Here's how not to blow your chances of getting things back on track
Whether it seems “out of the blue” or you have been sensing it for a long time, it is scary as hell when your spouse wants to leave you. (By the way, it’s never “out of the blue,” but that’s another article). Maybe at this point, you will do anything to save the marriage … even therapy. However, what if it your spouse says “I’m done?”
As the saying goes – it’s not over ‘till it’s over. If you still desire to save your marriage, there are many things you should (and should not) be doing.
Top 10 Things You SHOULD NOT Do If Your Spouse Wants to Leave You and You Want to Save Your Marriage:
- Do not beg, plead, pursue, or make demands. This will have the opposite effect and turn your spouse off.
- Do not make excessive phone calls and texts to your spouse. Do not act desperate or needy.
- Do not continually point out all good points in marriage or about you.
- Do not try to get him/her to read marriage books, look at your wedding pictures, etc.
- Do not trail your spouse around the house like a sad puppy. In fact, do not appear like a sad puppy at all!
- Do not ask family or friends to encourage your spouse to stay with you. Discussing such personal matters with these people will upset your spouse and make things worse.
- Do not buy gifts, flowers, and cards to make up for what you may have done. You will not be successful at buying back love.
- Do not spy on spouse by following in your car, checking emails, cell phone, bills, etc.
- Do not say "I Love You." Your spouse is not in the mood to hear it right now, and it will come off as manipulative or "pushy."
- Do not go wild. Stay away from drugs, alcohol, the bar scene or having sex with others. If you really want to get your spouse back, these behaviors will not do it!
Here Are the Top 10 Things You SHOULD DO If Your Spouse Wants to Leave You and You Want to Save Your Marriage:
- Do bring your “best self” to this crisis. It is not the time to fall apart, go into a rage or get vengeful. Muster up the best attitude you can.
- Do keep up with your appearance. Going unshaven, stinking from not showering, looking like a slob or sitting endlessly on the couch watching TV will not be enticing to your spouse at all.
- Do behave respectfully toward your spouse and have self-respect as well.
- Do act as though you are moving forward with confidence regardless of whether or not your spouse stays with you.
- Do keep busy. Continue your day to day activities. And, go out on your own, with friends, with family and the kids. Go to a place of worship, try a new hobby, get some exercise. In other words, get a life for yourself despite what happens with your marriage. You may invite your spouse, but do not react negatively if he or she does not take you up on your suggestion. Do not change your intended plans.
- Do give your spouse some space! Do not question your spouse about his/her whereabouts or schedule.
- Do let your spouse see you as content regardless of your current feelings. Your moods will be fluctuating. However, you should be someone that your spouse would want to be around because you are pleasant.
- Do allow your spouse come to you with any questions or concerns about the marriage, not the other way around. Other than sincerely letting your partner know that you want to save the marriage, be patient about any discussions about you two. If he or she does come to talk, be an active and engaged listener, showing you care about what is being said.
- Do not engage in arguments. Do not “take the bait” if your spouse tries to get you to do this. You may even have to walk away. (If your spouse claims that you “always walk away,” just state you would be happy to stay and have a civil conversation...then do it!)
- Do get help. Read self-help or self-improvement books or see a counselor (with experience with couples). Divorce Remedy is a good book for your circumstances.
It can be devastating to hear that your spouse wants to leave you. Even spouses that say they want to divorce are actually still somewhat ambivalent about doing so. You want the best opportunity to have things work out in your favor. Many people completely sabotage this by acting desperate, angry, nasty or vengeful. This is the opposite of what you should be doing.
Follow these dos and don’ts and, above all, be consistent with these actions and behaviors. You must demonstrate that you are capable of real change. You need to think deeply about what has gotten you both to this place. What behaviors are you willing to change to get your marriage on track? Think about what your spouse has probably been complaining about for a very long time. What have you been remiss in hearing from your spouse?
It may seem unfair that you have to do all the changing. For now, yes, you most likely do because you are at a disadvantage. You need to essentially change first. If you have an addiction (porn, substance or other) or you had an affair or you are abusive (physical and/or emotional), you must get your own treatment to work on these. You will also have a long road ahead of you to repair the damage you caused.
Making positive changes (whether your marriage works out or not) is always a good idea. Chances are there are some behaviors or traits you have that would be problematic in most relationships. If you can get your spouse back on board with you about working on the marriage, making changes would definitely not have been in vain.
