The Power of Beginning: Three Thoughts from the Last 2400 Years

“All glory comes from daring to begin.”
Eugene F. Ware

“With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

A few days ago I wrote about how to make that change you really want to stick this year. Today I’d like to continue on the theme of newness and fresh changes with this companion piece.

1. There is always a new beginning.

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”
Seneca

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”
Helen Keller

How often do we not miss the window of opportunity in a new situation just because we are still angry, sad or frustrated about that other door that just closed?

To me this is another powerful reason to remind myself to stay in the present. To not get stuck and hung up on missed opportunities. When you are living in the present – which is a way to live on the positive and open part of the emotional scale too – and not stuck in the past I have found that it is a lot easier to find the hidden opportunities in any situation.

So whenever you see a door closing, take your eyes off it at least pretty shortly after. And instead of letting your awareness linger on what is in the past, use your time and focus to find the new opportunity that lets you continue the unpredictable adventure that is life.

2. Just get started.

“A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.”
Lao Tzu

“So many fail because they don’t get started – they don’t go. They don’t overcome inertia. They don’t begin.”
W. Clement Stone

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”
Mark Twain

Sitting at home on your hands and thinking about something or hoping will not get you far. To get something out of life you have to get going. It’s not always easy though as fear and inner resistance and simple inertia holds you in your place. So how can you make it easier?
Well, you can certainly do what Mark Twain recommended, it works very well. You can also:
Ask yourself: What is the worst that could happen? A lot of the fear we feel before getting started comes from fuzzy and foggy thoughts about what could happen. But if you actually imagine the worst scenario then it’s often not as frightening as you thought. You won’t die or anything. And it won’t ruin the rest of your life. Imagine the worst scenario and then try to create a plan focused on how you could get on your feet again if that scenario, against all probability, should happen. You’ll realize that whatever your fear is you could probably get back on your feet and back to normal life pretty quickly once again.

Make a list of the reasons to get started. Do it on paper, on your computer or just in your head. When you stuck in fear and inaction it’s very easy to just focus on the negative aspects such as it being hard work or the risk of pain or failure. So you need to change what you are focusing on to motivate yourself to take action. Making a list of positives like benefits and possible opportunities can be very effective for turning your focus around.

3. The beginning doesn’t have to be perfect.

“Beginnings are always messy”
John Galsworthy

“All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning. Great works are often born on a street corner or in a restaurant’s revolving door.”
Albert Camus

When you read personal development blogs or books it’s easy to be lulled into a feeling of enthusiasm where everything will go smoothly if you just stick to the plan.

But reality is a bit more messy. Plans go out the window or may need to be modified as soon as you put them into action. That’s OK. That’s normal. Be prepared for that. It doesn’t mean that what you learned won’t work. It just means that a book or article can’t explain all the intricacies of your life and situation. There will always be a bit of simplification and things that piece of text could not predict.

So don’t go looking for perfect beginnings (or situations in general). Such hopes just tend to disappoint you since nothing or no one can live up to such unrealistic expectations. Instead, accept that this is how life is.

This is also why perseverance, patience and going after what you really, really want is essential. Without those things you’ll fold and give up when you hit a snag, bump or fall flat on your face.

Also, always keep a pen and paper – or a cellphone – nearby to write down all the great ideas that come to you in the strangest places.

Source: https://www.positivityblog.com/the-power-of-beginning-three-thoughts-from-the-last-2400-years/

10 Ways to Reboot Your Life and Get a Fresh Start

Everyone has wished at some point or another that life came with a reboot button.

We’re all familiar with the term “reboot” when it comes to computers. Rebooting is a troubleshooting method: when your computer is giving you trouble—for example, a program locks up or is simply not responding–you shut it down and restart it. In addition, a common way to reboot your computer is to press down on the Ctrl+Alt+Del keys simultaneously.

Sometimes an area of your life—or perhaps more than one—has gone completely off track and makes you feel bogged down and like you just can’t move forward. If this is the case, instead of making small changes here and there, you may want to wipe the slate clean and simply restart in that area of your life. Here are some ways in which your life may need a reboot:

You’ve been eating unhealthy foods for a few months and you’ve gained weight and are feeling sluggish.
You’ve been staying late at work for what seems like forever and are feeling burned out.
Your schedule is so packed with things you need to get done, that you feel nauseas when you look at it.
Your relationship with your significant other hasn’t been going well for a while.

If you feel like you need a fresh start in any area of your life, read on. Below you’ll find 10 ways to reboot your life and get a fresh start.

1. Reboot Your Diet

If you’ve been eating unhealthy foods for a long period of time, you probably need to reboot your diet. You can do this by following a detox plan.
“Detox” is short for detoxification. It consists of a focused, short term diet that will allow your body to eliminate toxins and jump-start a weight loss program or help you to completely alter your eating habits. One of the main goals of a detox diet is to eliminate toxins from your body – which is why it’s also called a cleanse.
Wheat—such as pasta and bread—is usually eliminated completely during a detox–, as well as sweeteners — such as refined sugar and high fructose corn syrup. In addition, most detox diets encourage you to eat lots of fruits and vegetables, sometimes as smoothies and shakes.
Going on a detox diet can help you to reboot your diet and set the stage for improving your eating habits and your health.

