Who do You Need on Your “Divorce Team?”

During divorce, we all need to surround ourselves with people who can be helpful during every step of the divorce process. There will be a need for friends to vent to, a counselor to give guidance, a divorce attorney to protect your legal rights and based on your situation many others.

Below is a discussion of who you will want and maybe even need on your divorce team. If it’s possible you should have a list of people you want on your team before the divorce process even begins.

4 People You’ll Definitely Need on Your Divorce Team

1. Friends and Family

You’ll need friends and family who’ll be supportive of what is right for you and your family. Pick them carefully! Choose to confide in and seek support from friends and family who help you grieve the end of your marriage and focus on your future. Distance yourself from friends and family who encourage angry feelings or tell you to “take him for all you can get.” This is not the attitude you need to expose yourself to during a highly emotionally charged time in your life.

Surround yourself with those who offer you, love, help when you are in need help and take your best interest into account at all times.

2. A Good Mediator

There are different types of mediators and, if you get lucky and can choose your own, you want one that fits your situation. Are you uncomfortable being in the same room with your spouse? Then, find a mediator who can negotiate your divorce settlement without the need for both spouses to be in the same room.

A mediator is going to help you settle the most important aspects of your divorce. It’s imperative that you work with one you trust and have faith in to be fair to all concerned.

3. A Divorce Lawyer

You will want a divorce lawyer who is going to look at your divorce case from the big picture while giving you the legal advice you need to ensure you have weighed the pros and cons of every choice you make during your divorce.

You want a divorce lawyer who responds to your questions, can keep you knowledgeable about your rights based on your state's divorce laws and will advocate for you and your needs during your divorce.

4. Counselor or Divorce Coach

Having someone on your divorce team to support your emotional transition can make a difference in how long you are stuck in negative emotions due to your divorce. Everyone goes through a transition after divorce. Navigating this transition involves working your way through feelings of shock, anger, grief, resistance to change, and commitment to a new post-divorce life.

Unfortunately, I’ve seen people who are stuck in anger for decades after a divorce, and unable to move on and rebuild a productive life or find a new partner. Having a divorce team member that is licensed and trained to help you work through your negative emotions and toward healing is probably the most valuable asset you will have during divorce.

Every divorce situation is different. Some people divorce after a short marriage with few assets to divide. Some divorce after decades of marriage with children to consider, major assets to divide and complicated issues to be dealt with. The more complicated your divorce, the more people you will need on your divorce team.

Below are others you will want to consider adding to your divorce team if you own a business with your spouse, have great financial interests to consider or feel your needs are more complex than the average divorcing couple.

Accountant
Financial Advisor
Real Estate Agent
Mortgage Broker
Estate Planning Attorney

Once your divorce attorney has become familiar with your case they will be able to help you determine whether or not you need to add those above to your divorce team.

Going through a divorce is one of the top three stress-producing experiences you can go through. Surrounding yourself with the proper divorce team members will alleviate a large amount of stress and leave you to focus on taking care of yourself emotionally and physically.

Source: https://www.liveabout.com/who-do-you-need-on-your-divorce-team-4128815

Embrace Your Transformation to Thrive After Divorce

Anyone who has gone through a divorce knows there’s a period of time when survival is the goal. The numbness has worn off and the pain from a non-physical event feels all too real. But it begs the questions: Is it possible to thrive after divorce, instead of merely surviving? 

That was the question I asked myself as I navigated through the stages of grief {denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance}. Never one to settle, I wanted to stop feeling okay and start feeling great. I wanted to learn the lessons I was supposed to learn, lest I be destined to repeat them, and expand into a bigger and better life for myself and my daughter.

I realized in order to thrive, I needed to embrace my new life rather than resist it. My divorce became an “opportunity for growth” instead of a disaster, and I embarked on a transformation that was painful but completely worth it! The period of time during and after my divorce led me to what is now a large portion of my life’s work: helping people transform after divorce. The Single Mom Transformation Program was created from my work as an executive coach, and The Successful Single Mom book series was born so others could experience their powerful, positive transformation. 

If you’re ready to embark on your post-divorce transformation, you’re in for some hard work but the reward is a major treat called “your new life.” This will be the beginning of some of the very best years of your life, if you want them to be!

Here are some action steps to get you started:

1) Forgive, forget and start moving on. It’s hard to let go. It may seem easier to stay mad, try to get revenge, lick your wounds and feel sorry for yourself. But hey - listen to me now: You deserve better than to wear your divorce on your sleeve and your face. If you think people can’t see and feel your divorce on you, you’re wrong. We can, must like animals and children smell fear.

2) Decide. Every transformation begins with a decision, in this case, the decision you make changes the course of your life: “I’m deciding to make the best of my divorce, instead of letting my divorce get the better of me.

3) Respond. You’re not a victim, and today is the today to “respond” instead of “react” to whatever is happening in your life. You are in the driver’s seat from this day forward, and you get to make 100 percent of the decisions affecting your happiness and your future.

4) Envision. The old vision you had of your life is something to let go of, and in it’s place put a vibrant, healthy, delightful and joy-filled vision that gets you excited just thinking about it. Excited people thrive, it’s a fact, and it’s time for you to be one of them.

5) Make a list, and check it twice. If you’re like I was after my divorce, there are a whole list of things you’ve wanted to do, places you’ve wanted to go, experiences you’ve been dying to try but putting off ... many of them for years and years. Create an actual list and get busy living your life, and crossing things off of your list with vim and vigor. In other words, start living your life! 

Thriving after divorce isn’t impossible, au contraire, it’s actually very possible. You can do it by beginning today, and every day after today recommitting to the new life you’re creating.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/honoree-corder/how-to-thrive-after-divor_b_3749336.html