Good dads -- the real game changer | Dr. Meg Meeker | TEDxTraverseCity

Not directly related to divorce, but certainly an indirect endorsement of keeping both parents in the lives of the kids... in praise of Dads!

To the Good Single Dads From a Single Mom

You deserve some recognition and to know that you are amazing.

Nobody ever mentions the single dads.

And they are out there.

My kids have one.

They hardly mention the dads who became moms, or the dads who still sent their ex flowers from her little kids on mother’s day because they couldn’t yet -the dad who loves his kids more than he is bitter toward his ex.

We see post after post on social media about single moms having a hard life, harder than ours.

We read about how good of a job they are doing to teach their sons not to be like their deadbeat father, and how strong they are doing this all alone.

We see posts titled 10 reasons single mom’s rock, making points about how they are used to handling everything on their own, and how good they’ve gotten at juggling things with no time to themselves, all while they work two jobs to make ends meet.

My hat is off to them.

I respect you because as a “single mom” myself, I have not had to endure that. Which means my kids, who are the most important part of all of this, have not either.

It’s not easy as a single dad going to the park alone with your children, knowing everyone suspects you are there so that mommy can have some me time.

But what about the moms who are single but not alone because the man they left behind may have been an unexceptional husband, but is an exceptional father. For us, it feels weird to call ourselves “single moms” because we are technically single, but not single in the raising of our children.

We are lucky.

We may not say it enough, maybe some of us don’t recognize it from the bitterness and strain that comes from a divorce or a breakup, but we are lucky to end up with these kinds of men. As strange as it sounds, we are lucky these are the types of the men we started a family with, even though we won’t end as a family in the traditional sense.

What about the moms who got divorced or left not so perfect husbands, but amazing fathers? The moms who share joint custody, and only see their kids 50% of the time? It seems like we have it easy, and sometimes, in some instances, we do.

We know that.

We feel lucky, even though just as we are getting back into a routine with our kids, it’s time for them to go again. It makes us sad because they are being shuffled between houses, and we selfishly want to be there 24/7, but happy at the same time they have a relationship with their dad.

The relationship they should have, and deserve to have.

We are judged on how often they switch homes, but we ignore it because we know how important it is to keep a consistent relationship with their dad when he is a genuinely great person, and focused on making them the best they can possibly be, just as much as we are.
You single dads may feel stupid for treating your ex so well when so many men don’t. But you are not stupid. You are amazing. It’s hard, really hard. Men need to cut all ties when moving on from a relationship and you can’t do that when you are a parent.

At least not if you are a good one.

To the one’s that stay, I admire you, and I thank you for setting such an amazing example for your daughters, and especially your son’s. They are watching how you treat their mother.
You are so awesome that you feel guilty when there is tension between you and your ex, momentarily forgetting the agonizing tension in your house when you were together. You’re not realizing the chaos the boy in the house next door calls life, where the mom and dad are screaming out of frustration while her little boy whom she thinks is sleeping in the next room is listening because they think they have to stay for their kids. You feel guilty that you are not in their lives one hundred percent of the time, but you are in their lives 100% of the time you just don’t realize that yet. You don’t realize that some fathers who are physically there all of the time are hurting their children more than helping them.

You will realize one day how great of a job you are doing, and that just because you did not do a great job in your marriage, it says nothing about the way you parent. I promise you will realize how much what you are doing now, the way you act in front of your kids and make decisions based on them and not your feelings towards her affect them in a positive way and will trickle down into the rest of their lives shaping them into better people.

And I can’t wait to watch them grow into the wonderful men who treat their women with such respect, and beautiful daughters who have high standards and know what they are deserving of because of you.

It’s hard to remember this in the hard times. Even though you may have exchanged some hurtful words two days ago in a text message, you learn to let it go for them.

You learn to move on from the things she does that drive you absolutely mad and remind you why you could never be with her, but your kids would never know that because you treat her with nothing but respect when they are around.

That’s not easy. There is a reason you separated.

It’s not easy as a single dad going to the park alone with your children, knowing everyone suspects you are there so that mommy can have some me time. When in reality, after the fun is over you still have to bring them home, cook dinner, do potty time, and give baths, all while they are tugging at your leg to play Spiderman.

Eventually, you realize it isn’t worth being angry over, you aren’t together anymore. And that makes you sad your family is no longer together, but I hope you realize how happy you make your children when you drop them off and you say hi to their mom instead of avoiding eye contact and slamming the door.