2. Reboot Your Wardrobe

How many times have you opened your closet and thought the following to yourself:
I have nothing to wear.
Nothing in here fits.
Everything in here is either stained, wrinkled, or is missing a button.
This probably sounds familiar to a lot of people, and not just women. If this sounds like you, then you need to reboot your wardrobe.
A great strategy for rebooting your wardrobe is to create a Project 333 for yourself. Courtney Carver invented Project 333 to challenge people to wear only 33 articles of clothing for 3 months — including clothes, shoes, jewelry and accessories. Here’s what to do:

• Go through your wardrobe and choose the 33 items you’ll be wearing for the next three months. Everything that you choose has to fit and be in good condition.
• Put everything else in boxes. Seal the boxes with tape and put them out of sight.
• For the next three months all you’ll be wearing are your 33 items.

Following a Project 333 will do all of the following for you:

• Help you identify your personal style — the clothes that you love to wear and that flatter your body type.
• Help you identify holes in your current wardrobe.
• Stop you from impulse buying.
• Motivate you to keep everything in your closet clean and in good shape (after all, you only have a few things to wear).

3. Reboot A Room

If you feel like you’re going to drown in stuff every time that you enter your house, get a fresh start by rebooting a room. Choose a room of your house in which you spend a lot of time and do the following:

• Take everything out. You want to end up with an empty room, which will allow you to see how open and free the space feels.
• Step back and visualize the ideal look of that room.
• Only put back the things that you need, love, and use (and which really belong in that room).
• Go slowly, starting with the most essential items.
• Once you see how neat and organized everything looks in your newly rebooted room, and how much space you’ve created in that room, you’ll probably be inspired to reboot every room in your house.

4. Reboot on a Retreat

We all need to get away from it all from time to time, especially when we start to experience burn out. Chronic stress can make you feel exhausted–emotionally, mentally, and physically. 

In addition, stress can zap your motivation, interfere with your ability to concentrate, and even cause health problems.
Going on a vacation—or more specifically, a retreat—can help you to leave the mayhem of the day-to-day behind so that you can reconnect with yourself and what really matters to you. A few days at a retreat can help you to clear your mind and gain new perspective.
There are even retreats which focus on specific life areas. For example, you can find retreats for any of the following:

• A fitness retreat.
• A marriage retreat.
• A life-reassessment retreat.
• A career retreat.
• In addition, one option is to go on a one-year sabbatical.

5. Reboot Your Internal Clock

If your sleep cycle is out of whack–you stay up until 3:00 a.m. watching Netflix and checking Facebook–and you get up sometime after 10:00 a.m., you need to restart, or reboot, your internal clock. Your body’s clock is “set” by cues like light, when you eat, or when you exercise. Here are two ways to take advantage of these cues to reboot your internal clock:
Stop eating during the 12-16 hour period before you want to be awake. So, if you want to start waking up at 7:00 a.m., stop eating at about 5:00 p.m. the day before. Don’t break your fast until you wake up at 7:00 a.m. the next morning. There’s scientific research to back this up.
If you want to start getting up at 7:00 a.m., get thirty minutes of bright light ten minutes after waking up. In addition, keep lights low at the end of the day, and stay away from bright computer screens or television exposure shortly before bed.

6. Reboot You Calendar

If you find that your calendar and daily schedule are jam-packed with activities and commitments, most of which fill you with dread, then it’s time to reboot your calendar. Sit down with a blank sheet of paper and start re-creating your calendar from scratch.
Before you add anything back on your schedule, take the time to reexamine whether that task or activity really needs to be there. Question everything:

• Your commitments;
• Your commute;
• The tasks that you carry out on a regular basis and whether they really need to be done;
• The amount of time that you spend on each task;
• How often you perform certain tasks; and so on.

Only put back into your schedule the things that you absolutely need to do, and the things that you love to do.

7. Reboot Your Finances

If financial stress is keeping you down, you need to reboot your finances. Do the following:

• Get all of the food that you’re going to need for the month.
• Get necessities such as toothpaste and toilet paper.
• Write down the absolute essentials that you have to spend money on throughout the month, such as bus fare and the cost of utilities.

Then, for 30 days, spend absolutely no money except for the things on your “absolute essentials” list. Use the 30 days to reevaluate what you’re currently spending your money on, create a budget, and create a plan on how to better deal with your finances.

8. Reboot Your Goals

There’s a little less than 100 days left of the year. How are you doing on the resolutions that you set at the start of the year? If the answer is “not well”, then you need to reboot your goals. Do the following:

• Take a look at the goals that you set at the beginning of the year.
• Choose just one and discard the rest.
• Start fresh on that goal, as if it were January 1st.

It doesn’t matter if you tried to go on a diet in January and were back to eating junk food by the second week of February, or if you started working on your ebook in March but quit after a few days. You’re giving yourself a fresh start on your goal.
Ask yourself why you failed to follow through on your goal, make the necessary adjustments to your plan for achieving your goal, and get to it.

9. One-Hour-A-Day Reboot

You can get a fresh start each day–that is, reboot every morning–in just one-hour-a-day. 

Regardless of what may have happened the day before, you can start each morning with a clean slate by devoting the first hour of the day to doing the following:

• Spend fifteen minutes eating a healthy breakfast.
• Spend fifteen minutes journaling or writing Morning Pages.
• Spend fifteen minutes meditating or following a yoga routine.
• Spend fifteen minutes exercising–you can rebound on a trampoline or walk a few times around the block.