Source: https://www.verywellmind.com/help-spouse-asked-for-a-divorce-4047516
Are you afraid of getting divorced? I understand. Society places so much value on staying married. There is pressure there.
Some of that pressure is good, it keeps people from taking marriage too lightly. (Except for Kim Kardashian. )
However, there are those on the other end of the spectrum who need to get divorced but don’t, because they are too scared. I understand that side too.
Divorce is stressful. Facing the unknown and facing fears head-on is tough. However, there are upsides to divorce.
As a relationship therapist with 20+ years experience, I have gone through this with many clients and friends. Here are some benefits and upsides to divorce that I have seen and learned:
1. Divorce pain is temporary. It will pass. Staying married in an unhealthy relationship will last longer than the temporary pain of a divorce. Sometimes it is good to pull the old bandage off so that you can heal and move on with your life.
2. Just because society tells you that something is “bad” doesn’t mean it is. After all, caffeine was considered dangerous at one time. Now they are saying if you drink enough of it, you won’t get cancer. Slaves used to be considered okay. The list of societally endorsed mistakes is long.
3. The same people judging you negatively for getting a divorce are probably part of the Miserable & Married crowd. There are plenty of those. Happy, contented and healthy people don’t go around judging and condemning other people.
4. Forever is a long freaking time. The people who made these marriage rules only lived into their twenties. Then they conveniently died of the Black Plague or something worse. Remember this.
BTW: I love the scene on Curb Your Enthusiasm when Larry is supposed to renew his vows. He stands up there and starts coughing and wigging out when he has to say “into eternity.” His argument is “Eternity???!” Isn’t a lifetime enough? LOL.
5. People change and grow, they want different things. That is the reality of life. This is normal, okay and expected.
6. If you squash yourself, squash your needs, and keep down who you really are, you will suffer from depression, stress and anxiety or develop stress related medical problems. Staying miserable due to fear will allow fear to grow in you. This fear will make you feel more dependent and more scared about leaving. If your relationship is severely unhealthy, you will be even more afraid to leave. A total mind f***!
7. What about the kids? Kids will suffer more if you stay miserable in your marriage. This can lead to them feeling fearful of leaving their own marriages if they are unhealthy or dysfunctional. Do you want that for them? Use your love for their care as motivation.
8. No matter how difficult a divorce gets, you always have choices. It is easy to forget this. No matter how miserable your ex tries to make you, you will have choices. In addition, you will have supportive friends, wine, your therapist, girlfriends, various 12-step programs, and your Higher Power.
9. It takes courage to face the unknown. Get support and rely on your Higher Power to see you through. This is good practice of learning where and how to let go.
10. What about the kids again? It is very difficult to maintain integrity when things get nasty. As long as you are doing that, and holding your kids’ needs first, it will be okay. Read the Good Karma Divorce by M. Lowrance and get them as much support as possible. They will get through it.
11. Some fathers actually show up and provide active interaction with kids after a divorce. I have had a ton of friends with spouses who never interacted with the kids or participated in the kids’ lives until they got divorced. Post divorce, the parent has to actually drive to the house, pick up the kids, and talk to them. This can be a wonderful shift for children who are used to dad just slinking off to his man cave.
12. After they say it out loud and put the divorce into play, most people are relieved to be done with that constant fighting and tension they had felt. They they can finally B-R-E-A-T-H-E.Ahhh …. Let your lawyer fight it out instead of you. It is a huge relief for many after the hardest parts are finalised.
13. If you are the unlucky winner of a spouse that has left you, I am so sorry. You will need to grieve. Know that the world has something so much better waiting for you. Please try to trust this and carry hope. I have seen it happen over and over so if you don’t believe me, trust that I may be right.
14. If you guys change your mind, you can always get married again. I have a client whose parents got divorced and then remarried 20 years later. This time, they are happy. Everything happens in the time and manner it is supposed to.
15. Last but not least, now you can be like a kid in a candy store in the sex department. Tinder, Match.com, Farmers Only. There is a lot of hot sex going on out there with people who are newly divorced. Wahoo!
I am certainly not endorsing divorce. It is best if a couple gets professional treatment before taking this step. It is important to take the time to consider the impact of such a decision long term.
