Use these tactics to guide yourself through life-altering events.
Marriage, breakups, career changes, job loss, illness, having children, an empty nest, financial downturns, moving, graduating, losing someone you love. Stuff happens. All of these are common transitions and stress triggers. How do you cope? Here are a few self-coaching tips that can help:
- Admit that you feel vulnerable and seek help, which will defuse your negativity.
- Become proactive. Those who are empowered look for opportunities to make things better. Victims sit back and worry about what will happen.
- Know that you are never stuck with just one feeling. You may feel afraid and optimistic and excited about the same circumstances. Focus on the positive emotions.
- Trust yourself based on past successes, asking, When have I managed change before? How did I do that? How did it turn out?
- Avoid obsessing about the future. The solutions for how you feel now are usually in the present.
- When your future seems to depend on someone else’s actions, you might be inclined to obsess about what-ifs. Instead make the present moment the most important thing in your mind.
- Take positive action to get back on track: Put on music and dance in your kitchen; go for a walk; breathe deeply; read something inspirational.
- Quiet your mind briefly so you can see a fork in the road with a positive outcome. Find something you’re grateful for or remind yourself that things have a way of working out.
- Get out of your own head. Many people ease their stress and fears quickly with meditation, with prayer or by helping someone else.
“In case of the loss of cabin pressure, put on your own oxygen mask first before assisting others.”
If you fly on commercial planes, you've heard this statement from a flight attendant many times, instructing you to take care of your safety first so you have the ability to help someone else.
This is necessary for survival on a flight, but it's also an essential practice for daily life — take care of yourself first. It sounds nice, but in reality it's difficult to practice.
Like most of us, you probably hit the ground running when the alarm clock rings. Whether it's tending to kids, racing off to work, or going to school, your day starts early and is filled to the brim with tasks and obligations.
There's always something on your list of things to be done, a list that keeps expanding no matter how hard you try to get ahead of the curve.
Your digital devices keep you constantly plugged in and distracted, worrying that you are missing something important and dragging you into a vortex of information overload.
In Western culture in particular, we equate our self-worth to productivity and hard work. Many of us (women in particular) feel we are being selfish if we don't put the needs of others ahead of our own all the time.
We become addicted to people pleasing in order to feel validated.
But all of this productivity, multi-tasking, and people pleasing comes at a cost –your mental and physical health. Not only do you jeopardize your health, but also you miss out on the joys of fully experiencing life.
Can you give yourself permission to step back and reclaim some of your life? Are you willing to take better care of your own physical, mental, and emotional needs so you have the energy for the people you love, your work, and your life obligations?
If you need some inspiration, here are 50 self-care ideas to help you put yourself first for a change:
1. Let go of perfectionism.
It's hard to take care of yourself when you set your standards impossibly high. You will never be satisfied, and will feel you must work harder and harder to reach your perceived definition of perfect. You'll never reach that, so let it go. Allow yourself to be perfectly imperfect.
2. Reassess your priorities.
When you are so busy and distracted, everything seems like a priority. You're just spinning your wheels trying to get it all done. Just stop for an hour, and contemplate what is most important today, this week, this month, and in your life in general. Where are you spending time that isn't really contributing to these priorities?
3. Amend your diet.
What you eat makes such a difference in how you feel about yourself physically and mentally. What is one small change you can make in your diet to improve it? Trying dropping one bad item from your diet and replacing it with one good item (like a fruit or vegetable).
4. Make time for exercise.
You know that exercise is good for your mind, body, and spirit. There is so much research supporting this that it can't be denied. Don't make the excuse that you're too busy. Work the rest of your life around your exercise program.
5. Practice meditation.
Meditation is one of the best self-care habits you can practice. It reduces stress and anxiety, improves memory, decreases pain, and improves your sleep. You can learn the steps to a meditation practice here.
6. Take a daily walk.
Get out in nature, somewhere quiet and peaceful, and take a long walk. Listen to the sounds, watch the sky, smell the grass. Being in nature soothes your soul and helps you process your thoughts and feelings.
7. Prepare and eat a meal mindfully.
One of the unfortunate consequences of our busy lives is the slow disappearance of the family meal time. We've become dependent on meals on-the-go and fast food, rarely taking the time to savor what we eat, much less the food preparation. Make the choice to prepare and eat a meal mindfully, at least once a week.
8. Enjoy a quiet cup of tea.
Make yourself your favorite cup of tea and curl up in a comfy chair to enjoy it without any other distractions.