Give yourself the gift of a daily reboot.

10. Extreme Reboot

Sometimes life goes so severely off course that we need an extreme reboot. The extreme version of a life reboot is to quit your job, file for divorce, sell everything that you own, and move to a new city (or even another country).

Only you can decide if such drastic measures are necessary. However, more often than not by pressing the Ctrl+Alt+Del keys in one or two areas of your life, all other areas will start to fall into place.

Conclusion

If you feel that you’re stuck in a pattern, you’ve been following the wrong path for too long, or your life needs a jolt, you need to reboot. You can get started with the ten reboot strategies explained above. Live your best life by rebooting any area of your life in which you need a fresh start.

Source: https://daringtolivefully.com/reboot-your-life

10 Tools For Restarting Your Life

Start small and don't put too much pressure on yourself.

For many, finding their way through the next year will feel like starting over. Not a completely horrible prospect, but the workload can be daunting. Here are some tips to help you create some new beginnings and make your life a little more emotionally fit in the process.

1. Starting over is not the same as recouping from a failure. It is a new beginning, and you have gained experience and knowledge to help you reach your goals. Reignite your passion by imagining what it will feel like when you achieve the desired result.
2. Moving through life is like climbing stairs. You go up a step or two, and then you level off and you may go down a step, but you are still higher than you were. That’s the process of life (and therapy) nothing is ever a straight shot. Have some patience with yourself and with your newfound direction.
3. You can create a whole new life if you want it. You just have to approach it in the right way. Sometimes little ideas can turn into big things. Visualize a positive outcome for your issue. Medical doctors recommend visualization to patients with chronic and potentially fatal illnesses. If it can help them, it can do the same for you. 
4. Endings are not necessarily bad things. Even if you lost your job, savings or home, what comes to you in the future may be better than what you had. Sometimes the phoenix has to burn, so it can rise again.
5. Starting over may feel scary, but it can be a cause for celebration. Think of it as exciting, and many of your anxious feelings will begin to fade. The truth is that anxiety and excitement feel exactly the same to the body. It’s our minds that make it scary versus exhilarating.
6. Remember that your future is not governed by your past. No matter what has happened in your life, you can find a way to make things a little better for yourself, and hopefully for those around you as well.
7. Having to start over is different from choosing to start over. For many whose lives are still in chaos because of the trying times we are in, starting over is not a choice. It can be hard to accept support from others. If you find it difficult to take that in, just promise yourself that you will return the favor and do something to “pay it forward” as soon as possible.
8. Healthy alternatives to negative lifestyle patterns abound. If you can’t stop a bad habit, start by cutting back. It’s okay to give yourself a little time to moderate or stop something that’s hurting you.
9. Starting over is about creating and reaching new goals. We are happiest when we’re moving toward a goal. It’s not all about the end result, in fact when you do achieve a dream you must find a new one as soon as possible in order to stay emotionally fit. Think about it this way, you can either be green and growing or ripe and rotting. Which do you prefer?
10. Starting over is about giving yourself a chance at real happiness. You will have to be brave and get good at learning new things, but how bad can that be? At the very worst, you will acquire the skills you need to start on the next project. 

Finding ways to begin anew will give you energy. The excitement of moving toward what you want will also bring you happiness. Just start small and don’t put too much pressure on yourself, you’ll get there sooner than you think.

Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201212/10-tools-restarting-your-life

The 5 Benefits of Being Optimistic

When running a business, as we all know, there will be difficult days, hard times and stressful periods. Although it’s not easy to spot the silver linings, having a positive attitude can help us push through rough patches.

Here are a few benefits optimism and positivity can bring, even in the face of adversity:

1. See failure as a new start.

Failure is not the end, in fact it is often the beginning of something great. When things are good, we coast along without making any quantum leaps. When things go bad, our world gets shaken up, which requires us to grow, see new things and start afresh.
Optimism allows us to learn from failures, pick up the pieces and move on to something greater. The greatest business ideas, and times in life, can be born from failure.

2. Be expansive.

Pessimism makes us contract and shy away from new or adventurous things. It causes us to fixate on the negative possibilities and be trapped by fear of failure.

Optimism, however, opens us up to new ideas, new experiences and new possibilities. It frees us up to consider new options and change our businesses, and lives, for the better. It helps us look to the future and create expansive, evolving realities.

3. Get healthy.

Dwelling on negativity isn’t healthy. Not only are optimists generally happier and less stressed, but also they tend to have healthier hearts.

In a study of more than 5,100 adults, researchers from the University of Illinois found that those who were the most optimistic were 76 percent more likely to have health scores in an ideal range. In addition, optimists had significantly better blood sugar and cholesterol levels, exercised more, and had healthier body mass indexes, and were less likely to smoke than pessimists.

Focusing on the positive, instead of the negative, improves mental well-being, which can motivate individuals to take better care of their bodies, as well.

4. Spread good vibes.

Optimism is contagious. Having an upbeat attitude can inspire everyone around us. A survey conducted by Gallup found that only 35 percent of U.S. managers are engaged in their jobs. This lack of engagement and its impact on employees costs the U.S. an estimated $77 billion to $96 billion each year.

Attitude is everything. Optimistic leaders can help motivate and engage their employees. A positive team will be driven to accomplish goals and work together to move things forward.

