10 Steps to Improve Your Personal Relationships

Psychology studies show that, in the long term, the most important thing in your life is your personal relationships. More important than your circumstances, hardships or successes, stuff you own or places you go, good quality relationships increase your resilience, your happiness and protect you from depression and other related “afflictions”.

This can only be said about mature, fulfilling relationships, which we define based on one principle: “win-win”. In “win-win” relationships (be it friendships or romantic ones), all parties bring their best and leave out the worst. They focus on increasing the value of the partnership, the time spent together, the amount of sharing and avoid, conscientiously, pointing fingers and turning each interaction into a competition.

They say that you don’t get to choose your parents and siblings; however, you get to choose your friends and lovers. Here are 10 steps towards improving the quality of your relationships which can help you find what you need to lead a fulfilled life.

1. Assess your self-esteem level and decide which kind of relationships you want.

Those based on sharing, learning, fun, empathy or listening? Or those meant to increase your value in the eyes of your community? Generally speaking, the most fulfilling relationships are those which are not meant to regulate your self-esteem level.

2. Decide what you value most in life as a person.

Finding out what you like and value, what is important for your growth and happiness will help you look for the same things in the people you bond with.

3.Evaluate every relationship in your life at this moment.

Give points to each of them in the “value department”, based on what you decided that matters for you. It may benefit you to give points to those relationships that help you stay true to yourself and don’t force you to pretend you’re someone else, are emotionally balanced and above average when it comes to the learning potential.

4. Based on your assessment, try and get rid (delicately!) of everything that consumes you emotionally

or influences your self-esteem by lowering it. Without being blunt, avoid relationships that favor conflict and nurture those that do you good.

5. Increase the frequency of interactions

with people that make you feel good. At home or work, look for individuals that raise your energy levels, give you reasons to smile and be optimistic.

6. “Water” your relationships.

Once you streamlined them, it’s time to work on them. They are, joke or not, like flowers, so focus on their development and take steps towards nurturing them. Focus on their quality in particular.

7. Give first, and expect very little, if nothing, in return.

In relationships, many people tend to ask themselves the same question: “what do I get from it?”. Giving first may be interpreted as consuming – in terms of time and emotional investment, but the benefits are unexpected. Behavior breeds behavior.

8. Don’t argue, but learn to compromise smartly.

Smart compromise involves shared responsibility for the future of the relationship and assertiveness. When everybody understands the part they play in their relationships’ evolution, the focus shifts from arguments to finding a common ground.

9. Share your best.

Knowledge, experience, emotions. Be it books, music, places you went or things you did that others might find interesting, many relationships are based on shared experiences, rather than anything else.

10. Keep an open mind

and embrace the good and different you see in others. Chance is the others see the same in you.

These ten steps are just a hint of what you could do towards improving your relationships. Follow them or not, but try to find out what suits you in particular. Remember that human interactions are, in a way, like wine: they get better in time. However, this only happens if you work on them.

Source: http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-steps-improve-your-personal-relationships.html

Parenting After Divorce - Christmas Tips for Happy Holidays

Cooperative parenting during the post-divorce Christmas season means putting your kids needs first. Let the season be magical and your kids carefree as you insulate them from any animosity your feel towards your ex or his family. The following tips can help make the holidays easier for everyone involved.

10 Ways to Make the Holidays a Little Easier and Happier for Your Child of Divorce

By: Brette Sember

The holidays can be a challenge for any parent, but when you're going through or recovering from divorce, it can be even harder. It's not only hard on you, but also on your child, who wants to please both parents, and also secretly wishes those parents would reunite for the holidays "like they used to be."

1. Plan Ahead

Make a detailed holiday plan with your ex as far in advance as possible. Plot everything out on a calendar, including transfer times and who will be providing transportation. This will reduce any last minute negotiation, bickering, or disagreements, so that transfer can go smoothly. Kids pick up on a lot of tension at transfers and will enjoy their holidays much more if things are as calm as possible. It will also make your life much easier to know what the schedule is to the minute.

2. Go Shopping

When you got divorced you thought your days of shopping for your ex were over, but your child would probably like to be able to give the other parent a gift. If you can facilitate this, by helping your child shop for an inexpensive gift, or by helping your child make a card or gift, you'll add to your child's holiday experience.

3. Pick up the Phone

If your child is with you for a holiday, have him call the other parent. This helps your child stay connected and is also, frankly, just the right thing to do. Even if your court order does not require phone contact on holidays, this can help your child feel more comfortable.

4. Go with a Gag Order

Agree with your ex that you will not discuss anything other than the business at hand when you're exchanging your child over the holidays. If there are things to be discussed about child support, alimony, future schedule changes, or issues you have with each other's behavior, table them for a time when your child is not around. A holiday celebration that is preceded by parents arguing is not very joyous.

5. Over-schedule Yourself

If you won't have your child with you for a holiday, it will likely be hard for you. It's ok to feel sad, but you can stay busy enough to distract yourself. Go to parties and events so you will have something to do. Don't give yourself time to let sadness overcome you. Focus on how you will celebrate the next time you are together with your child.

6. Schedule Meals

A kid who is overfed is often cranky. And the same goes for a hungry child. The holidays are a time of great celebration, but it's also a time of year when people eat the weirdest things at the craziest hours... Dinner at noon, sandwiches at 11 pm, Chinese food at midnight? Whatever your family's plans are, try to coordinate with your ex when your child will be eating next so that you don't send a stuffed child to the other grandma's Thanksgiving table or hand over a hungry kid at 6 pm who won't be fed again until 8 pm.

7. The Greatest Gift of All

With young kids, the greatest gift of all is a nap. It's a gift you give yourself, your child, your ex, and all the family who will be around your child. It's very, very hard to stay on schedule at this time of year, but try your best to get a nap in at naptime for your child. It might mean going a little late to a family party or leaving a little early, but it will be well worth it. Keep naptime in mind when you are scheduling holiday transfer times and schedule well around it whenever possible. With older kids, downtime is important. Think how tired you are after going to your own family's events; then imagine you are your child who is going to yours and going to your ex's as well.

8. Lower Your Expectations

It is too easy to build up the importance of a holiday, so that anything short of a magical winter wonderland event will fall short. If you spend weeks fixating on how perfect you can make it, the big day will not measure up. It's fun to look forward to the holidays. But don't let it take over your life, or your child's.

9. More Is Not More

More gifts, more candy, more decorations, more celebrations will not heal your heart or your child's. A gift may distract your child for a while, but it can't change the situation. Resist the temptation to shower your child with gifts to try to make up for the divorce. If possible, talk with your ex about gift-giving so that it does not become a competition between the two of you.

10. Embrace Tradition

It's common for kids to want things to be exactly the same as they remember them, but in your family nothing can ever be exactly the same. Instead, you can take old traditions and fit them into your life in a new way. Keep things that are familiar and beloved, but build on them in new ways so that you can gradually create new traditions for your new family.

Source: https://www.womansdivorce.com/divorce-christmas.html