10 Tools For Restarting Your Life

Start small and don't put too much pressure on yourself.

For many, finding their way through the next year will feel like starting over. Not a completely horrible prospect, but the workload can be daunting. Here are some tips to help you create some new beginnings and make your life a little more emotionally fit in the process.

1. Starting over is not the same as recouping from a failure. It is a new beginning, and you have gained experience and knowledge to help you reach your goals. Reignite your passion by imagining what it will feel like when you achieve the desired result.
2. Moving through life is like climbing stairs. You go up a step or two, and then you level off and you may go down a step, but you are still higher than you were. That’s the process of life (and therapy) nothing is ever a straight shot. Have some patience with yourself and with your newfound direction.
3. You can create a whole new life if you want it. You just have to approach it in the right way. Sometimes little ideas can turn into big things. Visualize a positive outcome for your issue. Medical doctors recommend visualization to patients with chronic and potentially fatal illnesses. If it can help them, it can do the same for you. 
4. Endings are not necessarily bad things. Even if you lost your job, savings or home, what comes to you in the future may be better than what you had. Sometimes the phoenix has to burn, so it can rise again.
5. Starting over may feel scary, but it can be a cause for celebration. Think of it as exciting, and many of your anxious feelings will begin to fade. The truth is that anxiety and excitement feel exactly the same to the body. It’s our minds that make it scary versus exhilarating.
6. Remember that your future is not governed by your past. No matter what has happened in your life, you can find a way to make things a little better for yourself, and hopefully for those around you as well.
7. Having to start over is different from choosing to start over. For many whose lives are still in chaos because of the trying times we are in, starting over is not a choice. It can be hard to accept support from others. If you find it difficult to take that in, just promise yourself that you will return the favor and do something to “pay it forward” as soon as possible.
8. Healthy alternatives to negative lifestyle patterns abound. If you can’t stop a bad habit, start by cutting back. It’s okay to give yourself a little time to moderate or stop something that’s hurting you.
9. Starting over is about creating and reaching new goals. We are happiest when we’re moving toward a goal. It’s not all about the end result, in fact when you do achieve a dream you must find a new one as soon as possible in order to stay emotionally fit. Think about it this way, you can either be green and growing or ripe and rotting. Which do you prefer?
10. Starting over is about giving yourself a chance at real happiness. You will have to be brave and get good at learning new things, but how bad can that be? At the very worst, you will acquire the skills you need to start on the next project. 

Finding ways to begin anew will give you energy. The excitement of moving toward what you want will also bring you happiness. Just start small and don’t put too much pressure on yourself, you’ll get there sooner than you think.

Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201212/10-tools-restarting-your-life

Coping with festive holidays when you are divorced or separated

Seasonal and festive holidays like Christmas can be really hard for parents not living with their children. When non-resident parents call our helpline around the Christmas period, they often feel jealous, lonely, sad, angry and resentful. Separated families may feel as though everyone else is enjoying the perfect family festivities, while they feel more isolated and alone than during the rest of the year.

This situation can be distressing and tense and it can really help to talk to someone about how you feel. Some non-resident parents who call us are sad that they can’t watch their children open their presents at Christmas. From a legal point of view, it can be very frustrating for non-resident parents if the resident parent doesn’t grant access over Christmas, but it may be possible to come to an informal arrangement.

It's usually best to start the conversation with your children’s other parent as early as possible, to give yourself plenty of time to come to arrangement about times and days to see the children. If, for example, the resident parent has the children on Christmas Day, you may want to arrange a time on Christmas Day when you can give the children their presents.

You could suggest an arrangement of alternating the years, so that you get to spend Christmas Day with the children every other year. In the other years, you could even arrange a 'fake Christmas', when you get to do all the traditional festive things you like to do with your family, just on a different day. That way, everybody gets to have a full festive experience, and the children get to celebrate twice.

Making long-term plans

Reaching a long term deal and being flexible will work to everyone’s benefit. A separated mother said: “My eldest daughter is going to be with her dad for Christmas day this year. I'm going to miss her terribly but need to be fair to her dad.

“It might sound a bit extreme, but I find it helps to plan what will happen at Christmas a year ahead. I have a rota with my daughter's dad as to who has her when. It doesn’t make it less painful not being with her when it's not my turn, but it makes it easier to plan early celebrations and visits to relatives so no-one feels they're missing out."

Seeing grandparents

This situation can also affect grandparents. The parents of the non-resident parent will be unlikely to see their grandchildren at Christmas which can be upsetting. Like the non-resident parent, grandparents could try to organise a special day, or a time around Christmas, when they could give their grandchildren presents.

One separated parent said: “I find it extremely difficult handling the upset that not spending Christmas Day together causes my daughter’s grandparents who want to see her. We've arranged to have Christmas earlier so we can all be together.”

Another said: “It gets me down that my ex-wife always has the children on Christmas Day and I have to wait for Boxing Day. Some years she has taken them away for Christmas and I haven’t seen them until New Year, which is really upsetting.”

How to make time together special

The time that you do spend with your children over Christmas should be special. Many separated parents try to outdo each other, which is likely to lead to stress and disappointment, as you often can’t live up to the expectations and may end up feeling second best. Similarly, non-resident parents sometimes feel that they must compete with their children’s other parent when it comes to buying presents. When one parent is spending a large amount on expensive gifts, or taking the children on a costly holiday, the other parent may feel that he or she can’t offer the same amount. This can lead to heartache, as parents may feel like they have let their children down if they cannot afford to compete.

Christmas present competition

A separated father said: “My ex-wife always seems to turn Christmas into a competition to see who can outdo the other by buying the ‘best’ presents. Every year I ask her to let me know what she’ll be buying the children so I can make sure I don’t buy the same thing, but she doesn’t. So I feel I can’t get them what they really want in case she’s got there first. In previous years I’ve been delighted to buy them something I knew was on their list, only to have them unwrap it on Boxing Day and say: ‘Thanks Dad, but Mum bought me this too.’ It’s disappointing for the children and means I’ve had to waste a lot of time changing presents afterwards.”

Explaining to your children that you aren’t giving them the presents that they want can be hard, but your children will appreciate your honesty. Try not to give throw-away responses such as ‘because I said so’, but instead justify yourself, telling your child that you don’t think a gift is suitable or is overpriced. You can try to compromise with older children by saying that you will contribute towards an expensive present if they make up the difference.

Parents who have to spend Christmas alone

If you will not get the chance to see your children on Christmas Day, and will be alone, see if you can make arrangements with your friends. If anyone close to you is in the same situation, why not organise to see them; volunteer or invite them round for lunch so that you will not be by yourself. Sometimes the parent living with the children can be caused stress by a non-resident parent who doesn’t want to see his or her children over the festive period, or is unreliable.

It can be heartbreaking to explain that their other parent won’t be visiting over Christmas, but it will be kinder if you remain positive, and try not to criticise him or her too much in front of the children, no matter how angry you feel.

Source: http://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/divorce-and-separation/coping-with-holidays/coping-with-christmas-when-your-divorced-or-separated/