Life can be a lot to deal with at times, here are a few ways that can help you handle the stress.
In our world of information overload, extraordinary expectations, catastrophes and more, it’s no wonder stress is wreaking havoc on people. Between the opiod epidemic, obesity numbers, and heart disease, it’s sad that while we’re one of the most developed nations in the world, we cannot seem to keep our people healthy. And make no mistake, this is a global crisis.
Here are 6 easy ways to reduce your stress levels:
Breathe. That’s right, simple and easy. Take deep breaths. Reconnect with the magic art of breathing. A simple technique that will help is a 5 second inhale, hold your breath for 5 seconds, exhale for 5 seconds, hold your breath out for 5 seconds, and repeat. You can repeat 3 times for a 60 second breathing exercise that will immediately show results. Start getting up to 9 times through for 3 minutes and the benefits will amplify.
Be Present. Take Time. When I’m rushing around from appointment to appointment, I try to stop and take an extra moment before I walk into a session. It gives me time to block out all the distractions and be present for the client I’m working with. You can use your breathe, any sounds, music, your sense of touch. All of of those things will help you come back to the present if you’re preoccupied and unable to stay focused.
Laugh. One of the greatest stress relievers is laughter. Go watch some funny comedy or hang out with an old friend who makes you laugh. Go to a laughing yoga class. Something to give you a reason to be silly. Hang out with children and make them laugh, it’s contagious.
Meditate. I know, it can be a lofty thing, but it’s actually not all that difficult. The three fundamentals are simple. Sit with a straight spine, have an even, relaxed breath, and pick a focal point with your mind. Your focus can be the beach, the top of a mountain, your third eye center, anything that allows your chatty brain to come back to one point. Eventually, all the distractions will slow down. You’ll become more peaceful. Allow yourself time, this doesn’t happen over night. Meditation is a practice, but trust the process and you will reduce your cortisol levels.
Exercise. Yes, until I am blue in the face, I will remind you to exercise! Move your body 5-6 days a week. Everyday is fine too, but 3-4 days is not enough. The benefits are too great to go without. You’ll reduce stress, get stronger, be healthier, and yes, live longer. There is no excuse not to move.
Build a toolbox. This has been something I’ve been doing for over 30 years. I realized long ago that if I wanted to live a great life that I had to string together a whole bunch of really great experiences. Pretty simple, right?! Well, not as easy as it seems. It takes work and planning and consistency, and dedication. The more things you enjoy doing, the easier it will be to do things you enjoy. For instance, going to the movies, hanging out with my family, going for a run, walking on the beach, making love to my wife, spending time with friends, going for a bike ride, traveling, my list goes on and on! Yours should too!
I’ve found that in my life, the more things I found that I like to do, the more things I naturally seek out that are enjoyable. Now I find myself moving toward fun things to do, thus my stress levels are pretty low. When life throws a curve ball at me, I can handle it with the tools in my life tool box. Remember, I’m always here to help. Find me on social media @teddymcdonald.
Source: https://goodmenproject.com/health/6-easy-ways-reduce-stress/
While everyone hopes for a quick divorce settlement, it can drag on and take over your time, mind and emotions. It’s up to you to “divorce your divorce.” It’s inevitable for it to go on, but you can’t let it take over your life. If you have children, you can’t be in a bad mood around them. If you are working, you can’t act upset or depressed at the office. When the divorce affects your daily life, you have to do your best to keep it in the correct prospective. It may sound difficult to do, but when you set your mind to it you will be pleased at how much better you will feel. By not letting your divorce take over your life, you can move forward more quickly.
The divorce will eventually be completed and if you don’t live your life during the divorce process, you will look back and be mad at yourself. So how do you live your life during a divorce? Here are seven ways to help you divorce your divorce and enjoy summer.
Visit a Juice Bar
How do you keep yourself healthy during this trying time? One of the best ways is juicing. Go to a local juice bar and order something refreshing. You may meet someone at the juice bar who is single and is interested in health.
Exercise More
Try something new like kickboxing or tai-chi. It will help you get in shape as well as lessen any frustration or aggression you may be feeling about your soon-to-be-ex.
Take a Class
This is a great way to get your mind off of your divorce. A friend of mine took a cooking class and there was a great deal of interaction with the other students. She made friends and they had dinner parties once the class ended.
Make a Plan
Try to make plans to get together with friends. Go out and do something fun and get your mind off of the divorce! Pick a place where they do things that are fun and make you feel happy,
Talk to a Therapist
If you feel you need to speak with someone about your divorce to help you deal with it, then you should. There are many good therapists who can offer advice during the divorce process. This way, you won’t be constantly speaking to friends and family about your issues.
Buy New Towels
This might sound minor, but it has a lot of meaning. Pick up some new towels for your bathroom in your favorite color. It will help begin to revitalize your home and make it feel like your own place.
