That’s right, you deserve better.
We all struggle with insecurities, and because of these insecurities, we start to try to justify situations that aren’t right for us - whether it’s a job, a relationship or a friendship. I myself have (and continue to) struggled with the insecurities brought on by my past. It’s more than just physical insecurities, but the idea that sometimes I feel like I’m too damaged — like I’ve been through too much in my life.
Maybe I’m just too f*cked up, and thus incapable of being loved because of the struggles of my past. Sometimes I wish my parents had stayed together instead of getting divorced when I was 7 — maybe then I’d have had a mother to raise me and maybe life would have been different. Maybe if I hadn’t been treated like complete sh*t in my past relationship, I wouldn’t be so scared to give all of myself to someone again. Maybe if my father hadn’t passed away, I’d be less scarred, and I wouldn’t get sad seeing a father and daughter on a subway train, or when a father walks his daughter down the aisle on her wedding day.
But all of this doesn’t ever get me anywhere but curled up in my bed crying about things that don’t matter.
I’ve realized that you have to learn to let things go — memories that don’t make you smile, things that don’t add true value, and people who don’t make you feel the way you should — happy, loved and beautiful.
You have to close the wounds you’ve been left with — from whatever relationship, traumatic experience or getting fired from a job you loved/hated — you have to close these wounds for yourself, and by yourself. Because if you don’t, you’ll always look back, wishing, wanting and regretting things that weren’t meant to be in the first place.
And on those nights when you feel completely alone, like no one will understand you or have the answers to your questions — remember that loneliness is designed to help you discover who you are — so that you’ll stop looking outside yourself for your worth.
So when that boyfriend, husband, wife, sister, friend constantly takes advantage of you and puts you down — you’ll eventually build the strength to take nothing less than what you deserve. Or when you’re working day in and day out at a company that doesn’t value your opinion, your eye, your knowledge — or your boss is a complete d*ck for no apparent reason other than the fact that he/she is unhappy with his/her own miserable life — you’ll have the confidence to seek out a new career and find a company that appreciates and values you as an employee.
People stay in unhappy situations because they’re comfortable and/or too scared of what’s on the other side. You cannot be one of those people. Because you deserve better. And you’ll find someone who will love you through success and failure — so that you can discover how little life has to do with either.
So when you feel unlucky, or you start to feel bad about yourself — take a second to see how far you’ve come. You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens. Let go of the pity of your past. Because you weren’t put on this earth to break even. You’re here to break rules, break records, and break through.
People ask me, “How did you do it? How did you change your life? How did you just leave everything behind to travel the world and live the life of your dreams?“
I just woke up one day and decided I didn’t want to feel like sh*t — at home, at my job, in my relationship — anymore, or ever again. So I changed. Just like that.
So I’m writing this letter to you because we all (myself included) need reminders — gentle reminders that get us up out of bed to take back control of our happiness. Please don’t be ashamed of your past. Your scars are what make you beautiful. Your story is one that can and will inspire someone else in this world. You have a purpose to why you exist, why you live, why you breathe, why you were placed in the town or city that you grew up in, to be raised the way that you did. And you deserve better.
Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jinna-yang/why-you-deserve-better_b_7163882.html
Have you ever heard the following joke, “Well enough about me...let’s talk about you. So... what do you think about me?” This article is all about YOU. Dedicate the next seven days to your inner and outer self.
Use the following questions to determine, “What about me?”
- Do I eat a minimum of three well-balanced meals daily?
- Do I hydrate enough so that my urine is clear?
- Do I get a minimum of seven hours of deep sleep each night?
- Do I think and/or talk to myself with positive affirmations?
- Do I avoid harmful over-indulgences?
- Do I choose friends that make me mentally, physically and spiritually better?
- Do I swiftly manage the stress in my life?
- Do I only go into the past for non-emotional evaluation or to reminisce in a positive way with a friend?
- Do I only go into the future for planning my Visions and Goals with corresponding tactics and strategies?
- Do I do what I love and love what I do?
- Do I only think of what I want, as opposed to what I don’t want in life?
- Do I prioritize a daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly and yearly to-do list?
- Do I take periodic breaks, mini-vacations and full vacations to rejuvenate my mind, body and soul?
- Do I adhere to the Golden Rule of “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them”
- Do I treat myself like a Champion?
If the answer is “No” to any of these questions, then make it right. Create an action plan, if necessary. Commit to it. See yourself doing it in finished state. If the answer is “yes,” then congratulations! You are on the right path.
Place this short questionnaire in safekeeping. Use it periodically to see if you’re treating your best friend, YOU, like a champion. With strains of the economy and the demands of society increasing, it is time to place your awareness on YOU.
For over 40 years, most of my clients that initially arrived to my doorstep had put themselves last. They had placed their “happy eggs” in baskets of Career, Relationships or Parenting, neglecting the very thing that makes everything possible.
How do you become your best friend?
Love yourself and it will be easier to showcase love for others and find reciprocating love. Respect yourself and you’ll gain respect from others. Speak positive to yourself and positive people and opportunities will arrive.
Avoid self-deprecating humor. Avoid phrases like...
- “I figured that would happen.”
- “If I didn’t have any bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all.”
- “I’m an idiot!” or “I suck at...”
- “I’m too old for this.”
- “Life’s an endless grind.”
- “I told you that wouldn’t work.”
- “That’s just the way it goes.”
- “You can’t expect to succeed all of the time.”
- “You win some and you lose some.”
- “There’s not enough time in the day.”
- “If I had better direction, I would perform better.”
- “Why try? It’s not appreciated. It does me no good.”
