modified, or abandoned.  It is important to know that the plan you initially negotiate is not irrevocable.

Establishing a routine and an environment conducive to children's adaptation to the new co-parenting arrangement are critical tasks for both parents.  Children are generally anxious to know the specifics of their new routine, and the predictability of a clear schedule facilitates adaptation.  They also prefer to develop a sense of "belonging" in both of  their parents’ homes, and will adapt more easily if they have a place of their own in each house, which they have helped in creating.  Other important considerations include deciding on children's items that need to be duplicated (toothbrushes, nightclothes, school supplies, diapers and baby supplies for infants), those that are divided between the two homes (shoes and clothing apportioned in measure with how much time is spent in each residence, toys, books), and those that will go back and forth between the two homes (cherished toys,  bicycles, musical instruments).

Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201510/developing-co-parenting-plans

Backlash over mother who admits she loves freedom of co-parenting

An American mother has written an essay for online magazine Slate about her personal experience of co-parenting – and she's been inundated with negative feedback.

Mother of two and law professor Lara Bazelon, wrote ‘Confessions of a Part-Time Mom” and admitted that although divorce hits hard when young children are involved, part-time parenting has, “Turned into a strange kind of gift.”

And readers have lost their mind, calling her selfish, with one writing:

“I’m sure the author got the memo and it sounds like the divorce was much about having ‘me’ time.”

And another posting:

Or maybe that she is just supremely selfish…not a good idea when you are a parent… so I suppose it’s good she is only a part-time parent for her kids’ sake.”

Or this rather sarcastic comment from Joanie:

"Well, just so long as YOU're happy, that's what counts. That, of course, makes you believe that your kids must be happy too. Because if YOU loved it but your kids didn't, what would you do? That would be awkward. So, they MUST love it. And it must be the best thing for them. Because you like it. Good."

So apparently, although divorce may not even be your choice, a mother is not supposed to feel happy when she is away from her children but instead sit and wither away in pain, missing them every, single, second.

In her essay, Lara described the initial pain of shuttling her children between her and her ex-husband:

“Adding to my initial anger, disappointment, and shame about the end of the relationship was a heavy layer of guilt for forcing our children to trundle back and forth between us.”
Lara wrote that saying good-bye to her children was, “wrenching in a way that seemed to symbolize the larger demolishment of our family.”

But soon parenting part-time became her new normal, and Lara confessed:

“Here’s the truth: Having my two children half the time is exactly the right amount, and I cannot imagine my life any other way. Unhappily married in a 1,200-square-foot flat with two toddlers and an aggrieved spouse, I was physically and emotionally suffocated. Now the same space feels positively palatial, particularly when I am the only person in it.”

And admitting that life is better got readers in digital land hot under the collar.

'The writer seems very stuck in the moment, with little ability to have foresight. Conclusion: we need MORE selfishness,' wrote SAHD Champ on Twitter.

And this from Betsy Ingraham: 'This is a joke, right? You didn't mean to print a sociopath's article, right?'

Of course, Lara is not unaware of the expectation of how part-time mothers SHOULD feel, and goes on to discuss what a ‘good’ mother is supposed to experience.

“I know how I am supposed to feel about my divorced-parent reality. A good mother would be devastated to lose thousands of dinner-bath-bedtime-story evenings. A good mother would be heartsick to wake up alone. Deprived of her children full time, a good mother would feel sorrowful and bereft.”

“Not me. I rarely feel bad when my kids are with their father. For a while, I felt bad for not feeling bad. Finally, I realized what plenty of other divorced moms figured out long ago: Divorce suits us, and actually, it suits our kids. Staying together 'for the sake of the children' is not doing them any favors. Kids know everything.”

Being a co-parent myself, just like Lara, I have to admit I’ve had to search for the silver lining in this horrible situation of not being with my babies every single day too. Otherwise I would not have coped.

Lara's spot on when she confesses there’s no point feeling terrible when your kids are with their Dad – do you want to be miserable half your life?

Why must we completely lose our identity when we’re a mother – whether that’s a full-time or part-time mum? We are still a person too.