9. Get a monthly massage.
A massage is amazingly therapeutic both physically and emotionally. The massage therapist can work out all of the built-up tension in your body, which in turn allows you to release any stored emotional pain or anxiety.
10. Give yourself a digital detox.
Turn off all of your digital devices for an hour, a day, or even a week. The world won't end. But you'll regain some of your sanity.
11. Read a novel.
Read something just for the pure pleasure of reading. Or listen to an audiobook if that's your preferred way of consuming a great book.
12. Create a bath ritual.
Fill the tub with water and add bath salts. Dim the lights and light some candles. Put on soothing music. Grab a glass of wine or a cup of tea, and slip in the tub. Ahhhhh.
13. Purge toxic people.
Are there people in your life who are draining your energy and creating stress? Are you doing all of the work to maintain the relationship with little in return? Back off from people who drag you down and make you feel bad.
14. Create and enforce boundaries.
Don't allow the people around you, especially those you love, to take advantage of you or cross your personal boundaries. If you don't know what they are or how to set them, check out this post.
15. Define your values.
Your core values are the the guiding principles for your life. They are the guideposts that help you make decisions and live within your personal integrity. Once you define them, do your best to align your life with them.
16. Communicate your emotional needs.
Does your spouse or significant other meet your emotional needs? If not, it may be because you haven't fully communicated them. Let your partner know what you need to feel loved, respected, secure, and appreciated within your relationship.
17. Go to a movie by yourself.
Take yourself on a date to a movie theater, get a bag of buttery popcorn and a soda, and enjoy a great flick all by yourself.
18. Test drive a sports car.
Indulge a fantasy about owning that shiny red convertible, and go take your favorite sports car for a test spin. Turn up the radio, let down the top, and enjoy the ride.
19. Go to the beach or mountains.
Nothing soothes the soul like time at the ocean or in the mountains. Take a long weekend by yourself or with your favorite person and just relax. Leave your computer and work at home. Take along your favorite book, a bottle of wine, and some great food to cook.
20. Get rid of clutter.
Physical clutter in your home or work space can make you feel more stressed and overwhelmed. Pick one small area that is getting out of hand, and start purging and organizing. It will feel like a burden lifted once the space is clean.
21. Seek out your passion.
If you're working in a job you hate, you are spending the vast majority of you days in a negative environment. Figure out what your passion is and how to make it work for you and your life. Spend your days doing what you love.
22. Catch up on your doctor's appointments.
Are you skipping your annual physical or dental appointments? Are you up to date on recommended procedures? Don't neglect your physical health by putting off these important appointments. No, they aren't fun, but get them out of the way, and you'll feel relieved.
23. Sleep late.
When you've had a particularly rough week or a very late night, allow yourself to sleep in. Call in sick to school or work if you really need to catch up on some sleep.
24. Get a babysitter.
You love your kids, but being a parent is draining and demanding. You and your spouse need time for yourselves and each other. Hire a babysitter once a week so you can have a much-needed break.
25. Prepare the night before.
Think about how much stress you feel in the morning trying to get ready and out the door for work, school, or some other obligation. Make your morning routine less stressful by preparing the night before. Choose the clothes you want to wear. Get your breakfast lined up. Put everything you need to take with you in the car.
26. Get your car cleaned.
Are you riding around in a trash-mobile? Is your car filled with fast food containers, old papers, coffee cups, and part of your wardrobe? Clean out your car and get the interior and exterior cleaned.
27. Hire a housekeeper.
If your life is so busy that you have no time to clean your house, hire a housekeeper. This is an indulgence, but perhaps your time is worth more than the cost of the cleaner. Certainly your peace of mind is.
28. Go to a therapist or coach.
We all need help and support when going through a difficult time or trying to move our lives forward in a positive direction. Don't try to solve complicated life challenges on your own. Find a professional you can trust to help you.
29. Delegate.
If you're trying to be Super Mom or Super Dad, in addition to being Employee of the Year and winning Yard of the Month, perhaps you're overextending yourself. Delegate some of your chores to your kids, your co-workers, or other people in your life.
30. Buy the shoes.
Do you love them? Are they wildly expensive? Do you have the money? You only live once. Buy them!!
31. Get a manicure and pedicure.
Bitten down fingernails and gnarly toes do not scream self-care. Take care of your personal grooming and enjoy a relaxing hour of nail services.
