I'm Divorcing: 5 Tips for Coordinating Family Vacations With Your Ex

With summer just around the corner, many families are looking forward to annual family vacations. A lot of effort and money goes into vacation planning. For divorcing or divorced parents, the possibility of a former spouse interfering with a planned vacation becomes yet another logistic to consider. Here are five tips for pleasant vacation planning.

Before you sign the custody agreement:

1. Set out clear holiday and vacation rules

People often spend months negotiating a fair child custody agreement, and some even resort to court-ordered custody agreements. Such custody orders typically include vacation and holiday time for both parents. But unless holiday and vacation rules are laid out clearly, planning a getaway with the kids can become a point of contention.

2. Clarify which weeks belong to each parent

Sometimes, like during spring break or Labor Day weekend, both parents may want to travel with the kids at the same time. Avoid this type of conflict by spelling out in a court order which weeks each party gets to spend with the kids. If you can’t sort out exact timing during the divorce, then at a minimum, include a provision in the custody order whereby one party gets its choice of vacation weeks in even years and the other party gets its choice in odd years.

3. Don’t agree to restricted travel

Parties can also agree, or a court may order, to restrict the right to travel with children beyond a certain mileage radius, outside a particular geographical area or outside the country. Some parents agree to these restrictions rather than fight them, but this is shortsighted.

Even if a party has no immediate plans to travel a significant distance, and even if both parties are unconcerned about the other party traveling long distances with the children, they need to consider that, in the future, traveling a greater distance may become important. At that point, they will not want to go back to court to modify an order to allow unrestricted travel.

When planning a vacation

4. Sign and notarize a travel consent form

Many people do not realize that the non-traveling parent can prevent the traveling parent from leaving the country with the children, dashing all hopes of that exotic Caribbean vacation. In order for children to be taken out of the country, not only do they need valid passports, but both custodial parties need to provide authorization. This often requires signing a parental consent form in the presence of a notary.

5. Require detailed travel and contact information

When traveling with children, even domestically, it’s helpful if the custody order stipulates that the traveling party must provide full information in advance of travel. This includes specific travel documentation, such as flight numbers, arrival times, departure times, hotel information and a contact number where the children can be reached for regular communication or in case of emergency.

Whatever the vacation provisions, remember that kids enjoy travel time with their parents. Preventing the children from enjoying this time in order to exact revenge on a former spouse by making life difficult for them will only hurt the kids in the end.

Source: https://www.parentmap.com/article/divorce-coparenting-family-vacation-ex

Time Management Tips For Real Divorce Recovery

Life is crazy enough without having to deal with divorce recovery. Learn how to make it easier.

When I got divorced in 2002, I thought that after the decree was signed by the judge everything would be better. I'd somehow magically be over all of the pain, fear, anger and disorganization that seemed to have overtaken my life. But, as you've probably guessed, the divorce decree wasn’t quite the magic wand I was hoping for.

It took me more than a year to really get myself feeling good again. There were just so many changes in my life and I didn't have a great way for absorbing all them, given the demands of a life I was already dealing with. I wound up procrastinating instead of doing things. My house was a wreck. I hardly had any food in the kitchen, but that didn't matter because I didn't eat much. My health was deteriorating. I was hardly sleeping. I think I was running on adrenaline, caffeine, sugar and not much else. Bottom line: I was exhausted and falling behind on everything.

I found my way out of the mess divorce created in my life, but it wasn't a simple task. I had to decide what was really important to me. I had to change the way I did things. And I had to change the way I thought about things.

It wasn't until I found my way out of the mess that I was able to look back at where I'd been and realized that there's a big piece of divorce that no one talks about. Real divorce recovery requires that you change how you live your life, that you examine your priorities, and that you do things you might never have done before or you become comfortable with letting some things go. This piece of divorce recovery that no one talks about is what I call The Functional Divorce because how you function and simply just are in the world changes when you get divorced.

One of the most important pieces of The Functional Divorce is developing a time management system that works for you. Yes, time management. When you're going through divorce it's so easy to lose track of time to the rollercoaster ride of unpredictable emotions — shock, denial, grief, anger, loneliness, etc. Heck, the emotional ride is exhausting, but in the midst of all of this turmoil there are certain things that must be done. You've got to continue working, caring for the kids, caring for the pets, caring for your aging parents, and caring for your home to name just a few. On top of all that you've got to deal with the legal process of divorce which is probably unfamiliar to you AND you've got to figure out how to do all of the things that your former spouse used to do. You might now need to deal with car repairs, keeping up with the kids' schedules, making meals, finding a new place to live, selling your home, moving… Your life was full before the divorce and now you've got even more stuff heaped on your overflowing plate of responsibilities and which just adds to your overall sense of exhaustion.

By carefully managing your time, you’ll be able to more easily navigate all the tasks and emotions of divorce, and more quickly achieve real divorce recovery — which means you’ll be able to get on to living the best of your life sooner.

Yes, it's simple to say that time management is one of the necessities of real divorce recovery. But adding one more task, to figure out time management, probably doesn't seem to be exactly what you need right now. So, to help you develop your system, here are the top 5 time management tips for real divorce recovery that I used for myself, and that I teach my clients.

Time management tip #1: Make friends with your timer. One of the realities of divorce is the need to do things you don't want to do, or even feel energetic enough to start. This is where using a timer is one of the best time management tips I can give you. Make an agreement with yourself that you can handle anything for just 15 minutes (or 10 or even 5 if that's all you can handle). Set your timer and then laser focus on getting that one task done. The task can be anything: putting together information your attorney has asked for. It can be allowing yourself to cry. It can even be researching where to buy tires or putting together a grocery list. Giving yourself the gift of this time to focus on just one task at a time is one of the most effective ways to get through your functional divorce and experience real divorce recovery.

Besides getting things done, there are other benefits to using your timer. Setting a timer eliminates the need for you to watch the clock which will allow you to focus completely on your task. As soon as the timer rings, you can then choose to continue working on the task or stop and congratulate yourself for moving things forward. As you make better friends with your timer, an amazing thing starts to happen. You'll start to feel a sense of accomplishment. When you feel better about what you’re getting done, you'll actually start to feel better about yourself too! How's that for a reason to make friends with your timer?