I know it makes you sad every single time you watch her walk away with them after a long weekend, it makes you feel like you have been punched in the gut and feeling like you should be walking right beside them. But I hope you know how happy you make your children when they excitedly lose their first tooth, and you say “l will send mommy a picture.” It’s amazing they aren’t afraid to speak about their mom to you when so many other little kids with divorced parents are afraid.

You can never know what that possibly means to them -knowing that you are a still a team, that you still love them together even though you are not together.

You deserve some recognition and to know that you are amazing.

I wish all fathers were like you. You make us better mothers, and you are molding your kids into the kind of people we need most in this world right now.

Source: https://goodmenproject.com/families/to-the-good-single-dads-from-a-single-mom-bbab/

Surviving (And Thriving!) The First Year As A Single Parent After Divorce

Take it from someone who has “been there, done that” – the year you become a single parent after divorce is one of the longest years of your life.

No matter how you become a single parent – whether through divorce, the death of a partner, or by choice – you need to be ready for a year that promises many emotional highs and lows, lots of self doubt, and making mistake after mistake; however, if you are the kind of single parent that is determined to make this year a good one for you and your kids – despite this major life change – then this year can also be a good one.

What?? Isn’t divorce supposed to promise doom and gloom for both you and your kids? You know – you made your bed, now lie in it kind of mentality?

You MUST be the kind of parent like me who refuses to helplessly watch her family slowly rot away into a severely sad state, or you wouldn’t be reading this blog right now. Good for you! Divorce does not have to equal messed up kids, a ruined life for you, or constant fighting with your ex.

Based on both my professional opinion and by my own personal experience, both you and your kids can thrive after a divorce.

Do you want to know the secret of how to do this? It’s not based on your income or how much your ex makes, or your gender, or your educational level. It doesn’t matter whether or not you share custody with your ex or even the ages of your kids!

The secret to whether or not you and your kids will survive a divorce is based on having a positive attitude, maintaining a warm relationship with your kids, and lots and lots of hard work.

Below is a list of 6 common challenges that often take place during the first year of becoming a single parent. In addition, I have included 6 solutions to address these common challenges, and if you are the kind of parent who wants what’s best for your kids (and for yourself, too – just because you become a single parent shouldn’t mean that YOU don’t matter anymore!), then make the effort to follow my advice.

#1: Your Self-Esteem Will Plummet (Only Temporarily!)

Challenge: During the first year of single parenthood, expect to question every decision you make.

It makes sense, right? You go from consulting with your partner from everything from childcare decisions to financial issues. Now its time to stretch your “decision muscle” and learn how to make your own decisions based on your own passions, values, and beliefs.

In addition, you might also feel unlovable, vulnerable, and lonely. Divorces, just like break-ups, play horrible games with our sense of self-worth. While it is normal to feel this way during the early stages of a divorce, do not let it define your new you.

Solution:  During this first year of being a single parent, find the courage within you to try new things and to explore new passions. Sure, you might find out that you hate pottery making, for instance, but you will have learned some valuable new insights about your new self. Try to tap into your pre-married self and discover hobbies that you haven’t thought about for years or have always wanted to try.

In addition, it is important that you do not try to solve extreme problems with shallow solutions. What I mean is, do not jump from one bad post-divorce relationship to another one just so you don’t have to feel lonely. Of course you will feel ugly and lonely right after a divorce and you will continue to feel this way no matter what relationship you are in until you work on YOU!!

Put the work into realizing how AMAZING you are so that the right partner will be attracted to you when the time is right.

#2: Other People Will Judge You

Challenge: People are mean. They like to judge other people for many different reasons; mostly, though, people judge others because it somehow makes them feel better about their own lives. These kinds of people tend to think along the lines of “My life sucks, but at least not as bad as theirs” and they find comfort in this.

Solution: You can’t change these people, but you can surround yourself with people who are supportive and positive. I once had a parent at my kids’ elementary school ask me how my kids were doing since the divorce. When I told her that, so far, they seemed to be adjusting well, she replied, “Well give it some time.” Wow! That went from concerned and caring to downright critical in no time flat!

When things like this happen, all you can do is move on and don’t dwell on these situations. These kinds of judgmental statements are more about that person who spoke them than they are about you, so just try to go about your day and forget about them.

#3: You WILL Make Mistakes and You WILL  Have Successes

Challenge: Single parenting is new to you and it involves a major learning curve. The only way to avoid making any mistakes is to avoid making any decisions at all! I can’t think of anything more useless for you and your kids than to sit back and not live life out of fear of making the wrong decision.