Go to Outdoor Concerts:
Summer is the season for outdoor concerts. There is nothing more relaxing than spreading a blanket on a lawn and listening to your favorite kind of music. You are also sure to make new friends there.
Source: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/lois-tarter/divorce-your-divorce_b_3350114.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce-advice
Don't allow divorce stress to define your life.
When bad things happen, and for most, divorce is a bad thing, it can trigger a number of emotions. Depending on how you process what is happening, your happiness can return or, your emotions can get away with you and your emotional life can quickly get out of hand. If you don’t properly deal with the stress and negative emotions of divorce the consequences begin to slowly affect you in deeper ways.
You may develop trust issues that make it harder for you to develop a new love relationship. Your self-confidence can take a nose-dive and emotional stagnation can cause extreme self-sabotage.
If you follow the advice and steps listed below, not only can you survive your divorce you can also thrive afterward.
As I've said, divorce brings with it many negative emotions. Some of these emotions can cause stress that will interfere with your ability to function in your everyday life before, during and after your divorce. The biggest favor you can do yourself is to learn how to relax, let go of the stress and just let the "chips fall." Focus more on keeping yourself active, healthy and moving forward instead of staying stuck in a negative space.
All it takes is being willing to be good to yourself. Recognizing and dealing with stress is an important aspect of living a healthy productive life. Below are some suggestions for ways of handling your stress during the difficult process of divorce.
1. Make sure you pay attention to your emotional needs.
Find a support group to participate in, a therapist to talk with. A little talk therapy can go a long way when you are feeling overwhelmed emotionally.
It's important for you to take responsibility for your own emotional well-being at this time of adversity and make sure that you nurture yourself emotionally, physically and spiritually.
2. Keep yourself physically fit.
Stay as active as possible by keeping a regular exercise routine. Nothing helps our emotions bounce back better than physical activity. It will help in relieving tense, anger and anxiety. Regular exercise is a great way to improve emotional well-being and elevate your mood, also.
3. Do things that will nurtue you emotionally and physically.
Read a good book, get plenty of rest, take a hot bath, develop a new hobby, eat healthy and nutritious foods, and surround yourself with positive people. Put effort into living a lifestyle that will promote feelings of good self-worth and esteem during this time of adversity.
4. Let go of problems that are beyond your control.
If you are faced with an uncomfortable or painful situation learn to let it go, take some time to figure out what is best for you and then come back to it. Stay focused on what you have control over and let go of the rest.
Refuse to engage in conflict with your ex spouse. If the two of you can't be around each other without arguing, there is no shame in walking away.
5. Give yourself permission to feel.
Emotions are normal, whether they are negative or positive emotions. What we do with the emotions we are feeling plays a big role in the quality of life we experience. Avoid destructive activities such as drinking or drugs when trying to deal with your feelings.
Don't allow your feelings to cause you to seek revenge, play the victim or become abusive toward your spouse. If you are hurt or angry, it is best to find someone safe to vent to and get those feelings out.
6. Change any expectations you have.
No one has any control over the feelings and actions of another person. We might think that during our marriage we had some control but we did not. Now that there is a divorce in process we have even less control than before.
Let go of trying to control any aspect of what your spouse may feel or what actions they will take. Let go of what you feel the outcome should be and learn to accept whatever might happen.
7. Don't make any hasty decisions.
When you are living through a highly stressful situation any decisions or changes to your life should not be made until you have thought of all the consequences.
Take time to think things through and thoroughly weigh all your options. When making decisions use logical thinking instead of emotional thinking to guide your decision making. Give yourself time and be patient with the decision-making process.
8. Be sure to make time for fun.
Remember to laugh and play. Schedule activities that bring you pleasure and participate in them regularly. Maintain a close circle of friends and socialize often.
Do not isolate yourself from others. If getting out and enjoying life means forcing yourself do to so, then so be it. You will find that once you are out and engaging in fun activities you'll not regret making yourself participate.
9. Let go and move on.
Take the time needed to heal from the divorce and those feelings of loss. Try to look inward and own your responsibility in the problems that led to divorce. Forgive yourself and your spouse and don't allow the issues from this marriage to follow you into new relationships.
Taking time to identify what caused the divorce, to change what you need to change about the way you related to your ex will only help you move on after the divorce in a more productive manner.
Source: https://www.liveabout.com/tips-for-dealing-with-divorce-stress-1102740
After a divorce, most people go through a myriad of emotions. Hurt, disappointment, and grief are some of the more easily recognized emotions, but underlying all of these may be anger.
Anger is a fact of life, especially for most experiencing a divorce. Since anger is a human reality, what can you do to deal with and use proactively the anger you feel during divorce?
Below are 5 strategies that will help you understand and deal with anger in a positive manner.
1. Don’t give into your anger.
Anger is a legitimate emotion, it is your heart trying to tell you something hurts emotionally. Stuffing anger to avoid dealing with it can result in depression which, in some cases is your anger turned inward. Allow yourself to explore the reasons for your anger and to express the anger in a proactive manner.
