What was once considered a rarity—step-siblings, step-parents, and step-in-laws—has become more common than not. When couples marry, there is a very good chance that one of them brings an extended family that branches by halves and steps. And if that couple winds up divorcing, the tree splinters even further. Because there is no biological bond that obligates a step-family member to stay in contact with other steps, the rules of engagement can be confusing and tense. In a recent article, marriage experts explain how to navigate the rocky road of step-relationships after divorce.
Take, for example, the case of an ex-wife who spent decades raising her step-children. Should she continue the relationship with these nonbiological children, even though she has no legal claim to them? Mary T. Kelly, a marriage therapist from Colorado, notes that often step-children can be a contributing factor to divorce. Many blended-family parents disagree over how to raise his, hers, and their children. Tension that exists between step-children and step-parents seems like normal childhood rebellion, but in many cases may actually run deeper.
Paul Hokemeyer, a New York therapist, says couples and children need to determine if they want those relationships to continue after divorce. Many children may not be permitted to make contact with their ex-step-parents while they are minors, but can make the choice whether to have a relationship with that significant person when they reach adulthood. Even step-grandparents get caught in the mix when step-families divorce. Grandparents who become attached to step-grandchildren, only to have them taken away, may not be willing to invest as much into future step-family members.
One Massachusetts psychologist, Patricia Papemow, recommends that clients try to initiate contact through letters rather than personal visits or phone calls. It is important for step-children to be allowed to have time to process the shift in the relationship on their own terms. Letting them know a step-parent is there through cards and letters is a noninvasive and subtle way to continue contact and keep the door open for future communication. Regardless of how an individual chooses to stay in contact with their step-children, Hokemeyer insists that they review their motives so that all parties will be receptive. “Make sure that you are acting out of genuine love and concern for the other person, and not out of anger and attempts to manipulate,” Hokemeyer says. Following these tips could help step-exes maintain important family ties in a world of ever-changing family dynamics.
Divorce lawyers will have their busiest day of the year today after the long Christmas holiday took its toll on thousands of relationships.
For many unhappy partners, revelations of a fling at the office party could be the last straw. Other grounds for a split include abuse, lack of sex, financial worries, and disappointing presents.
Online advice centre InsideDivorce.com surveyed 100 UK law firms, as well as 2,000 people who were either married, divorced or separated. It found that nearly one in five of all marriages (19%) was on shaky ground, with partners believing it could end in divorce.
Almost half (44%) of those surveyed said their sex lives had fallen flat, while one in 10 marriages was entirely sexless.
Family lawyer Suzanne Kingston, of Dawsons Solicitors, said men or women often came to see a solicitor without their partner’s knowledge, to try to find out about their options.
The ‘vast majority’ of people who see a solicitor end up proceeding with a divorce at some stage, she said. ‘If you’re not spending time together then the issues between you are not so apparent because they are disguised by what you are doing on a day-to-day basis.
‘But over Christmas people are spending longer periods of time together. There’s more opportunity to argue. There is also the financial worry and the impact of relatives. And at New Year people often make resolutions and think about what they want for the future.’
About two in every five people (42%) blamed a partner’s affair for them contacting a lawyer, with almost half of all women citing infidelity as the main reason for marriage breakdown.
More than half (54%) of those said they discovered the affair themselves, one fifth of unfaithful spouses confessed, and 4% were told by their partner’s new lover. Some 36% of men – the biggest single male response – cited lack of sex as a reason for divorce.
More than 1.8m couples will have contemplated divorcing their partner during the Christmas period, according to the Family Mediation Helpline. And Relate, the UK’s largest provider of relationship support, said the trend to kick-start divorce proceedings in January follows a 50% surge in the number of calls over the festive period.
Three quarters of New Year divorces are instigated by women. But according to Paula Hall, a relationship psychotherapist at Relate, this might just be because they are the ones who get around to it first. She said the New Year was an important time for people to assess thier lives, and couples who had already separated might decide to take the final step and divorce. ‘Doing the divorce is a significant step to closing the door,’ she said.