In contrast, you will also make some really great decisions that will make a positive impact on your family life. This is great when this happens because as you attempt new things and notice that you are making good decisions, you will also increase your confidence and your self-esteem.

Solution: Give yourself a break – don’t expect perfection. The only way to accumulate a scorecard of successful decisions is also by having made some not so great decisions. You can try to set up yourself for success by surrounding yourself with trusted family and friends who you can consult with regarding new decisions.  

#4: Your ex Will Make You Want to Scream

Challenge: You wouldn’t have made the hard to decision to divorce if you felt all warm and fuzzy all the time for your ex. The first year of single parenthood means that both you and your ex are figuring this new life out. That means that your ex will do things that will make you want to scream, and this is normal.

Solution: Through a multitude of patience, compromise, and hard work, chances are that you and your ex can, at some point, be on friendly terms. This is not going to be easy on you and will require great amounts of determination and perseverance on your end to inspire this kind of relationship to happen. Don’t give up on the hope that this relationship can develop. Your kids will be grateful to you for having the determination to help this relationship develop.

Of course, the exception to this recommendation is if your ex was abusive during the marriage, is a current addict, or suffers from a severe mental illness. In this case, you might need to have the courage to endure long court custody hearings, resolve to not get dragged into unnecessary drama created by your ex, or to be both a mom and dad for your child if your ex chooses not to have a healthy relationship with your kids.

#5: Expect That Your ex Will Have Different Rules at Their House

Challenge: Not only are you creating a new life as a single parent – so is your ex; therefore, expect some lifestyle changes by your ex. Maybe they always thought the family rule of not allowing the kids to see their “crazy” brother was stupid and now they take your kids to see him. Perhaps they let the kids go to bed at 11:00 at their house, but your rule is lights out at 9:00.

Solution: This difference in household rules is very common with divorced households and (believe it or not) kids CAN learn to handle different rules at different households. Of course, kids are prone to prefer the more lenient rules – they will probably also complain to you if your rules are more strict than your ex’s rules.That’s ok.

You are the boss of your household, so as long as your rules are reasonable and based on your personal passions, values, and beliefs, then your kids will learn to adjust to this.  

#6: Your Kids Will  Misbehave

Challenge: EVERY time your kid misbehaves or acts out, you will blame yourself (or you’ll blame your ex, which is a cop out in my opinion). Repeat this to yourself: every kid acts out – that’s part of being a kid!

Kids from traditional families, single families, divorced families, and gay families all misbehave at one time or another. No kid is perfect and sometimes the way kids learn is through making mistakes.

Remember that line from the Batman movie? You know, the one where Bruce Wayne’s father asks him why we fall? Bruce tells his dad that it’s so we can learn how to get back up. This lesson can be applied to our kids (they sometimes need to fail so they can learn to succeed) as well as to ourselves (we also learn how to parent through our mistakes).

Solution: Have a plan for when you kids misbehave. This plan should include:

• A warm explanation
• Clear expectations for behaviour
• Clear communication of consequences
• Consistency

Parent with purpose – if your attitude is positive (even if you do not feel like it in the moment) about the divorce, then your kids will be more likely to feel as if they can conquer this first year too

Take care of yourself! It’s ok to take time out for yourself. Go out with supportive friends, get a manicure, take a warm bath at night. This not only prepares you mentally and physically to take on new challenges during this first year, but it also models to you kids that taking care of yourself during hard times is a smart thing to do.

Let go of judgmental, negative family and friends and surround yourself (and often) with positive influences.

Address your kids’ needs as soon as possible. Don’t let small problems get out of control. If you kids need extra support with adjusting to the divorce, then be sure to get that support for them. There’s no shame in getting therapy, tutors, or simply just giving your kids extra attention during this adjustment period. It is irresponsible to ignore cries of help from your child.

Be the boss of your household – don’t hand over authority to your kids because you feel guilty about the divorce. They need you to lead them even if it seems like they think you are incompetent. Believe me, kids excel in putting up a tough front, but what they really want is for you to put your arms around them and tell them that everything is going to be ok. 

Recognize that you are doing the best you can. You’ve got this! Give yourself the credit you deserve.

Do not treat your kids as your peer, your therapist, or your quasi-partner. Let them be kids.

Have realistic expectations for the divorce, for your kids, and for yourself. If you set the bar too high, then you will always be frustrated and disappointed for not being perfect. No one is perfect.

