Coming soon - My 90-Day Playbook for Thriving After Divorce!

I'm really excited to be able to announce the completion of my 90-Day Playbook for Thriving After Divorce which will soon be available along with my new 90-Day Thriving Coaching Series.


The book is designed and written to help you navigate divorce, deal with the overwhelm and focus your attentions on what can be achieved in the next 90 days and covers the topics of greatest significance and challenge to those divorcing including communication, managing feelings, fears for the future and maintaining focus.

Learn more about the book in the video below.

To register for details, special offers and updates, check out the link below:


http://bit.ly/90dayPB

Book a Vacation at a Divorce Hotel and End Your Marriage in Luxury

The thought of an impending marital split got you down? It doesn’t have to be so depressing. Book a room at a divorce hotel and get an all-in-one luxury vacation and finalized separation.

What isn’t included in a vacation package these days? Last year, a Dutch company, aptly named Divorce Hotel, announced plans to spread their message of luxury marital splits to America—and now other companies are following suit. The Dutch business offers a low-rate, all-in-one weekend escape for estranged spouses to settle their differences once and for all. Through partnerships with a variety of hotels in the Netherlands, they bring couples to a high-end retreat for a three-day, paperwork-filled getaway. “We offer you an affordable 5 star divorce made-to-measure,” the website boasts.

While the cost of divorce in the Netherlands usually runs between $5,000 and $10,000, with rates in the U.S. often soaring much higher, Divorce Hotel only charges around $3,000 per couple for the weekend (though more complex cases, like contentious child custody issues or divvying up business assets, can reach higher sums). Here’s how it works: The couple checks into one of the partner boutique hotels and then spends the weekend with lawyers, mediators, and company staff who ensure all the paperwork is completed, assets are divided properly, and guests are emotionally stable. Hotel employees are alerted to the guests’ special status and instructed to be appropriately mannered. All discussions are done in private suites—no public yelling matches in the lobby—so things can be sorted out efficiently and amicably.

Participants are carefully selected through an application process to ensure their split isn’t too vicious or complex for a weekend, founder Jim Halfens told the New York Times. In fact, according to Halfens, many couples enjoy their divorcing vacation—going to the beach, dining together, and even spending a night in the honeymoon suite. Yet, so far, all but one couple have successfully completed the divorce proceedings.

Not long after the Dutch nuptial-nullifying company started gaining publicity, a pilot for a reality show called—what else?—Divorce Hotel was given the green light by Fox. “Are you ready to end the fighting, financial stress, and the painful, drawn out divorce process and start a new chapter in your life?” a casting call on the company’s website asks.

“We’ll show [our process] in an emotional TV show with wonderful moments—something you would never expect in a program about divorce. I want to show that what happens in our hotel is very special,” Halfens told the Huffington Post. “I don’t want to [show] creepy, ‘Jerry Springer,’ horrible shit.”

With its Dutch success, the company now is hoping to spread to America, where the divorce rate has dropped since that ubiquitous "50 percent of all marriages end in divorce" message to around 40 percent. But there may be competition in the market for retreat divorces. A company in Indiana seems to have taken a cue from the concept, and created a program of Destination Divorces for on-the-fritz couples, offering a three-day vacation paired with a divorce, and settled for a flat-fee. A message on their website against a photo of beautiful vistas says, "whether you and your spouse prefer the beach, the mountains, the sun, or the slopes, the destination for your divorce is limited only by your imagination." As long as you don't mind forgoing some of your pool time for a meeting with the lawyers, it all sounds pretty painless.

Source: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/07/18/book-a-vacation-at-a-divorce-hotel-and-end-your-marriage-in-luxury.html

Building and Maintaining Momentum

"If you're persistent, you'll get it, if you're consistent, you'll keep it."


Have you ever had to push a broken-down car to the side of the road? It takes persistent effort to get it moving and overcome the inertia, and if you don't keep pushing it consistently, it will stop moving. 