32. Take a nap.
If you are having a hard time concentrating or keeping your eyes open during the day, you are probably sleep-deprived. Close your door, turn off your phone, and take a ten to fifteen minute cap nat to perk you up.
33. Make peace with your flaws.
Most of us are highly self-critical about everything from our appearance to our likability. The good news is that you aren't alone with your self-criticism. Everyone is flawed — that's what makes us human. So make peace with your flaws, and focus your thoughts on the positive instead.
34. Help someone else.
Nothing makes you feel better about yourself than helping other people. This may seem like a counterproductive approach to taking care of yourself, but when you are focused on helping someone else, you aren't as focused on your own problems or worries.
35. Use essential oils and aromatherapy.
Using essential oils may reduce the symptoms of depression and anxiety, alleviate physical ailments, improve sleep, help digestion, and have many other benefits. The aromas of your favorite oils are soothing and calming, especially in your bath or on your pillow.
36. Listen to inspiring podcasts.
Take a break from scanning social media or binge-watching Netflix and listen to an uplifting, inspiring podcast. Check out The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes, The Minimalists Podcast, or Optimal Living Daily.
37. Cuddle.
Physical touch is healing and calming. We all need it, more than we might think we do. If you aren't getting enough cuddling from your partner, ask for more. Just sit on the couch and hold each other. It feels great.
38. Take a yoga class.
Yoga is a form of meditation in action. It increases your muscle tone, flexibility, and strength while calming your mind and giving you more clarity and focus.
39. Learn to say “no.”
This is a hard thing to do for people-pleasers, but you'll find the more you practice saying no, the easier it becomes. You'll feel more in control of your time and more confident about yourself.
40. Dial back your expectations of others.
One of life's biggest energy sucks is expecting the people around us to be something other than who they are. When you struggle to change someone or hold unrealistic expectations, you cause yourself suffering, and you diminish your relationship with this person.
41. Ask a friend for support.
Don't carry every emotional burden or challenge by yourself. Reach out to your friends and ask for a listening ear or support when you feel down or anxious. Allow your friends to be there for you.
42. Drink more water.
Water keeps your body temp in normal range, lubricates your joints, keeps your organs functioning, and helps you eliminate waste. Most people don't drink enough water throughout the day. Men need about 15.5 cups of fluid a day, and women need 11.5 cups. You can get fluids from food and other beverages, but try to make the majority of this intake pure water.
43. Cut back on alcohol.
Drinking alcohol not only impairs your judgment, but also it impacts your sleep, affects mental health, adds weight, dehydrates you, affects concentration, and can contribute to the risk of having a host of diseases. Cutting back is a great way to take care of your body and mind.
44. Take up a creative hobby.
We often avoid trying a creative hobby because we fear the results of our efforts will be crappy. Don't focus on the results. Focus on the joy of a creative endeavor. Creative hobbies reduce stress, protects your brain function, improves your mood, and can enhance your social life.
45. Get a pet.
Taking care of a pet does add to your responsibilities, but it can also have many emotional benefits that offset the work involved. A pet can decrease feelings of loneliness, offer soothing physical contact, and help keep us active.
46. Journal.
Journaling is an excellent way to process your emotions, clear your mind, and solve problems. Studies confirm that the emotional release from journaling lowers anxiety and stress, and improves physical health.
47. Cancel plans when you feel bad.
Do you feel obligated to follow through on plans with friends or family when you feel depressed or ill? Do you always try to push through because you don't want to disappoint others? Of course you want to be reliable, but when you feel off, put yourself first and be willing to cancel to take care of yourself.
48. Deal with your baggage.
Whatever emotional baggage you carry from the past will inevitably impact your current relationships and perceptions of life. Make the decision to heal your past so you can fully enjoy the present.
49. Work on your personal growth.
Be proactive in exploring your own inner world and learning new ways to evolve and grow as a person. The more self-aware you become, the happier and more content you will be.
50. Meet new people.
An excellent way to grow and expand yourself is by meeting new people who may be different from your typical crowd. Seek out people are growth oriented, positive, and adventurous, and you'll discover a well-spring of new interest and opportunities for yourself.
There are a myriad of ways to practice self-care and show compassion and love to yourself. Any action or endeavor that feels soothing, relaxing, enriching, and joyful will fit the bill. What does self-care mean for you? What have you done to put yourself first so you can be more available for others and energized for your work and other obligations?
Source: https://liveboldandbloom.com/09/self-improvement/self-care-ideas
Cope with the pain through diet, exercise and friendship.