Learning to respond in a healthy manner to emotional pain isn't easy. It's the first step you have to take if you are going to keep the anger you feel from becoming destructive. Our first response to being hurt or feeling powerless is to lash out. To attempt to get revenge and regain a sense of control. When that is your response, you're feeding your anger instead of exploring and attempting to understand it.
To lessen anger and fully understand what you are feeling, you need to allow yourself to feel vulnerable and hurt. Anger gives a false sense of empowerment, vulnerability causes feelings of helplessness.
So, I get it, the first response, the one that helps us feel like we are back in control is the one most of us give into.
Anger is an emotional fraud. It's there to trick you into not fully understanding what lies beneath the anger, a lot of hurt and vulnerability. Anger hardens your heart and, if fed, keeps you from ever getting in touch with what you are truly feeling.
There is no shame in admitting you are hurt and feeling out of control. And, doing so softens your heart, leads to being in touch with your feelings and staying open to new relationships and a healthier life after divorce. Choosing pain over anger is hell in the short-term but, healthy in the long-term.
2. Don’t fear your anger.
Women especially may have been brought up to think that they should be “nice and agreeable” and not get angry. Everyone gets angry, and it is a healthy emotion, not something to be feared. Journal or talk to a friend to vent your angry feelings, so you can work through them.
Feared anger leads to stuffed anger which leads to you one day blowing like Mount Vesuvius and leaving a path of destruction in your wake. As I discussed before, get in touch with the feelings causing the anger and, explore appropriate ways to express the anger you feel.
3. Don’t worry about losing control of your anger.
One fear many people have is, if they let their anger out they won’t be able to control the rage that may be inside them. This is usually a fear with no basis in fact. Find a safe place to vent your anger.
Punch a pillow, scream, or do whatever makes you feel the release you need without harming anyone.
And, that is the key, stop fearing your anger, express it but, in a way that leads you to a reduction in the anger you feel without it causing or exacerbating conflict and harm.
4. Don’t worry about what other people will think.
If you feel anger, you have a right to your feelings. Individuals may think that it’s acceptable to express grief or sadness, but anger may bring on feelings of embarrassment or shame because it is generally frowned upon.
Anger can be an early warning system that something is wrong. Someone is mistreating you? Someone is trying to take advantage of you? Use your anger to build healthy boundaries and distance yourself from those attempting to do you harm.
5. Get regular exercise.
If you are having a hard time processing the reasons for your anger, it may be resulting from your overall situation and the frustration you feel from dealing with stress.
Taking a walk, doing aerobics or finding stress relieving yoga poses, or even kickboxing can make a person dealing with anger feel much relief.
According to WebMD.com, "exercise acts like a drug, protecting against angry mood induction, almost like taking aspirin to prevent a heart attack." So, instead of working out to burn calories, work out to burn off those feelings of anger.
Do an exercise that you know is safe for you, and give it your all. Check with your physician if you have any questions about whether or not exercise is appropriate for you.
Nothing contributes more to divorce turning into all out war than anger. Get it under check, explore what it is trying to tell you, and when needed us your anger appropriately to protect yourself during the divorce process.
Source: https://www.liveabout.com/tips-for-dealing-with-anger-during-divorce-1102468
No two people experience a divorce the same way, but most can agree that it's an extremely painful and difficult situation, both mentally and physically. Though you'll be busy filling out legal paperwork with your attorney, it's essential to pay attention to your mind and body: Research shows that divorce can take a serious toll on everything from your sleep habits to your heart (no surprise there). Knowing about the following conditions will allow you to take charge of your health and do everything you can to prevent them from developing.
Anxiety
"Typically, after a divorce anxiety levels shoot sky high," says Fran Walfish, PsyD, a psychotherapist in Beverly Hills and an expert panelist on the upcoming television series Sex Box. "You don't have a companion in the big, bad world anymore," she says, and the future that you once pictured no longer exists. Plus, there's a ton of uncertainty, which can lead to feeling insecure. Depending on the circumstances, you might suddenly have to move, get a new job, and survive on less money than before. Your children might need to change schools or get used to a back-and-forth arrangement with you and your ex. Walfish says that anxiety can sometimes manifest itself in controlling behavior, such as sending a gazillion emails to your divorce attorney or emptying your joint bank account to try to take over the finances.
Drastic Weight Change
Gaining or losing a significant amount of weight is something else you might notice during or after a divorce. Some people turn to comfort foods because doughnuts or fried chicken might temporarily perk them up. For others, divorce has the opposite effect. "I had a patient walk in after a long absence. She was very slim, and I remarked upon it. She said, 'Yep, I'm getting a divorce. I call it the Grief Diet,' " says Walfish. "She lost her appetite. Sometimes you can't eat when you're distraught."
