Your budget is likely to take a big hit when your marriage ends.
Getting a divorce stands to be as budget-breaking as it is heart-wrenching, especially for women.
"The dynamic is changing a little as more women are staying in the workforce and continuing and accelerating their careers, but typically, divorce hits women harder than men," says Nicole Mayer, a certified divorce financial analyst and partner at financial planning firm RPG Life Transition Specialists in Riverwoods, Illinois.
Indeed, marriage tends to offer some financial advantage. Married women's median weekly earnings were about 20 percent higher than those of women of other marital statuses, including never-married, divorced, separated and widowed, according to the most recent data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics. They even earn 9.6 percent more than unmarried men (but 23.4 percent less than married men). After divorce, specifically, women's household income fell by 41 percent, on average, almost double the loss men experience, according to a 2012 report from the U.S. Government Accountability Office.
Why is divorce so much more detrimental for women financially?
One reason is that women overall earn less than men. Based on median weekly earnings, for every dollar men earn, women make just 82 cents, according to the BLS – and the disparity can be much greater for certain races, as well as job types. For example, in the first quarter of 2017, white men earned a median $977 a week while white women made $790 a week and black women earned just $645 a week. By job, personal financial advisors have the biggest gap, with men earning a median $1,714 a week compared with women's $953 a week.
While income inequality is a much more deeply seated cultural and societal issue, traditional gender roles play a big part of the problem, says Chris Chen, certified divorce financial analyst and CEO of Insight Financial Strategists in Waltham, Massachusetts. Specifically, the demands of caregiving, which tend to fall on women whether it's for children or aging parents, contribute to lowering lifetime earnings. Taking time away from the workforce to do the job of a caretaker means fewer hours at a paying job, which also leads to lower Social Security benefits or opportunities to save in general.
"With regard to women, the pay gap has been narrowing, but it's still there," Chen says.
And the impact of those traditional gender roles goes beyond the numbers. Women were often not in charge of their household's overall finances; money management was the husband's domain.
Here’s how to protect your money when your marriage is falling apart.
"Traditionally, women end up taking on a lot of the household duties, [which] might be paying the bills and doing some of those kinds of things," Mayer says. "But they never really handled the finances."
So divorcing your income-providing, money-managing spouse is bound to do damage to your bottom line – and force you to make a change. Taking an optimistic point of view, uncoupling presents you with an opportunity to step up your independence and flex your own financial power.
"The silver lining [to divorce] is that most women feel much more confident, much more in control of their finances after the divorce than before," says Natalie Colley, an analyst at financial planning firm Francis Financial in New York. "That's because they're finally the ones in control of their finances."
How can you get going on your fresh start?
First, you need to do an inventory of your current financial situation, including your income, expenses and assets, as well as your financial goals and future plans. And remember, much of this will be all new post-divorce.
Going from a dual-income household in marriage to a single-income household is a big change. And if your spouse was the sole or primary breadwinner, you may need to step back or up in your career. Even if you get spousal and child support, you can't rely on it for the long term, and it's better to adjust to not having that extra income sooner rather than later. "Alimony and child support are not forever," Chen says. "You have to plan for when it ends: Continue advancing your career to progress from a lower-paying job, and make sure your expenses are lined up at the right level."
On the other side of the equation, your expenses are likely to eat up more of your income. "You're really supporting, in some aspects, two households, so you feel like you're living on a lot less," Mayer says.
Looking forward, your dreams and goals are probably different now. For example, your vision of retirement might completely change from what you had been thinking with your spouse. And the path to getting there is certainly altered. "You always assumed there'd be two of you and maybe two 401(k)s and two IRAs, and that's now all changed," Mayer says. "So now it's really updating your picture as a whole, your long-term picture."
Of course, while starting over can be exciting and refreshing, it can also be daunting. Don't let that stop you from charging into making your new financial plan.
"The biggest mistake I see people make is they don't start the process immediately after divorce," Mayer says. "They wait five or 10 years – when child and spousal support stops – and then reality hits. Those first few years are really transitional years, and you have to tackle them head on."
The best way to overcome any fear you might have about taking the reins on your financial life is to get educated. Do all you can to better understand money matters in general and your own financial situation specifically. That might mean continuing to read articles like this, maybe taking free or low-cost classes on the subject or working with a financial professional. Whatever route you take, learning more about what you fear can help you realize you had nothing to fear at all.
"Once they feel they have a good handle on these things, women become much more confident and then much more aggressive in their portfolios," Colley says. "And they can lean into their financial lives even more."
Source: https://money.usnews.com/money/personal-finance/family-finance/articles/2017-08-14/why-women-should-rethink-their-finances-after-divorce
Well, you’ve heard it said once and many times over - divorce is like a death.
So many losses are involved including the future you had once dreamed off. You life’s direction takes a turn that you didn’t plan for and you really don’t know what lies ahead.
You get to see that there are indeed life events that are capable of knocking you sideways and propelling you into a land that you never had any intention of visiting let alone residing in.
Yet here you are. In the land of inner pain, anger, resentment with a touch of relief and anticipation for what the future holds. A place where concentration, sleep disturbance and appetite attacks are all names of avenues, street and roads.
Welcome to the land of “The Divorced Working Mum.”
20 years on and I still recall how one of my daughter’s nursery teachers came to school one Monday morning looking tired, worn out and red-eyed.
Her “new” appearance was easily noticeable to us parents because Mrs Blake-Harrington, let’s call her that, was always very presentably dressed with an air of collectedness and coolness about her.
It turned out, her husband had just left her and the children (both under 9) that weekend. She was not the I-am-in-control teacher whom we used to see. That one had left.