The most important thing that you can do for your kids during this first year of single parenthood is to show them that you love them and care for them even when they feel out of control and confused.

You CAN  Do This!

If you follow my advice when you encounter any of the 6 common challenges that I discussed above, then you will set yourself up for success for being a single parent. Just remember that you can be a great single parent. We all have unique challenges specific to our individual divorces and/or situations, and that simply means that we need to be flexible (and sometimes creative) when handling these challenges.    

Tips to Help Your First Year Start Off in the Right Direction

As I said in the opening paragraph, my kids and I have survived (and thrived!) as a Modern Family who has experienced divorce and your family can too. You might be doubting whether or not you can really pull this off, but I know you can.

Keep coming back to Parenting The Modern Family for more tips and insights as you navigate the adventure of Modern Parenting. Contact me either in the comment section below or through my email to let me know what challenges you are facing as a Modern Parent. I also want to hear about your successes – I love celebrating with my readers!

Source: http://www.parentingthemodernfamily.com/surviving-thriving-first-year-single-parent-2/

How My Divorce Made Me a Better Dad ⏤ And a Better Man

"The only thing I really wanted to be when I grew up was an amazing father. Being divorced crushed me."

“I don’t love you anymore.” In an instant, those words changed my life forever. A million thoughts raced through my mind: “What?!” “What about the kids?!” “Can we make it work?!” “I’ll do whatever it takes!”

It was Christmas Eve, and we were having a conversation ⏤ okay, a disagreement ⏤ about whether we should move. My wife (now ex-wife) was just finishing her first year in real estate, and we were struggling financially. We couldn’t live off my income alone, and we were using up what little savings we had. We bought a house we couldn’t afford and had just spent too much on Christmas gifts for the kids. But I believed in her. I knew she could be successful and even though times were tough now, we could ⏤ we would ⏤ make it.

She was silent. She was done listening. But there was a weight in the air, and I knew something else other than moving was on her mind. She hesitated, but I egged her tell me what it was. And then she said it: “I don’t love you anymore. No amount of counseling, foot rubs, or money could change her mind.

My biological father left when I was born. My step-father wasn’t much of one and consistently decided alcohol was more important than his children. But this isn’t a “poor me” story. I’m not looking for sympathy. My childhood was really good, and I have an amazing mom. I’m fine. As a result of my childhood though, the only thing I really wanted to be when I grew up was an amazing father. I wanted to become the best fatherly version of myself.

Being divorced crushed me. I mean really crushed me. My wife was my world, my family was my life. Everything had been flipped upside down. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move, I had a gun in my hand several times. What I thought was my world was over. But it wasn’t. When I came out on the other side, I had learned a few things. Lessons that I hope can help other dads who find themselves in the same unfortunate situation today. Maybe they can help you. Maybe they can help you from getting divorced. Or help you recognize problems in your marriage before they spiral out of control. Maybe what I’ve learned can help you in your darkest moment and realize life does get better, way better.

In short, I learned that the kids will be okay. I learned what I really want (and need) in a partner. I learned how to balance a relationship with kids. I learned how to be a better partner. And finally, I learned how to be a better father.

The kids will be okay. I am blessed to see my three every Thursday thru Sunday. They’re ages are 12-, 7-, and 4-years-old, and they all experienced divorce at different stages of their lives. My oldest is technically my “step” daughter, but I’ve raised her since she was born. And my biggest fear as I went through this hell was that I wouldn’t be able to see my little angel again ⏤ I love her more than words can express. Luckily, both my ex and her biological father have been amazing and allow me see her frequently. She’s really grown up as a person during this mess, initially taking on a motherly role and helping me with her younger brothers, helping with dishes, picking up the house. She’s constantly caring and worried about me, and was so happy when I started dating because she knew I wouldn’t be alone. Once I started dating, she fell back into the role of my child. I like her better there. She’s going to grow up fast enough. She’s going to be okay.

My oldest boy has a soft heart. He was crushed. He shut down at first and couldn’t understand how this could happen. His mom and I didn’t fight, at least not in front of the kids. He and I talked a lot. We talked about his feelings, we talked about what was happening and what changes he might experience. We grew closer. Now he talks to me about his feelings, frequently. He’s excelling in school. He’s excelling in sports. He’s going to be okay.

