Gratitude is a Game Changer

If you are wondering what you have to be grateful for, start with the small things and what you can label as the treasures of your heart.

What is meant by the phrase “game changer?” Who or what can that phrase be applied to? Most often it’s applied to sporting events or war. But what would it mean if it were applied to your life. Game changer refers to a shift in outcomes, either good or bad. If you are not pleased with the events or circumstances of your life, a change of some kind would be a game changer for you.

Sometimes a game changer is as simple as a change in attitude from one of dejection, lack, and inertia to one of gratitude, abundance, and boundless energy. Tall order? Maybe not. It is often extraordinary the kinds of changes that show up in our lives when it is viewed through a different lens. When you start from a place of gratitude, really internalizing all that is right in your life, you have affected the outcome. You have uncovered a game changer called gratitude.

If you are wondering what you have to be grateful for, start with the small things and what you can label as the treasures of your heart. Begin by filling your heart with gratitude for simply being. When you wake up in the morning what is the first and most obvious of your treasures? You woke up! Not enough to be grateful for? Then think of the many who did not wake up.

Once you begin to take inventory of your treasures, things to be grateful for, you are better able to face life from a different, more positive attitude—one of thankfulness. Gratitude becomes a game changer.

The benefits of gratitude are numerous. To start with, gratitude lowers stress, which we all know is unhealthy. When you have a sense of gratitude, you can successfully cope with the challenges that come your way, you have more enthusiasm as you face the day. It will actually prove difficult to feel defeated or depressed when you are grateful.

Gratitude helps you put life in perspective as it enhances your wellbeing. When you have a more positive, can-do perspective, success is easier to attain.

By expressing gratitude for even the small positive aspects of your life, you are likely to feel happier and more optimistic. You will feel more in charge. Wouldn’t you prefer to face the day in a more positive “I can do it” frame of mind? What a game changer that would be for so many people! Would it be for you, too?

If you are struggling with finding that place of gratitude in your life, start small. For example, when you make your to-do list in the morning or you are in some way reviewing the coming day, think of one small thing that you are grateful for. Write it down, either at the top of your to-do list or in a journal. This exercise should get easier everyday and your list should begin to grow. If it is still difficult for you to feel grateful, talk to someone who can help your through it and recommend other exercises you can try so that you can uncover your gratitude treasure.

You see, gratitude really is a game changer that can affect your life on so many levels. It affects your physical and mental health, your relationship with others and your satisfaction with your career or job. You are more likely to feel optimistic and you can better position yourself for success in whatever you attempt to do.

Source: https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/gratitude-is-a-game-changer-bbab/

9 Rules for Turning Endings into New Beginnings

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over. There’s a big difference between giving up and starting over in the right direction. And there are three little words that can release you from your past regrets and guide you forward to a positive new beginning. These words are: “From now on…”
So, from now on…

1. Let the things you can’t control, GO. – Most things are only a part of your life because you keep thinking about them. Positive things happen in your life when you emotionally distance yourself from the negative things. So stop holding on to what hurts, and make room for what feels right. Do not let what is out of your control interfere with all the things you can control. Read The Success Principles.
2. Accept and embrace reality. – Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. For everything you lose, you gain something else; and for everything you gain, you lose something else. You don’t have to like it, but it’s just easier if you do. So pay attention to your outlook on life. You can either regret or rejoice; it’s your choice.
3. Change your mind. – Change is like breath – it isn’t part of the process, it is the process. In reality the only thing we can count on is change. And the first step toward positive change is to change your outlook. Prepare for the positive. Prepare for the new. Allow the unknown to take you to fresh and unforeseen areas in yourself. Growth is impossible without change. If you cannot change your mind, you cannot change anything in your life. Sometimes all you need to do is look at things from a different perspective.
4. Hold tight to the good things. – When life’s struggles knock you into a pit so deep you can’t see anything but darkness, don’t waste valuable energy trying to dig your way out. Because if you hastily dig in the dark, you’re likely to head in the wrong direction and only dig the pit deeper. Instead, use what energy you have to reach out and pull something good in with you. For goodness is bright; its radiance will show you which way is up, and illuminate the correct path that will take you there. Read Learned Optimism.
5. Rest and regroup. – Strength isn’t about bearing a cross of grief or shame. Strength is about choosing your path, living with the consequences, and learning from them. Sometimes you do your best and end up with a mess. When this happens, don’t be discouraged. You tried. That’s really all you can ever do. You have not failed; you just learned what not to do. So rest, regroup, and begin again with what you now know.
6. Take chances. – Making a big life change or trying something new can be scary. But do you know what’s even scarier? Regret. So realize that most of your fears are much bigger in your mind than they are in reality; you’ll see this for yourself as soon as you face them. Don’t let them stop you. Live your life so that you never have to regret the chances you never took, the love you never let in, and the gifts you never gave out. Read The Magic of Thinking Big.
7. Keep climbing. – Every person who is at the top of the mountain did not fall there from the sky. Good things come to those who work for them. You gain confidence and grow stronger by every experience in which you truly push yourself to do something you didn’t think you could do. If you are standing in that place of in-between, unable or unwilling to go backwards, but too afraid to move forward, remember that you can’t enjoy the view without being willing to climb.
8. Appreciate what you have learned. – Nothing is more beautiful and powerful than a smile that has struggled through the tears. Don’t regret your time, even the moments that were filled with hurt. Smile because you learned from it and gained the strength to rise above it. In the end, it’s not what you have been through that defines who you are; it’s how you got through it that has made you the person you are today, and the person you are capable of being tomorrow.
9. Realize every step is necessary. – Nothing is ever wrong. We learn from every step we take. Whatever you did today was a necessary step to get to tomorrow. So be proud of yourself. Maybe you are not as good as you want to be, or as great as you one day will be; but thanks to all the lessons you’ve learned along the way, you are so much better than you used to be.