5. It is the best choice.

There is no better alternative to optimism. Pessimism doesn’t achieve much, and doesn’t have any benefits over optimism. Being optimistic obviously doesn’t mean seeing rainbows 24-7. Everything won’t always be great. But optimism helps us see new opportunities, learn from different situations, and keep moving.

In life, movement and growth is essential, which optimism helps us achieve.

Source: https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/246204

5 Simple Tips for Women Starting Over After Divorce

Marriage should be a mutually beneficial arrangement for two people. Love, of course, matters, but historically, women had finances and their future stability to consider when choosing a husband. And over the past hundred years, our concept of marriage has changed—not just in America, but in many parts of the world. Today, women no longer marry to survive. Instead, independent women tie the knot for love and self-realization. But love and self-realization are also increasingly becoming reasons for getting a divorce.

According to a recent study conducted by WP Diamonds, one in ten marriages ends due to a lack of freedom. Once divorced, this newly-won freedom can seem a little frightening to even the most independent women. The important thing is to stay focused on your goals and assert your wishes. Starting over after divorce is about taking control of your new life.

Fight for your dreams, and take control of your life

Maintain a positive outlook, and when all else fails, remember that independence doesn’t mean never asking for help. Realize how much other people value you—your colleagues, friends, and family. Allow your positive thoughts to fuel you and help you build up your inner strength. If you need more support during this difficult time, you should get that support. Your real friends and family will stand by you through hard times. Talk to your friends, other divorced women, or a professional to get the divorce advice you need. In fact, one out of every four people going through a divorce would consider seeking professional help from a therapist.

And that’s good. For if there was ever a time one should turn to experts, it’s during the life crisis of divorce. Those same people who’d “consider a therapist” might benefit from learning about the steps resulting from working with a coach. For at some point, you want to stop talking about your situation and DO something that is appropriate for your circumstances. And without regret. Appropriate action lessens anxiety and can relieve stress.

Independent women know this. We know how to make the best out of what life gives us, to speak up, and to take control — all of which takes a certain boldness and action. This also means taking control of our mental wellbeing and making decisions that are in our best interest.

Stand up for your rights, and carefully think about your next steps

Parting with someone close to you can be an emotional and painful process. Making rational decisions during this time is difficult but essential. If you can do so now, your future will be more stable—both emotionally and financially. Many women find it helpful to create a plan to follow during and after the divorce so they don’t lose track of what is important. As a divorced woman, you have rights. Create a checklist of your next steps. Here are a few examples of tasks you can add to your checklist:

• Seek professional, emotional divorce advice
• Find a good financial advisor
• Ensure your children understand the changes they’re experiencing

It is not always easy, but it is ever so important to be honest with your children and to talk to them about what is going on. Your intention might be to protect them, but this is a hard time for them as well. Now more than ever, they need to know that they are loved and that they don’t need to choose one parent over the other.


Be yourself, and gather your strength for the future

In all stages of life, you should remain true to yourself and follow your own path. This is also very important when it comes to starting over after divorce. Remember: You are not just a wife or a mother. You will always be, first and foremost, you—an individual, an independent woman. You can decide for yourself where to go, what to do, and which values you cherish after divorce.

Sometimes the stress of going through a divorce can bring out our ugly sides, and a person can turn to intimidation and other forms of manipulation to get what they want or to spite their Ex. If you remain fair and refuse to fall into this trap, you will increase your chances of coming out the other side a much more positive and emotionally stable woman. Stay true to yourself and surround yourself with people who are important to you—people who love and support you. Celebrate the good times rather than dwelling on the past.

Be patient—starting over after divorce takes time

Deciding to divorce was likely a long process, after all. The decision to part ways with the person who was once your other half is not taken lightly. The wait for the divorce to finalize can also be excruciating. Depending on how long you were married, the prenuptial agreement, children, and many other factors, the divorce process can take several months or years. This is not always easy so when you hit a low moment picture your life after divorce and what it will feel like to be in control again. If your divorce has just finalized, know that once the dust has settled life after divorce will get better.

Your reward: your new life after divorce

Life goes on. As you contemplated divorce, filed the paperwork, and waited for your attorney to tell you it was finally over, daily tasks and responsibilities continued to pile up. Your job, your children, your home—each of them needs your attention. Divorce is rarely easy. You might have even asked yourself, “How will I move on after divorce?” The truth is that starting over after divorce will bring up a lot of emotions, but mostly, women feel like taking a great sigh of relief. Both before and throughout the divorce process, it can feel like you’re holding your breath. Are you ready to let it out? Your life as an independent, divorced woman is waiting for you.

Source: https://sasforwomen.com/starting-over-after-divorce/

Rebuilding Life after Divorce

For divorced men, the reality is painful emotionally, physically, financially, and just about any angle you can look at it. It’s simply an unpleasant experience. To rebuild from it or from anything, the anger needs to subside, whatever humor to be found needs to be brought forth, and a renewed spirit developed.

At the same time as rebuilding begins, there needs to be an emphasis placed upon not regressing to less- developed former states. Many men in this situation fall back to a younger adult mentality of late night partying and ill-advised romantic involvements. Instead, focus on using the experience to emerge wiser and more prepared for what is next in life. Remaining stagnate or regressing are traps that usually lead to even more heartache.