My youngest was 2-years-old when everything started. I really didn’t think this would affect him at all since he was so young. But it did. He was angry. He couldn’t express his emotions with words so he acted out. He was afraid to be left alone and didn’t want to sleep in his room. For the most part, he controls his emotions now and uses his words when he’s upset. Part of that is just him getting older, part is him knowing his mom and I both still love him, even though we aren’t together. He sleeps in his room all night now. He’s going to be okay.
Looking back on my marriage, I realized several things I wish I had done differently. Why couldn’t I have just rubbed her feet or her neck when she asked? We should have talked more. We should have made time to go on dates. We should have put each other first. We
should have taken vacations.Being single again allowed me to be picky ⏤ to search for what I really wanted in a partner. Dating sucks. I was on several dating apps and web pages ⏤ Match, Bumble, Tinder, POF, you name it, I was there ⏤ but I didn’t like anyone I dated. Nothing clicked, something was always missing. It wasn’t until I was set up by a friend that I was like, “Wow! this is amazing.” And more importantly, I realized this is what it is supposed to be like. I found a true connection, someone I could laugh and talk with all night long. We shared stories and hopes and dreams and struggles. When she met my kids, she loved them as if they were her own.

My kids come first. But now I have a new partner to share the journey with. She’s been more than amazing. The kids adore her. She adores the kids. Balancing the kids with my new love has been easy because we communicate so well. We talk each night about what happened that day, about what’s coming up for the rest of the week, about who needs to be dropped off and who needs to be picked up. On the days we don’t have my kids, I still miss them like crazy, but it gives us the time to spend with each other. Automatic date nights are built in. My new love doesn’t mind sharing our lives. She comes to soccer games, attends school functions, and seamlessly fits into the rest of our lives.

Which leads me to my last point. Being divorced taught me how to be a better father. I only have limited time with kids, so I make the most of it. No sitting around the house being bored. No kids in one room and me in the living room. We eat together. We play together. We dance, wrestle, play board games, and hug. I don’t miss things because of work. The little things became more important. My two oldest and I text and I call them on days I don’t see them. I have a different but closer relationship with them now than before. And I don’t take the daily stuff for granted.

Source: https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/divorce-made-me-better-father-man/

Effective Divorce Advice for Men with Children

Divorce, no matter how smooth or difficult the process might be, it is a major change for everyone involved, and as such, it is an unknown situation with unknown outcomes. So, don’t be afraid to ask for help and guidance. Here are some of the most important things you should know about how to make the divorce as unproblematic as possible.
Understand what it means for the children

It is easy to get tangled up in the bitterness about the approaching divorce. Nothing to be ashamed of if you find yourself focused on your own feelings and worries. You’re also going through a change that you weren’t prepared for, weren’t planning on some years ago when you said your “I do”.

Yet, your children are even less prepared for it. No matter how many signs there could have been along the way, almost all children still never expect their parents to split, even when they are already in their teens. This is why it will be your responsibility as their father to learn about what the divorce means for them, and to respect their pain.

You can begin by doing some research online about what the children of divorcing parents are going through. But, it might be an even better idea to talk to a psychologist about what your children will experience, how it will affect them, how they might react, and how to make the process as smooth as possible. In all cases, you need to talk to your children, learn how to get into their shoes and try to help them resolve their doubts and fears.

Practice restraint and kindness

Yes, there are not-so-ugly divorces. Some even speak of friendly and cheerful separations. Yet, for the majority of divorcing fathers, it is a period in which the ugliest and the nastiest come to the surface, both from you and your ex-wife. It can even start resembling a war, with the sides resorting to any means necessary.

Under those circumstances, one can easily get dragged into resentment, anger, hostility, and aggression. Yet, for men with children, letting your anger go loose is not a good idea, as you’re not hurting only your wife and yourself, but also very much your children. Therefore, find a way to get in touch with your best self, and practice kindness, gentleness, and tolerance. Only in such situation will you truly help your kids adapt to the change and maintain the relationship with both of their parents.

Know your rights and obligations

Getting a divorce often means that you will now not only have your separate household to care about but also that you will have to think about alimony and child support now. The rules regarding these aspects of a divorce can be quite intricate. Then there’s the specific agreement you might have made with your ex-wife. For it all to go painlessly, you should get informed about all your obligations and possible consequences of not obeying the court’s decision.

Furthermore, if you get joint custody, it also comes with a set of both rights and obligations. And it can be quite difficult to handle. This is why you should know all about the logistics of joint custody, your children’s wishes, and your responsibilities. And most importantly, even in the most civil post-divorce relationships, joint custody can cause friction. Be sure you’re on the same page with your ex on all major aspects of how it is going to work.