Metabolic Syndrome
Metabolic syndrome occurs when you have several dangerous conditions at once, including high blood pressure, high blood sugar, excess belly fat, and high cholesterol. It increases your risk for heart disease, stroke, and diabetes. A study published in Archives of Internal Medicine found that women who are divorced (as well as women who are widowed or in unhappy marriages) are more likely to develop metabolic syndrome than women who are in happy marriages.
Depression
After a marriage dissolves, "many people feel like failures," says Walfish. What contributed to the divorce may also play a role. For instance, if your spouse cheated on you, that knowledge might send you into a downward spiral of hopelessness and destroy your self-confidence. "I really and truly believe that this is the pivotal moment in life where it's beneficial to seek out a good therapist," says Walfish. For one thing, it helps to gain support from someone who is emotionally removed from the situation. This is also your chance to discover why you were drawn to the relationship in the first place—and learn how to avoid a similar situation. "It's a golden opportunity to write a new, brighter script for the next chapter in your life," says Wolfish.
Cardiovascular Disease
A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that both middle-aged men and women are at a higher risk of developing cardiovascular disease after going through a divorce, compared with married people of the same age. It also revealed that middle-aged women who get divorced are more likely to develop cardiovascular disease than middle-aged men who get divorced. Why do women have it worse? Here's one explanation:
Research shows that the stress of divorce leads to higher levels of inflammation in women, and those levels persist for some time, explains Mark D. Hayward, professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin. "Part of the reason for the continued elevation in women is that the period after divorce is highly stressful, too. Women often take bigger hits in terms of finances, and they tend to stay single longer than men."
Substance Abuse
Post-split, you might find yourself becoming more dependent on cigarettes, alcohol, or drugs to cope with feeling lonely, anxious, or depressed. One 2012 review of scientific literature published in The Journal of Men's Health found that divorced men have higher rates of substance abuse, as well as higher rates of mortality, depression, and lack of social support, compared with married men. The stress you feel from a divorce is second only to the stress you feel from the death of a spouse, explains study co-author Dave Robinson, PhD, director of the Marriage and Family Therapy Program at Utah State University. "And men are more likely to ignore the significant impact that divorce has on them."
Insomnia
"In my divorced clients, sleep disruption is very common, as well as nightmares," says Walfish. This might mean having trouble falling or staying asleep. According to the National Sleep Foundation, insomnia is very common among those who are depressed, so divorce-related depression is one possible underlying cause of the sleep issues. Be sure to follow these tips to sleep better every night.
Chronic Health Problems & Mobility Issues
Many health consequences of divorce are linked. For example, it can be harder to eat well and exercise regularly if you're feeling depressed and not sleeping well. And those unhealthy habits can lead to serious diseases and conditions. A study published in Journal of Health and Social Behavior found that divorced or widowed people have 20% more chronic health conditions (such as heart disease, diabetes, and cancer) than people who are married. They also have 23% more mobility limitations, such as not being able to climb stairs or walk a block. Consider this one more reason to make sure you get a physical each year.
Source: http://www.prevention.com/sex/marriage/divorce-and-health-effects
The other day was a “mom day.” I spend Monday’s with my 15-month-old, Kai.
While I’m not technically working, I still always feel like I need to be extremely productive. Get errands done, house cleaned, chores finished, car washed, you name it.
My son had fallen asleep for an early nap, and I was extremely tired after a busy (albeit fun) weekend. I had that feeling in my body that was saying “either you rest, or you’re going to get a cold”.
My first instinct was to push through: The car needs to be vacuumed! Emails need to be answered! I should just write to a couple clients!
I felt guilty for wanting to take a nap.
Somewhere along the line like so many other women, I’ve fallen into the belief that AFTER everything gets done THEN I can finally relax.
The problem with this lie is that there is never going to be an end to everything getting done.
And with this belief, slowly my psyche thinks that I need perfection in order to relax, which is a bit of a paradox.
So as uncomfortable as I felt, I lit the fire, curled up with my book, and dozed off to the Norah Jones station on Pandora.
Here are 3 ways to start making yourself a priority:
1. Self-awareness is the work of the gentle warrior. It takes courage and bravery to look within oneself. The first step to making yourself a priority is to understand the underlying reasons why you don’t.
- Are you too busy?
- Do everyone else’s needs come first?
- Do you have to make sure you get your full to-do list checked off before you can relax?
- Is there an underlying emotion that comes up at the idea of self-care such as guilt or selfishness?
Once you understand why you’re not making yourself a priority, you can work with it. Next time you really need some rest, self-care, or alone time, simply notice the thought or feeling coming up.
Notice the way it feels in your body and simply be with this feeling as you gently let go of the story you’re telling yourself in your head. Stay with it and notice as it dissipates.
2. Create some non-negotiable rituals. Rituals help us to stay grounded, balanced, and calm in an ever-changing and busy world. If you feel rundown, or stress is starting to affect you physically, pull back and assess. Are you putting yourself first? Are you building strength or avoiding pain? What’s one thing you can do today to take better care of yourself?