- “I’m just going to do my job and keep my mouth shut.”
Have you uttered any of the above phrases? No more put downs or beating yourself up, especially in front of others. No more victim and or judge thoughts or statements.
End negative self-talk
If your daily inner dialogue could be printed out, it would reveal if you are your best friend or not. I’ve told many clients, “If I talked to you like you talk to you, you’d fire me.”
Sell you on you. As your self-worth increases, a magnetic force of attraction will expand. Most of the things you need and want in life will arrive.
It’s time to “Be Your Own Best Friend.”
Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jim-fannin/be-your-own-best-friend_1_b_13050648.html?utm_hp_ref=emotional-wellness
You deserve some recognition and to know that you are amazing.
Nobody ever mentions the single dads.
And they are out there.
My kids have one.
They hardly mention the dads who became moms, or the dads who still sent their ex flowers from her little kids on mother’s day because they couldn’t yet -the dad who loves his kids more than he is bitter toward his ex.
We see post after post on social media about single moms having a hard life, harder than ours.
We read about how good of a job they are doing to teach their sons not to be like their deadbeat father, and how strong they are doing this all alone.
We see posts titled 10 reasons single mom’s rock, making points about how they are used to handling everything on their own, and how good they’ve gotten at juggling things with no time to themselves, all while they work two jobs to make ends meet.
My hat is off to them.
I respect you because as a “single mom” myself, I have not had to endure that. Which means my kids, who are the most important part of all of this, have not either.
It’s not easy as a single dad going to the park alone with your children, knowing everyone suspects you are there so that mommy can have some me time.
But what about the moms who are single but not alone because the man they left behind may have been an unexceptional husband, but is an exceptional father. For us, it feels weird to call ourselves “single moms” because we are technically single, but not single in the raising of our children.
We are lucky.
We may not say it enough, maybe some of us don’t recognize it from the bitterness and strain that comes from a divorce or a breakup, but we are lucky to end up with these kinds of men. As strange as it sounds, we are lucky these are the types of the men we started a family with, even though we won’t end as a family in the traditional sense.
What about the moms who got divorced or left not so perfect husbands, but amazing fathers? The moms who share joint custody, and only see their kids 50% of the time? It seems like we have it easy, and sometimes, in some instances, we do.
We know that.
We feel lucky, even though just as we are getting back into a routine with our kids, it’s time for them to go again. It makes us sad because they are being shuffled between houses, and we selfishly want to be there 24/7, but happy at the same time they have a relationship with their dad.
The relationship they should have, and deserve to have.
We are judged on how often they switch homes, but we ignore it because we know how important it is to keep a consistent relationship with their dad when he is a genuinely great person, and focused on making them the best they can possibly be, just as much as we are.
You single dads may feel stupid for treating your ex so well when so many men don’t. But you are not stupid. You are amazing. It’s hard, really hard. Men need to cut all ties when moving on from a relationship and you can’t do that when you are a parent.
At least not if you are a good one.
To the one’s that stay, I admire you, and I thank you for setting such an amazing example for your daughters, and especially your son’s. They are watching how you treat their mother.
You are so awesome that you feel guilty when there is tension between you and your ex, momentarily forgetting the agonizing tension in your house when you were together. You’re not realizing the chaos the boy in the house next door calls life, where the mom and dad are screaming out of frustration while her little boy whom she thinks is sleeping in the next room is listening because they think they have to stay for their kids. You feel guilty that you are not in their lives one hundred percent of the time, but you are in their lives 100% of the time you just don’t realize that yet. You don’t realize that some fathers who are physically there all of the time are hurting their children more than helping them.
You will realize one day how great of a job you are doing, and that just because you did not do a great job in your marriage, it says nothing about the way you parent. I promise you will realize how much what you are doing now, the way you act in front of your kids and make decisions based on them and not your feelings towards her affect them in a positive way and will trickle down into the rest of their lives shaping them into better people.
And I can’t wait to watch them grow into the wonderful men who treat their women with such respect, and beautiful daughters who have high standards and know what they are deserving of because of you.
It’s hard to remember this in the hard times. Even though you may have exchanged some hurtful words two days ago in a text message, you learn to let it go for them.
You learn to move on from the things she does that drive you absolutely mad and remind you why you could never be with her, but your kids would never know that because you treat her with nothing but respect when they are around.
That’s not easy. There is a reason you separated.
It’s not easy as a single dad going to the park alone with your children, knowing everyone suspects you are there so that mommy can have some me time. When in reality, after the fun is over you still have to bring them home, cook dinner, do potty time, and give baths, all while they are tugging at your leg to play Spiderman.
Eventually, you realize it isn’t worth being angry over, you aren’t together anymore. And that makes you sad your family is no longer together, but I hope you realize how happy you make your children when you drop them off and you say hi to their mom instead of avoiding eye contact and slamming the door.
I know it makes you sad every single time you watch her walk away with them after a long weekend, it makes you feel like you have been punched in the gut and feeling like you should be walking right beside them. But I hope you know how happy you make your children when they excitedly lose their first tooth, and you say “l will send mommy a picture.” It’s amazing they aren’t afraid to speak about their mom to you when so many other little kids with divorced parents are afraid.
You can never know what that possibly means to them -knowing that you are a still a team, that you still love them together even though you are not together.
You deserve some recognition and to know that you are amazing.
I wish all fathers were like you. You make us better mothers, and you are molding your kids into the kind of people we need most in this world right now.
Source: https://goodmenproject.com/families/to-the-good-single-dads-from-a-single-mom-bbab/
