How to avoid relationship mistakes when dating after a divorce

Does the idea of dating after divorce arouse the same dread as does a root canal? Are you trying to get back into the dating scene but don’t know how or are scared that you will attract the wrong person? Well, have no fear. Here is some after divorce dating advice to help you jump back into the dating deepend before you know it!

Do

Do understand why your last relationship failed

Following divorce, it’s only natural to have cold feet when it comes to finding a new flame. Whether conscious of it or not, divorce leaves most people scared of getting burned again. And there’s good reason for fear. What’s to say you won’t make the same mistakes again? If you want to prevent your next relationship from going down in flames, it’s vital to understand the reasons why your last relationship went up in smoke. With clarity comes the courage to jump again into the dating pool -- and attract your true Mr. or Ms. right this time around.

Do take notice of your repetitive mate selection patterns

Most of us have been emotionally injured during our “de-formative years.” It is these old scars from childhood that drive us to choose partners who emotionally resemble the parents who injured us so that we can recreate our old scars; not because we’re gluttons for punishment--but because we secretly hope to achieve a happy ending this time around. If our partners bring us the emotional goodies that we didn’t receive from our parents, our old scars will finally feel healed.

Sadly, this plan rarely works, precisely because our partners are limited and damaged in the exact ways that our parents were--meaning they can’t give us any better treatment than our parents did. Awareness of our old scars enables us to make a more conscious choice this time around, and head-off unnecessary heartache.

Do choose a partner who will give you your happy ending

After identifying your old scar, your next task is to become conscious of what your happy ending is. Hint: Your happy ending is the kind of treatment that you always dreamed of receiving from the parent who let you down. Your quest for this happy ending is your blueprint for your next relationship. So, for example, if you had a father who paid no attention to you, look for a partner who is present and attentive to you. The bottom line: This time around you want to choose a partner who will feed rather than frustrate your deepest needs.

Do interview candidates and be highly selective

The only way to determine if someone is right for you is to do your homework. Dating homework consists of asking lots of questions and observing your intended’s actions over time. With both eyes open, you want to be looking for a partner who is similar to you in all the areas that count, including financial, sexual, political and religious values. The more similar you both are, the more compatible you are. And, above all, you want to ensure that the person isn’t like the parent (or your ex) who let you down. Doing your due diligence is the key to preventing a repeat performance of the heartache that you experienced in your first family and in your relationship with your ex.

Do be authentic

Thirty-five percent of all new marriages are the result of online dating. But, with online dating, it’s easy to present a false mask. A study conducted by researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and Cornell University found that 80 percent of online daters lie about their age, height, and weight. So be careful! Don’t take another person’s profile at face value. Keep one eyebrow raised until you can verify the other person’s honesty. And, when it comes to presenting yourself, remember: If you paint a false picture of yourself, you’re painting yourself into a corner! And you can’t undo lies and omissions.

Besides, the more authentic you are the better your chances of attracting the right partner for you. The idea is to give a snapshot of your personality, tastes, and interests without oversharing. So you probably don’t want to talk about your recurring IBS, but you do want to offer pertinent details that will help potential partners know who you are and what you’re into.

Don't

Do not choose a partner who hates his/her mother or father

If your date is like most of the world, he/she may be looking to replay unfinished business with a parent using you as the emotional punching bag. Your bottom line is this: If someone has an ax to grind with his/her parents, run for the hills, because it won’t be long before that ax swings in your direction.

Do not choose a partner who’s a project

When you find yourself drawn to someone who’s damaged goods, that’s your warning sign that you’re on the verge of repeating old scars. Trying to fix damaged partners is an unconscious attempt to fix our parents in the hope of achieving our happy ending. If this is your case, step back from dating until your old scar is healed. Then and only then will you be ready to find a healthy relationship rather than a partner who’s a project. Remember: The way to spell heartache? Choose a partner who’s a project!