This video explores the idea that it can be hard to build momentum as we work through the process of divorce, but by keeping pushing, we gain momentum. It then gets easier, and feels like it takes less effort to keep going. The flip side is that when you then keeping adding effort, your results start multiplying!


Keep going, keep up the momentum!

8 Things Positive People Do Differently

Some people go through life carried forward on the wings of good vibrations. These people are the chipper, resilient, Leslie Knopes of the world. But not all of us are born with the superpower to be naturally positive. Luckily, you can acquire positivity. Being positive is a skill that can be developed over time by tweaking small habits. If you build some of these traits into your daily life, things will become brighter day by day. And it’s not because things are any better — it’s because your perspective will be. Here are a few things positive people do differently, and ways you can add a little sunshine to your daily routine:

1) They find something every day to look forward to. Whether it’s catching up on a favorite TV show, trying out a new dessert recipe, or having a phone conversation with a friend in another town, these things don’t have to be big. Having concrete activities to look forward to will make your days unique, distinct, and hopefully give each one a sheen of happiness.

2) They celebrate the small stuff. Don’t prolong happiness. Find joy in even the tiniest things — your favorite song coming up on shuffle, a funny text from a friend, a beautiful sunny day — because it adds up. Soon, you won’t have to stop and smell the roses because you’ll be smelling them all the time.

3) They’re kind. When in doubt, choose kindness. Positive people look on the bright side, sure, but they also tend to pay it forward by passing on their positive energy to others. Giving is generous, but it also makes the giver feel even better. Now that’s a win-win.

4) They stay busy. “Busy” isn’t code for “stressed out of your mind.” Instead, being busy means filling your life with fulfilling activities. It relates back to having something every day to look forward to. Start a hobby. Structure your weekends with fun things to look forward to. Most of all, be proactive about keeping busy, because living your life to the fullest is up to you.

5) They accept responsibility for their actions. Being positive doesn’t mean being delusional. By owning up to where you trip up or make mistakes, you’re being honest with yourself. So, since you’re not hiding from yourself, you can then...

6) They forgive themselves. As much as you want to treat others with kindness, you deserve the same treatment. Okay, so we all make mistakes, and we all have regrets. Learn from them. Forgiving yourself will make it infinitely easier to...

7) They know when to move on, and not dwell on defeat. You gotta pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and valiantly forge ahead. A positive person knows that a defeat isn’t the end of the journey, but part of the journey.

8) They resist comparisons. Being positive is far simpler when you do not set yourself against others, as we all have separate strengths and struggles. Instead, work on achieving your own fulfillment, which you can only find by searching inwards — and, of course, by staying positive.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/avelist/positive-people_b_8348936.html

Divorce Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me

My daughter runs in a field of dandelions as the ferry we just missed lurches out onto the water. I unwrap a warm piece of flatbread pizza, rip it into chunks and yell, “Lunch!” We spend two carefree hours playing and making priceless memories as we wait for the next ferry to take us to Vinalhaven, Maine. Having small adventures like this one has become our new weekend routine. It’s just one of the new things I love to do now that I’m single.

Two years ago, my life looked a lot different. I was married to my husband of five years and expecting my daughter. A few weeks after I gave birth, I discovered that my husband was having an affair. He said it was purely an emotional one, but the revelation ultimately uncovered a tangle of lies and infidelities. It ultimately led to our divorce.

Yes, my life blew up. But amazingly, it then came back together and improved in ways I never could have predicted. In the two years since I left my husband, I improved my credit score by a hundred points, qualified for my first mortgage, bought my first house and decreased my debt by 80%. I wrote and sold a book to a major publisher. I’ve spent more quality time with my family and friends these last two years than in the previous 10 combined. And I booked a trip with my daughter, our first vacation together, without consulting anyone. All of the energy I used to funnel into my partner I now invest in myself and my child.