The key with ritual is to start simply and slowly add on. Here are just a couple I like to incorporate into my day:
- A cup of tea when I wake up.
- Stretching at night.
- 50/50/50 - squats, sit-ups, and push-ups with my husband first thing in the morning.
- A daily planning sheet before diving into work.
- Turning my phone on airplane mode around 5:30 pm to start dinner and welcome my family home.
- Yoga class every Wednesday.
3. Simplify. Simplify. Simplify. Learning to embrace simplicity (an ongoing process) has transformed my health, finances, relationship, and work.
Simplifying isn’t always the easy choice, because things build up in life and get complicated. However, simplifying how you spend your time, how you spend your money, your to-do list, streamlining what you can, and how you focus your energy, will have great benefits.
We’re surrounded with the message “you can have it all!” but what does that actually mean? Every time you say yes to something you’re automatically saying no to something else. Instead, understand the season of your life and what is most important to you right now.
Simplifying means having more time for those things... including yourself.
To you dear one, trying your best every day, take a break. You deserve it.
Take care of yourself because we need you. While navigating the new world, we need to show up for each other.
Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alexis-meads/3-ways-to-start-making-yourself_b_14559870.html?utm_hp_ref=emotional-wellness
Have you ever heard the following joke, “Well enough about me...let’s talk about you. So... what do you think about me?” This article is all about YOU. Dedicate the next seven days to your inner and outer self.
Use the following questions to determine, “What about me?”
- Do I eat a minimum of three well-balanced meals daily?
- Do I hydrate enough so that my urine is clear?
- Do I get a minimum of seven hours of deep sleep each night?
- Do I think and/or talk to myself with positive affirmations?
- Do I avoid harmful over-indulgences?
- Do I choose friends that make me mentally, physically and spiritually better?
- Do I swiftly manage the stress in my life?
- Do I only go into the past for non-emotional evaluation or to reminisce in a positive way with a friend?
- Do I only go into the future for planning my Visions and Goals with corresponding tactics and strategies?
- Do I do what I love and love what I do?
- Do I only think of what I want, as opposed to what I don’t want in life?
- Do I prioritize a daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly and yearly to-do list?
- Do I take periodic breaks, mini-vacations and full vacations to rejuvenate my mind, body and soul?
- Do I adhere to the Golden Rule of “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them”
- Do I treat myself like a Champion?
If the answer is “No” to any of these questions, then make it right. Create an action plan, if necessary. Commit to it. See yourself doing it in finished state. If the answer is “yes,” then congratulations! You are on the right path.
Place this short questionnaire in safekeeping. Use it periodically to see if you’re treating your best friend, YOU, like a champion. With strains of the economy and the demands of society increasing, it is time to place your awareness on YOU.
For over 40 years, most of my clients that initially arrived to my doorstep had put themselves last. They had placed their “happy eggs” in baskets of Career, Relationships or Parenting, neglecting the very thing that makes everything possible.
How do you become your best friend?
Love yourself and it will be easier to showcase love for others and find reciprocating love. Respect yourself and you’ll gain respect from others. Speak positive to yourself and positive people and opportunities will arrive.
Avoid self-deprecating humor. Avoid phrases like...
- “I figured that would happen.”
- “If I didn’t have any bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all.”
- “I’m an idiot!” or “I suck at...”
- “I’m too old for this.”
- “Life’s an endless grind.”
- “I told you that wouldn’t work.”
- “That’s just the way it goes.”
- “You can’t expect to succeed all of the time.”
- “You win some and you lose some.”
- “There’s not enough time in the day.”
- “If I had better direction, I would perform better.”
- “Why try? It’s not appreciated. It does me no good.”
- “I’m just going to do my job and keep my mouth shut.”
Have you uttered any of the above phrases? No more put downs or beating yourself up, especially in front of others. No more victim and or judge thoughts or statements.
End negative self-talk
If your daily inner dialogue could be printed out, it would reveal if you are your best friend or not. I’ve told many clients, “If I talked to you like you talk to you, you’d fire me.”
Sell you on you. As your self-worth increases, a magnetic force of attraction will expand. Most of the things you need and want in life will arrive.
It’s time to “Be Your Own Best Friend.”
Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jim-fannin/be-your-own-best-friend_1_b_13050648.html?utm_hp_ref=emotional-wellness
Cope with the pain through diet, exercise and friendship.
NATALIE GREGGS, A family law attorney who practices in Allen, Texas, likens divorce to a death. The accompanying stress and grief is comparable to a physical loss, she says, and affects you both physically and emotionally.
“I tell my clients, ‘Imagine how you’re going to react to this death, and how it’s going to impact every part of your body – your mind, your stomach, even your ability to walk,” Greggs says. “Self-care is the number one thing that gets you through the day.”