Time management tip #2: It's oh-so-easy to spend time doing things that may not be the most important things to get done. So prioritizing what needs to be done is the second of my best time management tips. One of the ways I'll often teach this tip is by asking people to think about each task on two different scales. The first scale is Urgent vs. Not Urgent. To determine the urgency of a task you can ask yourself questions like: What is the deadline for this task? Is life or limb at risk? The second scale is Important vs. Not Important. To determine the importance of a task you can ask yourself questions like: What impact will completing this task have 10 years from now? What impact will completing this task have 1 year from now? What impact will completing this task have 1 month from now? What impact will completing this task have 1 week from now? What impact will completing this task have one 1 day from now. What impact will completing this task have 1 hour from now?

The key to this method of prioritization is to focus on the tasks that rank highest on both the urgent and important scales first. Using this method for prioritizing all of your tasks might seem daunting at first, but it might also be a great thing to share with your new friend the timer!

Time management tip #3: Just because a task has both a high urgency and is greatly important doesn't necessarily mean that you're the one who should be doing it. The third of my time management tips is Do, Delegate or Dump. If you're the only person that can do the task, then you're stuck with it. It's time to roll up your sleeves, set your timer and get it done. Generally speaking, if the task is something that you can ask someone to do and have confidence that they’ll do it at least 80 percent as effectively as you can do it, or it's something that you just don't have the expertise for, then it's a great candidate for delegating. Some of the tasks that make perfect sense to delegate are drafting your divorce decree, changing the tires on your car, making the kids' beds, and cleaning the house. If the task is something that is lower priority and is both non-urgent and not very important, then it's probably a task that can be dumped and not given another thought.

Time management tip #4: For the tasks that still need to be done either by you or someone else, it's important to be clear about exactly what the task is and expectations. That's why the fourth of my time management tips is to define the details.

Have you ever agreed to do something, completed it to the best of your ability and then been told you've done it all wrong? Or worse, you've counted on someone to do something for you and the result isn’t anything like what you expected? I've been in both of these situations more than once and neither one feels good. What I've learned is that the best way to prevent things like this from happening is to define the details of the task as completely as you can. This is true even for tasks that you assign to yourself because there's a difference between obsessively perfect and perfect for this particular circumstance.

Time management tip #5: This tip could actually be the most important, but I've saved it for last because it often requires tips 1, 2 and 3 to do it well. The fifth of my time management tips is to schedule time every day to take care of you. Although it may not seem to be urgent at first, I assure you that taking care of you is both highly urgent and highly important. Divorce is stressful, demanding and exhausting for most people. In order to get through it and make sure you're functioning at your best, you must take care of you.

Taking care of you doesn’t have to take a lot of time. It can be as little as five minutes (this is where tip #1 comes in handy) where you are just focused on nurturing you. You might take a walk, you might dance to your favorite song, or you just might lock yourself in the bathroom for 5 minutes of alone time. Whatever you choose to do, the goal is to take care of yourself so you feel energized enough to get back to the rest of your task list.

My top 5 time management tips for real divorce recovery are just the starting point. They're tips you can test and adapt to work best for you because time management truly is one of the keys to successfully recover from your divorce and get on to living the best of your life.

Your Functional Divorce Assignment:

• Download a time app for your phone. Using a timer is one of the time management tips that I still use today. I find that it allows me to completely focus on one task without having a nagging fear that I might work on it too long. Or, for those tasks that I just don't really want to do — like doing my bookkeeping — I know that there is a defined stopping point. I’ll bet you’ll like getting to know your timer too!
• Set your timer for 15 minutes and make a list of everything you need to get done along with any due dates. I think you just might be surprised at how much less overwhelmed you will feel once you get all of your tasks written down. The pressure of needing to remember everything is gone and we both know how difficult it can be to remember things when you're already feeling overwhelmed by the divorce.
• Tomorrow, take your list back out, set your timer again for 15 minutes and prioritize your task list. I suggest waiting until tomorrow just in case you had to push really hard to complete the list in the first place. If creating your list wasn't a HUGE task for you to get done, go ahead and prioritize your list now.
• When you're ready, it's time to determine which tasks to do, to delegate and to dump. Again, setting the timer can be extremely helpful in getting this division of the tasks done.
• For the highest priority to do and to delegate tasks, define the details. Doing this will help you figure out how much time to devote to each task and to get a realistic estimate to complete the tasks.
• Take a break and take care of you. I find that one of the best ways to celebrate completing any task is to celebrate. What better celebration than to celebrate you and nurture yourself for a little bit.

Source: https://drkarenfinn.com/divorce-blog/life-after-divorce/179-time-management-tips-for-real-divorce-recovery

What My Parents' Divorce Taught Me About Money

You don’t generally associate “divorce” with “excellent personal finance education.”
Most children of divorced parents might argue that divorce is a terrible, emotionally unpleasant time—particularly where money is concerned.

While I agree that it can be a miserable time, emotionally and financially, I also credit my parents’ divorce with some of the most important financial lessons of my life, and for making me the financially responsible adult I am today.

The Divorce

I come from a relatively wealthy background—I grew up in a safe, affluent suburb of New York City, where I was raised by two parents with advanced degrees, and went to excellent schools with kids in similar situations. For much of my life, I didn’t have to really worry about shopping for school supplies or getting the clothes I wanted or having money to go to the movies or other incidentals. It was all given to me, just like it was given to my friends.

And then, at the age of 15, my parents got divorced. It was a messy, unpleasant period in our lives, and not worth recounting here (who wants to hear about another suburban kid whose parents fought and eventually separated?).

But as unpleasant as the experience was, I consider it one of the best things that could have happened to me—financially. While my friends were going about their youth unconcerned with material worries, suddenly I had to learn relatively quickly what it meant to have a handle on your money —and your life.

Here are the three key lessons I learned as a result.

Lesson #1: Financial Independence is Everything

Around the time I was 15, my mother made a discovery: My father had been slowly draining our family’s savings, retirement, and checking accounts. By the time my mother realized what was happening, the money was gone. My mom had thought his yearly bonuses would be going toward college for me and my sister, but not only was my dad a big spender, unbeknownst to her, he had also been buying regular tickets to visit his girlfriend in Greece. The money went fast.

Here, I witnessed firsthand one of the most important financial lessons of my life: It is essential as a woman (and for anyone in a relationship, although women are particularly vulnerable) to know where your money is, and to keep an eye on your household finances . You should never rely on someone else to manage everything for you.