Source: http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/09/28/9-rules-for-turning-endings-into-new-beginnings/

The Power of Beginning: Three Thoughts from the Last 2400 Years

“All glory comes from daring to begin.”
Eugene F. Ware

“With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

A few days ago I wrote about how to make that change you really want to stick this year. Today I’d like to continue on the theme of newness and fresh changes with this companion piece.

1. There is always a new beginning.

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”
Seneca

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”
Helen Keller

How often do we not miss the window of opportunity in a new situation just because we are still angry, sad or frustrated about that other door that just closed?

To me this is another powerful reason to remind myself to stay in the present. To not get stuck and hung up on missed opportunities. When you are living in the present – which is a way to live on the positive and open part of the emotional scale too – and not stuck in the past I have found that it is a lot easier to find the hidden opportunities in any situation.

So whenever you see a door closing, take your eyes off it at least pretty shortly after. And instead of letting your awareness linger on what is in the past, use your time and focus to find the new opportunity that lets you continue the unpredictable adventure that is life.

2. Just get started.

“A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.”
Lao Tzu

“So many fail because they don’t get started – they don’t go. They don’t overcome inertia. They don’t begin.”
W. Clement Stone

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”
Mark Twain

Sitting at home on your hands and thinking about something or hoping will not get you far. To get something out of life you have to get going. It’s not always easy though as fear and inner resistance and simple inertia holds you in your place. So how can you make it easier?
Well, you can certainly do what Mark Twain recommended, it works very well. You can also:
Ask yourself: What is the worst that could happen? A lot of the fear we feel before getting started comes from fuzzy and foggy thoughts about what could happen. But if you actually imagine the worst scenario then it’s often not as frightening as you thought. You won’t die or anything. And it won’t ruin the rest of your life. Imagine the worst scenario and then try to create a plan focused on how you could get on your feet again if that scenario, against all probability, should happen. You’ll realize that whatever your fear is you could probably get back on your feet and back to normal life pretty quickly once again.

Make a list of the reasons to get started. Do it on paper, on your computer or just in your head. When you stuck in fear and inaction it’s very easy to just focus on the negative aspects such as it being hard work or the risk of pain or failure. So you need to change what you are focusing on to motivate yourself to take action. Making a list of positives like benefits and possible opportunities can be very effective for turning your focus around.

3. The beginning doesn’t have to be perfect.

“Beginnings are always messy”
John Galsworthy

“All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning. Great works are often born on a street corner or in a restaurant’s revolving door.”
Albert Camus

When you read personal development blogs or books it’s easy to be lulled into a feeling of enthusiasm where everything will go smoothly if you just stick to the plan.

But reality is a bit more messy. Plans go out the window or may need to be modified as soon as you put them into action. That’s OK. That’s normal. Be prepared for that. It doesn’t mean that what you learned won’t work. It just means that a book or article can’t explain all the intricacies of your life and situation. There will always be a bit of simplification and things that piece of text could not predict.

So don’t go looking for perfect beginnings (or situations in general). Such hopes just tend to disappoint you since nothing or no one can live up to such unrealistic expectations. Instead, accept that this is how life is.

This is also why perseverance, patience and going after what you really, really want is essential. Without those things you’ll fold and give up when you hit a snag, bump or fall flat on your face.

Also, always keep a pen and paper – or a cellphone – nearby to write down all the great ideas that come to you in the strangest places.

Source: https://www.positivityblog.com/the-power-of-beginning-three-thoughts-from-the-last-2400-years/

When things go wrong, and threaten to knock us off track

When things go wrong...