Derek Bedlow, managing editor of InsideDivorce.com, said: ‘Basically, Christmas is a nightmare for anyone with even a remotely shaky relationship. There are just so many opportunities for things to go badly – from rowing about which in-laws are coming to dinner, to disappointing presents, to discovering a loved one has misbehaved at an office party. It’s a relationship minefield.
‘People are quicker to throw in the towel on a bad marriage than ever before. The trend is definitely to move on as soon as you know it’s truly over – rather than clinging to the wreck of a bad relationship for year after year.’
Source: http://metro.co.uk/2009/10/26/christmas-ends-in-divorce-for-thousands-369834/
Britain's leading family law judge, Sir Nicholas Wall, has renewed calls for "no fault divorce", which could see couples granted quick legal separation without one party accepting the blame.
Sir Nicholas, President of the Family Division, said he could "see no good arguments against no fault divorce", as society moves away from viewing permanent separation as shameful.
He claimed divorce was now an "administrative" process rather than judicial, and said it was no longer important "to demonstrate that you were the 'innocent' party."
In a speech to family lawyers, he said current legislation had "its roots in history", when divorce was a "matter of social status and added: "All that, I think, has gone. Defended divorces are now effectively unheard of."
His words, delivered at the annual conference of Resolution in Leeds on Saturday, have been echoed by Lord Justice Thorpe in an Appeal Court ruling on a contested divorce.
In it, he said the "painful investigations" to establish fault in divorce cases "now seem to represent the social values of a bygone age."
The concept of no fault divorce was originally proposed as part of the Family Law Act 1996, but were criticised by opponents as making it too easy for couples to break up.
Sir Nicholas added: "As a student, of course, I grew up with the three Cs – connivance, collusion and condonation. All those have gone.
"It seems to me, therefore, that the time for no fault divorce has also come."
In the same speech, he also spoke of cuts to legal aid, which he believes could make divorces and family disputes longer, more difficult and more expensive as parties increasingly represent themselves.
He claimed the changes and reductions in legal aid will “undoubtedly” lead to a “substantial increase in litigants in person”, making cases more difficult, as complainants fail to understand court processes such as cross-examination.
Stating that he would “work on the premise that the changes …are going to happen”, he said: “We are undoubtedly going to see a substantial increase in litigants in person.
“Some are very good. But as a rule of thumb, there is no doubt that they slow us down.
“Few, for example, can cross-examine or understand the process of cross-examination.”
Sir Nicholas, who has already publicly criticised legal aid cuts, said those representing themselves in family law courts will often have the “most difficult and intransigent cases”.
If they are not suitable for an alternative mediation process, he added, “cases will take longer and become more difficult” without proper legal representation.
He said: “Although good lawyers cost money, they also save it.”
In his speech, Sir Nicholas said he considers it difficult to disagree with the finding of a recent Civil Justice Counil report, which found: “Forthcoming reductions and changes in legal aid will have the most serious consequences.”
Source: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/9168530/No-good-arguments-against-no-fault-divorce-top-judge-says.html
I once read an article about Jenny McCarthy where she stated that her famous ex Jim Carrey is no longer close to her son now that they’ve broken up. Jenny has a son from a previous marriage who Carrey became very close to during their five-year relationship, which ended in 2010. Fast forward to 2014 and McCarthy is now engaged to Donnie Wahlberg. I’m guessing…or maybe hoping…that Wahlberg’s relationship with her son is just as close, if not closer than the one he shared with Carrey, but child/step-parent relationships can be very complex. Which brings me to this question: Should step-parents be allowed, or required, to stay in a stepchild’s life even after a breakup or divorce?
Some step-parents who have divorced someone with a child might not care if they no longer have contact with the child depending on what that relationship was like. The child might not be extremely affected either, especially if he never really became attached to his step-parent in the first place. But what about the kids who grew up with a step-parent who treated him like his/her own and now has to separate from that parent? The devastation could be the same as if he were separating from a biological parent. And if the couple shared a biological child, then a stepchild might also suffer from the possibility of becoming separated from a sibling that he’s bonded with.
