"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." - Wayne Dyer
"Mind over matter." It means how we think about an issue can have a significant influence in how we deal with that issue.
This innocuous phrase is nothing more than a general, feel-good aphorism - unless it is armed with specific, issue-related targets.
And, that's what we have here: Seven specific, issue-related targets that require you to choose between focusing on the past versus looking to the future.
The perspective you choose will materially affect the success of both getting uncoupled (that is, divorced), as well as recovering from your divorce.
Unfortunately, more often than not, we automatically look at divorce and the divorce recovery process through the lens of a painful past and can only see how frightening the unknown future life after divorce appears to be.
This is where the offer of a mindset shift can save you from years of unnecessary pain.
SEVEN SPECIFIC DIVORCE-RELATED MINDSET ISSUES
Issue 1. Divorce as a Problem to be Solved or a Person to Be Punished?
Do you see divorce recovery as presenting a series of problems to be solved? Or does it present you with a series of opportunities to take revenge on your ex?Issue 2. Would You Rather Be Right or Be Happy?
If you had to choose, would you rather be happy? Or would you rather be right? There are no slam-dunk winners in divorce. Are you willing to let being happy be enough? What's truly more important to you: living a future of happiness or spending your life justifying the "rightness" of your past actions and reactions?Issue 3. Divorce: Calamity or a Do-Over?
Do you see your divorce as a tragedy or as the gift of another chance to realize happiness and fulfillment? Are you excited at the opportunity to "start over," but now with the newly gained wisdom earned from your divorce?Issue 4. Is the Divorce Decree a Personal Affront or an Invitation to Happiness and Contentment?
Do you see the judge's opinion in the final decree as a disastrous personal indignity, or as an invitation to experience great new things? No one likes all the aspects of a divorce decree. Can you treat the decree as an example of "what is," or do you prefer to see it as a loss of "what could have, or even should have, been?"Issue 5. The Divorce Kaleidoscope: A Broken Picture of the Past or New Way to See Your World?
If you looked at your divorce through the eyes of a kaleidoscope, do you see an exciting new way to observe your future, or do you see a broken picture of how life used to be?Issue 6. Divorce as a Life Event or Divorce as a Way of Life?
Do you see your divorce as just an event, albeit a traumatic one, in your life? Or, is your divorce a way of life that reflects how you think about yourself and defines who you are?Issue 7. Do You Look in the Mirror to Remember the Past or Keep Your Eye on the Prize?
Are you willing to keep your eye on the prize: happiness and contentment in the next chapter of your life? Or does divorce provide an opportunity to relive the past and feel sorry for yourself? After the initial disappointment has passed, where will you put your energy? On a hopeful future or an unpleasant past?FOCUS ON PAST OR FUTURE?
Each of the seven mindset issues presents a choice between holding on to the past versus looking to the future. Living in the past prepares a place of torment for you. Rather than accelerating through your recovery, you end up stalled on the side of the road in divorce purgatory with only your intimate nightmares of divorce to keep you company. The bottom line? The choice is yours, and yours alone.ACTION STEPS
What to think: happiness and contentment are only a shift in mindset away.What to feel: relief that you don't have to carry the past along with you 24/7.
What to do: reframe your memories of bad divorce experiences into visions of good for the future.
Warning: Just because it sounds simple to do doesn't mean it is easy.
Experiencing the death of a relationship is traumatic. Plus, embarking on life after a relationship dies carries with it the fear of an unknown future. I call this cluster of trauma and fear the "pain of divorce." In a nutshell, I end the pain. See http://smoothdivorcerecovery.com/ for a full explanation of how the BeFree Divorce Recovery Program can speed up your recovery process.
Want to see how well you are handling the stress of your breakup? Fill in this short, free survey (http://smoothdivorcerecovery.com/landing-page-divorce-recovery-stress-inventory/) to find out how you compare with over 500 others who have gone before you.
Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Jerald_Young,_Ph.D./85188
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