In addition, as a couples counselor, I am proud to say that there have been many couples who have walked through my door thinking they may have to get divorced but then they didn’t. However, staying together isn’t always the best option for every couple and family. We don’t always have all the information we need to make good decisions when we walk down that aisle.
“The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t,” really isn’t the best philosophy for joy and richness. Don’t ever let fear be your primary motivation. Let joy, hope, faith, and courage carry you along…
Source: https://blogs.psychcentral.com/psychology-women/2015/02/afraid-of-divorce-15-reasons-not-to-be/
When someone loses a spouse through death or divorce, that loss can be devastating. A period of mourning follows, even in the case of divorce, because of not fulfilling the dreams they had for the relationship. However, there comes a time when life has to begin again, and many singles feel lost in making this transition part of a couple to being single again.
Below are 6 tips to consider when adjusting to being single again.
1. Get to know yourself.
When a couple has been together for a while, the choices they make on where to have dinner, how to decorate their home, their personal choice in clothing, or other decisions are usually made together. After a divorce, each person may not know his or her own likes and dislikes. Take some time to try new things.
Learn your favorite foods, what hobbies you enjoy, where you like to go for dining or entertainment. This can be a time of experimentation and discovery and can be enjoyable. You will find that many of the things you've always done may not have been your own personal choice. And you will also find that many of the things you liked doing before marriage are open to you again since your divorce.
2. Give yourself time.
Therapists recommend a minimum of one year after a divorce to get grounded as a person and avoid rebound relationships. A year is only a guideline.
Some people may need longer in order to feel they have gotten themselves grounded. Be patient with yourself and don't rush things. Rebound relationships are not fair to either party. Build a new relationship with yourself and don't allow fear of being single and alone drive you into unhealthy love relationships.
3. Join some groups or clubs that interest you.
Many newly single people join a divorce recovery group and that is the first interaction they have with others as a single person. It can be helpful to find a group you can be a part of, whether it's a writer's group, bird watching, book club, or whatever you like. Getting out there and getting involved will help you move forward in your life.
Nothing makes it easier to find like-minded people and fun groups than social media. If there is nothing in your area you are interested, search Facebook for open or private groups to join. You will find everything on Facebook for Quilting groups to Nascar groups.
4. Make new friends and develop a support system.
Some of your married friends may not feel comfortable socializing with a single person, especially if they are also friends with your spouse. You may find you have more in common with other singles, so seek out people that have common interests. This may be the time to strengthen relationships with your biological family and a good therapist. Having someone to talk to during this transition can make it much easier to cope.
5. Have fun.
Life is different as a single but that doesn't mean it can't be fun and fulfilling.
More and more people today choose to remain single, and thoroughly enjoy the single lifestyle. They list advantages such as not having to ask someone how to spend their money, eating whenever they feel like it and not on someone else's schedule, and not having to share a bathroom! Think of the good things that being single has done for you. Take time to enjoy yourself and laugh often. Laughter really is good medicine.
6. When you feel you are ready to date, take it slow and easy.
Single people often complain that dating has changed and they don't know the new rules. The only rules are to do what feels comfortable for you. You don't have to conform for anyone. Be yourself and be true to yourself.
Tip:
By easing through the transition from being half of a couple to being single, you give yourself time to make a life that is happy and fulfilling.
Be patient with yourself and you just might find you like being single!
Source: https://www.liveabout.com/tips-to-help-you-adjust-to-being-single-again-after-divorce-1103020
No two people experience a divorce the same way, but most can agree that it's an extremely painful and difficult situation, both mentally and physically. Though you'll be busy filling out legal paperwork with your attorney, it's essential to pay attention to your mind and body: Research shows that divorce can take a serious toll on everything from your sleep habits to your heart (no surprise there). Knowing about the following conditions will allow you to take charge of your health and do everything you can to prevent them from developing.
Anxiety
"Typically, after a divorce anxiety levels shoot sky high," says Fran Walfish, PsyD, a psychotherapist in Beverly Hills and an expert panelist on the upcoming television series Sex Box. "You don't have a companion in the big, bad world anymore," she says, and the future that you once pictured no longer exists. Plus, there's a ton of uncertainty, which can lead to feeling insecure. Depending on the circumstances, you might suddenly have to move, get a new job, and survive on less money than before. Your children might need to change schools or get used to a back-and-forth arrangement with you and your ex. Walfish says that anxiety can sometimes manifest itself in controlling behavior, such as sending a gazillion emails to your divorce attorney or emptying your joint bank account to try to take over the finances.