There is hope for life after divorce. Divorced men can experience less trauma and create positive growth. There are ways to rebuild life and be a better parent. Here’s how:

Make Time to Grieve

The shattered dreams, the broken vows, and the reality of starting over all cause severe emotion. Shoving that emotion down and not releasing it will cause further damage in every case. Most do not realize the destructive paths they are going down until a lot of carnage is behind them. All the stages of grief come with divorce: shock, denial, anger, and acceptance. But for men, in particular, there can be a deep sense of personal failure. Finding trusted people to share these emotions with is highly recommended. That could be a clergy person, a counselor or just a wise and sincere friend or small group. As you move into this major life transition, being emotionally unstable is not beneficial to your cause. Address your grief.

Regain Individual Identity
Marriage is about partnership and teamwork, and now you find yourself on your own. It’s time to regain your individual identity and figure out what are the things that make life work well for you. It’s important to learn to respect yourself and feel worthy again. Hone the character traits and abilities you possess that lead to positive results in your life, and critically figure out the ones that contributed to the lack of success. Doing these things will enable us to better understand what we need and expect from the next relationship. Most of all, learn to pray with sincerity and purpose. God has not and will not leave your side.

Build a Network of Friends

Just because you’re single now, life after divorce doesn’t have to be lonely. Divorce will wreak havoc on some of your current friendships, but gracefully accept that and retain the ones that reach out to you. Moving forward, carefully work to make new friends in similar situations with similar goals. This is the area that is most vulnerable to regression. It’s certainly expected to have an active and enjoyable social life, but craft it with great care.

Prudent Financial Planning

You have enough stress from the divorce already. Accumulating mass amounts of debt will make life much more miserable as you transition. Alimony and child support are going to force serious restructuring. Doing so bitterly is going to send trauma throughout the entire family unit, especially landing right in the heart of your children. They will feel unwanted and as if they are burdens, when what they need more than anything at the moment is lots of reassurance that dad is still going to be there for them. Make the hard decisions and necessary cuts. It’s going to painful, but you’ll come out of it one day much better off.

Make a Goals Bucket List
Starting over requires deciding what are the things most important to you. Make a bucket list of goals you wish to achieve in this new direction in life. A better version of the man you already are. A better and wiser parent. Be a man that prepares himself for the best chance at happiness and success. Try and feel new things.

Source: https://www.allprodad.com/rebuilding-life-after-divorce/

Tips for Starting Over and Rebooting Your Life

New moon, new year...recipe essentials for creating a new life

Wishing you could start the new year all over again? You can at any time. Pick a day, any day, and declare it your personal new year's day to reboot your life. If you select today, you're not alone as the new moon marks the new year among many ancient cultures (take note, Chinese New Year is today). Still consider a birthday, anniversary, or any day to start anew and consider these tips for making new and improved resolutions that are guaranteed to succeed.

The single biggest factor that impacts the success of resolution-making is to realize what you focus on expands. Focus on avoiding something (e.g. drinking, overeating, procrastinating) and you just might ensure its continued success. As an example, 98% of people dealing with stress tend to wake up at night ruminating about the thing that bothers them. It might be a fight with a child, an argument with a coworker, burgeoning mortgage bills, illness, or something else. It makes sense to focus on the problem. Yet, like the old adage, the squeaky wheel gets the oil, the problem will get the energy, which only serves to reinforce the rumination. They key is to focus on the opposing force of the problem-the solution.

To illustrate, let's use the example of the seven deadly sins (pride, envy, sloth, greed, anger, gluttony, and lust). Numerous stories throughout time teach caution about succumbing to these behaviors. The message is reinforced to us at a young age by parents, teachers, books, and the media. For instance, recall Star Wars, episode 3, where Anakin Skywalker transforms into Darth Vader after allowing fear, envy, anger, and pride to mask his heart and intuition. In the episode, Yoda warns Anakin not to focus on the dark side of the force.

Like Darth Vader, human beings focus on the dark side of the force much of the time. I see it in myself, my friends, my family, and my clients. We fall of the bike of positive thinking and start ruminating on the negative and what we're trying to avoid. Don't believe me? Look at these top 13 New Year resolutions in the United States. The very first one is to lose weight with managing debt coming in second place. Both of these resolutions focus on the problem instead of the solution. Perhaps that's why more than 68% of people will give up on their resolutions within the first two weeks.

People would be more successful if they focused on the light side of the force. Instead of making a resolution to lose weight, try making an intention to take care of your body with nourishing food, love and care. That love and care might consist of vitamins, exercise, deep breathing, emollient lotions, uplifting fragrances, plenty of water, and listening. Let your body speak to you about what it feels. A tummy ache might be a red flag that something is bothering you. Maybe putting up better boundaries and treating yourself with respect is needed. You may not hear this critical wisdom if you're getting mad at your body for not fitting in your clothes.

Regarding managing your debt, can you tell this resolution focuses on lack? Treat your money with love, care and gratitude. Notice everything you have and how fortunate you are that you have the ability to pay for water, electricity, and things so often taken for granted. Debt begins to melt away (and never take hold in the first place) when we manage our money with gratitude. What happens is that people tend to focus on what they don't have or how little money they or their partner is making, which leads to a vicious cycle of spending to feel better and then regretting. Stop the cycle by appreciating the joy that $1 gives you. The thrill of that hot shower. The warmth of the extra blanket on your bed. The comfort of the fuzzy slippers or soft socks. That is where the magic lives and abundance multiplies.
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As for those seven deadly sins, try focusing on their complementary positives-the seven joys. Instead of avoiding greed, think of expanding how much you share. Instead of battling lust, try encouraging people's soulful dreams. Instead of resisting anger, give yourself nourishing love. Instead of avoiding becoming a sloth (couch-potato syndrome), allow yourself to dance more. Instead of inhibiting your inner glutton, try releasing your inner artist and seek quality over quantity. Instead of hiding from your proud ego, focus on fostering unconditional self-acceptance. Finally, instead of detaining your green-eyed monster of envy, try re-focusing on gratitude in the moment.