Not only does self-care help get you through the day during a divorce, it’s also important for your future well-being. Research suggests divorced individuals face a heightened risk for certain long-term chronic health problems – a scary prospect, considering that experts estimate the lifelong probability of a marriage ending in divorce to be 40 to 50 percent.
Going through a divorce? Here are some tips on how to stay sane, healthy and hopeful during the painful process.
Get some exercise. This is one of the first pieces of advice Greggs gives her clients. “If you’re not on a regular exercise routine, get on one,” Greggs says. “You don’t have to belong to a gym. You don’t have to do anything fancy. Just take a walk every day.”
Exercise helps your body produce feel-good brain chemicals called endorphins. It also increases self-confidence, improves sleep and reduces symptoms of anxiety, stress and depression, says Lindsay Hunt, a certified integrative nutrition coach and personal trainer based in Scottsdale, Arizona. Any type of physical movement counts as exercise: dancing, walking, yoga, swimming. The most important part, though, is finding something you enjoy. That way, you’ll be likely to repeat it on a regular basis.
Hunt recommends finding a friend or workout buddy to hold you accountable. That person will make sure you have no excuse to stay on the couch.
Overhaul your diet. When we're sad, we tend to gain or lose weight. During a divorce, these ups and downs can quickly veer out of control.
“I had a slender client who, over the course of a year, proceeded to lose probably 50 pounds,” Greggs recalls. “By the end of her case, she was skeletal.” In contrast, Mikki Meyer, a licensed marriage and family therapist who practices in New York City, describes a patient who gained nearly 100 pounds.
If you’re binging on unhealthy foods, Hunt recommends taking a pre-emptive approach. Eat three square meals a day, and make sure to combine protein, fat and carbohydrates. Doing so keeps your blood sugar stable, preventing dips that lead to cravings. And make sure to avoid sugar, artificial ingredients, salty foods, excessive caffeine intake and alcohol.
More motivation to consider your diet: It also affects your mood. “Eating the right foods may ease depression and calm anxiety” during a divorce, Hunt says. She recommends drinking plenty of water, as studies indicate that dehydration can increase cortisol levels, or stress hormones. Also, a diet high in antioxidants might ward off depression – so make sure to fill your plate with fruits and veggies.
Additional research suggests omega-3 fatty acids, which are found in fatty wild fish and nuts, support brain function and elevate mood. Steel-cut oatmeal is a soothing comfort food that provides serotonin-boosting complex carbohydrates. And bone broth is full of minerals, like magnesium, that the body can easily absorb. It’s simple to make into soup and promotes healthy digestion when your stomach is upset.
Can’t eat? Drink protein shakes or green vegetable juices, or add gelatin and quality whey proteins to your smoothies. And consider increasing your intake of protein and healthy fats, such as eggs, avocados and nuts. This way, you won’t drop too many pounds.
“It is important to feed your body even if you are not hungry, as our immune systems become extremely vulnerable and weak during times of sadness and stress," Hunt says. "Finding foods that are comforting and easy to get down is important for your health."
Stick to a normal schedule. “Consistency is important” for your emotional health, Greggs says. “Show up to work on time. Have your routine. Make [yourself] and your children go to bed when you usually go to bed. Don’t act like the divorce is ending your life.”
Get sunshine. “Aim for sunlight every day,” Hunt advises. Sunlight boosts the brain’s serotonin supply. It also provides your body with vitamin D.
Take preventive health measures. Mark Hayward, a sociology professor and director of the Population Research Center at the University of Texas--Austin, researches the long-term health impacts of divorce. His findings indicate that the stress of divorce can accelerate the biological processes that lead to cardiovascular disease. Divorced, middle-aged women, he says, are more likely to develop heart disease than non-divorced, middle-aged married women.
And a recent study by sociologists at the University of Chicago showed that divorced or widowed individuals are 20 percent more likely than married people to have chronic health conditions, such as heart disease, diabetes or cancer.
Bottom line? After a divorce, don’t wait for years to see whether it affected your long-term health, Hayward advises. Instead, take steps to try to ensure your health isn’t harmed in the first place. Seek preventive health education and medical care, and proactively engage in heart-healthy habits.
Locate a support network. “When people split up, they often lose their friendship bases,” Meyer says. “Their friends usually pick one or the other; it’s too difficult to have [both couple members] in their lives.” During a divorce, this kind of social isolation can worsen depression and anxiety.
If you can’t rely on your old social networks, Meyer says to find new ones – just as long as they’re free of your ex-spouse. Join a support group; attend Meetup.com outings; go to church.
“I don’t care if it’s a knitting class,” Meyer says. “As long as it’s yours.”
Relax. Divorce-induced stress can induce all kinds of physical maladies. When it comes to her clients, Greggs says she’s seen it all: gastrointestinal issues, hair loss, high blood pressure, crashing immune systems and more.
To keep stress at bay, Greggs tells her clients to get regular massages. Meanwhile, Meyer recommends her patients join a yoga group. “It helps them get grounded. They can breathe, calm themselves down and feel their body again,” she says.