All of this compels me to ask: Is being coupled truly beneficial to both parties? Or do long-term, monogamous, heterosexual relationships actually bring down the female partner?
A hundred years ago, women had to marry in order to function in society. In fact, a woman wasn’t even considered her own person in the eyes of the law — she was just a subset of her husband. Unmarried women stayed on the fringes, isolated and scorned. In the U.S., women could be barred from opening bank accounts, owning land and securing mortgages without the help of their husbands — and up until the 1970s, we could still be prevented from getting credit cards independent of a partner.

But I’ve seen firsthand that the bulk of the work still seems in marriages still seems to fall on the woman — even in relationships where couples agreed to split domestic duties. Their houses are clean, food shopped for and cooked, clothes laundered and kids cared for. And, in many marriages, the female partner contributes equally to the household finances — and more and more married women are actually the primary breadwinners in their families. In fact, in my own marriage, I invested a substantial amount of my savings into my husband’s dream of owning a restaurant. I realized later that if I still had that money, I’d be in a much better position to pursue my own dream: a graduate degree in psychology.

The reasons for entering a union are no longer necessarily monetary, because women can now gain financial independence through their own livelihoods. Nor are they necessarily biological, since reproductive technology allows women to become mothers by choice. Single women are buying homes at twice the rate of single men and have emerged as an influential voting bloc, proving our power. We can create the lives we want on our own.

So why is finding a partner something women still strive for? Why is coupling up still idealized in movies, books, songs and magazines? Why are our parents still teaching us that marriage is an essential part of adulthood? Why do we still look askance at a single woman of a certain age, wondering silently if there’s something wrong with her?

Maybe everything is right with her. Maybe her fairytale ending didn’t involve a prince charming. Maybe she’s moving around with agency, thinking: I am creating this life on my own terms. I don’t need a partner to complete me. I am already whole.

Of course, there are certain harsh realities for single women households, and disproportionately so for women of color. Black and Hispanic single female heads of households are more likely to live in poverty than their Asian and white peers. And black and Hispanic women are paid substantially less than white men, meaning that it can often be difficult to live on a single salary.

In my own life, I was fortunate enough that I had the support to strike out on my own. I was able to move in with my parents for the first months of my daughter’s life. I was terrified. Eventually though, as my daughter grew out of the colicky newborn phase and we moved into our own place, I started to trust myself. I didn’t always make perfect parenting decisions, but I made the best calls I could on a day-to-day basis — and I learned to be OK with that. It wasn’t until I was forced into single parenthood that I realized raising my daughter alone had been an option all along. It didn’t even occur to me that doing it on my own could be financially and practically easier — and even more emotionally fulfilling.

I want nothing more than to pass on this idea of self-reliance to my daughter. I will tell her to trust her gut. I’ll teach my daughter that there’s no right or wrong way to grow into herself, as long as she stays open to learning and changing and striving to make healthy choices. That there’s a difference between being kind and being so accommodating that you sacrifice your own needs. I’ll teach her that she’s whole, with or without a partner.

It’s been two years since my divorce, and I’m still reveling in my newfound freedom and close bond with my daughter. Two nights ago, as the temperature climbed to a sweltering 90 degrees, we turned the fan on high, put on Christmas music (her favorite, no matter the season) and danced around the house. I know that someday I may decide to seek out an equal and fulfilling partnership. Right now, though, I can’t imagine adding a third party to the mix.

Source: http://motto.time.com/4871839/divorce-financial-lessons/?iid=sr-link1

Know your "Why" and live with purpose

"He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how." 

- Victor Frankl


In this video I discuss how living with clarity over why you are doing what you are doing and aspiring to what you are aspiring to, can help you to deal with and accept the sometimes challenging "how" when we have to do difficult things to achieve them. 


The video is inspired by the quote from Victor Frankl who survived second world war concentration camps to live an inspirational life. His book, (linked below) is a must read for all seeking insight in how to live life when faced with adversity and challenge.


http://amzn.to/2vohCxR

You Have More Than This Requires

I had a powerful conversation recently with my good friend Theo. I was telling him about some of the intense challenges I’ve been facing and my underlying fear that I simply can’t handle all that is going on (and what I fear may unfold in the coming days, weeks, and months). Theo listened to me with empathy and compassion, and then said something simple but profound. He said, “Mike, it’s important to remember that you have more than all of this requires.”