If you've gotten anything from this article, I hope it's that attitude is everything. Please don't beat yourself up. Take it one day at a time and keep readjusting your sights on the light. It will become natural over time.

Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/counseling-keys/201201/tips-starting-over-and-rebooting-your-life

10 Tools for Restarting Your Life

Start small and don’t put too much pressure on yourself

For many, finding their way through the next year will feel like starting over. Not a completely horrible prospect, but the workload can be daunting. Here are some tips to help you create some new beginnings and make your life a little more emotionally fit in the process.

1. Starting over is not the same as recouping from a failure. It is a new beginning, and you have gained experience and knowledge to help you reach your goals. Reignite your passion by imagining what it will feel like when you achieve the desired result.
2. Moving through life is like climbing stairs. You go up a step or two, and then you level off and you may go down a step, but you are still higher than you were. That’s the process of life (and therapy) nothing is ever a straight shot. Have some patience with yourself and with your newfound direction.
3. You can create a whole new life if you want it. You just have to approach it in the right way. Sometimes little ideas can turn into big things. Visualize a positive outcome for your issue. Medical doctors recommend visualization to patients with chronic and potentially fatal illnesses. If it can help them, it can do the same for you.
4. Endings are not necessarily bad things. Even if you lost your job, savings or home, what comes to you in the future may be better than what you had. Sometimes the phoenix has to burn, so it can rise again.
5. Starting over may feel scary, but it can be a cause for celebration. Think of it as exciting, and many of your anxious feelings will begin to fade. The truth is that anxiety and excitement feel exactly the same to the body. It’s our minds that make it scary versus exhilarating.
6. Remember that your future is not governed by your past. No matter what has happened in your life, you can find a way to make things a little better for yourself, and hopefully for those around you as well.
7. Having to start over is different from choosing to start over. For many whose lives are still in chaos because of the trying times we are in, starting over is not a choice. It can be hard to accept support from others. If you find it difficult to take that in, just promise yourself that you will return the favor and do something to “pay it forward” as soon as possible.
8. Healthy alternatives to negative lifestyle patterns abound. If you can’t stop a bad habit, start by cutting back. It’s okay to give yourself a little time to moderate or stop something that’s hurting you.
9. Starting over is about creating and reaching new goals. We are happiest when we’re moving toward a goal. It’s not all about the end result, in fact when you do achieve a dream you must find a new one as soon as possible in order to stay emotionally fit. Think about it this way, you can either be green and growing or ripe and rotting. Which do you prefer?
10. Starting over is about giving yourself a chance at real happiness. You will have to be brave and get good at learning new things, but how bad can that be? At the very worst, you will acquire the skills you need to start on the next project.

Finding ways to begin anew will give you energy. The excitement of moving toward what you want will also bring you happiness. Just start small and don’t put too much pressure on yourself, you’ll get there sooner than you think.

Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/201212/10-tools-restarting-your-life

How to Reboot Yourself

“Alright everybody…back to ones.”

This is what you’ll hear if you’re working on a film set and they’re going to reshoot a scene. I’ve been an extra in several films, and the more times I heard that phrase meant the more hours I was going to be spending on set that day. It wasn’t the greatest sentence to hear, but deep down I knew that the intent behind it was to get the scene completed just right. Going “back to ones” time and time again rebooted the scene until it worked.

There are times in our lives where we need to reboot ourselves. We get stuck in a pattern, follow the wrong path for too long or simply need a jolt; that’s when rebooting can be the best thing we can do. Think about when you reboot a computer: you’re essentially changing how it is currently functioning (usually slowly and sluggishly) and getting it back to where it was when you first powered it up. You’re not changing the entirety of the computer, just the way it is currently operating. When you reboot yourself, you’re doing the same thing. You’re not changing the inner workings of yourself, you’re changing how you’re currently operating.
But rebooting yourself isn’t as easy as pressing a power button or holding down control-alt-delete. There’s more to it than that.

Remove Yourself

When you are going about the reboot process, you need to step back and steer clear of whatever it is that you’re doing that is causing the need to reboot. That may mean taking a day off of work mid-week or taking a trip to get away from it all so that you can get clear with yourself. Regardless, it has to be something that you would not normally do. Calling in sick mid-week or taking one of your vacation days to break the pattern of a steady work week is one method. Using paid vacation to go as far away from what’s got you stuck is another. This isn’t running away from the problem – this is putting yourself in a place where you can really look at it and decide what the next step is. The goal is to reset yourself and you can’t do that when you’re still “on”.

Rest Yourself

Once you’ve taken the time to get clear on your next move, take the time to enjoy that moment. When a computer reboots it takes a bit of time to refresh itself. You don’t press the power button and see it instantly turn back on. It spends time getting ready for what’s next. That’s what you need to do.