NATALIE GREGGS, A family law attorney who practices in Allen, Texas, likens divorce to a death. The accompanying stress and grief is comparable to a physical loss, she says, and affects you both physically and emotionally.
“I tell my clients, ‘Imagine how you’re going to react to this death, and how it’s going to impact every part of your body – your mind, your stomach, even your ability to walk,” Greggs says. “Self-care is the number one thing that gets you through the day.”
Not only does self-care help get you through the day during a divorce, it’s also important for your future well-being. Research suggests divorced individuals face a heightened risk for certain long-term chronic health problems – a scary prospect, considering that experts estimate the lifelong probability of a marriage ending in divorce to be 40 to 50 percent.
Going through a divorce? Here are some tips on how to stay sane, healthy and hopeful during the painful process.
Get some exercise. This is one of the first pieces of advice Greggs gives her clients. “If you’re not on a regular exercise routine, get on one,” Greggs says. “You don’t have to belong to a gym. You don’t have to do anything fancy. Just take a walk every day.”
Exercise helps your body produce feel-good brain chemicals called endorphins. It also increases self-confidence, improves sleep and reduces symptoms of anxiety, stress and depression, says Lindsay Hunt, a certified integrative nutrition coach and personal trainer based in Scottsdale, Arizona. Any type of physical movement counts as exercise: dancing, walking, yoga, swimming. The most important part, though, is finding something you enjoy. That way, you’ll be likely to repeat it on a regular basis.
Hunt recommends finding a friend or workout buddy to hold you accountable. That person will make sure you have no excuse to stay on the couch.
Overhaul your diet. When we're sad, we tend to gain or lose weight. During a divorce, these ups and downs can quickly veer out of control.
“I had a slender client who, over the course of a year, proceeded to lose probably 50 pounds,” Greggs recalls. “By the end of her case, she was skeletal.” In contrast, Mikki Meyer, a licensed marriage and family therapist who practices in New York City, describes a patient who gained nearly 100 pounds.
If you’re binging on unhealthy foods, Hunt recommends taking a pre-emptive approach. Eat three square meals a day, and make sure to combine protein, fat and carbohydrates. Doing so keeps your blood sugar stable, preventing dips that lead to cravings. And make sure to avoid sugar, artificial ingredients, salty foods, excessive caffeine intake and alcohol.
More motivation to consider your diet: It also affects your mood. “Eating the right foods may ease depression and calm anxiety” during a divorce, Hunt says. She recommends drinking plenty of water, as studies indicate that dehydration can increase cortisol levels, or stress hormones. Also, a diet high in antioxidants might ward off depression – so make sure to fill your plate with fruits and veggies.
Additional research suggests omega-3 fatty acids, which are found in fatty wild fish and nuts, support brain function and elevate mood. Steel-cut oatmeal is a soothing comfort food that provides serotonin-boosting complex carbohydrates. And bone broth is full of minerals, like magnesium, that the body can easily absorb. It’s simple to make into soup and promotes healthy digestion when your stomach is upset.
Can’t eat? Drink protein shakes or green vegetable juices, or add gelatin and quality whey proteins to your smoothies. And consider increasing your intake of protein and healthy fats, such as eggs, avocados and nuts. This way, you won’t drop too many pounds.
“It is important to feed your body even if you are not hungry, as our immune systems become extremely vulnerable and weak during times of sadness and stress," Hunt says. "Finding foods that are comforting and easy to get down is important for your health."
Stick to a normal schedule. “Consistency is important” for your emotional health, Greggs says. “Show up to work on time. Have your routine. Make [yourself] and your children go to bed when you usually go to bed. Don’t act like the divorce is ending your life.”
Get sunshine. “Aim for sunlight every day,” Hunt advises. Sunlight boosts the brain’s serotonin supply. It also provides your body with vitamin D.
Take preventive health measures. Mark Hayward, a sociology professor and director of the Population Research Center at the University of Texas--Austin, researches the long-term health impacts of divorce. His findings indicate that the stress of divorce can accelerate the biological processes that lead to cardiovascular disease. Divorced, middle-aged women, he says, are more likely to develop heart disease than non-divorced, middle-aged married women.
And a recent study by sociologists at the University of Chicago showed that divorced or widowed individuals are 20 percent more likely than married people to have chronic health conditions, such as heart disease, diabetes or cancer.
