The divorce rate for a first marriage in America is between 40-50%. After a first divorce, the common assumption is that a second marriage will fare better from previous learned experience. The divorce rate for a second marriage is between 60-67%. Although many people who have divorced twice continue to marry again, the success rates are not in their favor. The divorce rate for a third marriage increases to roughly 70%.
Couples with children have a slightly lower rate of breaking up, but divorce impacts more than just the children. Both wife and husband are greatly impacted by divorce. They suffer in both similar and different ways depending on their gender.
Feelings of loss that commonly occur in both husbands and wives can include:
- Depression. This can frequently cause a lack of ambition or feelings of guilt. Both parties may lose interest in activities they once loved doing.
- Anger. Unresolved resentments may arise. When trying to “hold the peace”, many conflicts remain invisible. Once the divorce is set in motion, many feel the need to air secrets they’ve kept out of conservation for the marriage.
- Jealousy. Even if a spouse was not involved in an extramarital affair, the knowledge that he/she may be dating can lead to powerful emotions. If the couple remains in the same town, they may find themselves bumping into their ex with another partner. These incidents can fester for a significant amount of time.
- Anxiety. With divorce comes change and most people fear the unknown. The majority of couples move out of their house. They may move to an entirely different location or they may enter a foreign social scene to avoid their ex. Common interests may be avoided out of fear. The routines that were once so commonly executed on a daily basis, may be completely different than what they once were.
A form of identity is lost during divorce. Where one lives, what school their children may attend, and who they confide in are all subject to change. Since the “unit” of marriage often involves friendships with other couples, expressing dissatisfaction with their previous married life may feel uncomfortable. These friends may only know the divorcing couple as a married couple, making it increasingly difficult to separate an independent identity from the marriage identity. Financially, sexually, and socially, all aspects of individuality change for both men and women.
The Journal of Men’s Health states divorce can have a greater toll on men than women. Men are prone to deeper depressions and more likely to abuse substances after divorce. The suicide risk for an unmarried man is 39 percent higher than that of a married man. Men are also at greater risk for physical health problems such as heart attacks and stroke.
Men start to mourn later in a divorce than women, thus extending the grieving process. Since women are more likely to initiate divorce, men may experience denial during the initial stages of separation.
When actively dealing with divorce, men are more likely to use action rather than words to express their feelings. Common actions taken by newly divorced men include, working too much, having casual sexual encounters, avoiding their apartment/new home.
Women experience more financial distress after the divorce. Since often times women have custody of the children, they are responsible for more of the household and family expenses than men. According to an article in the American Sociological Review, ‘The Effect of Marriage and Divorce on Women’s Economic Well-Being’, women do not completely recover from their financial loss due to divorce until they remarry.
Women have less physical health problems than men in the beginning of their divorce. Because of psychological stress and often poverty, physical health is the outcome of these results. These physical health problems can range from the common cold to heart conditions and even cancer.
Although the statistics may range in severity from men to women, most symptoms are frequently the same. Healing from a divorce is like healing from any other sort of loss. It must be acknowledged, felt, and grieved for as long as the time is needed.
Source: https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2017/08/07/the-differences-in-divorce-for-men-and-women/
Are you wondering if it is OK to divorce your spouse?
Making the decision to divorce can be a complicated matter. Most divorces take place due to marital problems that have solutions but the parties to the marriage lack the skills to solve those problems. in other words, most divorce without a valid reason to divorce.
There are however marital problems that should send you running to a divorce lawyer's office and filing for a divorce. There are behaviors inside some marriages that no spouse should be expected to live with on a daily basis.
No one should take the decision to divorce lightly, but there are cases where divorce is the only solution. If you’ve found yourself in one of the situations coming to the decision to divorce might be easy.
Physical or Emotional Abuse
If your spouse hits you once it will happen again. You should not stay in a marriage beyond that first punch, slap or shove. DO NOT make excuses for someone who hits you, DO NOT take the blame for someone hitting you. Violence is a need to control and exert power over a spouse, it is not about loving a spouse.
Domestic abuse comes in different forms. Your spouse may physically abuse you or emotionally abuse you. Yelling, screaming, name-calling and put-downs are not acceptable forms of behavior, either. For your own safety and sanity and that of your children, you need to leave.
Infidelity
"Once a cheater, always a cheater." Infidelity is much like domestic abuse; it is a behavior that will repeat itself.
A spouse will cheat for many reasons, what you; the victim of infidelity needs to understand is that there is never a good reason.
Yes, it is possible to restore trust in a marriage after a spouse has an affair. But, if your spouse is a serial cheater you need to examine why you are choosing to stay in a marriage with someone who has little or no respect for you and their marriage vows.
Economic Tensions
Have you heard the term, “financial infidelity?” If your spouse is spending money and putting an economic strain on the family they are committing financial infidelity. Your spouse may have a shopping or gambling addiction they are hiding from you. He/she may be running up credit card debt that you don’t know about.
The question for you is, do you allow someone else’s problem to bury you in debt or do you make no excuses? Being married to someone like this can mean years of recovery and they will usually repeat the behavior over and over again.
Drug or Alcohol Addiction
You can’t fix an addict. For some reason, though, those married to addicts stay in the marriage believing they can somehow bring about change in the addict's behavior. An addict changes when they make the choice to change. An addict does not change because they see their spouse or children suffer. They do not change until they hit rock bottom and only the addict knows what his/her rock bottom is.
If you are lucky the thought of losing his/her family will mean a positive change in the addict. If you aren’t lucky and choose to stay in the marriage you can bet the addict will take their family down with them.
Source: https://www.liveabout.com/valid-reasons-for-getting-a-divorce-1102884
Divorce can mean major changes for families, from separating homes and assets to negotiating child custody arrangements. It can also be an opportunity for both partners to move on and find more suitable mates in the future. What may be most surprising about getting a divorce is the inequality of it; the vast majority of divorces and separations are initiated by women. There are many underlying causes that may compel a woman to end her marriage.
Encountering Hardships
In households where the man is unemployed, a woman may be more likely to file for divorce, especially if she herself is employed, according to PsychCentral writer Rick Nauert, PhD. Emotionally traumatic events, such as the death of a child or extreme financial difficulties, can also create the distance between partners that leads wives to file for divorce, as noted in the article, "Divorce and Death of a Child."
Falling Out of Love
Long-term relationships can bring happiness and joy, but partners may also begin to drift apart or grow bored. Women may report feeling bored, falling out of love with their spouses, or eager to get back to hobbies and interests that they gave up when they married a spouse who was not interested in those activities.
Abuse, Addiction and Infidelity
Many women still cite major problems as reasons for a divorce. An unfaithful husband, verbal abuse, physical abuse and addictions to drugs or alcohol play significant roles in a woman's decision to get a divorce, found a survey conducted for AARP The Magazine. Men participating in this study were more likely to seek divorce for reasons such as differing lifestyles and falling out of love.
Divorce Risk Factors
Several factors can influence a couple's financial and emotional stability, which in turn impact divorce risk. The risk of divorce doubles or triples for couples who get hitched during the teen years, according to an article from TwoOfUs.org. Differences between spouses in values, like religion and politics, or in life goals or family backgrounds can also cause a relationship to break down over time, leading women to seek divorce. A lack of college education for one or both partners can also increase the risk of divorce
Source: https://www.livestrong.com/article/146100-why-do-women-initiate-divorce/