Do not delay meeting in person

If you’re new to the dating scene, or you’ve been burned and are recovering from a messy breakup or divorce, you probably won’t feel comfortable rushing an in-person meeting. But beware: Anonymous, faceless conversations play a trick on your mind, allowing you to develop an intimacy without really knowing the other person. In other words, that guy or lady becomes a blank screen you can project your fantasies onto—enabling that person to become anyone you want. Keep that going too long, and you may fall in love with a phantom. Be wary of prolonged email exchanges and never-ending phone calls and meet in person asap.

Do not choose a person who refuses to take ownership

When “interviewing” dates as candidates for a possible relationship, listen carefully to what your date says about past failed relationships. If that person blames everything on the ex and takes no responsibility for his/her role in the demise of past relationships, grab your marbles and go home! Otherwise, you will soon be losing your marbles when you find yourself on the receiving end of that person’s blame.

Do not settle

After a breakup or divorce, our self-esteems can be lower than pond scum. In this state, we don’t feel desirable, which can make us come across as desperate and needy. When our self-esteems are flying at half mast, we are at risk of settling for someone who isn’t right for us or even attracting a dating deadbeat. So, before reentering the dating scene, make sure to raise your personal net worth and you will raise the odds of attracting your Mr. or Ms. Right!

Summary

Reentering the dating scene is a wonderful opportunity to set yourself free from the childhood emotional demons that haunt our adult relationships. The key to freedom is consciousness: Know your old scars and consciously choose a partner who will bring you healing rather than heartache.

Source: https://expertbeacon.com/how-avoid-relationship-mistakes-when-dating-after-divorce/#.WMFcexicalM

Let’s Stick Together?

Is the sum of the parts always lesser than the whole? That was what Aristotle suggested and maybe I shouldn’t be challenging the idea. Does collaborating with others always guarantee a better outcome? These were the thoughts that I found dominating my mind on a chilly January morning. Let me tell you why.

There are songs and pieces of music that seem to feature throughout my life, often for changing reasons as the years pass. Back in my teens when I still considered a career in rock music as a viable future career-path I had a band with my best friend and my sister. We were an eclectic collective of musicians (in the loosest sense) and I’m pretty sure that there’s no lasting record of our jam-sessions for anyone to judge; if there were, you could enjoy my fledgling guitar skills combining melodically with my sister’s deft saxophone-playing, all finely balanced by my buddy’s enthusiastic (if not completely on-beat) drumming. One of our first numbers was a cover of ‘Let’s stick together’ (the Brian Ferry version).

We were never destined for stardom but I’ll take the warming glow that accompanied the happy childhood memory as that song played on the radio during my morning commute to work. It was the first time in years that I’d heard it and ironically the first time I had really listened to the lyrics. It seems that the song was written when the composer and his spouse were going through a tricky spell and he was trying to persuade them to stick with him, to honour their vow and to ‘consider [their] child’ lest they should part.
It prompted me to consider whether two parents in a relationship really are necessarily better at raising happy functional kids than any other possible scenario, a topic that is close to my heart.

Parenting together or apart?

I’m a big advocate of alternative means of raising kids after separation, notably via shared-parenting; since divorcing from my first wife we’ve raised our daughters within a shared-parenting arrangement for the last 11 years. I firmly believe that divorced parents can successfully raise their kids via a non-traditional family set-up, each sharing 50% of the custody, the responsibility, the highs and the lows. On this basis and with a shared ethos, beliefs and values the kids are parented separately (but as part of a combined and co-ordinated unit) resulting in kids that are well-rounded, well-adjusted and equally happy (if not happier) than many kids who are raised by both parents in a conventional setup.

I wonder, are two people who are unhappy in a relationship together (but hiding this from their kids) doing them a better service than if they taught them the lesson that it is okay to take care of your own happiness and still fulfil your commitments to them? That was certainly one of the considerations that I made when processing the split from my first wife, mother of our children when we parted in 2005. The conclusion I reached (and which we mutually discussed when we were working through the various matters of administration as we parted) was that in making ourselves happy and being the best people we could be, we would ultimately be the best parents we could be to our kids.