Bottom line? After a divorce, don’t wait for years to see whether it affected your long-term health, Hayward advises. Instead, take steps to try to ensure your health isn’t harmed in the first place. Seek preventive health education and medical care, and proactively engage in heart-healthy habits.
Locate a support network. “When people split up, they often lose their friendship bases,” Meyer says. “Their friends usually pick one or the other; it’s too difficult to have [both couple members] in their lives.” During a divorce, this kind of social isolation can worsen depression and anxiety.
If you can’t rely on your old social networks, Meyer says to find new ones – just as long as they’re free of your ex-spouse. Join a support group; attend Meetup.com outings; go to church.
“I don’t care if it’s a knitting class,” Meyer says. “As long as it’s yours.”
Relax. Divorce-induced stress can induce all kinds of physical maladies. When it comes to her clients, Greggs says she’s seen it all: gastrointestinal issues, hair loss, high blood pressure, crashing immune systems and more.
To keep stress at bay, Greggs tells her clients to get regular massages. Meanwhile, Meyer recommends her patients join a yoga group. “It helps them get grounded. They can breathe, calm themselves down and feel their body again,” she says.
For those who can’t afford these activities, Meyer suggests joining community centers, which offer low-cost yoga classes and programs. And for birthday and Christmas presents, she tells them to ask for gift certificates to see a massage therapist.
Stay mindful. Mindfulness is an Eastern philosophy that teaches individuals to be continuously aware of the present instead of worrying about the past or future. Greggs tries to teach it to her clients.
“Enjoy your children when you’re with them. Or go outside in the morning, and just look at the sun rising. It’s simple things like this that keep you grounded in reality – not catastrophic thinking,” Greggs says.
Consider seeing a therapist or another mental health professional. During a divorce, if you’re genetically predisposed to clinical depression, anxiety or other mental health conditions, you might want to consider visiting a psychiatrist or psychologist. For clients who aren’t open to the idea, Greggs encourages them to visit a general medical practitioner for an overall wellness checkup – including a depression screening.
Don’t rush into another relationship. In the wake of a divorce, Meyer says her clients often engage in impulsive behavior. “This can lead them in a direction that is self-destructive,” she says. “They get involved in bad relationships and repeat old patterns. They’re trying to repair something from their past with this new person. And it’s not something they’re conscious of [at the time].”
Both Gregg and Meyer advise divorcees to stay single – at least for a little bit. Instead of seeking comfort in a new partner, focus on yourself.
“My clients sometimes start crying, and they say, ‘I’m never going to find anyone again,” Greggs says. “And sometimes I’ll just say, ‘You don’t need anybody. You just need you to be happy.’”
Source: https://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2015/03/26/how-to-stay-healthy-during-a-divorce
Humans are hardwired toward negativity bias. We can get caught up in rumination or thought cycles, imagining and worrying about every potential outcome for our future. This leads to increased stress as well as anxiety.
I asked Katie Krimer, M.A., L.M.S.W., a psychotherapist and social worker at Union Square Practice, for her suggestions on creating a healthier mindset and letting go of the incessant worries. Here are her four practices you can do in 2017 to have fewer worries.
1. Recognize the function of the “checker”
When you have a negative thought or ruminative thought, you can remind yourself that there’s a part of your brain that acts as a “checker” of sorts–it’s there to maintain safety. But often, it’s a bit on the fritz. It’s checking in too frequently–hence the looping negative thoughts that are so hard to let go of.
Acknowledge that your brain is trying to check in to make sure that everything is safe and okay, and let it know that you are indeed alright. Give yourself permission to turn the checker off.
2. Label your thoughts
The most straightforward of mindfulness practices is to label thoughts as thoughts. We don’t tend to stop and realize that our brain is coming up with so many strings of words that it puts together at lightning speeds and that we then believe or engage with or indulge immediately.
We can start to engage with this notion: we are not our thoughts. When we label thoughts as thoughts, we give our brain the opportunity to create a necessary separation between us and that influx of information.
Just because our brain gives us the thought “I am unworthy,” does not mean that we need to believe it. We can simply acknowledge that we are having the thought, without giving it the meaning that we typically do. We can start to notice when we’re having particular thoughts, and label them neutrally and non-judgmentally, instead of immediately thinking “good or bad.”
3. Meditate
Shifting your attention by doing five minutes meditation, body scan or breathing exercise.
4. Shift your attention
Notice what’s okay and good. If your negative thoughts are on a loop, gently acknowledge them, but turn your attention to writing down five things that exist or happened that were good, pleasant or happiness-inducing. Did you have a delicious caffeinated drink? Did you talk to your best friend? Do you have a fun event coming up?