Does this mean, now that I’m grown and married myself, that I regard my husband with perpetual skepticism, always under the assumption that he’s about to take the money and run? Not at all. But we both keep an eye on our joint accounts (which makes good sense for a number of reasons, including monitoring identity and credit card theft), and we both discuss how our money is being saved and spent . I also know I will always stay in the workforce, even if and when we have children.

My mother, who had a PhD and a JD, decided to stay home with my sister and me when we were young, then found a job in the Brooklyn District Attorney’s office, which eventually turned into a position as a full-time prosecutor after the divorce. As I watched her realize how difficult it would be to re-enter the workforce, I realized how important it is for women to be able to support themselves financially, regardless of circumstance. Divorce aside, in case of any kind of tragedy (death, unemployment), I want to be able to rely on myself for income.

Lesson #2: Needs Are Expensive

After the divorce, my mother was adamant that we stay in our house and school district. Her desire to make sure we weren’t totally uprooted from our lives, regardless of finances, meant that I soon had to rely on myself for all of those financial incidentals I had always received from my parents.

While my mother was concerned with getting food on the table and paying for medical care (we didn’t have health insurance—we had been on my dad’s plan and he changed jobs, and my mom was looking for work—and I ended up forgoing dentist’s visits for five years), I soon learned what all of those teenage “needs” cost, and how to budget for them.

From gas for my old Honda (a hand-me-down from my grandmother), to movie tickets for nights out with friends, I learned how much money I would need and what I could go without. I picked up more babysitting shifts than I ever had before, took summer jobs at the local Barnes & Noble and as a tutor, and managed (and saved) my own money.

There were days when I hated everything about our situation. One winter day, a pipe burst in our basement, and my mother had no idea what to do, so I called my father and figured out how to fix it. I remember thinking it was ridiculous, but it really taught me how to take control of a situation when I need to. I can fix things around the house; I’m proactive in making things happen; I’m never, ever late on a bill. It wasn’t fun, but it was certainly character-building.

Now, I don’t mind making a dollar stretch (cereal for dinner is a frequent guilty pleasure), and I know how to budget realistically . I also realized that I became more independent than many of my peers at an early age. In college, I used my own money to buy clothes or take trips, while many friends were still fully supported by their parents. Resisting spending on non-essentials early on definitely helped shape my habits as an adult.

Lesson #3: College Isn’t a Given

Even more importantly, what seemed like a tragedy—losing my college savings account—ensured that I knew the value of a college education, and taught me how to find scholarship money and financial aid. My guidance counselor worked with me to find schools that had great financial aid and vouchers so we didn’t have to pay for the SAT or ACT.

I’d always been smart, and a good student, but I definitely kicked myself into high gear after my parents’ divorce.

I’m not sure how much of that was the hyper-competitive academic environment my high school fostered, and how much was the knowledge that I’d have to do very, very well to get into the kinds of schools that would provide excellent financial aid. Either way, I started figuring out that if I wanted something, I would have to go after it, whether that was an after-school job or leadership positions at my school . I stopped being afraid to ask for what I wanted.

I ended up going to Wellesley College, which has great financial aid. During those four years, I was able to go abroad to London, intern in Washington, D.C. one summer, and intern another summer at a literary agency with a $3,000 stipend. That summer at the literary agency, I gave myself $5 for a “fun budget” every week and put any remaining money into a savings account.

Between my jobs during the school year (tutoring, babysitting, and working on campus), a few graduation gifts, and the remainders of my stipends, I graduated with $12,000 of savings—which I used to fully pay off my relatively small college debt . Now, I’m extremely proud to say I’ve saved another $10,000 in an emergency fund. (The secret to this? No fun, ever. I don’t recommend it.)

My family is in a much better place, financially and emotionally, than we were during those years during and after the divorce, and I wouldn’t wish that kind of steep financial learning curve on other teenagers.

But while divorce can seem like the worst thing to happen to a family, what we went through turned me into a more responsible adult than I might otherwise have been, and for that I’m incredibly grateful.

Source: https://www.themuse.com/advice/what-my-parents-divorce-taught-me-about-money

7 Ways to Ready Your Finances for Divorce

For some couples, no amount of marriage counseling is enough to avoid a divorce. It’s a tough process emotionally and financially.

Untangling two people’s money is messy. Long before spousal or child support is awarded or your post-divorce budget is in place, you’ll need to prepare your finances for the work ahead.

Because each divorce is unique, specific advice can only come from experts familiar with your case. However, the following tips should point you in the right direction.

1. Be wary of well-meaning advice

Divorce laws vary by state, so be cautious of advice that seems to be a one-size-fits-all solution — whether you read it online or received it from a friend. If you’re unsure whether you should move money, change accounts or make any other financial moves pre-divorce, consult with an attorney licensed in your state.

2. Track expenses — and anticipate future ones

As soon as you know divorce is inevitable, begin tracking your household income and expenses. This will not only help build a budget post-divorce, but it is also crucial for your attorney and later the judge in deciding how to split assets and debts, and whether to award spousal or child support.

If you’ve already been tracking as part of your budget, even better: You have a record of past months and years. If not, start now, and include household bills, food, clothing, entertainment, home maintenance, transportation, child care and anything else that you spend money on. Use your bank and credit card statements to estimate spending from past years. Next, project future expenses.

“Look beyond the normal monthly expenses and include things like your holiday trips, vacations and seemingly ‘one-time’ expenses like replacing the dishwasher,” says Avani Ramnani, a certified divorce financial advisor with Francis Financial in New York City. Use previous years as a guide, but remember, circumstances change. For example, if you have children, you’ll transition from spending on child care to spending on after-school activities and eventually car insurance and college tuition.

3. Gather documentation

Your financial records tell the story of your marriage’s financial health. Gathering these documents can be tedious and time-consuming, so start as early as possible.
If you and your spouse share any accounts, your financial institutions or advisors have no obligation to keep your requests confidential.

Start with:

• Checking and savings account statements (past year)
• Retirement account statements (current, if contributions haven’t changed)
• Investment account statements (past year)
• Ledgers for any loans, including your mortgage, auto loans and personal loans (past year)
• Credit card statements (past year)
• Recent pay stubs
• Lists of assets and debts brought into the marriage and those accumulated since marriage
• Income tax returns (past three years)
• The Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts offers a checklist of financial records you’ll want to prepare.

4. Prepare for resistance

“In amicable divorces, there is a free exchange of information,” Ramnani says. “However, in adversarial situations, one spouse might not release documents unless they’re legally forced to do so.” This is especially likely if one spouse controlled the household finances.
Even if relations seem cordial, anticipate rough patches. You might decrease the likelihood of confrontation by gathering the important paperwork before filing. If your spouse fights you every step of the way, ask your attorney about court-ordered options.