You need to reflect on what you’ve decided to do and why you’ve decided to do it – and then look forward to what’s next. There’s no clutter involved, no stress. You’re just warming up. You’re getting ready to go. That takes time and energy. So rest up…and then go.

Recognise Yourself

Now that you’re clear and rested, recognize what you’re going to do to keep operating at the level you need to without having to reboot again anytime soon. Rebooting slows you down initially but once you’re up and running again you start to progress rapidly – as long as you stay focussed on what your intention is. You need to recognize this and act on it, otherwise you’ll be rebooting yourself again far too soon.

If you do end up having to reboot yourself too often for your liking, then there’s a bigger problem. You’re worn out in the current situation and no reboot can sustain you for very long. That’s when you need an overhaul. Coming to this conclusion also takes recogintion on your part, so having the awareness to recognize yourself in the rebooting process can save you a ton of time, enery and suffering in the future. As with a computer, there’s nothing more frustrating than having to constantly be rebooted. Recognize when a reboot works and when an upgrade is in order. It’s not just a time-saver – it’s a lifesaver.

Yourself…Rebooted

Just as being stuck can be a stick in the craw of your productivity, so can not knowing how to get yourself unstuck. The next time you feel that you’d be better off just trudging through your difficulties, think about giving yourself a reboot. It may just be the wake-up call you need, and now you’ve got the tools to get it done.

Don’t quit on yourself and your situation. Take a page from technology and “force quit” what’s going on and fire yourself up again. You may find out a lot more about what’s going on inside you and whether or not you need to refresh your life – or if you need to upgrade your life.

Source: https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifehack/how-to-reboot-yourself.html

How to find peace and happiness after a divorce - 3 Steps to rediscovering joy

Note from M2bH: No one enters a marriage expecting it to fall apart. No one wants a marriage to fail—at least not at the beginning. There are steps that can be taken to help heal wounds and resolve issues and return love to the marital relationship. We encourage you to take those steps.

But some marriages are entered into inadvisably. Sometimes people change and love withers and abusive language and behavior replaces the thoughtful attention that defined the relationship in its happier years.

What then?

There are often feelings of shame and embarrassment, regret and disappointment, loneliness and a sense of failure that follow a divorce. But unhappiness is not your destined lot in life for having severed a marital relationship. Happiness can return. It can be rebuilt and rediscovered.

For those of you who have gone through a divorce and still struggle to find your way back to joy, today’s post is a guest write-up from Jade Gallagher meant to offer a way back to happiness.

Enjoy…

There is no need to feel like your life has reached a dead end just because your marriage is over. You need to take the positive view that you can and will find life after divorce.

If you can develop some good survival strategies to get you through the initial pain of separation, this will definitely help to set you on the path to finding happiness again.

Let’s look at how to get through your divorce in the best way possible. How do you approach this situation in a positive way? Why is it important to create a reliable support network? There are also some tips on how to re-launch a better version of your old self.

DON’T SUBSCRIBE TO THE STEREOTYPE
Getting divorced can be a traumatic and confrontational experience, but it is fair to say that not all divorcees hate each other after they have officially ended their marital relationship.
There are many different reasons why people get divorced. Specialists can help people sort through unique divorce issues. From fighting couples who have fallen out of love and friendship to those whose marriages have become verbally or physically violent.

Divorcing in a loving and compassionate way is not always possible. However, it is useful to attempt to find an amicable solution where possible. It will make it easier to recover from your divorce and get your life back on track as quickly as possible.

REACH OUT TO OTHERS
If there was a simple strategy to help you cope with the feelings of pain and loss that you can experience with divorce, we would all be doing it, but there is rarely a magic solution to such a complex relationship problem.

One of the most important aspects of going through a divorce is being able to rely on a good support network of family and friends who will help you get through this difficult period in your life.

It is often not about the quantity of friends and family you can lean on that counts, as the quality matters more. Even if you only have one really good friend who offers a strong shoulder to cry on when you need it, this can be more valuable than a whole group of friends who offer some support but don’t always know what to say to you.

You should be prepared for some old friends to go missing when you get divorced as this can, and does, happen. Focus your efforts on finding the right people to reach out to, so that you get a great support network that you can truly rely on.

A NEW YOU
We all change in subtle ways over the years and if you had been married for a long while, you are almost certainly not the same person who fell in love all those years ago.

Getting divorced means you go through quite a life-altering change from being one-half of a couple to becoming a single person again. This can cause an identity crises that is difficult to adjust to.

Work on finding a way to redefine yourself and become the person you want to be now that you are on your own and, frankly speaking, have more personal freedom to explore new options.

Psychologists suggest that exploring previously untapped hobbies and interests is a good strategy for removing any feelings of grief after divorce.

You should find that a period of self-exploration can be very liberating and exciting. Taking up new hobbies and interests is a great way to combat any feelings of isolation that you might be experiencing.

Take a positive approach to your current situation and your future prospects and there is every chance that you can find happiness again after your divorce.

Source: http://meanttobehappy.com/how-to-find-peace-and-happiness-after-a-divorce-3-steps-to-rediscovering-joy/

Financial planning in divorce

We explain the options available when splitting your assets

Divorce is a highly stressful time when emotional pressures are compounded by difficult financial decisions that can have implications for many years to come. We’ve spoken to the experts to find out what you need to consider when dividing up your home, pensions and investments.