Mindfulness practice is about the “return”–this means noticing when your mind has strayed to thinking and bringing your awareness to the present, to something a little more positive–having the intention to shift your attention.
Source: https://www.forbes.com/sites/jeenacho/2016/12/28/4-ways-of-creating-positive-mindset-in-2017-using-mindfulness/#5ddc2ca03702
Positive thinking sounds useful on the surface. (Most of us would prefer to be positive rather than negative.) But “positive thinking” is also a soft and fluffy term that is easy to dismiss. In the real world, it rarely carries the same weight as words like “work ethic” or “persistence.”
But those views may be changing.
Research is beginning to reveal that positive thinking is about much more than just being happy or displaying an upbeat attitude. Positive thoughts can actually create real value in your life and help you build skills that last much longer than a smile.
The impact of positive thinking on your work, your health, and your life is being studied by people who are much smarter than me. One of these people is Barbara Fredrickson.
Fredrickson is a positive psychology researcher at the University of North Carolina, and she published a landmark paper that provides surprising insights about positive thinking and its impact on your skills. Her work is among the most referenced and cited in her field, and it is surprisingly useful in everyday life.
Let’s talk about Fredrickson’s discovery and what it means for you...
What Negative Thoughts Do to Your Brain
Play along with me for a moment.
Let’s say that you’re walking through the forest and suddenly a tiger steps onto the path ahead of you. When this happens, your brain registers a negative emotion — in this case, fear.
Researchers have long known that negative emotions program your brain to do a specific action. When that tiger crosses your path, for example, you run. The rest of the world doesn’t matter. You are focused entirely on the tiger, the fear it creates, and how you can get away from it.
In other words, negative emotions narrow your mind and focus your thoughts. At that same moment, you might have the option to climb a tree, pick up a leaf, or grab a stick — but your brain ignores all of those options because they seem irrelevant when a tiger is standing in front of you.
This is a useful instinct if you’re trying to save life and limb, but in our modern society we don’t have to worry about stumbling across tigers in the wilderness. The problem is that your brain is still programmed to respond to negative emotions in the same way — by shutting off the outside world and limiting the options you see around you.
For example, when you’re in a fight with someone, your anger and emotion might consume you to the point where you can’t think about anything else. Or, when you are stressed out about everything you have to get done today, you may find it hard to actual start anything because you’re paralyzed by how long your to-do list has become. Or, if you feel bad about not exercising or not eating healthy, all you think about is how little willpower you have, how you’re lazy, and how you don’t have any motivation.
In each case, your brain closes off from the outside world and focuses on the negative emotions of fear, anger, and stress — just like it did with the tiger. Negative emotions prevent your brain from seeing the other options and choices that surround you. It’s your survival instinct.
Now, let’s compare this to what positive emotions do to your brain. This is where Barbara Fredrickson returns to the story.
What Positive Thoughts Do to Your Brain
Fredrickson tested the impact of positive emotions on the brain by setting up a little experiment. During this experiment, she divided her research subjects into five groups and showed each group different film clips.
The first two groups were shown clips that created positive emotions. Group 1 saw images that created feelings of joy. Group 2 saw images that created feelings of contentment.
Group 3 was the control group. They saw images that were neutral and produced no significant emotion.
The last two groups were shown clips that created negative emotions. Group 4 saw images that created feelings of fear. Group 5 saw images that created feelings of anger.
Afterward, each participant was asked to imagine themselves in a situation where similar feelings would arise and to write down what they would do. Each participant was handed a piece of paper with 20 blank lines that started with the phrase, “I would like to...”
Participants who saw images of fear and anger wrote down the fewest responses. Meanwhile, the participants who saw images of joy and contentment, wrote down a significantly higher number of actions that they would take, even when compared to the neutral group.
In other words, when you are experiencing positive emotions like joy, contentment, and love, you will see more possibilities in your life. These findings were among the first that suggested positive emotions broaden your sense of possibility and open your mind up to more options.
But that was just the beginning. The really interesting impact of positive thinking happens later...
How Positive Thinking Builds Your Skill Set
The benefits of positive emotions don’t stop after a few minutes of good feelings subside. In fact, the biggest benefit that positive emotions provide is an enhanced ability to build skills and develop resources for use later in life.
Let’s consider a real-world example.