My belief in this guiding principle has become more engrained as the years have passed. I’ve seen that the many challenges that families face in raising kids are no more catastrophic or severe in our separated family than I’ve observed in traditional families where the parents are still together. Furthermore, we have the same agility to react to the demands of our kids, respond jointly to challenges that they bring and ensure that we present a united front over application of rules and expectations of behaviour and their conduct so we’re no more susceptible to being played-off each other when they don’t get the answers they want from one or other of us.

You’d be right to expect that this situation hasn’t miraculously manifested itself but rather it has come at the expense of a great deal of time and effort on all our parts. Nonetheless with 10+ years of successfully being in place I can assure you that it works and that I believe it can work equally well for others in a similar situation too.

It shouldn’t by default be a case of parents and kids all settling for a life of ‘getting-by’ when families divorce and split; choose a way of living that gives you all what you need and want. If you want to read more, check out my book on the subject.

My Bryan Ferry-induced thought-process continued, prompting me to reflect on other situations and settings where the de-facto standard is that two is better than one and whether such generalisations are always fair.

A couple or two individuals together

Does being reliant on each other necessarily equate to being reliable and dependable for each other?

I see time and again instances where two people have sought to form an alliance or partnership (whether married or not) and subsequently come to place a burden of responsibility on their relationship to provide much more than is reasonable to expect from it. Too often relationships are used to prop-up the two individuals when one or both of them feel there’s a gap in their lives that they can’t reconcile themselves to. Being dependable and reliable is too-often blurred with being dependent and reliant on the other person (or in more severe instances, taking things they each do for each other and roles they fulfil, for granted.)

“We should each sort our own sh*t out before involving ourselves in other people’s”
My Sister

Based on my life to date, I can vouch that the above quote from my dear sister is entirely true.

The genetically programmed human state that has evolved over millions of years drives us to find a mate, not just to pro-create but for support and companionship and to nurture and care for. That instinct can’t be fought against but wouldn’t we all make happier and more supportive and stable partners if we completely knew and could rely-upon ourselves before forming bonds with others?

Traits of independence and self-reliance in the individuals don’t replace the combined strength, support and companionship of being in a happy and loving relationship. Conversely though I believe that you need to be happy, confident and competent in yourself before you involve yourself in a relationship. To fail to do this risks you seeking for the other person to provide these characteristics for you if you can’t give them to yourself.

Some of the happiest and most fulfilled couples that I know (or at least that’s my superficial assessment of them) are those where they have regular enforced time apart; where one or other of them works away regularly or where each has interests, hobbies or commitments that demand regular time away from their spouse. Could this be merely because ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ or is it instead that each of the individuals first understands that they can rely on themselves and function well on their own as well as enjoying the times when they are together with their significant-other? I firmly believe this is the case in my marriage where our combined and amalgamated family is split over two locations and homes around 20 miles and two counties apart. The logistics at times are baffling but wherever my wife and I find ourselves we know that we can rely on ourselves, but also on the love and support we give each other even if we’re not in the same physical place. We both know that first and foremost we are complete in ourselves, as well as then being part of a complete-whole together.

Sort your own sh*t out before you involve yourself in someone else’s and you will be a better version of yourself and the best partner you can be.

Team Player or Self-Starter

The analogy stretches beyond family and relationships as well and into the arena of work.
In job interviews, people are all-to-quick to drop in that they are equally effective working on their own or with others to achieve a common goal. I’d contend though that this is one and the same thing, or it should be at least. Too often I see that people consider themselves to have had a productive day at the office if they’ve spent 8 hours drifting from meeting to meeting. Sitting in a meeting room for the allocated hour with 7 other people doesn’t mean that 8 hours of useful output are generated from the session. Similarly I can’t convince myself I’ve done an hour’s writing when I’ve sat at my computer with Word and Safari open, noodling on the Web.