5. Refrain from big financial decisions

The divorce proceedings will determine all of your major financial changes. It might be tempting to get a jump on tasks like adjusting your life insurance beneficiaries — but it’s best to wait.

“Changes to beneficiaries, wills, retirement accounts, and the like will be sorted out in the (legal) proceedings,” says Caleb Ballew, divorce attorney with Martinson & Beason in Huntsville, Alabama. “If you make such changes prior to the divorce, the judge could award your spouse.”

If you’ve already filed, Ballew says, making such changes without the blessing of the court could be grounds for criminal contempt charges. Ask your attorney if you’re unsure about a particular move.

6. Be conservative when spending and saving

Separating joint finances is sticky, and much of the process depends on your state laws — some treat all income, assets and debts as if they’re part of a single pot. Emptying that pot, or even dipping into it more than usual, in the weeks and months before your divorce could be detrimental.

“There is no advantage, and perhaps a disadvantage, to being the first one to the bank,” says David Clarke, a divorce attorney with Blankingship & Keith in Washington, D.C. He recommends keeping all financial matters transparent with your spouse.

Continue to use your accounts — individual or joint — as usual. If you don’t have money set aside for hiring a divorce attorney and other related expenses, try to agree with your spouse about each spending a conservative and comparable amount, Clarke says. If your relationship isn’t amicable, ask your attorney about a legal separation, which would dictate how you both use money until the divorce is finalised.

7. Know when to get help

Whether your divorce is amicable or adversarial, a lawyer can help you sort through the separation of your lives and finances.

“Engaging a lawyer should not be seen as an act of aggression,” says Clarke, who adds that the specifics of a divorce are “too weighty to be negotiated at the kitchen table.”
In addition to your attorney, a certified divorce financial analyst can offer expertise concerning divorce’s effect on your current and future financial health.

CDFAs can help those in the midst of divorce or even just considering it. An increasing number of people contact them to ask whether a divorce is financially feasible, sometimes even before contacting an attorney, according to Carol Lee Roberts, general manager of the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts. You can also ask a CDFA to judge the merits of your divorce settlement and how to best structure it.

Roberts says though wealth might spur someone to contact a CDFA, they’re equally valuable for folks without a mountain of assets. “Even if your divorce is more about dividing debts, it’s important to talk with a financial expert,” she says.

Source: https://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/finance/7-ways-to-prepare-your-finances-for-divorce/

Developing Co-Parenting Plans

The organisation of cooperative parenting schedules.

A co-parenting plan is a written document that outlines how parents will raise their children after separation or divorce. Developed with the best interests of children in mind, a co-parenting plan details how much time children will spend time with each parent, scheduling details, how major and minor decisions about children will be made, exchanges of information and ongoing communicate about the children, children’s extra-curricular activities, and how parental disputes will be resolved. A written plan will help all family members to know what is expected of them and will be a valuable reference as time passes and family circumstances change.

There are numerous formats and templates for developing a co-parenting plan, but the key to successful co-parenting is to focus on the needs of the children, particularly their need to maintain routine relationships with each parent and to be shielded from ongoing parental conflict. There is no one “best” co-parenting plan that families should adopt and follow, as much depends on the unique circumstances and specific needs of family members. Some of the key issues that have to be addressed when putting together a parenting plan include the ages of the children and their developmental needs, the children’s school schedules and extracurricular activities, the parents’ work schedules, scheduling for holidays and summer vacations, the distance of the parents’ homes from each other, and any special needs of the children (such as disabilities or health concerns). Most often, it is best for a parenting plan to be as specific as possible. For example, with both routine weekly/monthly schedules, as well as specific holiday schedules, the exact times for pickup and return of the children, as well as where the exchange will take place (at a parent’s home or in a neutral location, for instance), need to be spelled out in detail. Of course, if parents are able to accommodate each other comfortably, they may not need to follow the parenting plan to the letter, but in the majority of cases, where there is some degree of friction, specificity is important.

In my own practice, I focus parent on five main dimensions of co-parenting, three time dimensions and two aspects of decision-making.  These will constitute the heart of the final parenting plan. Time dimensions include (1) overnight stays (how many will there be with each parent?); (2) routine time (the actual time the child and parent spend together in the daily routines of caretaking and parenting); and (3) activity time (time spent together in recreational and special activities). Difficulties are likely to arise if one parent has little activity time but the main responsibility for routine time, or vice-versa, or if all overnights are with only one parent.  It is also important to separate out the school year, holidays, and special days and observances for each of these time dimensions. Parental decision-making includes (1) daily decisions made in the course of daily child-rearing; and (2) major decisions (including schooling, religious affiliation and training, and major medical decisions). Again, a plan in which one parent has power to make major decisions without any responsibility for day-to-day decisions can be highly problematic.

How best to begin the process of formulating a co-parenting plan? One possibility is for each of the parents to draft a proposal with respect to the five dimensions of post-divorce parenting, and then come together to compare the lists and begin to negotiate. Another option is to have each parent work through a time survey—for example, outlining what a typical week would look like when the child is living with them, and then come together in mediation to compare their lists.  This kind of exercise helps parents consider what will be involved in parenting as separate entities, think about their strengths and deficiencies as caretakers, and identify the skills they will need to be able to carry through their co-parenting plan.

While parenting plans take many forms, it is important to include the following five clauses in the written agreement:

(1) A general statement to begin the agreement: The parents will cooperatively share the parenting of the children, with co-parenting defined as having two core elements:  shared responsibility for important decision-making as well as the daily routine parenting of the children, and parental cooperation with respect to same.  This includes respect for one another's parenting style and authority; that is, parents agree to say or do nothing that will harm the relationship of the other parent with their children.  A helpful clause to include in this section is, "The parents agree to foster love and affection between their children and the other parent."

(2) Sharing of parental responsibilities: The parents agree to confer on all important matters affecting the welfare of the children, including education, health, and religious upbringing.  They agree that each will have access to medical and school records. There should also be a clause saying that day-to-day decisions are the responsibility of the parent with whom the child is living.

(3) The specifics of the actual time-sharing and residential arrangement: This includes overnight stays, routine time, and activity time.

(4) Details regarding holidays and special days and observances: This includes overnight stays, routine time, and activity time.