Sometimes we’ll be enjoying a period of life where everything is going smoothly, things are on track, we’re rebuilding our lives and things seem to be working in our favour. It’s really important when this is the case, to ride the crest of the wave, to enjoy it, to celebrate it and certainly not to anticipate or fear its end.

Sooner or later though, something will happen that seems to be sent to test us, to change our fortunes and to upset our progress.

Whether this comes in the form of financial hardship, an unpleasant argument, an unexpected difficulty at work or a challenge in the lives of our kids, there are always those things that strike when we least expect or want them to; when is there ever a good time?

I recently had just such an experience. I’ve been enjoying a few months where it felt like everything was running smoothly, like life was on track and all the moving parts (work, family, kids and so-on) were working together in harmony to give me a feeling of great happiness, stability and comfort.

The upset came in the form of a conversation with my 14-year-old daughter, in the car, late on a Sunday evening (like so many challenges, it seemed to come at night!). In this heartfelt conversation she revealed some ongoing dissatisfactions with life and some perceived-hardships of hers that she felt as a child of a divorced relationship, that I didn’t understand or sympathise to.

There was of course a much wider context to this, but the key point is that while I felt everyone was happy and contented in life, she clearly wasn’t in the same place.

At the time I was shocked that I could be so out-of-touch with my daughter’s feelings and hurt by the many ways in which she felt let-down by me. I felt angry at myself for this failing, and of course it prompted me to consider whether this was really just the tip of an iceberg of greater dissatisfaction in my family and my life. She cried (a rare thing for her, usually the most emotionally-reserved of my kids) and I’ll admit that I did too.

With a few days having passed since, I’m confident that the concerns she vented can be resolved; I’ve already taken a few steps to address these and to ensure that she appreciates that her happiness is an integral part of my own happiness. It doesn’t mean we’re “out of the woods” as yet, but I know we’ll do what we can and sooner or later life will have moved on again with things on an even keel.

The reason I share this now, is that it was a timely reminder of a key aspect of life that I know that I’m prone to forget;

Life is a process of constant and ongoing change.

Just when we think we’ve got the measure of it, when we have everything as we want it and we think we can finally rest and enjoy the fruits of our labours, then something else will come along to blindside us, requiring new action to be taken.

The cynical reaction is to be angered or saddened by this, to resist it, to never take risks or seek out improvement in our lives out of fear for what could go wrong, or in a misguided bid to protect what we have.

An alternative reaction, and the one that I'm constantly reminding myself to take, is that when challenges come up, they must be treated as opportunities for learning and growth. They are life’s way of ensuring that we appreciate all we have that is stable and reliable, and that we seek to change and grow through the things that aren’t as we need or deserve them to be.

There can be few times as personally challenging as working through a divorce, and when we enjoy a rare spell of calm and peace, or when we eventually think that much of the work is done and behind us, it’s really important to enjoy this fact and the associated feelings of contentment.

At some point, something may come along to upset this, whether it’s an argument with our ex, a financial, legal or custody challenge, or a reminder of the hurt and pain that causes our mood to slip and our emotional resilience to suffer. When this happens, there can be a tendency to think this is the end of the good-times, that it signals an overall change of fortune or that our life has taken a step back.

What I hope you can remember, and what I had to remind myself of as I reflected on my daughter sobbing and relaying her sadness and dissatisfactions that evening, is that when such things come up, it’s an opportunity to learn, grow and change as you address the issue.

Don’t resist it, but instead try and embrace it.

Don’t let yourself believe that it is a signal of your world crumbling to dust.

It’s a chance to do what needs to be done, to tackle the things that need to change and to bring about the life that we want to create for us and for those we love.

It isn’t always easy, it won’t necessarily be quick, but it is the right thing and it’s what our life needs; it’s what WE need. It’s an inherent part of the journey of thriving and not just surviving through life.

Toby

When things are going well - Keep on going!

Even in times of adversity, like working through divorce, there are times when things are actually going pretty well! At times like these it's important not to let your own fears or limiting beliefs convince you that this is just luck, or that it's temporary.

It's also important not to allow others to take this away from you; they may want to prepare you for the fact that things could take a turn for the worse, or they might be acting out of jealousy or a sub-conscious desire to see you fail.

Don't listen to them (or to yourself)! When things are going well, enjoy it, celebrate it and feel grateful for it! 

When things are going well, capitalise on it, double-down on it... work harder and expect even more! 

The future is yours to control and influence!

Embracing Change and Adapting in life

"The Universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it"
- Marcus Aurelius
When things are on a smooth path in life, it can feel great, but then something will come from left-field to change that. How we react to things, tests, challenges and perceived hardships can determine how we tackle the problem and ultimately how well we come out of the other side.
Once you have got past your initial reaction, remember that you're going to get through it and come out of the other side, ultimately for the better. "Your life doesn't get better by chance, it gets better by change"
- Jim Rohn

Did Your In-Laws Dump You After Divorce?