Drastic Weight Change
Gaining or losing a significant amount of weight is something else you might notice during or after a divorce. Some people turn to comfort foods because doughnuts or fried chicken might temporarily perk them up. For others, divorce has the opposite effect. "I had a patient walk in after a long absence. She was very slim, and I remarked upon it. She said, 'Yep, I'm getting a divorce. I call it the Grief Diet,' " says Walfish. "She lost her appetite. Sometimes you can't eat when you're distraught."
Metabolic Syndrome
Metabolic syndrome occurs when you have several dangerous conditions at once, including high blood pressure, high blood sugar, excess belly fat, and high cholesterol. It increases your risk for heart disease, stroke, and diabetes. A study published in Archives of Internal Medicine found that women who are divorced (as well as women who are widowed or in unhappy marriages) are more likely to develop metabolic syndrome than women who are in happy marriages.
Depression
After a marriage dissolves, "many people feel like failures," says Walfish. What contributed to the divorce may also play a role. For instance, if your spouse cheated on you, that knowledge might send you into a downward spiral of hopelessness and destroy your self-confidence. "I really and truly believe that this is the pivotal moment in life where it's beneficial to seek out a good therapist," says Walfish. For one thing, it helps to gain support from someone who is emotionally removed from the situation. This is also your chance to discover why you were drawn to the relationship in the first place—and learn how to avoid a similar situation. "It's a golden opportunity to write a new, brighter script for the next chapter in your life," says Wolfish.
Cardiovascular Disease
A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that both middle-aged men and women are at a higher risk of developing cardiovascular disease after going through a divorce, compared with married people of the same age. It also revealed that middle-aged women who get divorced are more likely to develop cardiovascular disease than middle-aged men who get divorced. Why do women have it worse? Here's one explanation:
Research shows that the stress of divorce leads to higher levels of inflammation in women, and those levels persist for some time, explains Mark D. Hayward, professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin. "Part of the reason for the continued elevation in women is that the period after divorce is highly stressful, too. Women often take bigger hits in terms of finances, and they tend to stay single longer than men."
Substance Abuse
Post-split, you might find yourself becoming more dependent on cigarettes, alcohol, or drugs to cope with feeling lonely, anxious, or depressed. One 2012 review of scientific literature published in The Journal of Men's Health found that divorced men have higher rates of substance abuse, as well as higher rates of mortality, depression, and lack of social support, compared with married men. The stress you feel from a divorce is second only to the stress you feel from the death of a spouse, explains study co-author Dave Robinson, PhD, director of the Marriage and Family Therapy Program at Utah State University. "And men are more likely to ignore the significant impact that divorce has on them."
Insomnia
"In my divorced clients, sleep disruption is very common, as well as nightmares," says Walfish. This might mean having trouble falling or staying asleep. According to the National Sleep Foundation, insomnia is very common among those who are depressed, so divorce-related depression is one possible underlying cause of the sleep issues. Be sure to follow these tips to sleep better every night.
Chronic Health Problems & Mobility Issues
Many health consequences of divorce are linked. For example, it can be harder to eat well and exercise regularly if you're feeling depressed and not sleeping well. And those unhealthy habits can lead to serious diseases and conditions. A study published in Journal of Health and Social Behavior found that divorced or widowed people have 20% more chronic health conditions (such as heart disease, diabetes, and cancer) than people who are married. They also have 23% more mobility limitations, such as not being able to climb stairs or walk a block. Consider this one more reason to make sure you get a physical each year.
Source: http://www.prevention.com/sex/marriage/divorce-and-health-effects
Have you been shell shocked by an unwanted divorce?
An unwanted divorce is the end of dreams, your future and a roadblock no one expects to deal with.
You've found yourself the recipient of an unwanted divorce. Your spouse may have just walked out, or left you for another man/woman. There may have been a midlife crisis, and you didn’t figure into the “new life.” Whatever the reason, coping with an unwanted divorce can be very difficult. Many people in this situation find themselves depressed, tearful, and afraid.
Moving on with your life may seem insurmountable, but there is hope.