(5) The agreement time period, and amendments to the agreement: End with a clause indicating the length of the agreement, and that the plan will be reexamined at a later fixed time, or from time to time.  If no revisions are deemed necessary after the agreed time period, the agreement is automatically renewable.  A clause specifying the manner in which parents will settle disputed issues in the future, with an emphasis on cooperation and a return to mediation if necessary, is also essential.

Explicit guidelines for co- parenting can be developed at the time the co-parenting plan is drafted.  These may include: respect the other's parenting rules; avoid criticizing the other parent, directly or indirectly;  avoid placing a child in the middle of an argument or using a child as a messenger;  stick to the time-sharing schedule and keep promises, but also be flexible in a way that meets the children's and the other parent's needs (try to accommodate the other parent's request for changes, but the other parent should remember that even small changes to the schedule that occur with little forewarning can cause major problems);  make transitions as comfortable as possible for the child (be positive about the child's stay with the other parent;  be courteous with the other parent;  once the child settles back in, let her talk freely about the other parent or the other home);  and respect each other's privacy (keep contacts and communications restricted to set times, and to child-related matters).

While the co-parenting plan should usually be highly structured at the beginning, over time, flexibility, creativity, and compromise should be encouraged.  Changes to the plan over time are inevitable; parenting arrangements will require reevaluation and change over time, based on children's changing developmental needs and the parents' own changing circumstances.

Contingency planning sets the stage for needed future changes.  Potential obstacles and areas of conflict regarding parenting can be anticipated; issues such as changing job demands, relocation, and how to deal with children's changing developmental needs need to be discussed.  Remarriage or cohabitation and stepfamily formation may affect co-parenting in a significant way, as the problem of mistrust often reemerges when new members join the family

Once a co-parenting plan has been negotiated and drafted, it should be implemented for a specified trial period, anywhere between 6-12 months.  At the end of the trial period, the plan is reviewed and made permanent, modified, or abandoned.  It is important to know that the plan you initially negotiate is not irrevocable.

Establishing a routine and an environment conducive to children's adaptation to the new co-parenting arrangement are critical tasks for both parents.  Children are generally anxious to know the specifics of their new routine, and the predictability of a clear schedule facilitates adaptation.  They also prefer to develop a sense of "belonging" in both of  their parents’ homes, and will adapt more easily if they have a place of their own in each house, which they have helped in creating.  Other important considerations include deciding on children's items that need to be duplicated (toothbrushes, nightclothes, school supplies, diapers and baby supplies for infants), those that are divided between the two homes (shoes and clothing apportioned in measure with how much time is spent in each residence, toys, books), and those that will go back and forth between the two homes (cherished toys,  bicycles, musical instruments).

Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201510/developing-co-parenting-plans

Seven Must-Do Steps For Women Who Want Financial Stability Post-Divorce

If you’re in the early stages of divorce, you’re probably experiencing anger, betrayal, loss, shock, numbness, confusion, panic –or a combination of them all –and it may seem like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster, feeling “up” one minute and “down” the next.

Over time, though, these emotions will begin to stabilize, as you set your sights firmly on a bright, new future as a single woman. Clearly, your life will be different. But adapting to –and even embracing –these changes will help ensure your success. For example, as a single woman you will now be in control of your personal finances. You will have to keep a careful eye on your income, expenses and debt, if you have any. You’ll have to pay your bills, save and invest for your retirement, plan for college if you have children, map out other long-term goals --and plan for the savings and investments you will need to help you achieve it all.

Naturally that list of responsibilities may seem a bit daunting at first (particularly if you weren’t very involved with the family finances while you were married), but I assure you: You can do it! Take it step-by-step, learning as you go, and it’s likely you will find –as most women do –that it’s empowering to make financial decisions and to be the one who’s in control of your financial portfolio. Of course, working with a financial advisor who has the experience and training to specifically help divorced women accomplish their goals and objectives can be extremely helpful. Careful and conservative investments coupled with living within your means are the keys to making your divorce settlement last as long as it possibly can.

What can you do to stay on the best path forward? Here are a few key steps to get you started towards financial stability post-divorce. Once your divorce settlement agreement is finalized, you will need to:

Update accounts. Even though it may sound mundane, this financial housekeeping step is absolutely essential. If you changed your name as a result of the divorce, you’ll need to get a new Social Security Card, driver's license, passport and credit cards. You’ll also need to notify your bank, utilities, insurance companies, credit card companies, the motor vehicle department, your children's school(s), etc. about any change of name and/or address. The titles on all assets, such as cars and houses, will have to be modified and recorded with mortgage companies . . . and it’s likely you’ll want to update beneficiaries on your life insurance, 401k, pensions and IRA accounts, as well.

See the checklist below for an overview of many of the accounts and policies typically needing prompt attention post-divorce.

Develop a comprehensive financial plan. If you had a Lifestyle Analysis prepared during your divorce, you should have a very clear understanding of what funds came into the marriage (income) and what funds went out (expenses). Use this as a basis for developing a budget going forward. Of course, you’ll need to keep tabs on financial matters in the short-term (What are your day-to-day expenses? How much are monthly utilities, the mortgage, car payments, etc.?), and you’ll need to establish a plan for the long-term, as well (Who is going to pay for college tuition? What do you need to save for retirement?). If your divorce settlement agreement included any lump sum payments (for alimony, pension rollovers, sale of a vacation home, etc.), you’ll also need to develop a sound strategy for management of these assets. Establishing –and then sticking to –a financial plan is essential for financial stability . . . and peace-of-mind.

Build your credit. Good credit forms the foundation of your financial portfolio and will help you secure loans in your name in the future. The first step in building good credit is to get a copy of your credit report. (AnnualCreditReport.com offers them for free.) Your current credit score is the starting point for your future, so make sure you address any inaccuracies in the report. If you are employed and/or already have credit cards in your name, the process of building your credit will be relatively straightforward. Use your credit cards regularly, pay off the balance on time each month, and you’ll watch your credit score rise. However, if you’re not employed and don’t already have a credit history in your name, the process is not as simple. New federal regulations are making it more difficult than ever for women with little or no income to establish credit on their own, so prepare yourself for the possibility that securing credit could be somewhat time-consuming and is likely to require more than simply filling out an application or making a single phone call.

Seek help from an experienced financial advisor. Even more specifically, look for a financial advisor who is trained and experienced in working with women post-divorce.