An effective worker is effective because of who they are, how they work and based on the results they produce, not just because they always show-up and are at their desk for the expected 8 hours per day. I have had jobs that through paring out the wasteful tasks, distractions and interruptions I distilled the workload into little more than half a day of focussed activity that delivered the results that I was expected to deliver and paid a week’s wages for. Does this mean that I was acting deceitfully or had the role been designed without questioning the assumptions and many opportunities for time to be wasting that were taken for granted? In my view, I was achieving true efficiency and effectiveness because I was left to my own devices and focussed in my efforts. I worked as a ‘team-player’ too I should add, but I didn’t buy-in to the notion that time-spent is directly proportionate to results delivered. You can read more on how to challenge the status quo of work in the excellent ‘4 Hour Work Week’ by Tim Ferriss.

In many workplaces, is a team or task force more effective than a number of co-ordinated individuals working to each contribute to part of a shared goal?Meetings for the sake of meetings, getting everyone together in a room to discuss and ruminate on a subject (once all the people have got to the room, or onto the conference call, exchanged pleasantries and done with the small talk) doesn’t necessarily mean a good use of everyone’s time and won’t always bring about the best possible outcomes. The calibre of the individuals is what makes an effective team. More doesn’t necessarily mean better.

Diet and Exercise — Support or Corruption

In dietary terms, it is sometimes much easier to remain focused on a goal or principle (no carbs, booze-free, no sweets and snacks) when there aren’t the whims and willpower of a second person to corrupt you and knock you off-track. The opposite can also be true and mutual support is often a big help (see Weight Watchers for a great example) but too often as individuals our ego tends to subconsciously want others to fail when we see them doing things we wish we could do for ourselves. For everyone commending your willpower there’ll be another detractor ready to offer you a well-meant slice of cake to make them feel better about their own lethargy and inaction over their ballooning weight.

In a similar vein, when exercising a training buddy or club can be useful in motivating you and adding a force of accountability. Sometimes though, getting in the zone and getting back to the reasons why you took up the activity, some loud rock music on your headphones and working up a sweat on your own can be the best way of releasing the endorphins. As a keen cyclist I appreciate that a ride with my buddies can be a great social occasion but I know I’ll push myself just as much on the hills (if not more-so) when I’m out on my own and trying to beat previous personal-bests; I’m also less likely to pull up at the side of the road to recover from a climb or eat another flapjack if there’s nobody with me.

Should We Stick Together?

Humans are social creatures and my life is certainly enriched by the many relationships I’m fortunate enough to enjoy with my wife, kids, my family, friends, co-workers and business acquaintances. This doesn’t mean though that I rely on each and every one of them for something that I should be accountable for giving to myself.

In each scenario we should all take a little more time to think about how we can get what we want by looking to ourselves rather than to others to give it to us. Whether that is love, contentment, stability, companionship, wealth, health or happiness, the buck really does stop with us.

When we want something from life, we should acknowledge that whilst others may be able to help us achieve that, the ultimate responsibility lays with ourselves in opening our minds to achieving it and making the efforts to get it rather than expecting it just to fall in our lap.

Dissatisfaction and discontentment are good prompts for change, and change is a good thing when it comes from a positive stimulus and is focussed on a positive outcome and aligned to your core values. When you are prompted to embark upon a change (such as entering into a divorce to dissolve an unhappy marriage), don’t view the outcome as inevitable or the ‘next best’ but rather be excited about it and focus on creating something that will give you what you need. It’s likely that if done for the right reasons and in the right way, you’ll end up with something far better than you could have dreamed of and which is based on the most solid of foundations; YOU!

Toby Hazlewood

7 Tips for Replacing Bad Habits with Positive Habits

How to create a happy life by implementing "The Slight Edge" philosophy

Whether it’s smoking cigarettes, being late, drinking soft drinks, blaming others or biting our nails, we all have personal and professional bad habits that we would like to break. As much as we despise our bad habits, it can be challenging to make these habits things of the past. So, what is the solution? I have found the best way to erase a bad habit is to replace it with a positive habit.