When people judge me I often wonder, are they envious of the me-time my part-time parenting forces me to have? And yes, I write 'forces' for a reason.

There are not many mothers who choose part-time parenting unless their are extenuating circumstances.

I never, ever would have chosen to be a part-time mother. I was torn apart when my ex left me with two children, but then demanded he see them half the time.

I'd been with them 90 percent of the time while he worked tirelessly and now I was supposed to cope without them half the holidays, half the school week and half my life?
I remember screaming in one of my many mummy meltdowns, “Why should I live my life seeing my children half the time?”

But – since those horrible days, I’ve realised how bloody miserable I was in that relationship. I’ve found myself again. I’m a better person, happier, more independent and guess what? I am a much more patient, loving mother who relishes every single second she has with her two babies.

So to all those parents or non-parents out there judging people like Lara and myself, for admitting a little me-time is lovely. Just think about the reality of divorce, co-parenting and shuttling kids back and forth and cut us co-parents some slack. We are making the best of a tough family set-up.

And remember, while we do get a break each week – when we do have our children, there is no emotional back-up and you have to be 100 percent focused on them on your days.

I've now learned to appreciate those little creatures and never, ever complain about parenting again.

And that, is the true silver lining. Don't take time with your little ones for granted. Ever. Because I used to - and it took losing half my time with them to realise what a precious gift motherhood really is.

Source:  http://honey.nine.com.au/2017/06/21/10/47/a-mother-admits-she-loves-the-freedom-of-co-parenting-and-breaks-internet#YVfLoZMzfw6I5pBM.99

Omaha mom: How a divorce can lead to improved parenting

My alternating Saturday mornings are wildly different. In one weekend, I wake and stretch my toes, heave a big satisfactory sigh and smile into the quiet. I prepare my coffee, lazily curl up on my couch to read my newspaper and decide how I will spend the day in self-care and hobbies.

On the next weekend, I can hardly wait for my fifth-grader to come peek into my room so we can loudly make breakfast together in the hopes of stirring her 13-year old sister. The cheerful chaos of mapping out our activity-driven day ensues with the search for shin guards, identifying when homework will be done and getting caught up on the who’s in and out of their fast-paced, friend-swapping lives.

As a divorced parent, both weekends carry guilt.

In the first, I feel guilty for the sheer enjoyment I experience in down time. Often, the quiet lasts too long and I crave the chatter of my girls, and my heart sinks by Sunday evening with missing them. In the second, I feel guilty for having to “catch up” after the past couple of days without them. I have to balance the urge to “make up” for missing them with spoiling them and planning only fun-filled activities void of any normal parent-child responsibilities and chores.

I have learned in my own life and in watching divorced parents for nearly two decades, that navigating the hardness of co-parenting and never really getting used to not living 100 percent of the time with your children takes a lot of work. It also leads to some fairly universal new parenting perspectives.

We have to do it all, and that improves our overall parenting — even if it's exhausting. During our parenting time, we are 100 percent in charge and responsible for all things parenting, including new challenges and issues because we must be both mom and dad.

For me, I had to learn how to be more active with my kids because that was a role, pre-divorce, filled by their dad. He had to learn the art of matching hair bows to outfits and tracking all of the parenting to-dos. We are both now more complete parents, having had to fill both roles.

We have rich relationships with our kids. For better or worse, our children spend more one-on-one time with each of us than they ever did when we were a family unit. Despite the downside of never having us together, they do get undivided attention from each of us on a regular basis.

We have a deep appreciation for time spent with our kids. As any parent who has been away from their child on a business trip or an adult vacation has experienced, you miss your kids. You look forward to seeing them again. You cannot wait to hug them. Divorced parents experience this feeling toward their kids weekly. As a result, a deep appreciation grows post-divorce for the time you get with your children. It is rarely taken for granted and often treasured.

Divorce is hard; parenting after divorce is even harder. But the new parenting perspectives gained from the grit of just getting through it lead to renewed relationships with your children that will be the best version yet.

Source: http://www.omaha.com/momaha/omaha-mom-how-a-divorce-can-lead-to-improved-parenting/article_d2516fce-2f76-11e7-b141-3ff1cfa339f7.html