Be mindful about dating

Finally, now a single man again, you will probably start thinking about dating again soon, if you haven’t already. Yet, as a father, you need to consider how this will affect your children as well. You deserve to regain your personal life, that is certain, but be sure to talk to your children about it before you embark on that path. Because you never know where the next big romance can come out of, and your children need to be prepared for another change when and if it comes.

Divorce is different for everyone. But even when it is the beginning of a new refreshed life, for men with children it is never a clean cut. Regardless of your relationship with your ex-wife, the children will always be your children, and you need to find the right path for your family, one that works for all of you the best.

Source: https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/divorce-advice-for-men-with-children/

Father’s Day: 8 Ways To Cope If You Won’t Be With Your Children This Year

For every parent, spending special occasions with your children is important, but what happens when you aren’t able to be with your kids on those days?

While everyone will tell you that it is just a date devised by Hallmark, going through Father’s Day alone is tough for many men. Especially if it is as a result of a separation or divorce.

Cathy Ranson, editor of ChannelMum, told HuffPost UK: “Being apart from your children on such a special day is a tough one, but remember it’s only one day. Being a father is a lifetime of work, so this 24 hours shouldn’t overshadow all the rest of your good times together.”
 
Whether you know in advance or it is sprung on you at the last minute, you still need ways to cope, so here are eight ways to get yourself through that day.

1. Be honest about your expectations (with notice).

If the reason that you can’t see your children is because they are with your ex-partner, then be honest about the fact you’d like to spend time with them, before Father’s Day arrives, not on the day.Relate relationship counsellor, Dee Holmes said: “Be honest. If you can, try to be honest about what you’d like to do on Father’s Day. If you want to change arrangements so that you have the children when you wouldn’t usually, make sure you talk openly to your ex and give plenty of notice.”

2. Check if you can speak to them.

If you’ve already reached the point where you know there is no room for negotiation and you’ll definitely not be seeing them face-to-face on the day, ask if you could fit a phone call in around their plans.

Ranson, said: “Arrange to skype, facetime or call the kids on Father’s Day. Why not read them a bedtime story?”

3. But do not wait for the phone to ring.

Regardless of the plans you have made with your ex, the one thing you have to avoid is sitting around at home waiting for the phone to ring - not only will you resent your partner (and possibly the children), but you’ll upset yourself.

Holmes said: “It might be tempting if you aren’t able to spend Father’s Day with your children to wait and see if they make the effort to call you but if you want to speak to them, don’t be afraid to make the first step.”

4. Go and do something for yourself.

Once it has been confirmed that there is no chance you’ll be able to see them, don’t be afraid to go ahead and make your own plans, that don’t involve the children. There is nothing to be gained by sitting, waiting at home torturing yourself.


Holmes said: “Plan something for yourself. Regardless of whether you have the kids or not, plan a little treat for yourself on or around Father’s Day – just going for a drink with a friend can give you a lift.”

5. Go and see your own father.

For some people this isn’t an option, but for those who still have their father, seeing your dad is a great way to spend the day, and re-focus your energy on your family who are around (even if you are feeling fragile).

“Get out and do something fun with your own dad this Father’s Day. Just because your children aren’t around to celebrate with you, you can still take your own dad for lunch, a pint or for a walk,” said Ranson.

6. Pick a different day to celebrate.
The best part about Father’s Day is that it is just a date, a date created by other people, so why not make your own special day? Perhaps the weekend before or weekend after? Then you can still do everything you wanted to do on the day.

Ranson, said: “Just because the calendar nominates a day doesn’t mean you have to celebrate it that day. A week or two late is perfectly fine!”

7. Avoid social media.

Social media is the ultimate device for self-torture - whether it’s looking at an ex and their new partner, or a party you weren’t invited to - no one wants other people’s smug statuses and photos rubbed in their face. Especially when it’s something that tugs at the heart strings. 

“If you’re feeling glum avoid social media for the day. Smiling family faces is likely to just be annoying,” said Ranson.

8. Don’t take it out on your children.

No matter what ends up happening on the day (whether you see them or just get 30 seconds on the phone), bear in mind that it isn’t your child’s fault that you aren’t together. This is a situation between adults, and you shouldn’t guilt trip them into spending time with you.

Holmes said: “Keep in mind that you are the adult and as hard as it may be spending Father’s Day alone, the children didn’t choose the situation and may not always know how to act or deal with it.”


Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/fathers-day-how-to-cope-without-your-children_uk_593e96f6e4b0c5a35ca13a1a?utm_hp_ref=uk-divorce