Here are nine things you need to know about healing from an unwanted divorce
Time Doesn’t Heal All Wounds
It takes time. The old adage, “Time heals all wounds” is only partly true. Time does heal some wounds, but many wounds from an unwanted divorce will never heal. However, time does lessen the sting, and with time, the flood of memories and regrets will happen less and less often. You will one day appreciate the pain for what it was…an opportunity to learn and grow.
You Are Worthy of Love
When a spouse files for divorce, your self-esteem can take a beating. Some report feeling worthless or unlovable. Just because you are not able to make the relationship work with that one person doesn’t mean you can’t move on and find a loving relationship. The divorce may have had much more to do with your spouse and his/her issues than being about you.
Don’t blame yourself. Self-criticism only makes it harder. This is the time to be good to yourself, not beat yourself up.
Cultivate Positive Friendships
Evaluate current friendships and make new ones. Many recently divorced people are surprised to get a cold shoulder from some of their friends. If they were mutual friends with your ex-spouse, they may be more loyal to him or her than you.
It is likely, though; that you have some true friends you can reach out to at this time. Make new friends by asking someone to lunch or to a movie. You need friendships to support you through this transition.
Remember Who You Were Before the Bad Relationship
Remember the past. No, I don’t mean the past relationship. Reach back in your memory to your life before that relationship. What were your hopes and dreams? Were there places you wanted to go or new things you wanted to try? This is a perfect time to take that writing workshop, art class, or other activities that interest you. Maybe you want to go back to school. You have to make a new life for yourself and it should be self-nurturing.
Take Time to Grieve
Give yourself time to grieve. Take down old picture albums of the marriage, play “your” songs. Have a good cry. Cry deeply and then let it go. Give yourself a time limit on your grief, and then make a pact with yourself that you won’t let yourself dwell on the negative feelings any longer. Having a daily pity party is good at the beginning of your adjustment period, but you need to set a limit on it.
Get Re-Acquainted With Yourself
Get to know yourself again. When you’ve been part of a couple, chances are many of the choices made in the relationship, such as where to eat or where to go on vacation, were not your choices but your spouses.
You may not know what you really like anymore. Try new things and learn what makes YOU happy. You now have the freedom to explore yourself and you may be surprised to learn that you are a very interesting person!
Explore All of Your Options
Use this experience as a catalyst for your new life. Sometimes a traumatic experience can serve to move us out of a rut we’ve been in with our lives. Have you been stuck in a career that didn’t fulfill you? Now may be the perfect time to look at other options. Start your life over beginning today, and realize all the opportunities that are available to you.
Celebrate Being single
Celebrate being single. There are many “die-hard singles” who really enjoy living alone. Even if they are in a relationship, there are advantages to being single. You don’t have to share a bathroom.
You can stay up late without disturbing anyone. You can cook what you like to eat. You can spend your money the way YOU want to. You can’t change being single now, even if you didn’t plan it, but find ways to enjoy it. Some solitude can be good for all of us as a time of reflection and reorganization of priorities.
Take Your Time When It Comes to New Relationships
Be careful to take some time to get yourself grounded again before trying to tackle another relationship. Rebound relationships are never good for either person involved. Therapists generally recommend waiting at least a year to give yourself time to work through the issues associated with divorce before getting involved with someone else.
Source: https://www.liveabout.com/things-you-need-to-know-about-healing-from-an-unwanted-divorce-1103043
The first working Monday of January traditionally sees huge numbers end their marriages
Legal firms are bracing themselves for ‘Divorce Monday’ when they typically see a surge in queries from spouses planning to break up after limping through the Christmas holidays.
Many couples wait until after Christmas and the New Year before initiating a separation, leading to a glut of inquiries on the first working Monday of January, dubbed ‘Divorce Day’.
One in five married couples are considering separating from their partners after staying together over the festive period, according a poll of 2,000 spouses by legal firm Irwin Mitchell.
The Office for National Statistics (ONS) claims that 42 per cent of all marriages end in divorce.
The most recent data on marriage breakups shows that 118,140 divorces were granted in England and Wales in 2012.
Head of family law at legal firm Slater & Gordon Andrew Newbury told The Independent: “We’ve seen the number of inquiries double around this time and then in late January it tails off. Over the last two or three years I’ve noticed that people even inquiry a little bit earlier between Christmas and New Year.”