In its simplest terms, divorce means separation. You’re splitting up. You’re breaking up. The two of you have made a decision to disconnect, detach and distance yourself from each other. But what about the relationships you have formed with other people because of your marriage? What happens if you don’t want to sever those ties? In other words, when it comes to divorce, what do you do if your in-laws dump you?

I’m not trying to be funny by saying this, but often times, if you can’t stand your in-laws, your divorce suddenly has a plus side. Think about it. You never, ever have to go out for lunch or brunch or dinner with them ever again! But, what if you actually like your soon-to-be ex’s family and friends, and they basically tell you to lose their number?

When I got divorced, my ex-husband’s entire family stopped communicating with me. I seriously have not spoken a word to any of them, other than an occasional “hi” in passing at one of my children’s sporting events.

At the beginning, when we first got separated, I kept waiting for a phone call.

“We’re really sorry this is happening,” I thought they’d call and say. Or, “Is there anything we can do?” Or even, “We don’t want to get involved, but we just want to let you know we are thinking of you during this difficult time.” Nothing. I realize now just how naïve I was.

I was the bad one, in their eyes. I was the enemy. I was ending my marriage to their son, their blood. I was the witch. The devil.

The things is, I don’t expect anyone’s in-laws to side with the non-blood relative, and I don’t expect them to be best friends with him or her. But, in my case, when I was married, my ex’s family was really nice to me, so to go from feeling like part of their family to being completely dismissed without a word was very hard, and it deeply hurt me.

It made me wonder, is an in-law’s love all an act? Is it conditional love? When you get married, are your in-laws just taking you in as one of their own because of your marriage license?

I actually know a person who told his family that he forbid them to speak with his ex, and they obeyed. Someone else I know was told by her ex-sisters-in-law that she was prohibited from attending her ex-mother-in-law’s funeral, even though the ex and her ex-mother-in-law were still really close, and the woman would have wanted her there. There is also a guy I know whose ex-mother-in-law will not even attend her own grandchildren’s birthday parties, because she doesn’t want to look at her ex-son-in-law. She’s so selfish that she’d rather miss the party (and hurt the kids) than show up and just be polite, regardless of her hostile feelings.

I think the families and friends of someone getting divorced need to be open minded, and think with their hearts, versus instinctively jumping to the conclusion that the person who is divorcing their loved one is evil and deserves to be dumped. No one knows what went on in a divorcing couple’s home. Even if it’s your very best friend, or your son, or your sister, you really don’t know. What you know is what that person told you. You have one side.

That said, being upset with the soon-to-be ex, and having feelings of hatred or blame or anger is acceptable and very understandable. But just for a second, remember that you took your soon-to-be ex-brother-in-law or son-in-law or daughter-in-law into your family. So, now that it’s over, do you truly want that person out of your life? Does he or she mean nothing to you?

What parents and siblings of divorced people should ask themselves is, “If I loved this person while my son or daughter or brother or sister was married to him or her, then don’t I love them still? Don’t I care what happens to them in the future? Or do I want to just dump them, take my loss and move on?”

So much depends on the circumstances, and each divorce is entirely different. If my best friend was divorcing her husband because he was an alcoholic who beat her, I would hate him, and I would not want to stay in touch. If, on the other hand, my best friend and her husband of 25 years were divorcing because they grew apart and wanted to go their separate ways, that’s a different story.

There are boundaries, of course. I have a friend whose sister is having drinks with and getting together with her ex-brother-in-law. I think this is unacceptable behavior and tells a lot about the sister’s character. In other words, it’s NOT okay. But, it IS okay to send a birthday card, or call someone if they are ill.

Not all divorcees get dumped by their in-laws. I have a really good friend who is very close with her ex-sister-in-law. They do things together all the time. I know a guy who just drove his ex-sister-in-law and her new husband to the airport for their honeymoon.

In closing, here’s my advice. If you get divorced, expect NOTHING from your in-laws. Then, you’ll never be disappointed or hurt. Let them come to you (or not come to you) thereby showing you their true colors. I think it’s okay to reach out one time, and maybe say you’re sorry that things didn’t work out, maybe tell them how much you care about them (if you do, that is) and how much you hope you can remain close. And then, you have to be done. You have to move on and accept the loss, just as you are accepting the loss of your husband or wife.

And the last thing is, if you run into them and they don’t say hi, make sure you say it. Smile and be friendly and kind. If they are rude, so what? No one ever went wrong with kindness.

Source: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/jackie-pilossoph/did-your-inlaws-dump-you-_b_3372060.html