For those who can’t afford these activities, Meyer suggests joining community centers, which offer low-cost yoga classes and programs. And for birthday and Christmas presents, she tells them to ask for gift certificates to see a massage therapist.
Stay mindful. Mindfulness is an Eastern philosophy that teaches individuals to be continuously aware of the present instead of worrying about the past or future. Greggs tries to teach it to her clients.
“Enjoy your children when you’re with them. Or go outside in the morning, and just look at the sun rising. It’s simple things like this that keep you grounded in reality – not catastrophic thinking,” Greggs says.
Consider seeing a therapist or another mental health professional. During a divorce, if you’re genetically predisposed to clinical depression, anxiety or other mental health conditions, you might want to consider visiting a psychiatrist or psychologist. For clients who aren’t open to the idea, Greggs encourages them to visit a general medical practitioner for an overall wellness checkup – including a depression screening.
Don’t rush into another relationship. In the wake of a divorce, Meyer says her clients often engage in impulsive behavior. “This can lead them in a direction that is self-destructive,” she says. “They get involved in bad relationships and repeat old patterns. They’re trying to repair something from their past with this new person. And it’s not something they’re conscious of [at the time].”
Both Gregg and Meyer advise divorcees to stay single – at least for a little bit. Instead of seeking comfort in a new partner, focus on yourself.
“My clients sometimes start crying, and they say, ‘I’m never going to find anyone again,” Greggs says. “And sometimes I’ll just say, ‘You don’t need anybody. You just need you to be happy.’”
Source: https://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2015/03/26/how-to-stay-healthy-during-a-divorce
After a divorce, most people go through a myriad of emotions. Hurt, disappointment, and grief are some of the more easily recognized emotions, but underlying all of these may be anger.
Anger is a fact of life, especially for most people experiencing a divorce. Because anger is a human reality, what can you do to deal with and use proactively the anger you feel during divorce?
Strategies for Dealing With Anger During Divorce
Below are 5 strategies that will help you understand and deal with anger in a positive manner.
Don't Give In
Anger is a legitimate emotion, it is your heart trying to tell you something hurts emotionally. Stuffing anger to avoid dealing with it can result in depression which, in some cases is your anger turned inward. Allow yourself to explore the reasons for your anger and to express the anger in a proactive manner.
Learning to respond in a healthy manner to emotional pain isn't easy. It's the first step you have to take if you are going to keep the anger you feel from becoming destructive. Our first response to being hurt or feeling powerless is to lash out. To attempt to get revenge and regain a sense of control. When that is your response, you're feeding your anger instead of exploring and attempting to understand it.
To lessen anger and fully understand what you are feeling, you need to allow yourself to feel vulnerable and hurt. Anger gives a false sense of empowerment, vulnerability causes feelings of helplessness.
Anger is an emotional fraud. It's there to trick you into not fully understanding what lies beneath the anger, a lot of hurt and vulnerability. Anger hardens your heart and, if fed, keeps you from ever getting in touch with what you are truly feeling.
There is no shame in admitting you are hurt and feeling out of control.
And, doing so softens your heart, leads to being in touch with your feelings and staying open to new relationships and a healthier life after divorce. Choosing pain over anger is hell in the short-term but, healthy in the long-term.
Don’t Fear Your Anger
Women especially may have been brought up to think that they should be “nice and agreeable” and not get angry. Everyone gets angry, and it is a healthy emotion, not something to be feared. Journal or talk to a friend to vent your angry feelings, so you can work through them.
Feared anger leads to stuffed anger which leads to you one day blowing like Mount Vesuvius and leaving a path of destruction in your wake.\Get in touch with the feelings causing the anger and explore appropriate ways to express the anger you feel.
Don’t Worry About Losing Control of Your Anger
One fear many people have is, if they let their anger out they won’t be able to control the rage that may be inside them. This is usually a fear with no basis in fact. Find a safe place to vent your anger.
Punch a pillow, scream, or do whatever makes you feel the release you need without harming anyone. And, that is the key, stop fearing your anger, express it in a way that leads you to a reduction in the anger you feel without it causing or exacerbating conflict and harm.
Don’t Worry About What Other People Think
If you feel anger, you have a right to your feelings. Individuals may think that it’s acceptable to express grief or sadness, but anger may bring on feelings of embarrassment or shame because it is generally frowned upon.
Anger can be an early warning system that something is wrong. Is someone mistreating you? Is someone trying to take advantage of you? Use your anger to build healthy boundaries and distance yourself from those attempting to do you harm.
Get Regular Exercise
If you are having a hard time processing the reasons for your anger, it may be resulting from your overall situation and the frustration you feel from dealing with stress. Taking a walk, doing aerobics or finding stress-relieving yoga poses, or even kickboxing can make a person dealing with anger feel much relief.