Divorce rates are plateauing in the UK according to data from ONS, which shows only a 0.5 per cent) from the previous year. Mr Newbury agrees with this data, claiming in his 20-year experience as a family lawyer, “only a smaller fraction will actually go on to go through with it, but I have seen more and more people inquiring each year.”
“There can be a significant gap between people inquiring and actually initiating proceedings," he said.
"People I have seen previously, it is like it is becoming a New Year’s resolution – and they are generally the ones more likely to go ahead with the full divorce proceedings,” he added.
Data from ONS indicates one in seven divorces is granted as a result of adultery, with the overall majority of divorces from first marriages (71 per cent) and almost half of all divorces granted in 2012 were to couples in the first 10 years of marriage.
Source: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/lawyers-prepare-for-divorce-day-as-christmas-holidays-take-their-toll-9955646.html
There are numerous research studies out this month that show that January is the boom month for relationship break-ups. Apparently if you are married there is a one in five chance that you have considered breaking up this month.
For some it has been planned for January as they could not face breaking up before the festive period which is traditionally a time for families. I have already seen a spike in enquiries for my help, advice and support from people who have had the break-up thrust upon them by their ex and are trying to come to terms with what it all means and what happens next.
Having been through both a divorce and also total heartbreak after a two year relationship I am no stranger to how to deal with the ups and downs of breaking-up. I combine my own personal experience with 17 years of coaching and now help people all around the world to cope with the end of their relationships.
So what is the cold hard truth about what happens in the early days of separation? Is it really that bad? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel or is it all doom and gloom. Just what can you expect over the next few weeks and months?
Well in the early days there is the denial and the grief that comes with losing someone close to you. You have been used to them being there to talk to and lean on and suddenly you find yourself facing life without them. It can feel extremely lonely and the change can be scary. Whilst the experience is an emotional one it can manifest itself as what feels like a real physical, and at times quite exquisite, pain.
However this phase will pass as you learn to replace the gap in your life with a different way of thinking. It is up to you to make the decision to take control back of your life and get back to being happy again. It may seem like an uphill struggle from where you are standing now but I assure you if you take little steps each day using my techniques you will get there sooner than you think.
You see even if you loved them more than anything and are looking back at all the wonderful parts of your relationship the truth is clear: they were not the right partner for you.
If they were they would still be with you and you would be happy and feel secure and loved in your relationship. So it is time to remove the rose tinted glasses and start to focus your mind on the less positive things about your relationship. Don’t get carried away romanticising about the past - it’s time to get a grip if you want to move forward quickly.
You may find it difficult when you find yourself doing things that you used to do together. A good way to relieve some of that pressure is to make some changes and do things differently. Simple things can make a big difference such as shopping in a different supermarket or driving a different way to work. It may be living in the same house on your own now is tricky for you so move the furniture around and put up new photos around the house. Start wearing a new colour or try out a different look.
Remember a break-up is not just the end of your relationship - it is also the start of a new phase in your life. Whilst there will be some highs and lows to deal with you also have the chance to redesign your life the way you want it to be. I work with my clients on writing a Bucket List of things that they can now do in their lives that they never thought they would be able to. Try it! Dream big and remember anything goes from travelling to Barbados, writing a book or even sex with someone new! It will help to get you excited about the future.
Take some time to work out what you want your new phase of life to look like and think about the areas you would like to change or improve on. Schedule in some fun too - you may not feel like laughing right now but laughter is a great medicine and even short bursts will boost your mood so plan in some things you enjoy doing.
I have released a brand new app this month called “7 Steps to a Better Break-Up”and it is free to download from App Store or Google Player. It talks you through how to cope with your break-up and how to keep moving forward and speed up your recovery process. If you take the time to work through the exercises you will end up with your personalised Action Plan which will help you to keep positive and maintain momentum with feeling better and creating a compelling future for yourself.
Keep yourself busy and surround yourself with good upbeat friends and family. There is a light at the end of the tunnel for you even if it seems a long way off right now. Sadly there is no magic wand to take away all the pain immediately however there are things you can do to help feel better right now. By using my techniques and strategies you can speed up your recovery and start to see a brighter future for yourself becoming a reality.
Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/sara-davison-/coping-with-break-ups_b_6442692.html