First, think of our habits as a cycle. A habit is something you do without thinking. And, there are two kinds of habits: Those that serve you and those that do not serve you. Brushing your teeth is a habit that serves you; biting your nails is one that doesn’t. Thinking things through for yourself serves you; blindly accepting everything you read online or hear through the gossip grapevine doesn’t serve you. Be aware of your philosophy, which creates your attitude, which creates your actions, which creates your results, which create your life. A positive philosophy turns into a positive attitude, which turns into positive actions, which turns into positive results, which turns into a positive lifestyle. The small decisions are easy, and when you add them up, they can have an enormous effect on your life. This cycle is hard to maintain, but I go into more depth in my book, The Slight Edge. 

The cycle to create positive habits can be accomplished through these seven powerful actions:

1. Show up. 

If you’ll just commit to showing up, that’s half the battle right there. By simply showing up you can rise above half of the population in any circumstance.

2. Show up consistently. 

Keep showing up when others fade out. According to Woody Allen, 80 percent of success is showing up. That’s a philosophy I subscribe to wholeheartedly -- but I would add two words: 80 percent of success is showing up every day. As essential as it is to show up, it is consistency that greatly multiplies its power. Showing up consistently is where the magic happens.

3. Cultivate a positive outlook. 

See the glass as overflowing. There are days when I wake up and I’m in a funk. I might not even know why, but life feels heavy and depressing, and I just don’t want to get out of the funk. When this happens, the first thing I do is take inventory of my blessings. According to positive psychologists, a habit of gratitude is one of the most common traits in consistently happier people. 

4. Be committed for the long haul. 

You’ve probably seen those weight loss and workout programs that promise to change your life and create “a better you” in 90 days. I’m not saying that you don’t get results, but here is the problem with a 90-day program: It doesn’t give you enough time to build up a new belief level in yourself that you can continue once the 90 days are over. Instead, think of farmers. They know they have to wait a full season to reap their harvests. In our post-industrial world, where so much of everyday life is accessible through the click of a mouse, it’s easier than ever to forget that.

5. Cultivate a burning desire backed by faith, not hoping or wishing, but knowing. 

A burning desire backed by faith simply means deeply, passionately wanting to get somewhere and knowing -- not hoping, not wishing, but knowing -- you’re going to get there. In other words, there has to be congruence between your desire and your faith.

6. Be willing to pay the price. 

Whatever the dream or goal, there is a price you’ll need to pay. Sometimes that means giving something up. It may be something as simple as giving up a type of junk food you’re attached to, for the sake of your health, or something as subtle as giving up your right to be right, or your habit of exerting control over conversations for the sake of a relationship.

7. Do the things you’ve committed to doing, even when no one else is watching.

I have found the best way to erase a bad habit is to replace it with a positive mental or physical habit. So, the next time you find yourself wanting to partake in that same bad habit remember you can change your negative habit into a positive one and the result will be a happier life for you and those around you.

Source: https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/283178

7 Scientifically Proven Benefits Of Gratitude That Will Motivate You To Give Thanks Year-Round

It’s that time of year where many people begin thinking about everything they have to be thankful for. Although it’s nice to count your blessings on Thanksgiving, being thankful throughout the year could have tremendous benefits on your quality of life.

In fact, gratitude may be one of the most overlooked tools that we all have access to every day. Cultivating gratitude doesn’t cost any money and it certainly doesn’t take much time, but the benefits are enormous. Research reveals gratitude can have these seven benefits:

1. Gratitude opens the door to more relationships. Not only does saying “thank you” constitute good manners, but showing appreciation can help you win new friends, according to a 2104 study published in Emotion. The study found that thanking a new acquaintance makes them more likely to seek an ongoing relationship. So whether you thank a stranger for holding the door or you send a quick thank-you note to that co-worker who helped you with a project, acknowledging other people’s contributions can lead to new opportunities.

2. Gratitude improves physical health. Grateful people experience fewer aches and pains and they report feeling healthier than other people, according to a 2012 study published in Personality and Individual Differences. Not surprisingly, grateful people are also more likely to take care of their health.  They exercise more often and are more likely to attend regular check-ups with their doctors, which is likely to contribute to further longevity.