According to WebMD.com, "exercise acts like a drug, protecting against angry mood induction, almost like taking aspirin to prevent a heart attack." So, instead of working out to burn calories, work out to burn off those feelings of anger.
Do an exercise that you know is safe for you, and give it your all. Check with your physician if you have any questions about whether or not exercise is appropriate for you.
Nothing contributes more to divorce turning into all-out war than anger. Get it under check, explore what it is trying to tell you, and when needed us your anger appropriately to protect yourself during the divorce process.
Source: https://www.liveabout.com/tips-for-dealing-with-anger-during-divorce-1102468
It’s difficult when we feel the heavy weight of anxiety bearing down on us, but watching a loved one deal with it can be just as hard. In fact, one of the most common questions we hear from our meQuilibrum community is, “How do I help my partner/child/sibling/parent/friend who’s really stressed?” So we decided to dedicate this week’s Cup of Calm to providing concrete ways you can help a loved one in distress return to a place of calm and capability.
April is Stress Awareness Month, which is all about increasing public awareness of both the causes and cures for our modern stress epidemic. In that spirit, we’ve put together a list of meQuilibrium’s top tips for soothing anxiety in others, from our Chief Science Officer Dr. Andrew Shatté.
It’s common to feel frustrated or powerless. The key? Counterbalancing the physical symptoms of anxiety and helping to put the issue in perspective. Here are five actionable ways to do just that:
1. Help them reconnect with the present. When someone you love is in the throes of anxiety, your first instinct might be to urge them to “calm down” or to “just relax.” But this may not be possible, because anxiety has a physical component that you can’t always “think” your way out of. “Anxiety is triggered when we perceive a threat, and that perception, accurate or not, causes a release of adrenaline,” says Shatté. “It activates the sympathetic nervous system, an age-old way to get us to flee from danger. We sweat, and we even get dry mouth as a way to preserve moisture. Any activity that requires blood or energy shuts down, so we get cold feet and tingling fingers.” These sensations are real, so don’t invalidate them. Instead, help your loved one reconnect with the present moment. You can do this by asking them to close their eyes and notice their body or what’s going on around them: the feeling of their feet touching the ground, the weight of their hands in their lap, the quiet hum of an air conditioner or heater.
2. Get them moving. Next, help them begin to calm down their body. Encourage them to take a deep breath, which reduces anxiety—breathing deeply activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which balances out the sympathetic nervous system and works to calm us down. Ask them to take 5 to 10 deep breaths, or try walking them through a breathing exercise. Offer them a drink of water, which eases an upset stomach and dry mouth. Then, get active. When Shatté’s kids feel nervous, he takes them on a walk, “because anxiety has that motivational piece of wanting to run away,” he says. “Behaviorally, walking forward is the exact opposite. Moving toward something shows you have nothing to fear.”
3. Help them get perspective. Imagine you’re standing in a dark, unfamiliar room. Fearful of what could be lurking in the shadows, you stumble around, blindly searching for the exit. Not very pleasant, right? Now imagine you’re in the same room, but someone switches on the light. There may be obstacles in your way, but you can see the exit—and your path becomes clear. This is a good analogy for anxious thinking. When anxious thoughts are rattling around in our mind, it’s easy to get lost or overwhelmed. Simply naming our worries can bring some much-needed clarity. Turn on the light for your loved one by asking them to clearly verbalize what they fear. The trick is to get those thoughts out of their head and into the light, so they become less scary—and less believable.
4. Ask “then what?” Once you understand their fears, walk them through worst-case scenarios. Maybe your spouse is worried about a stressful meeting with a boss. Ask, “And then what?” They might be afraid of being criticized. “And then what?” They may be afraid of getting fired, losing their income, and ending up on the street. Walking them through these steps illustrates how remote our worst fears often are. For example, the chances of one high pressure meeting ending in your home being repossessed is unlikely, to say the least. “When people are anxious, they often go well beyond the evidence in front of them—they go from layoffs to a dumpster,” Shatté says. Verbalizing worst-case scenario fears helps to neutralize them.
5. Bring positivity into the balance. It’s human nature to spend more time and energy on the negative events in our life than we do the positive—but this keeps us stuck in survival mode. In order to truly thrive, we have to mindfully bring more positivity into our lives. So, once your loved one has found a place of calm, help them shift their thinking to the positive. Have them list three things they are grateful for—there is no wrong answer, and nothing is too small to qualify. Bonus points for writing it down. To help prevent future anxiety, encourage your loved one to make it a habit—beyond reducing stress, the scientifically-proven benefits of this practice range from better sleep to improved self-esteem.
By helping a loved one cope with anxiety, you’re helping them to guard against it. Coping isn’t easy, but by offering your support, you can ensure that your loved one doesn’t have to tackle it alone.
Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-do-i-help-a-stressed-friend-or-loved-one_us_58ee2f89e4b0ea028d568e88?utm_hp_ref=stress