All of the fundamental components of a sound financial plan-- creating a budget, investing, planning for retirement, making sure you don’t outlive your money, understanding your goals and aspirations (travel, leave money to children, grandchildren and/or charity, etc,) saving for college, life insurance, etc. -- should be completed under the guidance of an investment professional/advisor who is very familiar with the needs and issues of divorced women.

Remember: The financial needs of a divorced woman are very different from those of a married couple and you must have an advisor who completely understands those differences and knows how to properly manage your money and invest on your behalf.

For example, just as women all over the country depend on Bedrock Divorce Advisors, LLC to help them before and during their divorce, many of these same women (and others, too) rely on our sister company, Bedrock Wealth Management, LLC, post- divorce to help them make their divorce settlements last as long as possible.

Using our many years of experience and specialized training, we assist with a wide range of financial concerns, including:

• Budgeting
• Retirement planning
• Asset protection and insurance
• Estate planning
• Investments
• College savings

Add other experienced professionals to your post-divorce team, as well. In addition to an experienced financial planner, I believe most post-divorce women can benefit from the assistance of:

• An estate-planning attorney. This type of lawyer will work in conjunction with your financial advisor to help you with your estate planning needs and the legal issues concerning your will, medical directives, trusts, charitable giving, etc.
• A therapist or counselor. A compassionate therapist will help you cope with the emotional challenges associated with starting your life as a single woman.
• A vocational counselor. Need some tips for re-entering the job market? Or, perhaps you want to start your own business? A vocational counselor can provide the guidance and know-how so you make these transitions successfully.

Check and double-check to make sure you’ve completed everything on this post-divorce “To Do” List:

1. Obtain a copy of your certified divorce decree. Make extra copies, and store them in a secure location.
2. Close any joint credit accounts.
3. Remove your husband’s name and/or change your name/address on all remaining accounts, including:

• Bank, brokerage and investment accounts
• Credit cards
• Driver’s license, automobile title, registration and insurance policies
• Employer’s records
• IRS records
• Life, health, homeowner’s and disability insurance policies
• Post office (Remember to have your mail forwarded, too.)
• Professional licenses
• Social security card
• Title to real property
• Utility bills

4. Research your health insurance options and apply for COBRA, if necessary.
5. If your divorce decree requires a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO): Provide the QDRO to appropriate banks, brokerages, pension plan advisor, 401k administrators, etc. (Even better, have this step completed before your divorce is finalized!)
a quitclaim or warranty deed: Make certain the appropriate documents are executed and recorded.
the transfer of title to property (automobiles, boats, etc.): Complete the transfer by signing and delivering the necessary documents.
6. Open a new bank account. Consider establishing direct deposit or income withholding for child support, spousal support and/or alimony payments.
7. Open a new credit card account and request a copy of your credit report.
8. Disinherit your husband. Write and execute a new will, trusts, medical directives and/or living wills and powers of attorney. Don’t forget to change the beneficiaries on your life insurance, 401k, pension and IRA accounts.
9. Establish a system to keep track of all child support made/received, alimony payments made/received, medical expenses, etc.

Enjoy your new life. Once you complete the previous six steps, you will be well on your way to establishing a secure financial foundation for your future. After all, nothing nurtures self-confidence like firm footing and a solid plan, one that offers you positive reinforcement every step along the way. You’ll learn to stick with a budget, strengthen your credit score and manage your assets. Then, you’ll be able to set new goals and achieve even more.

Source: https://www.forbes.com/sites/jefflanders/2012/07/25/seven-must-do-steps-for-women-who-want-financial-stability-post-divorce/#66de57056ec2

7 Ways to Rebuild Your Financial Life Post-Divorce

For most people, nothing in their life will be as expensive as their divorce.

Divorce is one of the most life-altering experiences to go through. It not only changes our relationship dynamics, but in most cases, it completely alters our lifestyle.
No matter how hard we've worked to live the life we've dreamed of, more often than not, divorces are financially devastating. Many people lose half or more of everything they've saved over the course of their life. This includes their home, their savings, their retirement, business and other investments.

If that isn't painful enough, divorcing people often see their income wither and their expenses explode. We cannot forget to factor in the outrageous expenses for attorney fees on both sides, with the higher earning partner often having to pay for half or more of the lower earning partner's fees. No doubt about it, divorce is usually bad news financially. Having said this, all is not lost. There is much we can to do improve our financial situation significantly post-divorce.

1. Try not to waste energy panicking.

Obviously, this is much easier said than done. Nonetheless, we must be diligent in making sure every ounce of our available energy is focused toward saving and rebuilding our finances wherever we can.

Worry wastes the valuable time and energy we need, and it keeps our minds too jumbled to find reasonable solutions. As powerless as we may feel, we are never powerless. Where there is the will, and a little creativity, there is a way. After a divorce, we have a multitude of choices to explore, so as bad as things may seem, we will certainly not end up on the streets. We must do all we can to shift our focus onto solutions and away from problems. This mental shift puts us into a proactive mindset, which has the immediate impact of changing our mood to hopeful.

2. Take inventory.

Because divorces are so twisting and confusing, it may be difficult to understand how or what is going to happen with our finances and investments. Remember that knowledge is power. We must do our research and gather the information necessary to know how to rebuild.

It is helpful to create spreadsheets, making a separate sheet for our varying incomes, another for our expenses and another for assets and liabilities. On each sheet enter the type of account, who owns it, what the rate is and the contact information for each institution. As we gain more information through the divorce process, we become clear on where and how things are going to land. This gives us a better idea on the areas where we need to stay conservative, and the areas where we can afford to take some calculated risks to start rebuilding. It's astonishing how empowering it is to have one place to go when we feel stressed and need an overview of our finances. Our spreadsheets provide us exactly that.

3. Balance your budget.

After a divorce it will undoubtedly take some time to adjust to the income/expense story of our new life. This isn't fun, but feeling resentful doesn't bring any less stress and nor does it bring us more freedom.

We must accept what is and work with what we have. If we feel unclear on the average amount we can spend, we should be more conservative and start keeping track until things become clear. This is the most important piece of financial information we have. With it, we'll know if we need to cut back and take on a heavier load at work to increase our income, or if our situation is stable enough where we can live within the means of what we currently have and still rebuild.

If we figure out that our spending exceeds our income, this situation is dire and must change immediately. We are better off knowing this information than pretending it doesn't exist and driving ourselves into an even deeper level of financial ruin.