3. Gratitude improves psychological health. Gratitude reduces a multitude of toxic emotions, ranging from envy and resentment to frustration and regret. Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D., a leading gratitude researcher, has conducted multiple studies on the link between gratitude and well-being. His research confirms that gratitude effectively increases happiness and reduces depression.

4. Gratitude enhances empathy and reduces aggression. Grateful people are more likely to behave in a prosocial manner, even when others behave less kind, according to a 2012 study by the University of Kentucky. Study participants who ranked higher on gratitude scales were less likely to retaliate against others, even when given negative feedback. They experienced more sensitivity and empathy toward other people and a decreased desire to seek revenge.

5. Grateful people sleep better. Writing in a gratitude journal improves sleep, according to a 2011 study published in Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being. Spend just 15 minutes jotting down a few grateful sentiments before bed, and you may sleep better and longer.

6. Gratitude improves self-esteem. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology found that gratitude increased athlete’s self-esteem, which is an essential component to optimal performance. Other studies have shown that gratitude reduces social comparisons. Rather than becoming resentful toward people who have more money or better jobs – which is a major factor in reduced self-esteem- grateful people are able to appreciate other people’s accomplishments.

7. Gratitude increases mental strength. For years, research has shown gratitude not only reduces stress, but it may also play a major role in overcoming trauma.  A 2006 study published in Behavior Research and Therapy found that Vietnam War Veterans with higher levels of gratitude experienced lower rates of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.  A 2003 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that gratitude was a major contributor to resilience following the terrorist attacks on September 11.  Recognizing all you have to be thankful for – even during the worst times of your life – fosters resilience.

We all have the ability and opportunity to cultivate gratitude. Simply take a few moments to focus on all that you have – rather than complain about all the things you think you deserve.  Developing an “attitude of gratitude” is one of the simplest ways to improve your satisfaction with life.

Source: http://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2014/11/23/7-scientifically-proven-benefits-of-gratitude-that-will-motivate-you-to-give-thanks-year-round/#2b1d22506800

The Hero In You - Motivational Video

There's some interesting motivating speeches cut over the visuals in this video, if you can just look past the extensive Hollywood snippets. I hope you enjoy it!

Tim Ferriss's Top 10 Rules For Success (@tferriss)

Some more top tips from Tim Ferriss... this time some rules for achieving success. Which rules appeal most to you? 


Take those and act now!

How to Actually Make the Law Of Attraction Work For You

The Law of Attraction is based on the principle that all matter is made up of pure energy, which is in a constant state of vibration and spin.

The LOA implies that thoughts and emotions are also energy, each having a unique energy signature. Every energetic frequency is in a constant state of attraction or repulsion with all others. With the recent emergence of quantum mechanics, this notion has been largely supported at a micro level.

The Law of Attraction states that “like attracts like,” and we are in a constant state of creating our reality through the energy we emit in the form of thoughts and emotion. We continuously interact with the fabric of reality (or quantum field), through thought and emotional energy, and whatever we focus on is likely to manifest. We are each creators of our own reality, and what we put out is what we will attract.

3 Things You Need to Know First

1. A key factor missing from the LOA is that we are creating on both a conscious and subconscious level. This accounts for the seeming contradiction between “opposites attract” and the major principle of LOA, “like attracts like.” 

We are still attracting the part of the whole that has been splintered and repressed into the subconscious mind. Basically, the actively repressed traits within ourselves are still charged, and this suppressed energy is also a point of attraction. Until we acknowledge and integrate it, it will still play a role in the creation of our external reality.

2. Our belief systems alter our manifestation process. If you want to manifest $10,000 in one week, but your underlying beliefs are largely identified with a state of lack, you will only manifest more lack.

This is because Law of Attraction works with both thought and emotion, and if you try to think your way into something that you don’t believe, your emotional reaction will support your unconscious beliefs more than your conscious thoughts. 

If you try to affirm, “I will be abundant,” but don’t believe it, those beliefs will surface via an emotional response that insinuates the opposite feeling. At that point, you are literally putting the gas and the breaks on at the same time, making manifestation very difficult.

