A new study revealed that the key to thriving, rather than just surviving, could be as simple as feeling good about life and yourself, and being good at something, according to a report by the Science Daily. Daniel Brown, a sport and exercise scientist at the University of Portsmouth, studied all the research on what makes people thrive, from studies of babies and teenagers, to studies of artists, athletes, employees, and the elderly. He found a common denominator. “Thriving is a word most people would be glad to hear themselves described as, but which science hasn’t really managed to consistently classify and describe until now,” he said. Brown added that it appeared to come down to an individual experiencing a sense of development, of getting better at something, and succeeding at mastering something. “In the simplest terms, what underpins it is feeling good about life and yourself and being good at something,” he said. The study established that though thriving is similar to resilience, prospering, or growth, it stands alone. “Since the end of the 20th century, there has been a quest in science to better understand human fulfillment and thriving, there’s been a shift towards wanting to understand how humans can function as highly as possible,” Brown elaborated. Thriving had been examined at different stages of human life and had been described as vitality, learning, mental toughness, focus, or combinations of these and other qualities. In addition, it had been examined in different situations, including in the military, in health, and in child development. He said that part of the reason for a lack of consensus is that the research so far has been narrowly focused. “Some have studied what makes babies thrive, others have examined what makes some employees thrive and others not, and so on. By setting out a clear definition, I hope this helps set a course for future research,” Brown said. The study, published in European Psychologist, included six recommendations for future research, such as the need for close examination of what enables thriving, and whether thriving has any lasting or cumulative effect on individuals. In another study reported by the Science Daily, it was discovered that listening to happy music may help generate more innovative solutions than listening to silence. Although many studies had discovered what promotes creative cognition and had proven the benefits of music to cognition, there is not much research on how listening to music affects creative cognition specifically. (Related: Music Shown to Facilitate the Development of Neurons in the Brain.) The authors examined the effect of music on creative cognition on 155 participants who completed questionnaires and were split into experimental groups. Each group listened to one of four different types of music that were categorized as calm, happy, sad, or anxious, depending on their emotional valence and arousal. On the other hand, one controlled group listened to silence. After the music played, the participants did various cognitive tasks that tested their divergent and convergent creative thinking. The study, published in PLOS ONE, found that listening to happy music facilitated more divergent creative thinking compared to silence. Happy music was described as classical music that is positive valence and high in arousal. The researchers suggested that the variables involved in the happy music condition may enhance flexibility in thinking and future research could explore how different ambient sounds might affect creativity and include participants of different cultures, ages, and levels of music experience. Source: https://www.naturalnews.com/2017-09-17-are-you-thriving-or-surviving-science-reveals-your-mindset-is-key.html
Dealing with a divorce is rough enough, and it may be tempting to keep your kids out of it. In fact, research over the last five years has found that over 75 percent of parents going through a divorce spend less than ten minutes, total, talking to their children about the change.
The statistic is shocking, really, considering how clear it is made to us as adults that good communication is vital to all types of relationships. Perhaps adults forget that that little law of life involves children as well, and how much children value being part of decision making, and even being welcomed into the adult world. Here is how to talk about divorce with your kids:
1. Breaking up isn’t a crime
The end of a legal relationship, or a cohabiting one, isn’t a crime that needs to be covered up, sugar coated or kept from children like a dirty secret. Interestingly, children are often more aware that divorces can be necessary than their parents. A UK poll found that 82 percent of older kids aged 14 to 22 preferred that their parents part if they are unhappy, than that they stay together just for the sake of their kids. Your starting point here, then, is your own clarity about what you are going through. Life is full of interesting stages and processes that start and end. We start and finish school, college or a job, and in the same way, separation isn’t necessarily a failure. And if you feel yours is, I’m sure it’s at least more complicated than that. It’s also worth understanding that even failure is a vital part of life, and not something to be ashamed of.
In fact, as an alternative education teacher, I encourage the children I work with to “fail” because it means they are trying, over and over, and learning lessons from that, rather than being scared of trying things in the first place.
2. Children need examples of healthy relationships, not fairy tales
My parents fell out of love when I was five years old, but they didn’t get divorced until 12 years later. All that made for an unhappy home and a childhood filled with verbal violence and stress. I would have much preferred a few honest and tough conversations. Children start to imitate adults from the age of around four — they want to cook like us, pretend to have friends over to tea, fix things with hammers and play “family.” So adults need to be good examples to them, and that means modeling good relationships, not acting out movie-perfect, unrealistic romances. Families come in all shapes and sizes, with all different combinations of parents — including single ones, ones in relationships with someone other than the biological mother or father and same-sex parents. None of this matters. What matters for a child is a positive home environment, where respect and honesty is honored. And by the way, honesty means a place where parents aren’t pretending to have feelings for each other that they don’t have. Would you want your children to do that in their own friendships or romances? Kids need to be taught that relationships evolve and change, that communication, respect and honesty are paramount. Teach them that and you’ll be paving the way for their own healthy relationships in the future. Teach them not to stay in an unhappy relationship just to make others happy.
3. Divorce isn’t an announcement, it’s a conversation
Even though your relationship with your partner is uniquely your business, your children are directly involved in that relationship also. You’ll make the decision to divorce, but understand that the details are going to involve your children. Therefore, the divorce can’t just be announced. It needs to be a dialogue, where the children are listened to, and their feelings and ideas are taken into account. A ten-minute conversation isn’t enough! Answer your children’s doubt. Express yourself. If you feel sad, say that — don’t hide it. If you are unsure about how something will play out in the future, admit to not having all the answers. Be real: it’s okay to not know things, and it’s useful modeling to be able to express your feelings, rather than acting cold and distant.
4. It’s not about blame
However, even though you want to be honest with your children, if you’re holding feelings of resentment and blame towards the other partner, that’s something best kept to yourself. Unless there has been abuse, your children need to be free to keep loving both of you without feeling that to do so is betraying one of you. So, at this point, you need to make sure the following things are very clear: The kids are not the reason for the separation. They, too, are not to blame. You will keep being a family, it will just work differently. All the feelings the children have in response are okay and shouldn’t be squashed. It is okay for them to feel confused, angry, sad, worried or curious. When you chat with your kids, aim to do it in a quiet place, with your partner if possible, and at a time when there aren’t pressing things to do. That way, nothing will get in the way if the conversation needs to go on for a while. Also, if you have older and younger kids, tell them all at once. It isn’t useful to divide the kids, telling the older children first as though they can “handle” the news better, and must then explain it to the younger kids, or keep secrets.
5. After the conversation: helping children deal with change and loss
Children at different ages, and more generally speaking, cope with big changes in different ways. Some kids feel insecure, go quiet, become mischievous, clingy, uncooperative or distant. But they can also be amazingly resilient — bouncing back quickly.
Those who are known for getting things done, for committing and then executing, even in times of adversity or hardship can become known for having a lot of willpower
You can read a recent article I wrote on this very subject at http://bit.ly/2UQcE9o
In the episode I'll share my thoughts on how I believe willpower on its own is often not enough. If we're committing to do something or to get through something that is challenging or testing, if we require willpower then it's often an indication that we're not really committed to the decision, and we don't believe in ourselves strongly enough. I'll share the 4 things that I believe are essential to minimise our dependency on having to rely on willpower, and how these can be evidenced in our life, and built upon.