4. Set up accounts correctly.

Resetting our lives in an organized and simple way can be confusing while we're traversing a divorce. It is important to count on our legal representatives to advise us on how to take over the title of our accounts, and also who the beneficiaries on our accounts should be.

This topic is especially important when it comes to dealing with retirement accounts. We must learn and familiarize ourselves with the rules on this, but we must also be mindful not to act as our own attorney. Good legal advice is key when it comes to the proper vesting and naming our beneficiaries. All these steps are what help to bring us back to a sense of normalcy, security and balance in our life.

5. Organize priorities.

The realities that come with divorce include huge doses of emotional shock and disbelief. When we're divorcing it can feel as if everything is coming at us all at once, which causes us tremendous anxiety. When we are full of anxiety we start thinking in terms of dooms day. This type of thinking is highly dangerous because it leads us into emotional shutdown.

If we determine that we don't have enough money to survive month to month, then first priority will need to be our budget. If need be, we must seek a financial advisor who will help us to save and grow our income. If money isn't our issue, we must turn our focus on increasing our finances, moving and creating our new life.

6. Pick your supports.

Divorce separates our friends and family just as it divides the marriage. It is vital to pick the people who support us unconditionally, and who we know will have our back no matter what.
Part of the pain of divorce is that we not only lose a marriage, but we also lose many of the friends that were made during the course of the marriage. If our ex is talking poorly about us to everyone we love and care for, we must do all we can to stay quiet and not fuel that fire. Those who are true to us will not believe everything they hear, and nor will they put us in a position to have to defend ourselves or our decision- making.

It can also be important to get into some form of therapy, or a divorce support group, especially if we have children who have been placed in the middle. Our community of support is what keeps us resilient.

7. Learn

By taking inventory, balancing our finances, organizing our priorities and establishing our supports, it helps to keep us moving forward even when we feel as if we don't have the energy.

It is hard not to let the stress of a divorce kill our motivation and faith in people. However, the more proactive we are, the more we learn, reflect and take care of ourselves the healthier we are when going through the divorce and the more easily we move on after the divorce. We must put all of our energy into not letting our divorce cause us to lose direction. We must force ourselves to focus on staying on task and moving in a new and positive direction. Our happiness and continued success, at the end of the day, becomes our greatest retribution.

Source: https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/307592

Striving for 'Good Enough' to keep ourselves motivated

When we set ourselves a goal, or look at our current situation compared to where we want to get to, we are often comparing ourselves with the best possible outcome, the ultimate or the pinnacle of what is possible. Lofty goals can be inspiring and motivating, whether to keep us focussed as we work through adversity, or as we undertake some process of improvement. However, it can also be really off-putting, demoralising or depressing and can discourage us from taking action; we may feel like we have too far to go and it's not worth the effort. Inspired by one of my recent blog posts (http://bit.ly/2GaCPQo) this video explores how we should reframe our goals to look at the 'Minimum Viable Product' in any given circumstance. What does 'Good Enough' look like for us? What would be an acceptable place to be that might set the foundations for what we want and offer a stepping stone to getting to where we want to get to? Setting our sights on the Minimum Viable Product offers us a means of getting and staying motivated as we achieve something worthwhile that will take us in the right overall direction, encouraging us to take action, not just give up because it all seems too difficult to begin with. If you have any comments or feedback on this video you can reach out by email on toby@kintsugilife.co If you'd like to receive the occasional message from me containing thoughts, information or inspiration related to living a better life after divorce, you can join my mailing list at the following link: bit.ly/Choosing-to-Thrive

How to keep your divorce from sabotaging your children's college education

• While a divorce may catch your family off guard financially, you can still take steps to make sure college tuition bills don't throw you off as well.
• The dissolution of your marriage should prompt you to revisit your plans.
• How you approach higher education may also need a second look.

Anticipating college tuition bills is nerve-wracking for most parents — and can be even scarier if you're in the midst of a divorce.

Yet careful planning can help ensure you put your children in the best possible position to get a higher education following the dissolution of your marriage.

About 4 in 10 marriages end in divorce, according to a recent study by TD Ameritrade. Yet two-thirds of married couples don't have a financial plan in the even of divorce of a spouse's death.

That can have a real impact when it comes to planning for college costs, which have been going up at a rate of at least about 3 percent per year, according to the College Board.
"If you are getting divorced, it's harder. There's less money to go around."-Aviva Pinto, Bronfman Rothschild

Tuition, fees, and room and board cost an average $46,950 for the 2017-2018 school year for a private nonprofit four-year college, according to the College Board, and $20,770 for a public four-year in-state school.

By taking the proper steps in advance, you can help protect those college dreams.

"Trying to plan for it is the best thing, even if you're not getting divorced," said Aviva Pinto, a certified divorce financial analyst and director at Bronfman Rothschild. "If you are getting divorced, it's harder. There's less money to go around."

Be realistic about your situation
Splitting a household in two can have a big impact on plans for funding a college education.
Providing child support for minor children and spousal support come before spending on higher education, according to Nicole Sodoma, a family law attorney and managing principal at Sodoma Law.

"Most people are surprised to know that if there was a plan in place regarding how to pay for college, the plan to pay for college sometimes has to take a backseat to the family's expenses," Sodoma said.

While some states require parents to pay for college, others do not.

What the court requires parents to pay for often depends on their financial situation and background, according to Madeline Marzano-Lesnevich, national president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

"They basically say send the child to the best school they can get into if they can pay for it and if that's where the child wants to go," Marzano-Lesnevich said.

That means that a parent cannot have the court make it mandatory for the other parent to pay for their child to attend Harvard if the money is not there. Likewise, graduate school is usually off the table.

A lot of agreements Marzano-Lesnevich draws up often include a maximum of five years for college payments.

"Everyone wants to know, 'When is this going to end? When are my expenses going to end?'" she said.

Understand your plans may change
You may have to scale back your children's education as you scale back the rest of your life, particularly as you go from one household to two.

"Those expenses are doubling what you used to have to pay while you're living together under one roof," Pinto said. "There's only one pot of money. It can only go so far."

Consequently, parents may want to re-evaluate whether their children will attend private or public colleges and if they want to pursue scholarships, grants and student loans.

Other alternatives, like deferment or discounts for multiple children, can also help defray the costs, Pinto said.

Invest in a 529 plan

Saving for college through a 529 plan is often the most ideal for all parents saving for college.

That is because the money accumulates tax-free and you do not pay taxes on it when it is withdrawn, provided that money is used to pay for valid education expenses.