Mrs Blake-Harrington, stayed on for another couple of weeks but eventually had to leave and take a much needed break. She went to see her parents who lived outside London...never to return.
So what happens when you find yourself divorced and the main carer of your children? How does that affect your career or work prospects?
My own divorce experiences steered me to working in a totally different way than I had anticipated albeit in the same profession - child therapy. I had two children and no family around to help.
I had to drop out of courses during divorce number one and had to quit one full-time job during divorce number two and opt for a part-time position that was paying me not only a fraction of my previous salary but that was also mind-numbingly dull.
In the meantime, my ex-husbands, had the support and help from their work places. They could work long hours if they wanted to because they didn’t have to get home in time to pick up their children from school and look after them and this reflected back on the successes they achieved post-divorce.
However, and I hope they don’t mind me saying this, these successes were short lived as after a while, they both were burned out having not taken time off to deal with such huge life events. Today they are both working in different fields.
I recently read this quote in Oprah Magazine, an article by Martha Beck:
“If you’ve had a run of horrible luck, you can tell yourself you’re being tortured or punished. Or you can decide you’re being steered.”
So did my two divorces kill my career?
That’s the story I held for a long time. That’s the belief that I carried with me for a long while until one day, I realised that, the divorces shifted me to where I am today, doing what I love.
Remember that mind-numbingly dull job I ended up in? Well if it wasn’t for that job and it’s dreariness, I wouldn’t have taken the huge risk of resigning and working for myself. I had to do something. I just couldn’t stay there.
I am now working with children and families affected by divorce, trauma and loss and I am pursing my other love and passion, which is writing and editing entirely on the topic of divorce and separation.
I work for myself. I control my days and hours. That is what has worked for my children and I.
So is divorce a career killer? Will it be yours? It certainly was mine for a while there, but not anymore.
During divorce, there are many parts of your inner world and being that no longer function as you knew them. You day to day life is affected by your emotions which are affected by your thoughts which then play a role in determining your actions.
The one piece of advice I could give anyone going through divorce to do is to take time off. Do ask for help, take it and accept it when it is offered. Ok, that’s more than one but they hey.
Only when you take care of yourself will you be able to see things clearly and make better decisions and judgments as to which way to go next. This is no time to be a warrior woman.
Grieve if you need to but don’t stay there forever.
Divorce encourages you to reassess your current situation to find and discover very creative ways to get time with your children, earn some money and look after yourself.
It’s not easy. We love spending time with our little ones but bills need to be paid.
But here you are. The change has come. You are being steered. Which way will you go? What will you do? What can you do? Know your options and take it from there.
Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/soila-sindiyo/divorce-women-careers_b_6592282.html
A Judge has recently ruled in the case of Tracey Wright that she should go out and get herself a job rather than rely on her ex-husband to provide maintenance for her to live on. This has caused huge ripples as there is now expected to be a huge rush to the courts to renegotiate divorce settlements. Spouses can no longer rely on full financial support from their ex partners once their children reach age seven.
I think this has to be looked at from different angles as there are clearly two sides to this argument. It is worth bearing in mind as well that it also works both ways as it has become more common for husband to stay at home and the wife to be the bread winner.
Side 1: The married couple made a decision together that one of them would go out to work and the other would raise the children. Obviously there was never any intention to get divorced at this early stage of family life so it seemed like a sound decision in the best interests of the whole family.
In this instance let’s assume it is the wife who decides to give up her career and look after the kids whilst the husband continues his career. The support at home enables him to grow and develop his career whilst his home life is being taken care of. So his earning potential increases over the years as does his skill set and potential value in the market place.
If further down the line they find themselves getting divorced and their youngest child is over seven years of age then the wife may well now be told to get herself a job as she cannot rely on the financial support of her husband. In this case the woman is at a huge disadvantage to create or maintain her lifestyle with her own career should she have to rely on her own earnings alone. She has been out of the work place for a minimum of seven years and her skill set will need updating. She will also be competing for jobs with others who have not taken a long break from the workplace.
Even at seven years old a child would ideally have his mother around for bedtime and homework. So finding a job that can fit around children, childcare and skill set is not easy.
It is an even more bitter sweet pill to swallow if the husband ended the marriage and the wife had no choice.
Side 2: When a marriage ends and the couple decide to go their separate ways then why should the main bread winner be saddled with the financial responsibility of their ex? Isn’t it only fair that they step up and contribute to their lifestyle if they are getting a divorce? After all they are going their separate ways.
Of course there are many who would hate to take a penny from their ex. As one of my Facebook followers wrote on my page recently: “I would rather eat glass than be dependent on my ex for anything”
Realistically most couples have no choice but for both parties to go out and earn a living as there is not enough money to make it viable for one of them to stay at home with the kids. For them there is no option but to work.
There are also many who do not give up their job when they have the kids. If they never sacrificed their place in the workplace or their personal financial independence then they may well think it is time for women to “stop milking their men” as Sarah Vine wrote in the Daily Mail this week.
How to use this to your benefit:In my opinion after a divorce it is a helpful part of the healing and moving on process to start earning your own money. It helps you to identify who you are again and can work wonders for your confidence and self-esteem. It can also help you to meet new people and create a whole new future for yourself that you never dreamed of.
The job doesn’t need to be scary or difficult - it could be something that fits around your children and that you really enjoy. You can always start small and work up to longer hours or something more challenging.
So whether it is court ordered or not - getting a job is a great idea to help you rebuild your life and find happiness again.
Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/sara-davison-/get-a-job-ruling_b_6767286.html