As I took a step back and allowed what he said to resonate with me, I was touched by a few specific things. First of all, I appreciated his acknowledgment and reminder. Second of all, it allowed me to take inventory of some of the adversity I’ve overcome in my life, and, in doing so, it reminded me that I am quite resilient. And, finally, over the next few hours and days after Theo and I had this conversation, I got to thinking more and more about the power of the human spirit.

In just about every situation and circumstance in life, we really do have more than is required to not only “deal” with what’s happening, but to thrive in the face of it. As the saying goes, “if it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger.” And while I don’t believe that we have to necessarily suffer and struggle in order to grow and evolve in life, one of the best things we can do when dealing with adversity or challenge is to look for the gifts and find the gold in the situation as much as possible.

Think about how this plays out in your own life and how it has played out in your past. Often we have things happen that initially we don’t think we can handle — sometimes these are things we consider “bad” and sometimes they’re things we consider to be “good.” Feeling overwhelmed is feeling overwhelmed, regardless of what it is we’re feeling overwhelmed about.

However, as we look back over the course of our lives, we can probably find many, many examples of times we were able to overcome challenges, deal with fear, rise above limiting beliefs, and deal with things we didn’t initially think we were capable of. Another great saying that I love is, “circumstances don’t define you, they reveal you.” Ain’t that the truth?
Here are a few things to think about and do so that you can remind yourself, especially when things get particularly difficult or scary in your life, that you do, in fact, have more than the circumstances or situations of your life require.

Remind yourself of all you’ve done, experienced, and overcome. Take some inventory of your life from the perspective of resilience. Think about all the times you’ve dealt with change, loss, newness, fear, pain, disappointment, failure, etc. and been able to work through it. You’ve also probably had many experiences in life where wonderful things and exciting opportunities showed up for you and you were able to step up and take your experience of life to a whole new level. Even though we’re all unique, our stories are different, and we have varying personalities and life experiences, most of us have done, experienced, and overcome a lot in our lives up to this point, and by remembering this and acknowledging ourselves for it, we can create an even deeper and more authentic sense of self confidence.

Remember that you have a great deal of support and you can reach out for it. One of the things that can get in our way when life gets intense, is that we sometimes think we’re all alone. No one understands me. No one really cares about me. No one has time to support me. Regardless of our circumstances, relationship status, or family situation, just about everyone of us has some important and powerful people around us who we can lean on and who would be happy to help us — if we’re willing to ask for and, more importantly, receive their help. This one can be tricky for many of us, myself included, but when we remember that other people love being of service and our request for help is not a sign a weakness, but a clear indication of self care as well as a beautiful opportunity for people to serve, it can empower us to reach out and tap into the incredible amount of resource we have around us.

Focus on what you appreciate about yourself and your authentic power. Self-appreciation and self-love, as I write and speak about often, are the cornerstones of self confidence and authentic power. Having a fundamental belief in our own goodness, power, and beauty are essential to us living an empowered and inspired life. While it’s not always easy to do and can sometimes seem downright counter-intuitive, selfish, and arrogant, self appreciation is truly the “key to the kingdom” when it comes to personal empowerment and resiliency. Remembering that we are good enough just as we are and have all that we need within us and around us to deal with the stress, challenge, and uncertainty that is somewhat inherent to being human in today’s world, is essential to our well-being and overall fulfillment in life.

Regardless of what you’re dealing with in your life right now — however hard, easy, challenging, or wonderful things are — you truly have more than is required by any of the circumstances and situations of your life. And, the more we remember this and live from this perspective, the more freedom, power, and peace of mind we’ll experience.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mike-robbins/overcoming-adversity_b_3518824.html