"Sometimes the college conversation is an afterthought."-Melissa Joy, Center for Financial Planning Inc.

Ideally, parents will have already established 529 or other accounts devoted to putting money away for college before they enter divorce proceedings, according to Marzano-Lesnevich.

If those funds are already earmarked for education, it reduces the need for divorcing parents to find that money elsewhere, say from the sale of the marital home, she said.

A 529 plan is typically owned by one parent. But because it is possible to change a 529 account owner or beneficiary, or the funds can be withdrawn, it is important to outline specific plans for those savings in a divorce agreement, according to Melissa Joy, a certified financial planner and partner at Center for Financial Planning Inc.

"That's something you want to document in the settlement," Joy said.

Parents may want to consider splitting the 529 plans in two, depending on the level of trust in their relationship. Or they could make it possible for both parents to monitor the account.

Seek expert financial advice

While attorneys are great for legal advice, it pays to also include a money expert in your divorce proceedings to help you understand your financial picture.

Because college costs can outlast child and spousal support, it is often what ties parents together for the longest period of time, Joy said.

Looping a financial planner in on the conversation while you're working on your divorce agreement can help ensure you're prepared when the college tuition bills start rolling in.
"Sometimes the college conversation is an afterthought," Joy said. "The earlier you loop them in, the more you have control and knowledge."

Source: https://www.cnbc.com/2018/05/18/how-to-keep-your-divorce-from-sabotaging-your-childrens-college-education.html

Developing Co-parenting Plans for the Holidays

The organisation of parenting schedules during family vacations and festivities.

Parenting after divorce presents special challenges and complications during holiday periods. This is no surprise, given that holidays can be challenging even for two-parent co-resident families, with additional commitments and obligations, figuring out holiday plans, blending traditions and deciding where festivities will be held. These can be stressful periods for separated families, and there is a lot to figure out. Yet especially during the holiday season, mothers and fathers must do all they can to put aside their differences and allow their children as much parenting time as possible, for the good of all. Particularly for children, spending time with extended family members on both sides is very important, and they should be allowed to enjoy a stress- and drama-free holiday with both mom and her family, as well as dad and his family.

Because the added stress of holiday periods can lead to heightened conflict between divorced parents, it is especially important that parents make a concerted effort to cooperate for their children’s sake. It is not an easy task to make the holidays go smoothly. It is important to think in advance about some of the issues parents may face:

Dealing with Grief and Loss: The first set of holidays following a divorce is likely to be the most difficult because the parents are still figuring out what works, and what doesn’t, in terms of co-parenting. In addition, changes to and the loss of shared family customs, and the creation of new traditions, will elicit difficult feelings for all family members. Even if the divorce occurred earlier in the year and there has been ample time to deal with it, the first set of holidays are still going to present challenges. There is a grieving period that comes with the first holidays following a divorce, with the realization that things are no longer going to be the same. The first holiday season in particular typically tends to be a very difficult time for everyone in the family. While the children often have the most difficult time adjusting, the entire family is dealing with a sense of loss. Yet even though the parents are likely dealing with plenty of their own issues, the holidays are a time when it becomes more important than ever to attempt civility. This is particularly important because children are more sensitive around the holidays, because of the increased focus on traditional family events with the idea of everyone coming together to celebrate. The cultural belief of families coming together at such times is what causes children and parents to feel an acute sense of grief during the holidays, and to feel lost and displaced. It is vital that parents recognize that the priority should be on the needs of the child.

Making Decisions: There are numerous decisions that need to be made in terms of celebrating the holidays under the new circumstances of parental separation. How will the time be split? What traditions will continue and what new rituals need to be established? When divorced parents have unequal financial arrangements, finances may arise as an issue, as some challenging situations, such as one parent trying to outdo the other, may arise. Equity is important for children; there may be an agreed upon spending limit or parents may make an attempt to still give joint gifts. The gifts being purchased also need to be discussed so that the child isn’t receiving duplicate gifts. All of this requires communication and planning. The holidays may provide a critical opportunity for divorced parents to start learning to communicate more effectively in the interests of their children, and setting the tone for compromising and making joint decisions.

Negotiating Changes: With divorce comes change, and both parents and children struggle with the process of accepting that change. A large part of that may be developing new rituals and traditions around the holidays. Many parents have an open conversation with their children about which rituals are most important to them and how they are to be retained, with or without the other parent. In some cases parents try to avoid getting hung up on established traditions and focus more on creating a holiday that brings their children joy. Holidays after divorce do not have to follow the patterns of previous holidays, or conform to preconceived ideas about holiday traditions. They may involve children in entirely new activities. It is not always easy to move on from old traditions, as parents think, "This is how we used to do it." In moving forward with new plans, parents become role models for handling change for their children. Parents can also view new arrangements as a bonding opportunity as they create their own new traditions with their children. Many parents keep some of the very meaningful past traditions but also create new ones.

Spending Time Together: I recall my son's delight during the first summer holiday after my divorce when his mother and I spent an afternoon enjoying a game of badminton, after a difficult period of estrangement. Another one of the bigger decisions to be made during the holidays is the idea of divorced parents sharing some of the holiday time and traditions. There are potentially serious drawbacks to such sharing, but the potential benefits to children cannot be ignored. However, parents need to put serious thought into whether they can handle spending time together without any major tension or fights, and it is also important to have an up-front conversation with the children to ensure they are not given a false sense of hope. Children will enjoy an opportunity for time and traditions shared simultaneously with both parents, but need to understand that parents spending time together during a family event does not mean they are getting back together. A time frame on time together will lessen the likelihood of children assuming that parents are getting back together. It is also important that parents consider any extended family who may be present. For some families, extended family members may be the ones who cause tension. If grandparents on either side are going to be less than civil toward the ex, then problems will arise. Parents need to set the agenda and the tone in advance for how events involving extended family members are going to take place.

A well-designed co-parenting plan should spell out in some details the specifics of time arrangements during holidays, vacations and special festivities, with the particular needs of children considered in the first instance. Agreements with respect to parental communication, decision-making, accommodating changes, and spending time separately and together are essential to pre-empting tensions and crises during what is a special and sacred time for children and parents. Children will thrive when spending time with both parents and extended families, especially during the holidays. Keeping in mind the special challenges of co-parenting during family vacations and festivities is an important measure to allow them to do so during these special occasions.

Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201512/developing-co-parenting-plans-the-holidays