A child who runs around outside, swinging on branches and playing with friends, develops the ability to move athletically (physical skills), the ability to play with others and communicate with a team (social skills), and the ability to explore and examine the world around them (creative skills). In this way, the positive emotions of play and joy prompt the child to build skills that are useful and valuable in everyday life.
These skills last much longer than the emotions that initiated them. Years later, that foundation of athletic movement might develop into a scholarship as a college athlete or the communication skills may blossom into a job offer as a business manager. The happiness that promoted the exploration and creation of new skills has long since ended, but the skills themselves live on.
Fredrickson refers to this as the “broaden and build” theory because positive emotions broaden your sense of possibilities and open your mind, which in turn allows you to build new skills and resources that can provide value in other areas of your life.
As we discussed earlier, negative emotions do the opposite. Why? Because building skills for future use is irrelevant when there is immediate threat or danger (like the tiger on the path).
All of this research begs the most important question of all: If positive thinking is so useful for developing valuable skills and appreciating the big picture of life, how do you actually get yourself to be positive?
How to Increase Positive Thinking in Your Life
What you can do to increase positive emotions and take advantage of the “broaden and build” theory in your life?
Well, anything that sparks feelings of joy, contentment, and love will do the trick. You probably know what things work well for you. Maybe it’s playing the guitar. Maybe it’s spending time with a certain person. Maybe it’s carving tiny wooden lawn gnomes.
That said, here are three ideas for you to consider...
1. Meditation — Recent research by Fredrickson and her colleagues has revealed that people who meditate daily display more positive emotions that those who do not. As expected, people who meditated also built valuable long-term skills. For example, three months after the experiment was over, the people who meditated daily continued to display increased mindfulness, purpose in life, social support, and decreased illness symptoms.
Note: If you’re looking for an easy way to start meditation, here is a 10-minute guided meditation that was recently sent to me. Just close your eyes, breathe, and follow along.
2. Writing — This study, published in the Journal of Research in Personality, examined a group of 90 undergraduate students who were split into two groups. The first group wrote about an intensely positive experience each day for three consecutive days. The second group wrote about a control topic.
Three months later, the students who wrote about positive experiences had better mood levels, fewer visits to the health center, and experienced fewer illnesses. (This blew me away. Better health after just three days of writing about positive things!)
Note: I used to be very erratic in my writing, but now I publish a new blog every Monday and Thursday. I’ve written more about my writing process and how you can stick to your goals in this blog and this blog.
3. Play — Schedule time to play into your life. We schedule meetings, conference calls, weekly events, and other responsibilities into our daily calendars... why not schedule time to play?
When was the last time you blocked out an hour on your calendar just to explore and experiment? When was the last time you intentionally carved out time to have fun? You can’t tell me that being happy is less important than your Wednesday meeting, and yet, we act like it is because we never give it a time and space to live on our calendars.
Give yourself permission to smile and enjoy the benefits of positive emotion. Schedule time for play and adventure so that you can experience contentment and joy, and explore and build new skills.
Happiness vs. Success (Which Comes First?)
There’s no doubt that happiness is the result of achievement. Winning a championship, landing a better job, finding someone you love — these things will bring joy and contentment to your life. But so often, we wrongly assume that this means happiness always follows success.
How often have you thought, “If I just get ___, then I’ll be set.”
Or, “Once I achieve ___, I’ll be satisfied.”
I know I’m guilty of putting off happiness until I achieve some arbitrary goal. But as Fredrickson’s “broaden and build” theory proves, happiness is essential to building the skills that allow for success.
In other words, happiness is both the precursor to success and the result of it.
In fact, researchers have often noticed a compounding effect or an “upward spiral” that occurs with happy people. They are happy, so they develop new skills, those skills lead to new success, which results in more happiness, and the process repeats itself.
Where to Go From Here
Positive thinking isn’t just a soft and fluffy feel-good term. Yes, it’s great to simply “be happy,” but those moments of happiness are also critical for opening your mind to explore and build the skills that become so valuable in other areas of your life.
Finding ways to build happiness and positive emotions into your life — whether it is through meditation, writing, playing a pickup basketball game, or anything else — provides more than just a momentary decrease in stress and a few smiles.
Periods of positive emotion and unhindered exploration are when you see the possibilities for how your past experiences fit into your future life, when you begin to develop skills that blossom into useful talents later on, and when you spark the urge for further exploration and adventure.
To put it simply: Seek joy, play often, and pursue adventure. Your brain will do the rest.
Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/james-clear/positive-thinking_b_3512202.html
Let go a little to be happier and live better.
How many of you want to grow old faster? What, no takers?!
Well, did you know you accelerate your aging when you regularly experience stress or anxiety? Seriously, if you’re too tired or too wired, take note of the seven strategies here to help you stress a little less:
1. Give up the daily guilt.
Let’s get some perspective. Too many of us waste time feeling guilty that our life is out of balance, but you’ll never feel balanced as long as you have goals and dreams. Why? There’s always way too much to do, to learn, to accomplish.
If you’re like me and have passion for your work, it’s easy to lose yourself in your tasks and projects since they bring you joy. At a certain point, however, I have to consciously ditch work to spend time with friends and family (minus my phone).
Quit thinking you need to “touch” everything each day and look at how “balanced” your life is over a period of time, not a specific day of the week. Take this one step farther and realize that it’s about being balanced over your lifetime. It all evens out.
2. Realize good is good enough.
Any other recovering perfectionists out there? Stop wasting time creating the “perfect” proposal, letter or marketing brochure, seeking the ideal gift for your nephew, the best comforter for your bedroom, or the supremely clean house. Stop at 80 percent and move on to the next task. Otherwise, hours of your life are wasted and nobody notices the difference but you. Get over yourself and take a step closer to acceptance.
3. Snooze, or lose.
Yeah, I can hear you stress puppies already: “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” But the point is you will be dead sooner as a result. Exhaustion is not a badge of honor. Without sleep, you are worthless to yourself and those around you.
Staying up even one hour later to finish a task or watch Grey’s Anatomy costs you more than your health. Try irritability, trouble retaining information, minor illness, poor judgment, increased mistakes and even weight gain. A Harvard Business Review study of 975 global managers determined that 45 percent of high-earning managers are too pooped to even speak to their spouse or partner after work. This is your wake-up call to get your ZZZ’s.
4. Scale back on drive time.
When choosing a new doctor, dentist, hairdresser, whatever, find one as close to home as possible. Bonus: with gas so expensive, think of the savings! The same holds true when finding activities for any family members—stay local. Sure the ideal preschool, soccer club or SAT study group may be a longer commute, but add up all the drive time in advance and ask if it’s really worth it before committing to rush-hour jams and early alarm clocks.
Still determined? Set up carpools and recognize you don’t have to be at every activity. Sure it’s fun to participate, but your child will not turn into a serial killer if you miss a few games or performances.
5. Say no to others so you can say yes to you.
Are you turning down distractions disguised as opportunities? Are you being asked to join social sites that are leaving you no time to network with the people under your roof? Are you still knocking yourself out to host the annual Labor Day party when all you see is the labor ahead?
It’s not selfish to say no to others when the intent is to clear some space to say yes to you. Life does go on even if you aren’t involved in every activity, party or event. Look at it this way: Being missed makes you more interesting and appreciated when you do show up.
6. Power off.
The quickest way to gain downtime is to turn off the phone, TV and computer and enjoy the lack of distractions. I’ve spoken to people who feel anxious when their DVR is overloaded with recordings and they don’t have the time to watch their shows. C’mon, do you really need to know who’s getting kicked off the island or what has-been star can dance?
Some people say TV relaxes them, but I believe it’s more of a habit than a way to lower stress. TV just numbs you, and when the show’s over, your pressures resurface. Same with the computer. Sure, it’s great to connect with old friends on Facebook, but do you really need to know what someone ate for dinner?
Rather than screen sucking, grab that unopened book from your shelf, call a good friend or grab a cup of your favorite beverage and reflect on your day.
7. Embrace the messiness.
Having been raised by not one but two neat freaks, my old mantra was: There is a place for everything and everything belongs in its place. When I was single, the television remote stayed in the same spot, my pillows were strategically placed, and the countertops were void of dishes.
Now that I share my life with a family, the opposite is true. My new mantra: A clean house doesn’t define you; it confines you. Even with twice-monthly help, my house is usually messy—not dirty, but messy… big difference and one I’m learning to live with if I want to have a life outside of cleaning.
Embrace the messiness. It comes with the territory and means you’re leading a busy,fulfilling life—not a Stepford existence.
And if all else fails, remember you’re too blessed to be stressed! It’s impossible to feel stress and be grateful at the same time. When you’re on overwhelm, simply take a deep breath and count your blessings—works every time.
Source: http://www.success.com/article/7-thoughtful-ways-to-stress-less