Then there’s a case like Jenny McCarthy, where she’s now moved on to a new guy who will be in her son’s life. Perhaps Jim Carrey felt that it would be best to distance himself from her child because he knew that one day she’d move on to someone else who would play a fatherly role. And if Carrey is dating someone new himself, would she take kindly to him staying in his ex’s life by remaining close to her son? I think a case can be made that if a couple doesn’t share a biological child, and were never married, then there’s no reason for an ex to remain in your life period for the sake of child that doesn’t belong to the both of them.
So what is the protocol in situations like this one? My guess is that there is no set rule when it comes to step-parent/child relationships since none are exactly the same. It would depend on the bond that was developed…or not. And it would also depend on how the relationship ended between the parents, and the maturity level of the adults involved as well.
Marrying someone with children is not a decision to make lightly when there’s a possibility that you’d have a huge impact on a child. If that child lives with a step-parent, then that person will be in a position to help raise a child, mold him and shape his views and outlook on life. If the child bonds with the step-parent, then the relationship becomes independent of the biological parent, therefore making a breakup very painful. In this case, both adults should give proper attention to the impact their divorce would have on the child. This is where maturity makes all the difference.
It would be a biological parent’s legal right to keep his or her child away from a step-parent in the case of a divorce (unless that step-parent has legally adopted the child or has been granted custody), but if he or she sees that it’s hurting the child, then the best thing to do in that situation is remain cordial with your ex so that the child can maintain contact if he or she wants to. The step-parent should also keep that door open should the child still crave his or her love, attention and guidance. While a step-parent may not be able to demand visitation for a child that isn’t biologically his/hers, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to request some time together if a bond has developed over years that would be no different than if the two shared DNA.
If the child is of an age where he or she can express themselves freely, then consider their feelings in the breakup and ask them what they’d like to do. Some may be so young that they can’t properly express their desires without upsetting either parent, in which case the parents should use their best judgement as to what is in the child’s best interest. But if you’re dealing with teenage children, then they can continue the relationship with the step-parent or let it drift away. In this case, a biological parent should just step aside and allow your ex to come to his games or his graduation and support the child together. And ideally, isn’t that what one would want? After all, more love is always better.
Source: http://madamenoire.com/427603/relationship-with-a-step-parent/
New Delhi, June 16 (IANS) Activists, fighting for shared parenting in case of divorce or separation, on Friday demanded a law to make shared parenting mandatory seeking punishment for parents who disobey the court orders regarding child visitation.
“Ahead of Father’s Day, we are demanding implementation of the Law Commission of India 2015 report that provides equal legal status and joint custody of the children to both parents,” Kumar V. Jahgirdar, founder and president of the Child Rights Initiative for Shared Parenting (CRISP), told IANS.
He said the joint custody of a child has to be made mandatory by reforming family laws.
Bengaluru-based CRISP — whose activists from its regional chapters in Chandigarh, New Delhi, Chennai, Hyderabad, Mumbai and Lucknow will observe silent protests and awareness campaigns on International Father’s Day that falls on every third Sunday of June (June 18 this year) — is pushing for reforms in family laws.
Jahgirdar, who is seeking adequate paternity leave just like women, said these days when both parents are working, the role of the father in nurturing a child has become all the more important.
“The central government has to introduce a bill in the ensuing session of Parliament on shared parenting with necessary amendments in guardianship and custody laws as recommended by the Law Commission irrespective of the child’s gender,” he said.
The two laws — the Guardians and Wards Act of 1890 and the Hindu Minority and Guardianship Act of 1956 — at present decide the custody of children in divorce cases.
According CRISP estimates, more than 25,000 divorce cases are pending in family courts in Bangalore alone. In the country, the figure totals over 500,000.
The parents of the estranged couples have their own woes.
Sudha Rajashekar, who heads the grandparents’ wing of CRISP, said separate visitation rights have to be provided to the senior citizens as they are deprived of seeing their grandchildren.
She told IANS there is need for change in the existing laws on rights of grandparents along with the fathers.
Jahgirdar’s NGO has also been demanding a separate union ministry for children and to de-link from the existing Ministry of Women and Child Development since the objectives of both women and children are different.
It is seeking an end to discrimination between maternal grandparents and paternal grandparents and has demanded that family courts treat both equally.
