The quick answer is that legally you can, of course, end a marriage when a spouse is mentally ill. But the real question is if you can give yourself permission ethically and morally to do so.
This question raises several issues. The most important one may be the definition of mental illness. It is very normal for divorce to elicit strong feelings, often negative ones—and for these feelings to change from sadness to anger, guilt, or shame. It is often typical for divorcing partners to label each other as “bi-polar” as they observe these mercurial feelings. And while rapidly shifting feelings may be one of the symptoms of bi-polar disorder, an accurate diagnosis includes several other important symptoms and can only be made by a mental health professional.
The same is true for the broad category of personality disorders—it is tempting to label a spouse as a “narcissist” if, as is typical during a divorce, they engage in self-centered thinking or behaving. Similarly with borderline personality disorder, characterized by unstable and intense interpersonal relationships, which is also common during the divorce process. But a true personality disorder involves an enduring pattern of behavior, not provoked by a traumatic event such as divorce. So be careful with mental illness labels and try to leave the diagnosis to the professionals.
But what about situations where there is a real diagnosis of mental illness, whether it be depression, psychoses, or even schizophrenia? These are usually very serious conditions, which greatly affect a person’s ability to function in a relationship or in their job. Living with such a spouse can be very difficult, demanding, and unsatisfying.
Seeking Treatment
One of the most important factors is the spouse’s commitment to start and follow through with appropriate treatment, which often involves medication. Sometimes patients resist this—particularly with bi-polar disorder. They may balk at medication, which moderates their “highs” (manic states which may be pleasurable) as well as the “lows” (depressive states). Without medication, the bi-polar condition will probably not improve and may get worse over time, and the same may be true for depression. Psychotropic drugs can greatly improve these conditions, and even very serious disorders such as schizophrenia may improve dramatically with appropriate medication (which can also have negative side effects such as weight gain).
Another promising treatment is cognitive behavioral therapy, where negative thinking is addressed and modified and can lead to significant positive behavioral changes. So, if your spouse is willing to help him or herself with appropriate treatment, they and your relationship may improve to the point that you want to stay in the marriage
.
Learning to Cope
Another option is to consider joint therapy, where both of you participate in learning about and how to handle issues that mental illness presents in the marriage and how to improve the relationship for both of you. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) is a nationwide group offering education and support for individuals and families dealing with mental illness, and can be a great benefit as well.
So, of course, the decision is yours whether or not to continue in a relationship with a partner who has mental illness. But I think if you are supportive of your partner as they seek treatment, and educate yourself about their prognosis, you will make a decision that you can accept without suffering needless guilt or personal recrimination.
Source: http://www.divorcemag.com/articles/can-i-divorce-a-spouse-who-has-a-mental-illness
It's time to get out of these nasty constraints and reclaim your life.
You’re divorcing a narcissist who, ironically, keeps claiming that you (the caring and loving one) only cares about themselves. And after years of psychological warfare, you feel strangled to near suffocation in your marriage.
It’s time to get out of these nasty constraints and reclaim your life.
It’s time to end the narcissist’s chokehold on your personality, happiness and decision making.
But it’s going to be hard. Studies have found that 8% of men and 5% of women have
narcissistic personality disorder, so there’s a decent chance that your partner is a narcissist.
You can release their nasty hold on you by:
1. Realizing Narcissists Play Games
That’s right: narcissists play games with everyone, including the people that they say they love the most. Why? Well, just like Conor McGregor shows us in the UFC, people can get where they want by playing mind games.
Sure, Conor is throwing his opponent off their A-game with trash talking, but in a divorce, the rules change:
- Motions will be filed time and time again
- False accusations will be made
- Personalities will change abruptly
The end game? Wearing you down to the point where you’ll do anything to end the marriage or end the divorce proceedings.
He or she may even call you a neglectful parent just to get in your head.
2. Refusing to Negotiate or Give In
There will be legal negotiations, and there may even be a little giving in to get the divorce settled, but when narcissists are at their best, they will pressure you into their manipulative grasp. The bad thing is that time is not on your side.
The longer the proceedings take place, the harder it will be to get loose.
- You never want to:
- Settle just to get it done
- Expect good faith dealings
When facts and circumstances change, these individuals will continue stating their same position again and again. Turn these narcissists off using your lawyer as your only form of contact.