The family home

Your house is likely to be your most significant asset and deciding what to do with it can be challenging. Couples who want a fresh start often choose to sell the home, split the proceeds and use this money to buy new properties.

James Corcoran, a financial planner at 1825, Standard Life’s financial planning arm, says issues can arise if the proceeds aren’t sufficient for both parties to buy properties that meet their needs. This is particularly a problem if either party is unable to secure a mortgage such as when there is a spouse that doesn’t work and/or they can’t afford to pay separate housing bills.

‘This has become more of an issue in recent years post the financial crash as mortgage lending criteria has severely tightened,’ says Corcoran.

Another option is for one party to retain the family home – particularly if children live there – while the other takes a bigger proportion of the other assets.

The courts used to decide that the woman and her children would stay in the home while the husband took out a mortgage on a property elsewhere. Following the Mortgage Market Review, which introduced very strict ‘affordability’ criteria, it isn’t as straightforward.

‘If the husband is asked to pay maintenance their ability to buy a new place is curtailed. The wife might have to accept a smaller chunk of the house or less maintenance,’ says Kay Ingram, a director at national advice group LEBC.

It’s also possible for one party to buy out the other party’s share, which could necessitate a new mortgage.

Investments

In England and Wales investments are usually split 50/50, whereas in Scotland the courts look at the assets that were acquired during the marriage.

Corcoran says when couples are dividing up different types of assets they need to consider access to funds, charges and tax implications. All investments are treated differently for tax and need to be reviewed to ensure they’re still appropriate. For example, unit trusts and shares are liable to capital gains tax on encashment, whereas encashing investment bonds can result in additional income tax.

‘Complicating factors often come into play – for instance let’s say one party has an ISA and the other party has a drawdown pension, both worth £100,000 each,’ says Corcoran. ‘You would think they would be worth the same and cancel each other out, however when dividing up assets for divorce the ISA may be deemed to be worth more. Any withdrawals would be tax-free, whereas any income over and above the pension commencement lump sum from the drawdown would be taxable. All these issues need to be considered carefully.’

Divorce proceedings themselves could decimate the level of your investments and pensions, which could throw your financial plan completely off track. Patrick Connolly, certified financial planner at Chase de Vere, says this will be most problematic for older people who have less time to make up any shortfalls.

‘Following divorce, people should take an entirely fresh look at their finances,’ says Connolly. ‘They need to review what assets they still have, their new level of disposable income and then what steps they need to take to get their financial planning arrangements back on track. In many situations this can be a long and painful process.’

LEBC’s Kay Ingram says it’s extremely important to fully disclose all your assets during divorce proceedings – otherwise you’ll be held in contempt of court and could face jail. The courts will also look less favourably on you when deciding the settlement if they discover you withheld information.

Pensions

There are several ways in which pensions can be split at divorce, but the three most common are offsetting, earmarking and sharing.

Pension offsetting is where the value of your pensions is offset against other assets that you own. For example, in exchange for keeping your pensions, your ex-partner could get a larger share of the family home or share portfolio.

The advantage of offsetting is its simplicity, but there’s a danger that if a non-working spouse receives more of the property and less of the pension they could end up with no funds to live off.

Pension earmarking is an agreement that when you start to draw your retirement benefits, a portion is paid out to your ex-partner. If you receive £50,000 a year from your pension and the agreement is to split this equally, your ex-partner would receive £25,000 a year.

Joshua Gerstler, financial adviser and company director at financial advice firm The Orchard Practice, says the disadvantage of earmarking is that if you die before taking your pension, your ex-partner could receive nothing or, if the pension does not grow, less than expected. The ex-spouse has no control over where the pension assets are invested.

‘Some couples do not like this method as it keeps their finances entwined when they are looking for a clean break,’ Gerstler adds.

Pension sharing is when the court sets out what amount of your pension your ex-partner is entitled to. It is usually expressed as a percentage of the transfer value. Normally your pension provider will want your ex-partner to transfer this into their own pension.

Pension sharing gives more control to the ex-spouse than earmarking because they are able to manage the investments and choose how and when they take the benefits.

‘Once again you need to be careful as some pensions have other benefits, such as guaranteed annuity rates that could be lost on transfer, so these need to be carefully considered. Also, where the spouse is younger they will not have access to the lump sum/income until they turn 55,’ Corcoran says.

David Trenner, technical director at Intelligent Pensions, says consideration needs to be given to spouses’ differing attitudes to investment risk and their requirement for flexibility in their pensions.

‘An ex-spouse who does not want to take risks but just wants a guaranteed income could be disappointed when she finds that her ex-husband’s scheme will only allow her to transfer the value of a pension share into a personal pension where she must take investment risk as well as inflation risk and mortality risk.

‘Conversely, an ex-spouse who wants to have flexible income and be able to control the investment of their pension will be disappointed if the only option is to get a guaranteed pension from her ex-spouse’s scheme,’ he explains.

Planning ahead

It’s essential that you decide how your assets will be split before you receive your decree absolute (the court order that officially ends your marriage). On death pensions are paid to the dependant spouse, not ex-spouse, so if the main pension holder dies and an agreement hasn’t been finalised the other party could be left with nothing.

If you have life assurance or death-in-service benefits which name your ex-spouse as the beneficiary these should be updated. You should also ensure your will and/or power of attorney is up-to-date after the divorce.

Source: https://www.youinvest.co.uk/articles/sharesmagazine/92152/financial-planning-divorce