Source: http://www.india.com/news/agencies/make-shared-parenting-mandatory-activists-2241563/
The widespread use of social media has presented new opportunities and challenges for people experiencing family separation and/or parenting disputes, and can frequently change the nature of evidence in the family courts. Family Law Accredited Specialist Simone Green shares some of the positives and negatives of social media in Family Law cases.
Beneficial use of social media in Family Law
One of the benefits of the widespread use of social media is that the courts can serve documents via Facebook or similar social media accounts in circumstances where the other party cannot be located through any other means.
In the case of Macguire & Klein [2016] FamCA 874 (5 October 2016), the father made an application for sole parental responsibility for his eight-year-old daughter after he discovered the mother had left the child with her grandparents and essentially disappeared. Despite extensive efforts by the father to locate the mother and serve her with court documents, he was unsuccessful. The father did manage to contact the mother through her Facebook Messenger app and received a reply. His solicitor then forwarded a cover letter notifying her of the date of the hearing, together with the Court documents, via her Facebook account. The mother did not attend Court but as the Court was satisfied that she knew of the Application because the message had been marked as ‘seen’, the father was granted sole parental responsibility for the child by way of an undefended hearing.
Ugly side of using social media in Family Law
The darker side of social media presents itself when people vent their anger, frustration or hate for their former partner on social media pages, post hateful memes or photos, or even post photos which contradict statements otherwise made in evidence. For example, one party may be tagged in photos by others in situations they have otherwise denied in statements to the court; for example drinking alcohol while caring for children, or bragging about new possessions in circumstances where they deny having means to pay spousal maintenance and child support.
To avoid the social media traps that can come back to haunt you during separation, Streeterlaw advises you do the following:
- Delete all your social media accounts during the separation process
- If not possible or not willing to delete social media accounts, then do not post content.
- If you must post content, ensure that you do not say or infer anything that you would not say, write or show to your grandmother. Do not say anything negative about your ex-partner, his/her friends, family or children, or (and yes, it has happened) the judge.
- Assume that anything you post will appear in your ex-partner’s affidavit, be read in court and make great cross-examination material for your ex-partner’s bulldog barrister. The same goes for text messages and emails.
- Encourage your friends and family not to post negative material about your former spouse online.
Monday, Gov. Matt Bevin signed a revised law affecting temporary child-custody orders — the starting point for divorces. Kentucky’s House and Senate unanimously approved the law, which creates a presumption of joint custody and equal parenting time.
The new law, House Bill 492, answers many Kentucky children’s prayers. The Easter bunny is bringing children a better chance to see both parents after a divorce.
Children in married families enjoy both their parents. Before the new law, children in divorced families enjoyed whichever parent the court picked (primary custody). These children may be allowed a short visit with the other parent.
However, the new law encourages a better arrangement called shared parenting. In shared parenting, children get to see both parents equally. Instead of a single parent winning, the children do.
Studies show that shared parenting children really are winners. Shared parenting children are more likely to be involved in football or music contests than sole custody children. Children who see both parents are also less likely to do drugs or have premarital sex.
The funny thing is that both parents win, too. Neither is denied his or her half of parenting time. Neither parent is forced to work all day long and then be a single parent all night long every day. They have half their evenings and weekends to focus on their careers, tend to one of their own parents or start a new relationship.
Now, fewer divorcing Kentucky parents will be fighting tooth and nail to “win” their children. Thanks to Bevin and bill sponsors David Osborne, R-Prospect, Jason Petrie, R-Elkton, and Robby Milles, R-Henderson, joint custody is the temporary order law in Kentucky.
Surrounding states are rapidly passing permanent custody shared parenting laws. Illinois started shared parenting last year and Missouri just started it a few months ago. Let’s hope Bevin and the bill sponsors improve Kentucky’s permanent custody order law, also.
It’s so easy to point out our government’s flaws. But today we celebrate our legislators making things better. The entire Kentucky House and Senate have helped children see both parents after divorce. And they should because our kids deserve both parents.
Source: http://www.kentucky.com/opinion/op-ed/article144229529.html