3. Letting Go of Emotions
I get it: you love your ex. You might still be in love with this person and hope that things change before it ruins your happy little family. The problem is that unless a person is willing to give it their all, we’re talking therapy and major life changes, there is no way that they’ll change.
You need to stop feeling all of these overwhelming emotions (easier said than done), and start thinking about your current situation.
The narcissist has prepared for the grand finale their entire lives.
They’ll put on a show that has never been seen before.
And they’ll play they leading role of:
The goal of this performance? Well, making you out to be the horrible, low-life person that isn’t worthy of being loved. You’ll find this the hardest aspect of the divorce where you’ll need to let go of your emotions and block out the act.
You’ll be painted as a bad parent, or you may be painted as an unworthy person who can’t be loved.
Ignore it all and fight on.
Studies indicate that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) has:
- Doubled in the US in the last decade
- May be common in the financial sector
Since there are no known causes of NPD, the best you can do is prepare for the fight of your life. Study NPD, work with a sensei (i.e. your lawyer) and find a game plan that ensures you release the chokehold your ex has on your life.
The moment you realize that the person, the man or woman that you loved so passionately, is never going to be wrong, listen to your feelings or even think about you, you’ll be able to surmount the divorce proceedings unscathed.
Source: https://goodmenproject.com/divorce/divorce-mma-release-the-narcissist-hold-on-your-life-bbab/
Divorcing a mentally ill spouse can be a tedious, dangerous process or it can be a relatively streamlined, routine legal proceeding. The spectrum of mental illness is so wide that it can mean a variety of things.
Mental Illness
Mental illness can mean many different things, but the basic idea is that the person suffering from mental illness has some form of psychopathology that makes his mind work differently from other people. Generally, the difference in brain function is detrimental to the person and may make it difficult to function in varying degrees. Some people suffer from mental illness that never gets diagnosed while others are diagnosed and treated with psychotherapy, medications, or a combination of both.
Whether you are divorcing a mentally ill spouse as a result of the effects the mental illness had on your relationship, or if you do not realize that psychopathology exists until after you try to leave, the stress involved with a divorce can be enough to make the effects of the mental illness increase. For example, a person who suffers intermittently from episodes of depression may wind up in a severely depressed state and perhaps even suicidal as the result of a spouse initiating a divorce.
Personal Responsibility
You may be the person closest to your soon-to-be-ex spouse, but this does not mean that you are completely responsible for what happens as a result of his mental illness. Simply put, if initiating a divorce results in the mentally ill spouse hurting himself, it is important to remember that this is not the fault of the spouse who initiated the divorce.
Mentally ill people may make irrational decisions when placed under stress, but their actions are not your responsibility. Some mentally ill people will use their mental illness as way to keep spouses around, such as in "If you were to ever leave me, I just don't know what I would do." The point is this: Unless you deliberately set out to emotionally hurt your mentally ill spouse, and in turn this results in your spouse hurting himself, it is not your fault and you should not stay hostage in a marriage out of fear that your spouse will hurt himself or someone else.
Divorcing a Mentally Ill Spouse Carefully
Take care when divorcing a spouse who has aggression issues or who is prone to delusions as a result of mental illness. In a situation where you feel threatened by the mentally ill spouse, seek out a safe place to stay and take all of the precautions possible to protect yourself.
Keep documentation of every statement or encounter that makes you feel threatened. This information may be useful if you need to request a restraining order or some other form of legal action against the mentally ill spouse. Also keep in mind that serious mental illness may compel an otherwise rational person to do things that are incredibly uncharacteristic. For example, a man who is usually kind and gentle - yet who is prone to dissociative rages that he does not remember afterwards - should be dealt with cautiously.
Serious cases of mental illness may need to involve temporary hospitalization for treatment. Until the divorce is final, you may be the person who has the authority to request this.
Compassion and Patience
People do not choose to be mentally ill. Many people with serious psychopathologies feel trapped and frustrated by their circumstances. Instead of dismissing your soon-to-be ex-spouse as "crazy," try to deal with her as compassionately as possible, just as you would if she had a chronic health problem that leaves her in pain on a regular basis.
You do not have to stay married to someone just because she has a mental illness, but the process of divorcing someone with mental illness can prove to be a little more complicated than divorcing someone who does not have these mental issues.
Source: http://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Divorcing_a_Mentally_Ill_Spouse