One great tip to overcome this, as stated by Abraham Hicks, is to “start general, and then get specific” with your manifestation process. Start with what you can believe, and continue to expand as you see evidence of your manifestations taking place. This allows your thoughts and emotions to be in resonance rather than dissonance.

3. We are always manifesting according to our highest values. Renowned behavioral development specialist Dr. DeMartini (who was also featured in The Secret) discovered that we all have an inherent set of values that is largely governing our behavior. DeMartini is quoted as saying, “All of our actions are strategies to align with our values as efficiently as possible,” along with, “all of our positive and negative emotions are feedback as to whether or not we are living in our highest values.” Essentially, the things we value the most filter our perception at a subconscious level. They are governing the way that we manifest, and the reasons we do.

This is why, for example, someone might set a new year’s resolution to lose weight and never achieve their goal. If one of their highest values is social connection, their unconscious will perceive that taking the time to exercise and eat right actually conflicts with the time they would rather be spending at social events with others.

The trick, then, is to change your perception by tying in how exercise and diet actually support your high value on social connection. For example, you might feel more confident meeting new people when you are healthy and strong. Or you can approach it from the other end by tying your value into your goal. In this case, you could try to engage your value of social connection by going to the gym or to nutrition classes with your close friends.

What You Need to Know During Active Manifestation

These are some useful tips if you are meditating on your vision, or practicing visualization.

Clear your mind. To speed up the process of manifestation, presence and focus are key. If your attention is scattered, your manifestation will be too. Write down on paper whatever is bothering you, and vow to leave it outside of your visualization. This will help you stay present.

Open your heart for the process. Connect with the feeling of gratitude as you begin. This can be done by writing a short gratitude list, or by thinking of people/events that you are truly grateful for.

According to the HeartMath Institute, “The heart generates an electromagnetic field roughly 60 times greater in amplitude than brainwaves do.” This field is measured by an electrocardiogram (ECG), and brainwaves were measured using an electroencephalogram (EEG) during these findings. The heart is a major point of attraction. 

Be clear. The law of attraction is described as a law. This means it responds to everything, without exception. If you are mixed in your emotions or vision, it will slow the process. The clearer and more detailed you are, the faster your vision will come to life.

Engage your senses. Did you know that the brain can’t actually tell the difference between experience and visualization? This is why visualization is so useful for athletes. This principle applies directly to the LOA. What do you see, hear, smell, touch, and feel when you have arrived at your vision? Feel each sense distinctly, and don’t be afraid to sit with each one individually.

Engage emotion. This is how to charge your vision. Emotions are the driving force behind manifestation.

Align your intention with your values. Tie what you want to manifest into your highest values. More simply put, make sure you can see how your goals support the things that matter most to you in life. This will help you manifest congruently from both the conscious and subconscious mind.

Don’t be desperate. Try to imagine that you are gently requesting. If you are being needy or desperate in your request, you are coming directly from an emotional space of lack. The emotional feeling of lack will counteract your thought-energy, and you are more likely to stagnate.

What You Need to Know After

Take action. Taking action will create momentum, while also building evidence towards creating the belief that your manifestation is unfolding.

Act as if it has already happened. “I AM” is a creative, powerful phrase. If you conduct your behavior as the person you have already become, you are more energetically aligned with your goal.

Be aware of your internal dialogue. Remember, you are in a constant state of attracting or repulsing what it is that you want to achieve. Your internal dialogue is always creating a point of attraction, along with the emotional reactions it produces. Be congruent!

Allow! You must fully release your vision in order for it to manifest. If you are too attached to it, your need for control can actually stunt the process. Faith and belief in the process are key. It can be helpful to think in terms of being at a restaurant. Once you’ve placed your order, you have to give it time to be cooked up and served to you!

We are all creators, and we all deserve to live an inspired life. The Law of Attraction is a beautiful tool that enables us to consciously put our creative powers to use! In the words of George Bernard Shaw, “Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself.”

Source: http://www.collective-evolution.com/2016/06/26/how-to-actually-make-the-law-of-attraction-work-for-you/